The Red
by KupKakes09
Summary: No one ever said life with a werewolf was easy. Sarah gets thrown curve after curve once she meets Paul. In the end... does it work out for her? And what about for Paul? Especially if he imprints?
1. Chapter 1

a/n--- hope guys like this, thanks to mediate89 for betaing this and for all the help you give me with plots, and just plain old drama lol. Theres a few thing through the story you might not understand if you didnt read heartbreak but it shouldt confuse you too bad I swear if you didnt read it. REVIEW!!

Chapter one--- The Beginning of the Worst of my Life

I slammed my front door shut loudly making the pictures rattle on the walls as I left in a hurry for school. It was seven thirty and I was already in a bad mood.

My bad mood was all thanks to my stupid dad. He'd been sitting on the edge of my bed when I climbed in through the window this morning after being out on patrol all night. Ever since the council had made him straighten up, he'd been on this big parenting kick that always seemed to get me in trouble. My parents had started noticing that I wasn't always in bed when I should be, and that I wasn't always where I told them I would be.

I hadn't even got to sleep in two damn days thanks to Sam. He kept giving me the late patrols for some reason, I realized as I ran out to my old green s10. I had homework piled up from last week that I would never get around to doing. To top it all off, I couldn't get my stupid truck to start now. I hit the steering wheel angrily, sitting there a moment getting more pissed off with each moment. I shook slightly before I got out and kicked the door shut forcefully and took off walking down the dirt road to the bus stop. _Great, now I'd look like a loser too, _I thought to myself. I hadn't ridden the bus in two years.

I slung my bag over my shoulder as I halted a few feet away from where everyone was standing that lived down my road. I kept my tough guy look on carefully as I felt eyes rake over me where I stood. I knew the guys were intimidated by my size, and the two girls that were standing there were checking me out. I turned my head, watching for the bus I could hear coming. I wrinkled my nose in disgust as it pulled up. I could smell... school.

I stood in the back, waiting for everyone else to get on before I climbed up the steps, daring anyone to talk to me. I held my head up high, looking over the tops of the heads of the kids already sitting down. They stared up at me as I passed by them, towering. I went to the back and looked at the scrawny kid sitting in the last seat.

"Move over," I ordered.

She grabbed her bag from beside her as I sat down, turning sideways so I'd fit. It was a tight squeeze. I looked out the window as we drove, wishing I would have called Jared for a ride. Or maybe even Sam on his way to work. I couldn't handle many more rides on the bus. I was careful to breathe in through my mouth, not wanting to subject myself to the smells I'd encounter on here.

I glanced at the small store my dad ran in the town as we passed it by. He was already there of course, the workaholic. He'd left right after yelling at me for staying out all night "doing god knows what". I smirked to myself, remembering how he'd thought he'd actually hurt me when he hit me square in the jaw earlier. His temper was almost as bad as mine. I was known as the unstable one in the pack. It didn't bother me. The only thing that made me any different than them was that I loved the adrenaline rush I got when I phased. I ran for hours every day trying to burn off the energy I had in me. It wasn't something I could just turn off. I just wasn't as good at keeping myself in control like my brothers were**.** Especially Jacob.

The bus came to a halt in front of the school and I hurried to get off as fast as I could. My eyes scanned the front steps looking for Jared until I spotted him near the fountain.

"Hey, bro," he greeted me when I came in normal earshot. I nodded, looking around us. I hated it here. School was hell. Pure hell.

"Ridin' the cheese wagon, huh?" He jibed at me as we started walking inside with the crowd.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Don't even get me started on that. Truck wouldn't start."

We had a semi-friendship going on. We would mess with each other constantly until I got the fight I usually wanted and needed, we spoke at school, hung out sometimes, and tried to do normal guy things together outside of the pack. Hell, I wasn't even sure what normal was anymore.

We walked down the hall together in silence. That was something I was grateful for with Jared. He didn't talk a lot and he didn't ask a lot of questions. We both waved halfway as we into separate classes. I could hardly wait to let my head hit the table and pass out. I let myself fall into the chair at the table I usually sat at. I grabbed a notebook and pen and tossed it on the table, knowing I wouldn't even use them. I looked up as the girl who usually sat by me came in the room and sat down beside me, looking timid.

I stared at her for a moment, liking that she seemed to blush under my eyes. I let my eyes travel over her for a second. She wasn't bad looking. Blonde hair that was straight and cut into layers, framing her heart shaped face, blue-green eyes, white skin that wasn't nearly as tan as my own. She wasn't the skinniest girl I'd seen, but not fat either. Definitely a little curvy. I studied her a moment longer, not even feeling shameful as she fidgeted around. She had a light dusting of freckles on her nose, which I liked surprisingly. I traveled down her body, trying to get the whole effect. She was someone I could definitely hook up with. Her hips were slightly curvy and her denim skirt revealed well toned legs. I looked my way back up, staring at the chest next. Not bad at all.

I smirked to myself when I looked away toward the front of the room. Mrs. Bell was writing things across the board for us to copy. I didn't even bother pretending like I was. I zoned her out as she talked about some stupid equation I'd never get to use anyways. Werewolves didn't exactly divide the number of vampires evenly.

A big wave of cucumber melon and mint hit me suddenly. I stopped drumming my pen against the table and turned toward where the smell was coming from. It was enticing, almost like candy for my nose. I looked back at the girl sitting beside me, who was shifting around in her chair, shoving a book into her bag.

Hmm, this girl was a different type of pretty than Holly. She turned and started talking to the girl next to her, Kim Breslin. I listened as they laughed loudly together, talking about going to the beach this weekend. _The beach, huh?_ I wondered. I could go to the beach. I could run into her there… I shook my head slightly, trying to clear the thoughts away quickly. I didn't even know this girl and I was already planning to get with her.

I was hot. I knew I was hot and I didn't even feel bad about using my looks to get exactly what I wanted out of every girlfriend I'd had this year- Holly, Kendra, Tia, Jessica, and now this girl. Whoever she was. _Damnit, why in the hell did she have to smell so good?_ I wondered as she tossed her hair over her shoulder, making the scent hit me again. I looked down at the table and realized I was clenching the side of it. I released my grip slowly, glancing around the room. Holly caught my eye for a moment, winking at me. I gave her a lopsided grin, making my eyes smolder at her. We usually left for lunch and went back to my house while everyone was gone.

It was the only way so far that I'd found to have a decent sex life. I'd lost my virginity way back during the summer to Holly. After that, it kind of just became a habit of sleeping together a few times a week. Lately though, since I phased about three months ago, I'd kind of quit seeing her so often. She didn't hold the same appeal to me as she used to. It was like I didn't even see her face anymore when we were alone. I definitely saw this girl's face though.

Something was familiar about her, like I should know her from somewhere. I felt… strange. She glanced over her shoulder at me as she listened to Kim talk about some dorky art show. Kim was a nerd in my book, an unpopular, badly-dressed dork. I gave her a small smile, making her cheeks turn red. I held back a laugh at the effect I had on her already. I could hear heart thumping loudly; it raced every time she saw me looking at her. I hadn't even started my game plan and I already had this in my hand.

The bell rang loudly, jerking me from my thoughts as everyone started getting up and moving toward the door. I grabbed my bag and pushed my way to the front. It wasn't hard to do. People tended to move out of my path. I scanned the hall for Jared and spotted him and hit him on the shoulder hard.

"I found a hot girl," I announced to him.

Jared rolled his eyes. "You're a fucking man-whore, Paul."

I smirked at him, knowing he was just jealous. Jared had been trying and failing to get a date to homecoming, where I'd been asked five times already. I had no plans on going though, I had patrol that night. "I know. It's a great life though," I told him with a grin.

Jared walked with me to the only class we had together, Chemistry. "What's her name?"

I shrugged, I had no idea who she was, I just knew I wanted her. "No clue, man, I just saw her in class."

He looked at me carefully. "Did you... ya know... imprint, do you think?"

I stopped walking and gave him a look of death. "Hell no."

He knew how I felt about that topic. Imprinting was evil. I refused to let some girl rule over me the way Emily did over Sam. It was disgusting. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself back down.

Jared stood patiently waiting. "Sorry, dude, I didn't mean to make you mad, you seemed too damn happy for a minute there."

I nodded and started toward the class again. "It's okay. I just need a change is all. The same old thing is getting boring. Its not any fun going after what you already have." I winked at him as we entered the small room. "I'm always ready for a challenge."

I took my seat in the back of the room and flashed a smile at the girl sitting beside me. Laura, I think. She gave me a look back, looking me up and down a moment before turning back around in the chair. I looked at her for a few seconds, she was pretty. But not like the girl I'd seen earlier. I didn't even feel like going after this one.

I pulled my book out of my bag and flipped to the page marked on the board and settled in to pretend to listen to Mr. Thomas talk about chemical combinations. I felt a sharp flick to my ear as I leaned down to scribble some notes and whirled around, forgetting where I was for a moment. Jared's head ducked down behind me and I caught a glimpse of a smile on his face. I shook my head. _Idiot_, I thought.

I looked at the clock. Only one more hour until lunch. Did I want to eat or take Holly back home? Or possibly look for my newest challenge? It was a tough decision, I decided as I weighed each option. I'd see what Jared was doing first. At school I didn't really buddy up with the rest of the pack other than Jared, and only because we were friends before we started phasing. I didn't really know Embry and Jacob well enough to suddenly start hanging around with them in public. They weren't good for my image.

I'd worked hard to establish a tough guy front. Mean, bad-ass and hot- my three outstanding attractions. I ran my highlighter over the notes so I'd remember what was important. I didn't usually pay this much attention in class. I spaced out writing and scribbling down things in my chicken scratch writing until it was time for lunch.

I glanced up at Jared. "Hey, wait!" I called after him, jogging to catch up.

Jared stopped in the doorway, looking at me curiously. "What?"

I gave him a small smile. "Just wanted you to wait for me so we can go the caf." I ignored the look he had on his face as I walked past him and down the hall.

"You never go to the caf for lunch, though," he said slowly as we walked. He waved to Jake and Embry across the huge room. "I usually sit with them, by the way."

I shrugged; I didn't really care where we sat at as long as I could keep an eye out for the girl. I got in line behind Jared, not even looking at the food I put on my tray. I could miss her if I wasn't paying attention.

I reached into my jeans pocket and shoved a crumpled up ten at the lunch lady before trailing after Jared, feeling slightly out of place as I sat down with the rest of the pack. I could see surprise in the others' eyes.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be fucking Holly right now?" Embry asked me with a smirk.

I looked at him "No. I'm over that. It's not even any good anymore."

Jake rolled his eyes as he popped open the lid on his soda. "How can it not be good?"

Jared and I laughed at the same time. Only these two would have to ask that in the pack. The only two virgins. "Its just not... believe me," I told him grinning. I scanned the room again, looking for a glimpse of blonde. It wasn't exactly a common hair color here on the rez.

"Who you lookin' for?" Embry asked with a mouthful of food.

"No clue and none of your business. She's mine," I snapped at him, feeling protective of her already, whoever she was. They all laughed at the same time as I stood up quickly, finally spotting her sitting in the corner with a group of giggling girls.

"You're not seriously going over there are you?" Jake asked.

I looked down at him. "Why wouldn't I?" I bent down and grabbed my bag.

"Which one is it?" Embry prodded me.

I smirked at him. "The cute one of course." I popped him on the back of the head hard as I took off across the cafeteria toward her. As I got closer I could see them stealing looks at me, laughing and their eyes getting brighter, each one probably hoping it was her that I was coming to talk to.

I stopped and leaned down, putting on my suave smile. "Is this seat taken?" I asked them. All at once they shook their heads and started inching closer together to make room as I sat down. I was sitting across from her. I looked at her, into her eyes, and smiled slowly. "I'm Paul, by the way."

Nikki Foster laughed flirtatiously at me. "We know who you are. How could we not?"

That was true, I'd been the topic of quite a few rumors and girly conversations. "And you ladies are?" I asked gently, not wanting to single any of them out yet.

They went around introducing themselves; I felt a burst of joy when the blonde finally reached her hand out, revealing bright pink nails. "I'm Sarah," she said with a shy smile. I reached out and took her hand, holding it for a moment. She glanced down at mine "Wow. You're hot."

I couldn't help but laugh and grin. "I know I am, thank you."

Sarah's face turned red and she dropped my hand like it was on fire, which I'm sure it felt like it was to her. "Uh... I meant your hand was… never mind," she stuttered.

"You look familiar... Sarah," I said her name lowly, in a way that made it sound like a seductive phrase. "Where do I know you from?"

She shrugged, looking nervous and fidgety. "We have a couple of classes together."

I knew that wasn't where I recognized her from. I still couldn't place it. though. "No, somewhere else."

"Hmm, I work at the Tavern in town, behind the counter," she said as an afterthought. "I work for your dad after school and weekends."

So that's why she looked familiar. I'd probably seen this girl millions of times and never paid her any attention. Man, did I regret it now. "Oh. That's right. I remember now."

I opened my mouth to ask her something else when the damn bell rang. The girls got up, grabbing their stuff quickly, still all smiles at me as I got up too.

"So I guess I'll see you around, Sarah," I told her, handing her the purse I assumed was hers.

She nodded quickly, looking down. "I've gotta get going," she apologized as she backed away and took off hurriedly in the opposite direction I had to go in.

I watched her as she scrambled off down the hall until I felt someone hit me on the back of my head. "She'll never go for you, bro," Jared told me with a grin. "She's too nice. Way out of your class."

I scowled at him and hit him back as we walked off down the hall. Two more long classes and I could go home and pass out. Hopefully.

"I think she will. You didn't see how she looked at me. I make her nervous as hell, too." Sarah's heart had almost combusted when I touched her hand. I could hear it speed up when I spoke to her. I liked it.

"You probably make her nervous because she's scared of you. She was there when you beat that Pike kid up awhile back, remember? And she was there when you got mad and punched the lockers in third wing," Jared said, a little too happily.

I shrugged it off. So I had a bad temper. Who didn't get mad and feel like hitting something every now and then?

I stopped just outside the door of Jared's class, picking up on that smell again. Sarah was somewhere close. "Is she in your class?" I asked him, trying to look inside the room, peering through the doorway.

Jared shoved me back "Maybe. Or maybe... just maybe I saw her first and I want her." He looked at me with a calm face, making it hard for me to tell if he was messing with me or not.

"Don't you dare!" I snapped at him.

He flashed me a grin as the bell rang loudly. "She's not your, Paul." He took off inside the room, letting the door swing shut in my face as he did. It blocked the melon scent from me. Sarah had a class with Jared. Hmm…

I walked into my English class, ignoring the teacher's remarks about me being late and plopped down. I was in deep thought now. Was Sarah really way out of reach for me? I didn't think so. But then again, she was a bit more... classy than the girls I usually dated. Sarah was the type of girl that expected you to take her out somewhere nice, not the bonfire at the beach, I could tell that already. I wondered why she went to school on the reservation. She wasn't Quileute. She was blonde for crying out loud.

I frowned, thinking over all the new information I'd learned. Sarah worked for my dad at the store, so I could stop in and see her after school and talk to her. I'd just have to make sure my dad wasn't around. He'd have a fit if he found me hitting on one of his workers. I didn't know how I'd been in there and not noticed her before.

_Sarah_. Just the name was beautiful.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2-- The Red

I waved to Jared and Embry as I headed down the small, crumbly sidewalk to the store. I felt like a stalker in a way. I went to the store sometimes after school, but not usually. I usually went to Sam's or went for a run to blow off some steam.

I walked slowly, waving to the familiar faces I passed. A few of them didn't wave back and only glared at me. I didn't even let it bother me; I just let it roll off. I knew what people thought of me. They thought I was bad news. Rumors were flying everywhere that I was in some sort of "gang" and doing drugs, that's why I was so big. Hard-core steroids or something. I smiled wryly to myself. I wished that was it.

Drugs had no effect on me now, or alcohol, much to my disappointment. Well, technically it did, I just had to use larger quantities. Still though, no matter how much pot I smoked, I never got a high so I kind of just stopped doing it. It was completely pointless. The alcohol thing, it could have a point if I drank enough. I hadn't tested that theory yet, though. I kicked up at the grass as I trudged down the main street through town, looking down. It didn't bother me to be the "bad boy" at all. Chicks dug it, and I was definitely okay with that.

Even though I'd quit most of the partying I did once I phased the first time, there was no stopping me in the girl department. I always had someone I was hooking up with. The pack just learned to overlook any thoughts I had about it- kind of like I had to learn to do with Sam's thoughts on Emily. Emily was pretty enough, but I didn't like seeing her through Sam's mind. He saw her in a more sexed-up, seductive way that seriously clouded over my motherly image of her.

I spent a lot of time over at their house; it felt more like home than my parents' house did to me. We technically were a family and it seemed Sam and Emily were stuck with the job of den parents. Sam's only problem with it was that he wasn't really much older than us- only twenty, four years older than I was. Sam was actually cool once I got to know him, not like I'd always pictured to him to be. He was laid back most of the time, the rest of the time it was hard to stomach him around his imprint. It was disgusting the way they slobbered over each other. It was even worse when Sam was away from her, then we had visuals to go along with everything.

Emily was almost the opposite of Sam. She was quiet, soft-spoken and seemed to honestly like fussing over each of us. It was even more like an obsession after she'd had her accident and lost the baby, like in some crazy way, we were the replacement children. I had a small soft spot for her; I wouldn't dare admit it, though. I'm Paul and I don't like anybody.

The rest of the pack was pretty cool too. I got along with them okay, unless I was itching for a fight. Jacob was the easiest to be around when we were in wolf form; his thoughts were always happy-go- lucky. Embry's were everywhere. Jared's were calmer, but still not quite stuff that I'd like to see.

I looked up as I neared the store; my dad's Sedan was still in the parking lot. I pushed open the door, making it ding as I went in. I nodded to Mrs. Gordon who was behind the counter, waiting to get off, no doubt. I walked straight to the back room where I knew my dad would be. I knocked quickly before opening up the door and walking in. He was sitting at his desk in the corner. He looked up, looking surprised to see me.

"How was school?"

I shrugged and sat down in the uncomfortable desk chair across from him and grabbed the ___Rubik's Cube_off of the desk and started toying with it. "It was okay. Not really exciting."

"Did you come to help unload all of the new winter supplies we got in?" He asked- no, not asked, but hinted to me.

I sighed and tossed the cube back down onto the desk and got back up from the chair. "I guess so. Not like I have anything better to do right now, anyway. My truck wouldn't start."

"I'll look at it when I get home, probably just something small," he replied, scribbling in a book with tons of numbers.

I paced around the office, looking at odds and ends he had lying around. I'd never noticed how cramped it was in here. And stuffy. The leather smell was overpowering. There were crates stacked up everywhere with ceramics, stick candy, wool, and tons of other junk. I kicked at a wooden box, wondering how much longer it'd be 'til she got here.

"Paul, what's wrong with you? You're acting like a caged animal," my dad said looking at me as I walked around the small room again.

"I don't know. I'm bored. Everyone else has stuff to do and I'm here," I complained. The other three guys had gone to go cliff diving even though it was cold out now. I'd opted to come here to start working my game plan with Sarah. I just had a feeling about this one. It was different.

"You don't have to be here. However, I would appreciate your help with unpacking all of the boxes on the side of the store where the cloth is," he said sternly.

I sighed and headed out of his office, I was driving him crazy, I knew. I went back out and walked around, looking at everything. I hadn't really paid much attention to the merchandise. I had no clue we sold camping supplies now. Or fishing poles. I wouldn't mind fishing now that I thought about it. I hadn't been in a month or two. I fingered a pole, thinking about asking if I could use it. I took it down and flipped it over, not bad at all.

I placed it back on the shelf and headed toward what I called "the woman side of the store". It had the bolts of material and wool and other stuff you used to decorate. We pretty much sold a little of everything in here. I nudged the first box with my toe and listened to it as it rattled. Something iron was in there. I leaned down and ripped the top off; I didn't even need a hammer to dig the nails out of the wood.

I heard the door ding and my head shot up. Sarah was coming in. She had changed from her skirt and cute top into a pair of faded jeans and a Polo with the tavern logo on it. I stood there, knowing she couldn't see me and watched as she gave Mrs. Gordon a happy smile as she left. **I watched the bright pink nails count the till, her hands moved gracefully.** They were so small compared to mine, and soft. I shifted around, still staring as she pulled the stool up to the counter and took out her geometry book.

So she was a book person. Good at school. She reached up and brushed a piece of her hair off of her face, making my heart flutter. What the hell was happening to me? I didn't like girls like this, they were nothing but a piece of ass to me. I leaned against the shelf, staring at her.

"Paul!" My dad's voice boomed out behind me. I jumped.

"What the hell are you staring at, son?" He said with a warning in his tone.

I shrugged and looked away from his eyes. "Nothing."

Dad looked at me, his eyes burning into me. "You're damn right you're staring at nothing."

I nodded, not saying anything to him; he stood there beside me for a moment before walking back into the back room and shutting the door. I let out a sigh of relief and made my way to the front of the store where she was sitting behind the register.

"Hey, Sarah," I said, letting her name drip on my tongue.

Sarah looked up at me, looking surprised. "Oh. Hi, Paul. I wasn't expecting to see you here." She said my name. I loved hearing it come from her perfect pink lips. They were shaped like two perfect cupid bows. Sarah had an amazing affect of me just by saying my name.

I smiled at her, showing my teeth. "I came to help my dad out for a little bit, put up some winter stuff for him." I leaned against the counter, looking at her still smiling; I could hear her heart picking up quickly as she laid her book down looking shy.

"That's nice of you, its less I have to do," she said with a laugh.

I leaned a bit closer to her, loving her scent. "So what do you do when you're not at work or school?" I asked, taking in a deep breath. God she was so intoxicating. I could just reach over and grab her and… I moved the thought from my head, waiting for her reply.

"Umm… not much, actually. I don't really go out or anything," Sarah said slowly, looking kind of peeved now.

I didn't really think she had much of a life anyway. Sarah didn't seem like she was the type to go out and party. "There's a party this Friday at the beach if you want to go." I invited her, knowing it would be the perfect place to get things started.

Sarah looked down at her nails, like she was inspecting them or something. "I don't know. I'll have to ask first."

This might be a bit harder than I thought if she had strict parents. But there were ways around everything. "You don't have to ask, you know. You could just come because you want to. I want you to, anyway," I told giving her "the look".

Sarah couldn't help but smile back at me. "Okay, then. What time?"

Ha. I'd won. I'd have her in my bed soon if she would give into something this easily. "Seven or whenever, really. I'll walk you over if you have to work that day."

She nodded and fidgeted around with her apron smock. "Okay. I'll meet you here, then." She still sounded shaky about it.

I had no intention of taking her to the bonfire. I was taking her to the park. The park was a place we could talk, get to know each other… make out.

I stood up from the counter. "Guess I better get back to work," I told her, heading back to the crates when the back room's door opened up. I hurriedly unloaded each box, rushing now. I felt like going and seeing Holly. I didn't like her anymore but I'd like some alone time tonight to help lighten my mood.

An hour later I told my dad bye, promising to be home for dinner. I gave Sarah a bright grin as I walked by her, waving. "See ya later," I told her, winking.

I pushed the door open and headed down the street hurriedly. I only had until six to make it there and out of her house before her mom got home. I jogged part of the way before I made it there and knocked on the door loudly. Seconds later Holly opened it, grinning at me.

"I knew you'd come," she said sweetly as he grabbed my hand and pulled me inside. I didn't speak to her; I just leaned down and kissed her hard on the mouth.

"We gotta hurry," she said as she shoved me down on the couch. I nodded and closed my eyes as she pushed me into another world. Every touch and every movement, I pictured Sarah instead of Holly.

********************************************************************************

I ran through the woods, the wind running through my dark silver fur. I loved this, this feeling of power I had when I was in my wolf. I sprinted over the small stream, not even skimming the surface as I hopped over it. Apparently I was the only one phased; I couldn't hear anyone else's thoughts. I neared Sam and Emily's house, smelling the lasagna she must have just made. I paused a few feet away, trying to will myself to phase back.

I didn't have a problem phasing into wolf form, but sometimes it took a while to phase back. I stood there, taking deep breaths. I thought of Sarah- the way she'd looked, smelled, her heartbeat. I reached down and grabbed my pants from around my ankle and slid them on and started toward the house now. Sam had a thing about wearing clothes in front of Emily. I doubted if she would even be able to tell, anyway. She usually just stared at him all night.

I pushed open the back door, letting myself in.

"Hungry?" Emily asked, smiling at me as she got the plates down. I nodded and flopped down into a chair at the kitchen table. Sam, Jake, and Jared were already there.

"Hey guys," I greeted them.

Sam nodded to me, watching Emily as she moved around. Jared gave me a sly grin. "Where you been, lover boy?"

I popped him one. "Don't call me that. You know it's not like that." I gave him a look as Emily put a plate in front of me. "Thanks."

Sam glanced at me. "Love?" He asked quizzically.

I rolled my eyes as I stabbed the pasta and rolled it around on my plate. "Its not love. It's nothing. Jared's just jealous that I saw her first is all."

Jacob laughed loudly. "Earlier you didn't even know her name, man." He bit down into a piece of garlic bread, tearing off half of it.

"I know who she is. She works at the store," I said snidely as I shoveled more food into my mouth. "I don't care, though. I don't need to know anything but the basics."

Sam smirked at me, making sure Emily was out of normal ear shot before saying lowly, "If you want some pointers, just give me a call." I groaned inwardly. I did not want to know any sex tips from Sam. It was just wrong.

"No thanks. I think I'm good in that area. Better than good. Great, actually. Or according to Holly, I'm God." I snickered remembering her earlier.

Jacob looked at me in amazement. "I thought you said you weren't seeing her anymore."

I smirked at him; the boy was clueless on how this worked. "I didn't say that. I said the sex wasn't as good as it used to be. Not that I wasn't still going to actually go over there and …" I stopped when Emily came into the kitchen.

Sam's eyes immediately fell on her. I followed his gaze; he was staring at her ass. Ugh. "You guys need to get out by eight," Sam said bluntly as she walked off again, going upstairs.

I nudged Jake. "I think I'll stay and hang out, actually. Its good for us to bond as a pack, remember?"

Jake grinned at Sam knowing we were making him mad. "Yeah, I could go for playing the Xbox, myself."

"Then stay. You can hear everything while it's happening. You're not fucking up my damn sex life," Sam told us, looking like he meant it.

I shook my head as I got up and put my plate in the sink. "Don't worry. I've got plans."

Jake followed my lead. "I gotta go home and check on Billy, anyway."

Jared yawned and pushed his chair in. "I'm passing out tonight."

One by one we left the house; each of us had plans of our own. I walked along the beach alone, skipping rocks over the water as I went toward my house. My dad was probably wondering where I was at by now. I'd told him I'd be home for supper. I sighed as I neared the house, bracing myself for whatever was fixing to happen as I opened up the door.

"Where have you been at?" My mom asked as soon as I stepped in. I looked over to where she was sitting on the familiar beige couch with my dad and sister watching some stupid reality show.

"I got busy with Sam, sorry," I told her as I went to the kitchen. I opened up the fridge and grabbed a bag of grapes and took off to my room with them. I turned the Tv on and sank down onto the bed popping four of them into my mouth.

I grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels, settling on an action flick. I moved the pillows around, getting comfortable when my door opened. I sighed when my dad came in. Not again. One time was enough.

"I wanted to talk to you," he started.

I waved him off. "I know, I know, I was late and missed dinner and mom got mad, I'm sorry," I told him quickly, wishing he'd get out of the way of the Tv.

Instead he sat down at the foot of my bed. "I saw you staring at the girl that runs the register today," he started.

I groaned. "Dad, I wasn't staring at her. I was just staring at nothing really. Just space." God, I hoped he wasn't going to turn this into some kind of sex talk.

"I still want you to be aware that I don't want you dating her, or being too good of friends with her either, Paul. In fact, I don't really want you dating anyone who isn't Quileute." He looked at me for my reaction before he continued. "Besides that, she works for me and I'd like to keep it that way. You should just find a nice Quileute girl and see how that works out instead."

I looked at him, holding my temper back. I shook a little bit as I spoke carefully. "Sure, sure, whatever dad. She's a dork, anyway."

He seemed satisfied with my response as he got up from the end of the bed and put his hand on the doorknob, turning it slowly. "Oh, and Paul? Just remember… I'm not stupid." He opened the door up and shut it lightly.

I glared after him once he was gone. I felt my body vibrate violently. Find a nice Quileute girl? What the hell was that? He'd never cared before about who I dated. Why should he start now?


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n-- thanks to all those who reviewed, i appreciate it. Hope you guys like this chapter,and I want to jusst remind you guys that this is rated m for a reason, theres another m in this chapter particulary, but in the next few there is and Id hate for you guys to read something you didnt want to see. Anyways.. remember to review please, i love getting them! Thanks mediate89 for betaing this chapter for me, great job :D**

Chapter 3

I looked in the mirror again, checking myself out. I had on a pair of jeans and a dark blue shirt that fit me tightly. It hugged my chest just right. I touched the top of my hair, making sure it would stay spiked a little bit. I opened up the bathroom and headed down the hallway. My mom whistled as I walked by her.

"Got a hot date tonight?" She asked.

I smiled at her. "I don't know, maybe. We'll see."

I didn't know if I considered Sarah a hot date or not. She was definitely hot, though. But the date part… we'd have to see about that. All week I'd been doing my best to woo her. I'd walked her home from work a couple of times, carried her bag at school, and brought her flowers one time. Well, flower.

I grabbed the keys to my truck and gave my mom a quick peck on the cheek as I left. "Bye!" I called out, jumping down the steps, skipping all of them but the top one.

I jumped in the truck -thankfully, the engine roared to life- and I backed out quickly. It was ten 'till seven. The store would be closed in a few minutes. I headed in that direction, the radio turned off. It was easier to think without it. I pulled up to the store, surprised to see Sarah already standing outside. She was bundled up in a puffy pink jacket and mittens. I hadn't even realized it was cold outside.

I jumped out and opened the passenger door as she hurried over to me. "Hey, Sarah," I greeted her, rolling her name off of my tongue. I grinned at her as I shut the door and went back around to my side and got back in. She looked nice. More than nice.

Sarah gave me a small smile back. "So, what's the game plan?"

I shrugged as I drove down the road slowly, trying to see if she would even let me take her somewhere other than the beach. "Bonfire? Or we could just go for a walk and talk for a while?" I suggested, breathing in deeply.

Sarah shifted around in the seat so that she could look at me. "Either," she said surprising me. I'd pegged her for a group activity kind of person. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye as I pulled into the beach parking lot. "We could walk along the beach for a while," she suggested.

"I was hoping you'd say that. We never really got a chance to really talk; my dad or your friends always interrupt."

She laughed as she zipped the puffy pink jacket up again. "They're _so_ jealous right now. I thought Tia was going to kill me for saying I was hanging out with you tonight. I think she must have a thing for you."

I smiled slightly. Of course she had a thing for me. She was one of my conquests. Sarah didn't have to know about that, though. "She's okay. I'd rather be out with you, though," I told her, making her cheeks flush a bit. She was getting better at not blushing so much when I randomly touched her or said something sweet to her.

I went around the side of the truck and opened up her door, grabbing her hand as I shut it with my free one and started walking. "Aren't you cold? It's freezing out here. Or maybe I'm not used to the weather yet," she said looking at me in amazement.

"No, I'm fine. I'm a little hot-natured. I don't really get cold. Where you from, anyway?" I asked her, holding her small hand in my huge one. Just touching her hand was making me feel all… weird.

Sarah looked down at our hands as we started walking the shoreline. "From Nevada, actually. We moved here about six months ago. My dad works here on the reservation in Tribal Relations or something. My mom drives to Forks for work. She's an RN." Hmm… so her dad worked with the tribe. That was interesting. We didn't usually get outside help for anything. "What about you?"

I shrugged, swinging our hands slightly back and forth. "Nothing too interesting. My dad has the store and my mom works at the furniture place. She says it gives her something to do without working for my dad." We both laughed at that. We knew working for my dad could be a little annoying at times, especially when he got an off the wall idea in his head.

"So do you live here? On the rez?" I asked her, curious.

She shook her head, making a cloud of her body spray hit me. "No. Just outside of it, it's a little off the tribe lands. Down Elle Road, if that helps." She glanced up at me as she nervously gave my hand a squeeze.

"I know where you're talking about. Not too far from my house." I let my thumb rub the back of her hand; I'd take it slow for now. I didn't want to risk scaring her off just yet. It felt good to talk freely to someone. "So what else is there I should know about you?"

The wind blew through her blonde hair, and I instinctively reached up and pushed it back into place. She froze and looked at my hand for a moment. "Sorry," I apologized quickly, knowing I wasn't really sorry at all.

Sarah bit her bottom lip. "Its okay. It just... surprised me." She looked down at the sand now, instead of at me. Her heart was racing a million beats a minute. "And to answer your question, you should know that my dad saw you walking me home and told me to stay away from you."

I smiled. He _would_ tell her that. Little did he know I was the safest date she could have in this town. "Any particular reason why?"

She stopped walking and turned to face me. "He said you're not someone I need to be hanging out with. He's convinced you're on drugs or something." She looked up into my face when she spoke. "And I don't think so."

So she thought I was a good guy. I could work with that. It was completely different from being the bad guy. "No, no drugs. Or alcohol for that matter. I'm not that bad of a person," I told her, looking down at her, waiting for her to look away from my intense stare.

She didn't. She held her gaze steadily. "Why are you talking to me?"

Whoa. I hadn't been expecting that. No one else had ever asked questions, just went along with it. I didn't even know what to say. "Because... because I want to get to know you. I've been seeing you around at school and thought we could be friends or something."

She leaned up slightly. "Friends or something?"

I tilted my face downward; this wasn't the same shy Sarah. The Sarah I'd been watching and talking to wasn't so upfront. "Or something," I said smiling.

Sarah moved away again, distancing us, but still holding onto my hand tightly. "I guess we could be. Maybe. I don't know, though. My family doesn't like you, and I don't think your dad wants you to see me, either because I'm not really what he had in mind. I heard him talking to Old Quil about it."

Knowing that they all wanted us to keep away from each other only made me want her more. Sarah was the forbidden fruit and I wanted to taste it.

"I don't care what they think. Unless you do. My dad doesn't have any ruling over who I go out with."

Sarah kicked up the sand with her shoes and I noticed then that she had on snow-boot type shoes. "I think my parents would like you if they knew you, they're just believing all of the gossip in town. I guess you're supposed to be in a gang, too?" She laughed a little bit.

"I've heard that one. We're not a gang, just a group of guys hanging out."

We were almost to the bonfire now, I could see the flames rising up and the figures standing around everywhere. I stopped walking again and tugged on her hand for her to stop too. Sarah looked up at me from under her long eyelashes. She had a look in her eyes that was driving me insane.

"Paul?" she asked slowly.

I didn't say anything back to her, just leaned and did what I'd been dying to do for a week now. I tilted her head back and leaned down to kiss her gently. I heard her gasp in surprise, but she didn't pull away from me. I slid my arms around her, pulling a bit closer. Sarah's hands snaked through my hold and shoved me back.

"Sorry," I muttered. My lips felt sore now. Sarah looked like she wanted to pass out. Her heart had slowed down a ton now. So she'd been anticipating that kiss almost as much as I had been.

"No, its okay, you just surprised me is all," she said, looking around timidly before leaning back up.

I felt her cool, soft lips press on mine again. God, she tasted good too. I pressed my tongue against her mouth until she parted her lips slightly. Her small hands raked my back; I'd forgotten a kiss could be this good. I let one of my hands entangle her hair, holding her head so she wouldn't move away from me too soon. This was better than anything I'd felt in a while. Finally, we pulled away from each other.

"I thought you were going to suck her face off," I heard a familiar voice call out.

I turned my head; Embry was standing a few feet away with a grin on his face. "Hey, Sarah," he said still grinning as he looked at her. I felt my blood start to boil. I didn't want anyone else to grin at her or talk to her. I especially didn't want them to look at her the way Embry was right now.

"Embry," she said, nodding toward him. I reached behind me and grabbed her hand again. She wrapped her fingers through mine, like it was natural or something.

"What do you want?" I asked hostilely.

"Just walking by and saw you two. I couldn't believe it. She turned me down but went for you?"

Sarah laughed playfully. "You didn't really ask me out, though."

I felt the spasm start to happen in my back. Embry had asked Sarah out? What the hell? She was mine. I saw her first. Mine. "It's okay, Paul. I can see she likes you more, anyway," Embry said, noticing I quivered a bit. I didn't say anything to him; I just tugged Sarah toward the bonfire.

"Bye!" She called out to Embry who didn't reply back. He knew not to push it now.

"He was just joking around. He does that a lot. We have a ton of classes together," she explained. I just nodded; I didn't trust myself to speak right now.

We went down the fire where several girls called out greetings to Sarah. I held onto her hand tightly, wanting to make sure she didn't try and part from me. I felt... possessive. This was turning out to be way more than a random hookup for me. She sat down on one of the logs and pulled her jacket around herself tightly, laughing and talking with the others. I kept to myself, except for a few comments here and there.

"So are you two like... together?" Katie Breslin asked us, nodding toward our joined hands.

I looked at Sarah. Hell, I didn't even know what was going on. I didn't know if I should be sitting this close to her anymore. Sarah looked back at me, before looking away.

"Kind of," I finally said earning a few snickers and smirks from the guys that were present. Jared was there, looking smug; I knew he could tell I was feeling fucked up right now.

Sarah leaned into me as we sat there and I moved so that I had an arm around her. I usually didn't get so girlfriend-like with the girls I slept with or intended to sleep with but Sarah was different. I threw my empty coke can into the fire and looked into it, listening as they all laughed about one thing or another. I was tuning them out.

We were there for hours it seemed before the group started breaking up. I looked at Sarah, her eyes were getting heavier by the second. "Sarah," I said softly into her ear. Her head jerked up quickly and hit me in the jaw.

Damnit, that hurt. Not a lot hurt me, but that sure as hell did. I rubbed my jaw.

"Paul! I'm so sorry," Sarah said worriedly, looking between her lashes. "I didn't mean to! Does it hurt? Are you okay?"

I waved her off. "I'm fine. Don't worry about it. It just surprised me." I looked around us, noticing there were only five of us left now. "I think I should get you back."

Sarah nodded, yawning a little bit. "Yeah, they didn't even know I was going anywhere. I couldn't say or they wouldn't have let me come out." I got up and pulled her up by her hands, supporting her weight.

"It's cool, I understand. I just don't want them getting too mad and start picking you up and dropping you off everywhere or we won't even be able to sneak around."

She laughed at me, taking my hand again. Hers was freezing. It felt like a hunk of ice in mine. "You should have said you were so cold. We could have left a long time ago; I didn't know you were freezing out here."

"I'm okay. You were like an electric blanket or something," she said with a hint of amusement in her voice. It didn't take long tonight to realize that Sarah had a bubbly personality once she relaxed with me. It was a change from the mindless flirting I was used to enduring.

I walked with her toward my truck. "Should I drive or just walk you to your house?" I didn't want to pull up and get her in trouble. It was almost midnight. "I don't want you to get in trouble."

Sarah squeezed my fingers tightly, not releasing her grip. "We can walk, it's not that far, and this way no one will see your lights when you pull up. I'd hate for us to get busted the first time."

I smirked. So she thought there'd be a second time. I wasn't so sure. "Come on, then." I walked toward the woods, heading for a trail I knew about. I used it regularly on patrols.

She shook her head. "I don't want to go through there," she said, trying to tug on my hand to stop me.

I scoffed at her, giving her hand a small pull making her walk again. "You'll be fine, you're with me and it's not like I don't know where I'm going. I go out here all time."

I led her through the clearing, taking in a deep breath. No vampires. I could smell one of my brothers not too far away though. Probably Sam. He didn't have a social life like we did. I pulled her as close as I could while I walked. "I don't know how this is going to work out," I said softly.

Sarah leaned onto me, leaning into my side; her head barely hit my chest. "We'll figure it out. I don't care if I have to sneak around. It's worth it."

"My parents don't usually pay too much attention to where I'm at if I tell them I'm with Sam or something, we'll just have to worry about yours mainly," I told her as we walked on through the dark woods. The moon was bright in the sky, lighting the way somewhat. The air was getting chillier, or at least I assumed it was, because Sarah was shivering.

Sarah stopped near the edge of the woods where her house was. A few steps out of here and we'd technically be off the reservation, making it a little bit more daring for me. As long as I stayed inside the lines, I couldn't really get in trouble except with the council if her parents saw us.

She turned toward me, shaking a little bit. "I guess I'll see you sometime? I work tomorrow morning at ten and I'm off the next day."

I thought on it for a moment. "I'll stop in tomorrow if my dad's not in there." It sucked that we couldn't even call each other or we'd be caught. I reached down, pulling her toward me like I knew she was waiting for. I held her against my chest, listening to her heart beat. I pressed my face down into her hair, breathing her in; Sarah was worth getting in trouble over. Even more worth it than the other times I'd snuck out.

I couldn't help but see if she would stop me, though if I tried something. I let my warm hand snake up her side, through the zipper of her jacket and push up the bottom of her shirt. She stayed still except for moving her hands to wrap behind my neck. I held back the smirk I wanted to form as I pressed my fingers underneath the lacy feeling bra she had on. Instead, I pressed my mouth on hers when I cupped my hand around her peak. I kept waiting for the shove to happen but it never did.

I heard her breathing get slightly heavier as I forced my tongue into her mouth, wanting to make this kiss count for something. I needed to see how far I could get before she reacted, so I knew how much work this would turn out to be. We stood there for a few minutes, stuck together, neither of us wanting to let go first.

Finally she pulled away, looking out of breath when she did. I gave her an intense look as she stared at me before she spoke. "I should get inside."

I nodded; she had to be half frozen by now. Then again, being so close to me, she might be sweating. "You probably should. It's late; I still got a few things to do, too." I needed to run a quick round before I headed to bed, to burn off some of this pent up energy I had rushing in me.

"Things to do? This late?" She asked curiously.

I grinned at her, running a hand over the top of my short, spiked hair. "Yeah, I gotta check some traps and run by Sam's."

"You always mention him; he must be a good friend. I've heard about him before," Sarah said with a tone that told me exactly what she'd heard about him.

I rolled my eyes at her and moved to give her another hug. "He's a good guy. We get along pretty well, too."

She moved back from my hug and took a few steps toward her house. "I don't think we should start that again, I might not ever make it inside the house," she said jokingly.

"You should go in; it's too cold for you to be standing out here like this." I backed up in the opposite direction. "I'll see you soon… Sarah."

I walked backward, watching her go across the lawn and get a key out from under the mat to unlock the door with. I made sure she was completely inside before I took off at a run, letting myself give in to what I'd been holding back all night since Embry'd pissed me off.

I ran on all fours, howling into the night. I felt free. I felt light. I felt pretty damn good.


	4. Chapter 4

**a/m--Please read before continuing to the story!!!!**

**Okay now, were getting into the stuff that makes this story into an M rated fic. Theres a lemon down below, along with relationship abuse. I know nobody likes to think of our wolf pack like this, but lets face it, their not perfect. And they get jealous just like anyone else. All I can say is, if you dont want to read this side of everything, skip it. **

**Now that thats all out of the way, Id like to thank mediate89 for betaing this for me, awesome job. and thank all the ppl who reviewed, i love getting them. hope you like it. **

Chapter 4

I looked over at Sarah; she was sitting in the usual spot beside me in our first class. We'd managed to see each other a few more times over the past week by lying through our teeth to everyone we knew. All the secrecy made seeing her even better than I could have imagined. I honestly liked spending time with her. She was easy to talk to about anything and she made me laugh a lot, which I rarely did any other time. She drove me crazy though, with the way she kissed, and the way she smelled.

Sarah was bad for me. I never wanted to feel like this about anyone, especially not someone I hadn't even imprint on. I wasn't used to feeling drawn to a girl like I was to Sarah. The sun rose and set by her. I'd taken to running to the edge of the reservation now, every time I phased just to glimpse at her if she was at home. The pack hadn't got to see my thoughts on her yet. I was doing a damn good job of hiding things from them. I just thought of stupid, random, useless junk instead of Sarah. I didn't want to share her with them.

She'd told me when we first started sitting together that she'd had a crush on me but that she didn't think I'd give her the time of day. Sarah had liked me for a while; I just didn't notice it until now. I was pushing the limit on seeing how much she liked me. Sarah let me push it, but not as far as I would have liked. I knew that today, if word hadn't got around from the bonfire, we'd be the talk of the school when everyone saw us together.

Sarah met my eyes and gave me a happy grin. "Morning," she said silkily, digging around in her purse.

I grinned back at her; I hadn't even bothered to take out any of my stuff for class. "Mornin', beautiful," I said, saying it mostly just to see the pink rise on her pale face.

"Did you miss me?" She teased, knowing I had seen her at one o'clock last night, or this morning rather. She'd crawled out of the window and met me in the tree line and I'd phased from my wolf so that Sam wouldn't be able to find me. We'd sat in the cold night air for two hours, talking and laughing, getting to know each other.

"Not really." I told her, trying to look serious.

Sarah poked me in the ribs, making my stomach flutter at her touch. "You're a terrible liar, have I told you that?"

I focused on her mouth when she spoke. I liked watching her perfectly shaped lips forming the words. She had on some pinkish looking lipgloss that made them look even fuller than normal. I was using all of my self control to keep from leaning over and kissing her in the middle of class.

"Paul?" She asked, nudging me again. "You're looking at me all funny. Is something wrong?"

I snapped out of it. "No. Just looking at you," I said winking at her.

Sarah rolled her eyes at me as she passed me a highlighter. "You're not even doing any work," she chastised me, pointing at my blank paper. I shrugged as I looked down at it. I didn't care much.

"No big deal," I told her pulling hers out from under her hands. "I'll copy yours."

She shook her head and gave me a pencil. "I never noticed before how you don't really do anything but sleep at school."

I couldn't help but look around us, wondering if anyone noticed this new friendship. Kim was staring at us, frowning. She was a dork anyway. She was probably just wondering why I wanted Sarah all of a sudden. She was hardly an idiot. Holly was looking pretty mad. I'd ignored her since the last time I'd slept with her.

I didn't need her now, I'd found a new mark. I had a feeling Sarah would be three times better than Holly had been.

The bell rang and everyone jumped up getting their stuff together. I grabbed my bag and then reached over and swiped Sarah's stuff. "Where's your next class at?" I asked her as we walked out the door. I saw Jared and Jake looking in my direction, grinning and laughing. I knew they thought Sarah was gonna burn me. Turn me down or something. They had no clue it was way beyond that now.

"I've got gym next, it's way out of your way." She reached to take her stuff back from me and I reluctantly passed it back to her.

"Okay. I guess I'll uh, meet you in the caf or something."

She raised an eyebrow at me as she slung her bright yellow backpack over her shoulder. "You never eat in the caf."

"I do now. Unless you want to go off campus with me," I told her, giving her a sly smile.

Sarah smirked at me, tugging on her blue Polo shirt. "I don't think so. Besides, my friends are gonna be waiting on me."

"Sure, sure," I replied, giving her a wave as we walked away from each other, both of us still staring at the other one.

I made it through the next class without thinking of her once, occupying myself by teasing Tia and Katie. Those two were more than happy for my attention even though they'd both seen me with Sarah over the weekend. If they didn't care, I sure as hell didn't. I got up and followed the crowd out, looking for either Sarah or Jared. I'd take either one.

"Hey man, lookin' for the newest flavor of the week?" I heard Jared say behind me.

I turned around and grinned at him, I hadn't got to hang out much with any of the pack but Jake this weekend. We were taking turns on patrols now. We didn't have as much action at the moment with the Cullens being the only vampires nearby. I preferred to run alone at night than to have someone else with me unless it was Sam, and he usually didn't stay out too late or Emily got mad.

"Yeah, I've got to play nice for a little bit, though. She's taking longer than the others," I said keeping the grin on my face. Jared looked like he was a little too happy about something. I glared at him, wondering what he knew. "Why do you have that shit-eating grin on your face?"

Jared shrugged; we were heading down the hall to the caf now. "No reason. I just had a class with Sarah is all. I might have heard her talking to her friends."

That was good news. She was discussing me with other people. Spreading the word on how great of a kisser I was, how I was the perfect gentlemen, well… kind of. The farthest I'd gotten so far in three days was up her shirt, so… semi-gentlemen.

"What did she say?"

Jared gave me a sly look as he got in line; he had a Cheshire Cat-sized grin on his face, knowing it was killing me to wait. "Not much. She was whispering so I had to listen in pretty hard. She was tellin' her friends about going to the bonfire with you and how you weren't as mean as they all said you were. Sarah thinks you're a great kisser, and she told them something else too. Something you're gonna want to know."

I leaned forward anxiously, the suspense was killing me. "What?"

"They asked her how far you got, which by the way, I'm highly disappointed in you, man. You didn't even get to look, just touch." He paused again, grabbing some chips from the bin.

"Come on man, just say it, you're starting to piss me off," I snapped at him. I could feel the pressure in my back, directly on my spine, which was a bad sign.

Jared looked at me, then around us at the crowded building, trying to tell me with his eyes to calm down. "Chill. She just said that she's starting to think that you guys are gonna go a lot further soon. She told them she's still a virgin, too."

I took in the new information, smirking a bit. A virgin. This was going to be even better than I thought it would be. This would be my first time of actually taking it from someone, though. I should have known, Sarah was kind of prissy. "I guess I'll sit with you guys today, I don't see her."

I followed him over to what I knew now as the regular pack table and sat down by Jake. "You comin' out tonight?" He asked me with a mouthful of food.

I shrugged, ripping open my chips and stuffing half the pack into my mouth. "Maybe. I got stuff to do until like... seven-thirty, though." I saw the flash of blonde to my right and Sarah dropped down beside me, putting one hand on my shoulder.

"Hey," she said smiling brightly at me, tossing her purse onto the table.

I looked at the pack, daring them to say or do anything. "Hey, Sarah."

Sarah slid her hand down my shoulder and touched my hand lightly. I could feel myself starting to tense up at her touch. _Please don't let this happen in front of them, _I thought to myself. _They'd be able to tell I wasn't just after her for sex if they saw how I looked. _I grabbed hers quickly and gave it a small squeeze. "I thought you'd be with your friends."

She shrugged and stole one of my cookies from the pack and bit into it. It was clear she had no intention of leaving to go sit across the room. Jared made a kissy face at me when Sarah looked down for a moment; I tossed my empty bag at him. He just smiled when it bounced off of him. The guys for the most part were sitting there quietly, not sure of what to do in front of her.

Embry plopped down across from us and gave Sarah a long grin. "Hey, you."

Sarah flashed him back a smile, showing her perfectly straight, white teeth off. "Hey, Em."

Em? So she had a nickname for Embry? What the hell? Why did he keep showing up every time she was near? I gave him a dirty look and tightened my hold on her small, fragile hand in my large, hot one. "Did you get done with that project for Myers' class? I haven't even started yet," He told her, still smiling.

I didn't know Embry too well outside of wolf form. I didn't know if he was usually this friendly with everyone he knew, or if it was just Sarah and if it was, just to piss me off.

Sarah shook her head, making her blonde hair brush against my face. _Oh God, I can't handle this. _"Yeah, I finished it last night, actually. I can help you if you want. I have time after school when I get off of work."

I felt Jacob's eyes on me as I gripped the table, willing myself to keep under control. I hadn't experienced this before. I'd only lost control when I'd lost hold on my anger, not when I was so... emotional. I kept my eyes downcast as Sarah talked and giggled with the guys, trying to take deep breaths only to have to them be of her body spray again.

"You okay, man?" I heard Jared whisper in my ear. I shook my head and glanced at Sarah, who hadn't noticed the way I looked yet.

She laughed at Embry and shifted, leaning closer toward me now, so that our sides were touching. I looked at her and it hit me. I stood straight up, pushing the chair back in one motion. "I have to go," I said suddenly. I grabbed my bag and Sarah reached for hers and her purse.

"Paul? Are you okay?"

I shook my head at her "No, you stay. I just... I don't feel good." I backed away from them, knowing I looked crazy to her; the pack looked at me with curious eyes as I hurried away from the cafeteria. I slung open the bathroom door violently and kicked it hard, denting it. I hit the brick wall angrily, making them chip. I finally sank down into the corner stall on the floor, my body was shaking now. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to straighten my spine as best I could. I couldn't give into this. Not right now.

I took a deep, steadying breath and let it out slowly. I let my head fall into my hands, relaxing now. I loved her. I didn't imprint. But I loved her and the feeling of it was too much for me to handle. I didn't love anyone, not this way; I'd never really thought I would. It was overpowering. I sighed heavily and stood up from the disgusting floor. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't dare admit this. To anyone.

I couldn't feel like this, not now. I couldn't leave her alone, either. We'd already been sneaking around for a little over a week now. I looked forward to it everyday when we would find some way to steal away a few moments together. I'd been doing a good job of hiding everything away from the pack, so Sam wouldn't figure out the truth in what I was doing. My parents weren't the only ones I'd been lying to. I waited long enough for Sam to fall asleep before I would phase back and then meet Sarah wherever we'd talked about before.

Now I had something else to hide. I didn't want them to know about this. I didn't even like me knowing. I sure as hell didn't want Sarah to know. I would only hurt her one day when I would eventually imprint… _if_ I did. I walked slowly to the mirror and looked into it, seeing myself for the first time that day. My short spiky hair was still in place, my clothes matched by some miracle, considering I threw whatever I found first on that morning. My eyes, though- I looked tired. My eyes were red with needing sleep. They had an edge to the black color.

I splashed water on my face, drying it off with a paper towel. I heard the bell ringing, signaling that it was time to go home. Sarah had probably noticed I wasn't in our last class. I was surprised Jared hadn't come looking for me. I hung my head down as I walked out of the bathroom, avoiding looking at anyone. I hit the doors hard, making them give out a booming sound.

I headed toward where I'd parked my truck and noticed Sarah leaning against it. Great. I sighed; I hoped I could stay in control. She looked up, smiling at me as I got closer.

"I was wondering what happened to you," she said obviously happy to see me.

"I just didn't feel good for a second. I'm okay now," I told her returning her smile with a grin of my own. I leaned beside my truck. "You need a ride?"

She shook her head quickly. "No, I'm waiting for my dad. He decided I shouldn't walk from here to the store anymore. He said its too cold out." She pushed her hair back and looked at me sideways "So are you coming to the store tonight or should I wait and come out at ten?"

I looked into her eyes; the blue green of them was mesmerizing. "Uh… I'll come by the store around closing. My dad will already be home by then. You can always tell yours that a friend's bringing you home or something."

Sarah shifted and looked at something behind her. "I think we're in trouble."

I turned around and followed her stare. A man that I assumed was her dad was standing at the top of the hill in a suit, his white face was turning redder as each second passed. He had a look of death in his eyes when he looked at me. Sarah bent down and grabbed her bag off of the pavement.

"Wait. Maybe I could talk to him?" I suggested.

She looked terrified at the idea of it. She slung the bag over her shoulder. "No, I'll... make something up. I'll see you later, okay?"

Her dad was starting to make his way toward us now at a faster pace than I thought a human could move with. Sarah had only walked a few feet away from me when her dad barked out something to her and she hurried to get in his car.

He kept coming toward me, though. I straightened up and shoved my hands into my pockets just for good measure as he approached me. The veins in his neck were popping out as he spoke angrily. "I'll only tell you once- You stay away from my daughter, I won't have you influencing her with the way you live."

I bit down on my bottom lip, not trusting myself to speak as he turned and went back toward the car, thinking he'd won. That just made meeting his daughter tonight even better for me. I waved to Sarah as they drove off, and got into my own truck and headed toward Sam and Emily's.

I pulled into the dirt driveway and hopped out, not even sure if Sam was here or not. Either way, Emily would be. I pushed open the door, letting myself in. "Hey, Emily," I said, nodding toward her as I grabbed the pack of cookies off the counter and shoved three into my mouth. She shook her head at me as she finished chopping up the vegetables in front of her on the counter.

"How was school?"

I liked how she asked that every time I came straight here. It showed someone really did care. I shrugged and took a gulp of the milk she'd placed in front of me. "It was okay. I thought I lost it for a minute there."

Emily gave me a pointed look as she sat down across from me. "What happened?"

"I just... I dunno. I'm tired and I've got a lot on my mind," I told her simply. Talking to Emily wasn't the same as talking to someone else. She actually listened to me and I didn't have to hide everything from her, she wouldn't tell Sam if I asked her not to. I still couldn't say it, though.

She gave me a hard look. "Like what?"

I sighed and pushed the cookies away and got back up, I could see Emily wasn't going to leave me alone. "I've got stuff to do," I declared and headed out toward my truck. I got in and gunned the engine, taking off speeding. I slowed down when I neared the store, looking for my dad's car in the parking lot. It was gone.

Sarah was standing outside the front of the store on the sidewalk with Jake and Embry laughing. She had a constant grin on her face when Jake spoke to her. She smacked him with the notebook that was in her hand across the chest. I frowned watching the scene in front of me. I saw Embry reach out and grab her hand, holding it for a moment before she pulled it away still giggling. I sat there watching them talk and hang out before the two guys finally left, waving to her as they walked down the sidewalk.

I got out of my truck slowly. I was so mad I was shaking as I went into the store. Sarah was standing with her back to me. "Hey, how are you?" She started the usual greeting she gave to customers when I reached out and grabbed her by the arm from behind and jerked her around to face me. Her eyes grew wide when she realized how mad I mad I was.

I moved my hand from her arm down to her wrist and grabbed the other one, holding them both tight as I tried to keep calm. "What the hell was that?" I demanded.

She tried to tug her arms away from me. "What are you talking about?"

I tightened my hold and gave her a little shake. "I don't like you flirting with my friends, Sarah. It makes me look stupid." My fingers were pressed into her white skin hard and she blinked, letting a few tears fall down her cheeks.

"I wasn't flirting with them. I was just talking to them. Embry wanted my notes and stuff. We were just joking," she whispered. I glared down at her; my anger was starting to make me vibrate slightly. "Don't do it again. You're mine," I snapped.

I released my hold on her, shoving her back slightly. Sarah looked like a puppy that had been kicked as she moved back toward me. "Paul, don't be mad at me. Please. I wont talk to them again, I swear, just don't be mad," she begged.

I didn't look at her for a moment as I willed myself to relax again. This possessiveness was even worse than I'd realized. I really didn't want her to talk to anyone but me, or look at them for that matter. I wanted her and I wanted her all to myself. I sighed and opened my arms up to her as she quickly dove into them, pressing herself against my chest as she sniffled.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd get mad," she said softly as she reached to wipe the tears off her cheeks. I moved her hand and used my index finger to brush them away. "I don't want you to be mad at me; you're worth not speaking to them or any other guy."

I kissed the top of her head, feeling better. "Just don't do it again, okay? I didn't mean to grab you like that, either." I flipped her hand over, looking where the bruises had already started to form. "I have a bad temper sometimes." I brought her hand up to my face and kissed it softly.

Sarah lifted her head from my chest and looked up at me. "Its okay. I understand. I did something I wasn't supposed to do." I glanced around the front of the store before I pressed my mouth against hers, hoping no one came in. She kissed me back, letting me know everything was okay before pulling back away from me. "There are only twenty minutes until I close up, if you want to wait until my dad gets here."

I nodded and let go of her, leaning against the wooden shelves. "Was he mad? I didn't even think to ask if you got in trouble for being seen with me." I watched her as she bent down to grab the marker and clip board she was working with off the floor, staring at her bottom. She straightened back up and blushed a little when she realized what I'd been doing.

"Yeah, he was really mad. He really doesn't like you at all. I tried telling him you weren't anything like that, though and he just laughed at me and said he already knew all about you." She headed back up to the register and put the clipboard under the counter and started gathering her books and things and shoving them back into the yellow backpack. "He told me that if he finds out I was with you again, I'd be grounded and I'd be sent to school in Forks."

I felt a new fire light inside of me. Sarah definitely wasn't going to school in Forks. The Cullens went there. The last thing I wanted was for her to be so close to them. "That just means we can't get caught then. We'll have to be more careful," I told her making my voice a bit huskier as she went to lock the door to the store. I watched her as she pulled down the cover and then pocketed the keys and grabbed her bag off of the counter.

"No, we can't get caught. I don't want to have to leave school and not see you at all. You're too important now," she said shyly. She reached up and started to tug her hair into a pony tail, I winced when I saw the damage to both wrists. I'd grabbed her harder than I thought.

"How are you going to explain those?" I asked her, still staring. Sarah moved gracefully without realizing it, every move was perfect.

Sarah looked down and then shrugged. "I'll put on long sleeves for a few days." She bit down on her bottom lip and looked at the old clock on the wall. "I still have a few minutes before he'll be here."

I took her meaning and grabbed her hand and tugged her into my dad's office, kicking the door open. I didn't even bother to turn on the lights. I just sat down in the familiar chair and reached up and placed my hands on her hips where she stood.

Sarah giggled quietly as she crawled on top of me so that she was straddling me and let her bag drop to the floor. Now I was trying to practice an entirely different calm. I was resisting the urge to do what I really wanted right now, with her sitting on me like this. I could already feel myself getting hard. I leaned forward and found her mouth in the pitch black, placing a hand on her cheek.

She melted into me just like I'd hoped she would. I pushed my tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss we were both trying not to break for anything. Her mouth tasted good, her tongue kept moving with mine, driving me crazy as I slid my free hand up her shirt. I shoved up her bra, feeling her perfectly round breast.

Sarah's hands were on the back of my head as she tried to press herself against me even more than she already was. I kissed the side of her mouth before I continued down her neck, stopping to suck on the curve off it. She moaned lowly, tilting her head to the side, her hips moved from the position they'd been in and I realized at once what she was doing.

I let go of her cheek, grabbing one of her hands and putting it on the waist of my jeans, waiting to see if she would get the hint. I shoved her bra up all the way with her shirt and brought my mouth down to her chest. I smirked slightly when she gasped as I started kissing each peak. I felt her back tense up as she unbuttoned my jeans and undid the zipper. She stopped for a minute and I reached down and finally shoved her hand down my boxer briefs not being able to take it anymore. I needed her. I needed her to touch me, I needed to touch her, and most importantly, I wanted her.

Sarah ran her fingers down my length making me stiffen under her light touch. "I don't know... I've never..." She whispered. So that's what was holding her back. Sarah was a complete virgin, then. I pulled my mouth from her chest and whispered into her ear. "Its okay. Don't worry about it."

She seemed relieved as she moved her hand back to my chest. I fixed my pants quickly. We still had time for other stuff, I decided. I pulled her in toward me, hugging her tight. "Tell me when to stop," I said softly into her ear, this time blowing into it before I gave it a slight bite on the lobe.

_Thank god for skirts_, I thought as I lifted her up slightly and pulled the edge of it out from under her and pushed it up. All that was covering her now was a pair on thin cotton panties that I couldn't even see in the dark right now. I could tell she was getting more and more nervous by the second as I started kissing her neck again, making her gasp when I bit down on the right spot.

"It feels amazing when you do that," she murmured. She had her arms around my neck, leaning over me.

I moved back to her mouth, tracing the outline of her lips with the tip of my tongue as I slid my hand from her thigh into the side of her panties. She wiggled slightly, like she wasn't sure if it was okay or not. When she got still again I dared it and pushed one finger into her. "Mmm," she moaned, holding me tighter. I heard her breathing getting heavier as I slid in another one, pumping them in and out of her.

Sarah pressed her face into my neck. "God," she whimpered.

"Do you want me to stop?" I teased as my thumb pressed against her nub.

"N-n-no," she stuttered, squirming.

I put a hand back on her hip, holding her in place when I knew she wouldn't last much longer. I felt her start to tighten around my hand and heard her squeak, trying not to make any sounds. "Its okay," I whispered into her hair.

I heard a knock on the store's glass doors then. I chose to ignore it and held her when she started to shudder and relax against me. Sarah didn't move as she breathed into my chest heavily. "That was... not what I was expecting," she said finally.

The loud knock sounded again. "I think your dad's outside."

Sarah leaned back and started to get off of me slowly. "My knees are weak," she commented as she started fixing her clothes.

I smirked, knowing she couldn't see me. "They should be." I stood up too, straightening my own shirt. "I'll wait til you leave to come out. Did you want to meet later? Or is this too much for one night?"

The knock came again, Sarah ducked out of the office and yelled "Just a minute!"

I leaned in the doorway; I could see her from here in dim light. I watched her as adjusted her bra and shirt then reached down under her skirt and tugged her panties into place. Seeing her hands so close to where mine had been made me want to beg her to stay for a few minutes longer. "You're beautiful," I blurted out.

Sarah laughed lightly as she scrambled to get her bag from the floor where it had fallen. "And you're so developed it should be outlawed." She paused in the doorway beside me and leaned up to kiss me. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

I nodded and gave her a kiss back. I felt a small bit of annoyance that she had to leave and didn't want to see me later, either. "Goodnight."

She waved to me as she unlocked the doors of the store and let herself out. I heard the lock snap into place again and the sound of her dad talking as they walked away. I waited around for a few minutes before I went out the back way, using the key from the desk drawer. If I'd ever been sexually frustrated, it was now. It'd been almost two weeks now since I'd had any kind of action directed toward myself and I needed it.

I stripped my shirt off and tossed it into my truck. I had to run, I couldn't put it off any longer. I took off into the woods behind the store and went through them, giving into my overwhelming emotions. The skin disappeared and became my silver fur as I ran now. I could hear Sam's thoughts. _Hey Paul, glad you decided to join... _I snorted to myself as I dove over a fallen tree. _Yeah, I figured I could grace you with my presence, I know Jake's busy with his leech lover and Embry's with his mom, and of course Jared bitched about being out late. _

Sam caught up to me running beside me now, I could tell he was searching my mind and coming up blank with what had made me phase. _They said you almost lost it at school over some girl. You can't do that Paul, you have to keep calm. What if you would have hurt her?_

I stopped running and growled a little at Sam, baring my teeth at him. Sam towered me easily, he was a huge jet black wolf, where I was a large, silver one. I knew fighting with him wouldn't help anything, but it sure as hell would help get rid of this rush I was having.

Sam growled back, his hackles raising now when he realized what I wanted. We circled each other for a few minutes before I dove at him. We wouldn't really hurt each other, just fight until we got tired enough to head back home. A good fight was all that I needed.


	5. Chapter 5

**a/n- thanks to mediate for betaing this, hope you guys like it, and dont hate me too much for mm version of paul.. :D**

Chapter 5

I woke up early the next morning and stretched out lazily. I laid there for a while, letting myself fully wake before I started moving. I'd stayed out fighting with Sam until ten when Jared had phased, deciding he'd rather patrol than listen to his mom gripe at him. Jared had the unfortunate curse of parents that weren't in on the secret.

I pulled the thin blanket up at my chest and shut my eyes, rethinking everything Sam had talked to me about. He kept reminding me of how he'd slipped and gave Emily the scars she carried. I'd already thought of that before though. I knew I wasn't stable- I was nowhere close to being stable. I was careful not to think of Sarah when he was around, I didn't want Sam to know I'd grabbed her like I had. I felt awful about it. Like an abusive boyfriend or something. It was just proof that I couldn't really control myself very well. Sam would use it against me to prove a point. I rolled over, holding my stomach; I didn't want to hurt her. It would kill me to know I had phased and attached Sarah like Sam had Emily. I'd just have to be more careful and break for it when I got shaky.

I thought of where I'd been before I'd hung out with Sam- actually, with Sarah. It would have been perfect if her stupid dad hadn't shown up and interrupted. I was still surprised I'd gotten that far with her. Two weeks barely and I'd technically gotten into her pants. I sat up slowly, rubbing my eyes as I grabbed for a shirt from the nightstand by my bed, not caring what color it was. I grabbed a pair of jeans next and trudged off into the bathroom to take a shower. This was the most sleep I'd had in ages. 7 hours.

I heard my mom call out to me, telling me that she had breakfast ready when I got done. I didn't eat dinner last night, not real dinner, so I was starving. I turned the shower on, not even paying attention to whether it was hot or cold water and got in. It felt good letting the water run down my back. I tilted my head up, letting it hit my face and rubbed it, shocking myself up.

I grabbed the soap and started scrubbing myself, trying to get the woodsy smell off of my skin. I paused, looking at my shoulder. A month before I'd phased for the first time, I'd gotten a tattoo of a sign meaning 'warrior'. I loved it and was happy now that I'd gotten it when I did. Warrior described me perfectly. I could survive anything and was always ready for a battle. I'd gone through more stuff the past ten years than most people do in their entire lives.

I turned the water off and got out, drying off and looking into the mirror at myself. I looked a hell of a lot better now that I'd slept. I pulled on the clothes I'd grabbed hurriedly and ran a comb through my hair, checking myself out one more time as I left. I went into the kitchen- my dad was sitting at the table reading the paper, my little sister was glued to the Tv, and my mom of course was washing dishes.

I sat down and pulled the plate she'd saved for me. She'd heaped everything into big pile which was fine with me. I shoveled a fork full into my mouth, watching the Tv in silence with my family. We didn't talk a lot. My dad lowered the paper and looked at me. "Where were you?"

I stopped chewing and swallowed hard, forcing it down. "Out. With Sam. We had some stuff to do, you can call him if you want to," I offered. I was with Sam technically. Most of the night.

He folded the paper up, looking at me still. "I don't think you were. But I'll find out eventually." He got up and pushed his chair back looking at me sternly as he left for work.

My mom sat down in his empty chair, she was already dressed and ready to go herself. She sipped her coffee as I started eating again. "Paul, honey, I know you don't like to hear it, but I hope you're smart enough to know not to be out wasting your time at any more of those parties."

_Good ol' mom_, I thought. She always assumed it must be drugs. "I wasn't at a party mom, I swear, you can ask Emily if Sam was with me, I know you'll believe her."

She ran a finger over the rim of her white cup. "No, I'll believe you. I just wish you could tell me who she is."

My head jerked up. "She?"

My mom laughed as she got back up and went to the small cabinets in our small kitchen and started rummaging around. "It must be a girl for you to be so mellowed out if its not drugs again."

I gulped my orange juice. So she assumed sex or drugs had to be it. Couldn't I just be plain happy once in a while?

She tossed something on the table beside me on her way toward the door, getting my sister to go out to the car as she pulled on her own jacket. I reached over and picked up the box and groaned out loud. "Mom... being subtle is not your best quality." I frowned down at the package. My mother of all people had given me a box of condoms.

"If you're going to do things I don't want you to do, I'd rather make sure that you're safe when you're doing them than catch something or make me grandma at such an early age," she said, not looking at me still. This must be as agonizing to her as it was to me.

"Fine. I think I lead a more exciting life in your mind than in my own reality though," I joked with her as I got up and grabbed my stuff and keys. I followed her out the door, waving bye to my sister. I drove to school, almost looking forward to it.

I parked next to Jared's jeep and got out, wondering where he was. I started up the concrete steps to the building when I realized Sarah was nearby. I could sense it. I stopped and looking around me, starting to turn my body around to look behind me when I felt two arms clam around my waist.

"Hey!" Sarah said loudly, hugging me. I turned in her arms, grinning down at her.

"Hey, yourself."

She let go of me and settled for grabbing my hand in hers, I noticed then that she had her giggling troupe of friends with her. They were all talking and laughing, trying not to make it obvious that they were watching us. "Show him what he did," Kim called out, laughing with the others.

Sarah shot them a look and reached up and patted her blonde locks down. "What did I do?" I asked slowly, wondering if they'd seen the bruises I'd left on her.

She bit down on her bottom and tugged on the sleeves of the long sleeve shirt she had on before she pushed the hair on one side back and tilted her head. Huge red hickeys covered one side of her neck. It looked like she'd tried rubbing make-up on herself to hide it and it didn't even come close to helping.

"I didn't mean to, I swear," I started as I touched her soft skin lightly.

Sarah just shrugged and pushed her hair back down. "Its okay. I loved getting them," she said with a sly smile.

I smirked at her as we stood there, killing the time before school started. "Do you work today?" I asked, trying not to stare. I looked down instead, noticing she had on khakis today that hugged her. I lifted my head up, following her shape. "Sarah?" I asked again, rolling her name off of my tongue.

She was staring at me, I realized. I squeezed her hand. "If you don't work, you can come hang out with me today. I've got some stuff to do around outside." Well, I kind of did. I had plans of going fishing, but she didn't need to know that. I just wanted her near me.

"No, I'm off. What are we doing?" She asked, smiling at me again. I felt my heart warm at her smile as I tugged toward the doors when the bell rang. I saw Holly rolling her eyes at Sarah when we passed by her. Sarah flinched slightly, moving closer to me.

"I want to go down to the river in some woods I found, do some exploring."

Embry and Jake were standing near our class, they both waved when they saw me. "Hey, Sarah," Jake said smiling at her. I rolled my eyes at him, noticing that Sarah didn't answer him. She just averted her eyes away.

Embry looked at her a moment, then back at me. "Can't talk? Cat got your tongue?" He teased her, leaning forward like he was about to tickle her or something. Sarah let go of my hand instantly and moved a little bit away.

"I'm going in, Paul. I'll see you in a few." She didn't even look their way as she went inside the room, looking nervous.

Jake hit me on the arm hard. "What was that about? Why's your girlfriend scared of us?" He looked too happy for some reason today, I decided.

"She's not scared of you. I just told her not to talk too much with you anymore," I said with a smug look.

Embry scoffed as he looked into the room. "Why cant she? We're friends; I've known her longer than you have."

I didn't feel like getting into this right now. It would only piss me off again and I didn't like getting pissed off when Sarah was close. I didn't want her to ever know what I really was. "Because I said so and she'll do what I tell her to do." I gave them both a hard look as I walked off going into the room and sitting down beside Sarah.

Later that day when we were in the cafeteria for lunch I sat down beside Jared, already munching on a bag of Cheetos. "Where were you last night?" He demanded.

I looked at him, chewing. He couldn't possibly know I wasn't out on patrol last night. I swallowed. "On patrol, where were you at?" I snapped at him.

Jared fixed with a hard look. "No you weren't. I went for a run about 3:00 and you weren't out. I thought something had happened until I ran by your house."

I gave him back the same look, trying to intimidate him. "And what are you going to do about it?"

"I started to wake Sam up but then I realized he'd know anyway. There wasn't any trace of you out there at all when he went out this morning. He won't find your old trail, so now it's your ass."

I wasn't scared of Sam. What was the worst he could do to me for not showing up? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He would probably just lecture me on it; he wouldn't even know where I'd been since I was doing a damn near perfect job of hiding Sarah from them. "I'm not worried about him. Sam can go screw himself. I had stuff to do."

Jared finally looked away and down at his tray. "What kind of stuff?"

I felt almost bad then for lying to him. He knew of course that I was with Sarah, but he didn't know anything else. Jared was my only real friend but I had to lie to him too. "Just some personal stuff," I said looking away now too. I looked at the old, ugly scratched up table.

I felt cool hands on my neck and turned my head instantly. Sarah was sitting down beside me. "Is it okay if I sit here?"

I shrugged and moved my stuff over, making room for her. She stayed close to me, not speaking a word as she started eating celery sticks. She always ate something like that. I frowned at her food choice, how did she survive on rabbit food? I wondered as she pulled out a small bag of carrot sticks next. "What?" She asked, noticing I was watching her eat.

"Nothing, just wondering if that even had any taste to it."

Jake laughed across from us loudly, reminding me of a donkey. "Just 'cause she doesn't eat like a pig like you do doesn't mean she can't eat just to be healthy."

Embry smirked too, biting into a greasy hamburger and talking with his mouth full. "I don't even know why she's paying you any attention."

I glared at them; I knew what they were doing. They were seeing how far they could push before I showed Sarah a side of me she hadn't got a glimpse of before. Little did they know, she'd seen it yesterday when I'd grabbed her. Sarah moved uneasily beside me. I knew she wasn't speaking to them because she didn't want a replay. I reached into my pocket and shoved a five at her. "Go get me something to drink," I snapped slightly, letting my anger at them show through.

The pack watched, amazed as she got up and did exactly what I told her, leaving her own lunch sitting there. Jared shook his head sadly watching her as she went to the coke machine.

"What did you do to her, Paul? She wont even talk to anyone but you, and then she jumps up and does what you want?" He seemed to be in awe. "And how can I make it work on someone?"

They started laughing. I grinned. "It's my charm, I guess."

Sarah came back and handed me a drink, dropping the change onto the table beside me. "Its all they had, I could go get you something else, though?" She asked, looking at me like if I told her to run to Port Angeles and get me a Star Bucks she would.

"No, this okay, I'll take it," I told her smiling. I liked how easy she would give in to me.

Sarah reached across the table for a napkin and started to get one off of Embry's tray when he grabbed her hand "Hey, hey those are mine!" He joked. She jerked her hand away from his like it was on fire, I saw his eyes glimpse the reason why she'd pulled it back so fast. His eyes met mine for a moment before I looked away.

"Hey, Sarah?" I said casually. "Would you mind going and sitting with your friends for a while? I want to talk to Jared about something."

Sarah grabbed her stuff hurriedly. "Okay, I guess I'll meet you after school then? Out front?"

I nodded and gave her side a squeeze before she walked off, throwing me a smile over her shoulder.

I turned to Embry as soon as I was sure she was out of earshot. "Don't you dare say a word," I growled to him.

Embry's eyes were blazing as he looked at me, frowning. "Sam's going to be pissed with you when he sees that"

I smirked at him. "Sam won't see anything unless you show it to him," The other two were listening to us, trying to figure out what was going on. "Sarah's not mad about it so it's not anyone's business."

Jake elbowed Embry in the side. "What's he talking about?"

"He doesn't know what he's talking about, he just thinks he knows." I stood up pushing my chair back. "And don't talk to Sarah," I snapped as I left out of the cafeteria. When I passed by where Sarah was sitting at now I felt her eyes on me, but I didn't look at her.

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I leaned against my truck, waiting for her to appear. I'd told the pack I'd meet them later for patrol, I didn't feel like dealing with Sam right now. I'd been avoiding them all, honestly. I was too focused Sarah. Imprinted or not, I felt like she was my world at the moment.

I watched her as she came through the double doors with Kim, grinning as they talked. Sarah stuck out here among the Quileute kids. Her blonde hair was shining with the light hitting it. Her legs moved gracefully over the grass as she waved bye to Kim and started heading toward the parking lot. Sarah tugged on the hem of her pink long sleeve shirt as she came over to me.

"Hey, handsome," she quipped as I opened the passenger door for her to get in.

"Is your dad going to come looking for you?" I asked. I hadn't thought about that.

Sarah shook her head as she fiddled with the radio. "No, I already told him I might go to Kim's later. He'll think I went to her house or something. He'll never know I'm with you." She settled on a station and drew her hand back, moving closer to me as I drove. "Won't your parents wonder about you?"

I laughed at that. They wouldn't even let the thought of where I could be pass through their minds. Even though my dad didn't hit me anymore, he still didn't care enough to keep sharp tabs on me during every waking moment. My mom was at work. "No, they won't wonder. I do what I want to most of the time. I guess I'm pretty independent."

I turned left and parked at the beach. "We have to walk a bit before we get there, its not too far, though." I opened the door and got out; she shut the door and pulled on her puffy jacket. It made me smile when I saw it. It was like a marshmallow.

"What were you coming out here for before you invited me?" Sarah asked shyly.

I shrugged as I started walking. "I usually go fishing out here, or do my runs through these woods. Its okay, it gives us time to talk and stuff." I stopped and let her catch up, reminding myself that her legs weren't as fast as mine. She scrambled behind me; her tan fur-lined boots were as funny as her puffy jacket.

Sarah grabbed my arm in hers, leaning onto me as we trudged through the sand before making it to the tree line. "You know, Katie invited us to come to a party at her house this weekend. I thought maybe we could go and try hanging out with my friends instead of yours."

I thought on it for a few minutes. Did I trust myself to be around an entire crowd of people without my brothers? I did okay with Sarah, but that was different. She had a different effect on me than most people. "If you want to we can go. I don't expect you to isolate yourself just for me."

Sarah nodded, still trying to keep up with my long strides. "Slow down, your legs are longer than mine," she complained. I slowed slightly, feeling like I was barely moving now. "So… last night was... different," she said slowly.

I threw a look at her; she was looking straight ahead at the forestry, avoiding me. "You seemed to like it," I said, knowing it would get to her. Last night had been great for her and agony for me.

"I did like it. I just don't want you to think I'm something I'm not, though."

We were nearing the spot I was looking for. It was nice and quiet here where the water flowing was the only sound except for the birds. I didn't say anything to her as I lead her to the moss-covered floor and motioned for her to sit down beside me. I stretched out across the grass, putting my hands behind my head. Sarah sat down beside me but didn't lay back. She sat up above me, so that I was looking up at her.

"What's wrong?"

Sarah looked down at me; the sun was glinting off of her blue-green eyes, making them look like ocean pools. "You didn't answer when I said I don't want you to think I'm something I'm not. So I'm assuming you think I'm easy or a slut or something now."

I sighed and sat back up, realizing she wasn't going to let it drop. "I don't think you're easy and I don't think you're a slut."

Sarah searched my face to see if I was lying or not. "You know, you're the first guy that's shown me the time of the day since I moved here. I was starting to think I'd have to let my dad fix me up or something. You always seem to have someone, though."

So she knew about the others, so what? It didn't bother me. I didn't regret them. They were just notches in the belt. I wondered what she was trying to get at now. It was like she wanted something but didn't want to ask. "Yeah, I've dated a lot. I've never had to do it this way, though. No real dates." I smiled at her lopsided, knowing it would weaken her.

Sarah giggled and scooted so that our sides were against each other. I tossed an arm around her. "I know, I wish my dad would give you a chance. I don't understand why he's being like this over you. I mean, if he didn't want me to date here on the reservation, he shouldn't have moved me here. Besides, I think he kind of suspects I'm seeing you somehow and he just hasn't figured it out yet."

"I hope he doesn't. I don't think I can go without seeing you now. I don't know how else to do it unless we lie." I kissed the top of her blonde head, breathing in the soft scent of her shampoo.

She laid her head on my shoulder, sighing as the sun hit her. "Why don't you want me to talk to Jake and Embry? It's not like I'm going to cheat on you with them, Paul. It kind of bugs me. They kept talking to me all day."

I frowned, knowing she couldn't see me. I didn't want her talking to them because I didn't trust them, not her. She was too pretty, too easy-going. Too naïve. "Because I just don't."

Sarah lifted up her head again. "But they're just trying to be nice, not flirt with me. Embry jokes a lot, you know that. And Jake's always been friendly."

It bugged me that she wanted to interact with them. I didn't want her being friends with any guy, much less my pack. Then I could see their opinions on her and that would really set me off. "I don't care, Sarah, I'd just rather you not. I don't want to take you to anymore bonfires, either. Just us from now on." I knew I was coming across as demanding, and probably as a jackass.

Sarah shoved my arm off of her shoulders and turned to face me. "Don't you trust me, though?"

I saw a quick flash of red when I blinked and stood up quickly, backing away from her slightly. I had to calm down. "I don't know. I just saw how you were yesterday when I wasn't there and didn't like it. You were flirting with them, acting like a slut." The word left my mouth before I realized I said it. My anger was starting to take over me again; I was saying things to her like I would to the pack to get a good fight, like I had to hurt her to make myself feel better.

Hurt flashed through her eyes immediately "Don't call me that," she said softly.

I laughed bitterly. "Why not? You don't like to hear it?" I rolled my eyes at the way she was crumpling up at my words. "You must like them or you wouldn't be so worried about talking to them, if you didn't, it wouldn't bother you." I shook a little bit, my spine started to sway. I forced myself to stand straight as I spoke harshly to the girl who was streaming silent tears. "Aren't you even going to deny it?"

Sarah got up shakily from the forest floor and moved toward me. "Paul... you know I don't like them. I told you that," she said softly, wiping at her cheeks as she touched my hand.

My hand burned when she touched it, I jerked it back quickly. "Don't touch me again, you stupid little bitch," I threw out at her.

Sarah burst into sobs when I yelled at her. "Don't talk to me like that please," she begged as she started to grab me again. This time I grabbed her wrist first and gave her a forceful shake.

"Then say it," I snapped, letting go of her and shoving her so that she fell backwards and hit the driftwood.

She crumpled up into a little ball, crying. "Don't be mad at me," she choked out. "I don't want them, I want you. Please, I'm sorry," she whispered trying to catch her breath as her chest heaved with her cries. "I'm so sorry, Paul. You're right."

I stood back a few feet, shaking and quivering, trying to get myself in check before I snapped at her again. Anger and anxiety poured through every cell in my body. I'd been holding it back all day and needed to release it somewhere even though I couldn't phase. "Come here," I ordered her.

Sarah didn't get up, she just pulled her knees to her chest as she cried, her breath was coming in deep, shaky heaves now. "I c-c-ant."

I sighed as I moved toward her and leaned down to pull her up, aware of my fingers leaving dents in her upper arm. "Do you want to be with me or not?"

Sarah sniffled a moment before she nodded slowly. "I'll do what you say," she whispered.

I felt a wave of calm wash over me as her scent went through my nose. My body returned to its normal human shape everywhere. "Then don't ask why I said you can't talk to them again, okay? I don't like it. It makes me crazy to think of you with one of them." I slowly let my arms wrap around her. It was starting to hit me, what I'd done to her again in my fit of madness. Slinging her around like a rag doll. I could have really done damage to her.

"I won't. I won't ask again, I swear. I'll do what you want, just don't leave me please," she pleaded, burying her face into my shirt. I rubbed her back lightly, feeling bad for the way I'd acted. It was even worse than yesterdays outburst.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so hateful," I whispered into her ear. "I didn't know what I was saying to you, Sarah." When I went to touch the upper part of her back she shoved my hand back down. "What's wrong?" I asked her.

She pulled back from me. "I hit it when I fell," she explained. I frowned, hating that I'd done that to her. "Let me look," I suggested, starting to lift her shirt up. She pushed my hands away.

"Let me turn around first." She didn't want me to see anything but her back, I realized as she turned away from me. She shrugged out of the puffy jacket and held onto it as I shoved her shirt up in the back, wincing when I saw where she'd fallen.

A big ugly bruise was forming underneath her pale skin. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't small either. I touched it lightly. "I'm sorry," I said softly. I kissed the soft skin there with my warm lips. Even her back was beautiful. I traced her spine down to her lower back, tickling her. "I didn't mean to push you that hard."

Sarah moved my hands, letting her shirt drop back down and started putting her pink jacket back on. I knew without even looking that her upper arm would be bruised. I took her back into my arms, embracing her. "Don't hate me when I act like that, Sarah. I'm not always so… ill-tempered," I lacked for a better word.

She nuzzled my neck with her nose. "I don't hate you. I know you don't mean it. You just scare me. I'm scared you'll break up with me when you realize you could have someone better or prettier. Or someone that knows what to do when you're intimate and doesn't just sit there."

I sighed, knowing I couldn't break up with her. I didn't want to. I was too attached. "I'm not going to break up with you. I don't want anyone else. And I already figured you were a virgin, I could tell."

Sarah kissed my jaw next, running a fingertip over my lips. "I figured you weren't. Katie and Kim filled me on a few things."

What else had they told her? I wondered. "Really? Like what?"

She kissed my lips lightly, then my chin. I was being seduced, I realized. I turned my head up, moving out of her reach. She barely reached my jaw when she stood on her tip toes. "They said that you're the school's bad boy type. I asked if it was you that got in that fight last month, and it was. You smashed those lockers in too. You yell at everyone, you're mean. You used to come to school stoned or hung over, and now you're running with Sam Uley's crew, which apparently is even worse."

I looked at her, smirking. She knew a lot about me. Sara knew pretty much everything except one thing and she'd never know that secret. Not if I could help it. "You know a lot about me then. Sam's my friend. I already told you that."

Sarah nodded, touching the back of my head, running her fingers through my hair. "I know. I guess he's my dad's friend too, though. My mom and dad were talking about him having a meeting with him or something."

I froze. There was only one thing that he'd want to talk to Sam specifically about and that was me. "Sarah... when were they supposed to talk?"

She shrugged and pressed herself on me, making me forget what I was doing for a few seconds as I pressed my own chest against hers. "This morning, I guess. I don't think it was about us, though."

I hoped it wasn't. I was deader than dirt if it was. Sam would kill me. I wasn't allowed be close to people. "I hope not, Sam will tell my parents," I told her. It was starting to get dark out now. I'd lost track of the time. "Its late, we should be getting back."

Sarah shook her head. "No, not yet. I want to spend some more time with you, we've hardly even kissed and we're completely alone out here."

I knew there was a small chance that we weren't alone. One of my brothers could very well be nearby in wolf form. "You're going to get in trouble," I warned her.

She shrugged giving me a smile with a glint in her eyes. "It's worth it. If you make it worth it, that is," she toyed. She ran a finger down my chest, daring to go as low as the waist of jeans before she stopped there and wrapped her hand over the edge as she leaned up wanting to kiss me again.

"You're definitely going to get in trouble now," I said with a sigh as I lowered my mouth to hers. She shocked me with the amount of force she'd mustered up behind her soft lips. She shut her eyes, letting herself go limp against me.

"I want you," she whispered softly.

I kissed her neck, making sure to run my tongue on the exact spot I knew made her crazy. "I know, I can tell," I whispered against her soft skin. She didn't have to know that I could smell her senses when she got like this. In one move I put my hands on her perfectly shaped ass and lifted her up, wrapping her legs around me as I pushed her against the tree nearest us.

Sarah was looking at me like she was regretting saying what was on her mind now. Nonetheless, she didn't protest when I forced her mouth open with mine, tasting her. I heard her gasp when I pushed my hips against hers.

"Not here," she whispered pulling her mouth from mine.

"Where then?" I asked her softly, searching her eyes. I moved back, letting her legs drop back down to the ground. I kept my hands on her waist though, wanting to feel her, to be as close as I could.

Sarah blushed under her pale skin and fiddled with the zipper on her jacket. "I don't know. Just not out here, it's too open."

I rolled my eyes. We didn't have too many options available to us. We could be caught at any moment at any of our usual hangouts. "I'll just sneak into your room instead of you sneaking out of it then," I joked.

Her eyes shot up to meet mine, looking hopeful. "I was joking!" I exclaimed. If I went inside her house I'd be seen in five minutes.

"It's not a bad idea, though. You can just come in the window when everyone's asleep," she persuaded me.

I rubbed my forehead, thinking on it a moment. It wasn't that bad of an idea. I could hear or smell if someone started to move. "Fine. Just remember that this is your crazy idea, not mine." I moved my free hand back to her face, tracing the outline of it. "Tonight?" I was hoping it would be tonight. I was in agony. I hadn't had any in a month now. I needed some kind of action soon.

Sarah nodded quickly, kissing my finger when I traced her lips. "Tonight. I can't wait much longer."

I couldn't believe she still wanted to be with me, much less sleep with me after what I'd just done to her. I'd been the worst excuse for a boyfriend. I'd hit her, I'd called her countless names, I'd threatened her.

"Me either," I told her as I grabbed her cold hand. "I should get you back now." It was pitch black in the forest. I could see, but I knew she couldn't. "It's late."

Sarah followed me through the woods, not saying much as we walked. I was thinking about how to keep away from the pack. I was supposed to patrol with Embry tonight but it didn't look like I'd make it. I'd rather get some than patrol. I felt like I was turning my back on my brothers in a weird way. Lately I hadn't paid them much attention at all. I was almost pretending to have a normal life.

I opened the door for her and closed it. "I'll drop you off near your house, okay? I don't want you walking."

Sarah nodded, running her hands through her hair and wiping under her eyes. I noticed then that she looked a little disheveled. She pushed her honey-blonde hair back around her neck. I reached across and rubbed her shoulder. "You look fine."

She gave me a small smile as I turned down her road. I didn't dare pull all the way up to the house. Instead, I stopped a couple houses down to let her out. "I'll see you later?" I asked her slowly as she grabbed her stuff.

Sarah slung her purse over her shoulder. "About midnight, okay? I'll leave the lamp on if everything's clear." I nodded and leaned over to give her one last kiss before she left. She slammed the door shut, waving as she walked away.

I went to my house instead of Sam's; I pulled in next to my dad's car and got out, letting the door slam loudly. I went up the steps slowly, noticing how quiet everything seemed inside the house. I turned the knob slowly and went in, feeling nervous. I heard the mumble of the Tv in the background; my sister was sitting on the floor a few feet away from it.

"Hey kid," I said smiling at her. She ignored me and kept watching as I went into the kitchen.

My mom and dad were sitting at the table talking intently to each other. I paused in the doorway, trying to catch a few sentences. "Hey, honey," my mom said smiling at me as she got up from the table. "I saved you a plate; I figured you were off with Jared or something."

My dad was giving me a hard look as I sat down heavily. "What?" I snapped at him. I was away from Sarah; I could be my usual rude and hateful self now.

"Don't take that tone with me young man, I was just wondering where you managed to sneak off to today." His own voice had an edge to it.

"None of your damn business," I threw back at him. My mom was looking nervous now; she was wringing a dish cloth in her hands waiting for the microwave to stop. She hated it when we argued. It usually ended with me leaving in a rage and not coming back.

My dad's eyes were piercing when he looked at me. "As long as you're a minor and under my roof, it's my business. I thought I told you to come home today and do a few things."

It hit me then. I'd forgotten completely about telling him I'd come home and finish up the outside work. I wasn't about to admit it though. "I'm old enough to decide what I want to do."

My dad opened his mouth to speak when a loud knock on the front door interrupted him. My parents glanced at each other. No one ever stopped by. Jared let himself in, so did Sam.

"I wonder who it is," my mom mused as she went to the door. My stomach started to twist as I thought about who it might be.

"Hello, Mrs. Kimkirk, are your son and husband available?" I heard a man's voice ask.

I froze. I knew who was here. I started to get up and move for the back door when I felt my dad's hand on my shoulder. "Don't even think about it," he warned, shoving me back down into the chair. I obliged and sat down, wondering how bad this was.

My mom led him into the kitchen, still smiling not aware of why he'd come. Mr. Jones wasn't a big man. He was dressed in business-like clothes. He was medium-sized and looked kind of like Sarah- blonde and blue-eyed. My dad got up to shake his hand, only to have Mr. Jones look at it with disdain.

He shook it after a moment. "I don't think we've ever met, I'm Tim Jones. Sarah's father." His eyes were on me now. "I wanted to have a word with your son if you don't mind."

I felt my blood start to boil as he looked me over. "I mind," I snapped at him.

My dad shot me a look. "About?"

Mr. Jones cleared his throat. "I can't prove it, but I know Sarah was with him." He said _him_ like it was a curse word or something. "And I told him once already this week to stay away from my daughter. She barely made it home an hour ago, looking like she'd been through hell and back."

My dad was looking at me now too, with a angry expression. "I can assure you if he was with her, he won't be again."

Mr. Jones nodded slowly. "I won't let him ruin her; my Sarah's a good girl. Too good for him. I know all about him and his little friends."

This time my dad's angry look moved to Mr. Jones. "I'll keep Paul away from Sarah but I won't let you stand here and talk down to him in our home. And maybe you should try keeping her away from him instead of blaming Paul."

_Score one for dad,_ I thought, amused now. Maybe dad would let him have a piece of his mind. Mr. Jones didn't say anything as he turned and headed back through the living room.

"I'll figure out how you two are seeing each other eventually and put a stop to it," he warned.

I snorted loudly. "What makes you so sure I even want your daughter? Maybe she's the one chasing after me."

He glared at me then as he opened the door up and started leaving. "Stay way," he said angrily as he went to his car and got in.

I stood there with my parents, watching as he left. As soon as his car was out of sight, my dad popped me in the back of my head. "What the hell are you doing, Paul?"

I whirled around and glared back at him as I shook with anger. "I didn't do anything. I wasn't even with Sarah today. I was out doing other stuff."

My mom clicked her tongue disapprovingly as she walked past us. "You'd better talk to him," she told my father.

I glared at them both, shaking now. "Let's get one thing straight. I'll do what I want to do and see who I want to see!" My dad started to yell back at me but I was already out the door, running toward the trees. I only had seconds before it happened as my spine started to curve, giving myself over to my other half.


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n-- Okay, here it is. The Lemon. Dont read it if you dont want to see it, remember this is an M fic, and therefore an M lemon. Thanks everyone who left me a review, I lost track of which ones i replied to and well... confused myself lol. ANyways.... thanks mediate89 for betaing this, you guys will start to see the connections this story has with Heartbreak, if you havent read it, look it up, its a Sam and Emily story and it mentions Paul and Sarah in it alot. Also, go read geez paul calm down! ill be doing a chapter of it on the next update, so check it out. :D **

Chapter 6

I waited near the edge of the woods near Sam's house, waiting to hear him sleeping before I dared my next move. He'd already called me out on not doing the patrols I was supposed to have for the past three nights. I didn't feel like it, I'd rather be with Sarah. It's not like there were any leeches too close by, anyway.

Things had definitely turned more intense between us during the past couple of weeks. It'd been a month now that we'd been together and it felt like it had flown by fast The pack had only caught a few glimpses of her into my actual pack mind, but nothing I didn't want them to see just yet. The guys knew I was seeing her though, from seeing us at school and now from Sam finding out I was ditching patrol and sneaking over to the beach to be with her.

Finally, Sam had fallen asleep. I took off running full speed toward her house. I was anxious to get there. She thought I'd been joking when I told her I was always out late and agreed when she suggested I come inside this time. This was the first time I was actually going in instead of her coming out. If we got caught, I was dead.

I neared the tree line close to her house and waited, sniffing hard into the air. She was awake and moving around. I could smell her all the way from out here. I felt the fur go away and I dropped to the ground, catching myself on my hands. I hurriedly pulled the clothes on that I'd tied to my leg. Nothing special for the occasion.

I crept out of the woods and crouched down, going by the hedge slowly. I saw the small lamp on in her window and knew it was hers instantly. I looked around a moment before I darted toward it. I leaned against the side of the house and knocked on the window lightly. I heard her move toward it slowly. I pushed it carefully, not wanting it to squeak.

Sarah leaned out, looking nervous. "I can't believe you really came," she whispered.

I grinned at her. "I told you I would. I wanted to see you. Is everyone asleep?" I hadn't even thought to ask that first.

She nodded and stepped back from the window so I could swing myself in. I crawled in quickly and pulled it halfway closed, just in case I needed to get out quick. I stood up, looking at her from here. Sarah had on a pair of bright pink pajamas- a tank top and shorts despite the weather. I looked her up and down; I couldn't get over how good she looked in just simple pajamas.

"You're so unbelievably sexy in that," I told her huskily. The tank top hugged her chest just right and the shorts were form fitting on my favorite part of her.

She blushed and fidgeted nervously. "Its just pajamas Paul, nothing special."

We stood there, staring at each other a moment before she looked away. "Come here," I said quietly. She automatically came to me, letting me envelope her in my warm arms. Sarah always did what I said no matter what it was.

I ran a hand through her silky blonde hair and kissed her forehead. "I can leave if you want me to," I offered. She shook her head and tilted up to kiss my jaw. Her lips made my skin tingle under their feather light touch. "No, stay- at least for a little while. We might as well make this visit worth it."

I could hear her heart thudding rapidly when I traced her face with my finger. "If you say so," I leaned down and covered her mouth with mine, putting a punch of passion into it by pulling her body against mine so that we were as close as we could get standing.

Sarah slid her hands into my hair kissing me back sweetly; her heart was slowing down now. I closed off the kiss, giving her another peck as I lifted her up enough so that her feet left the carpet and pushed her down onto the canopy bed. Everything was girly in her room.

She didn't object as I got on top of her and pressed my lips to her again, moving downward toward her neck. I knew just how to kiss it to make her weak-kneed. I licked down the side of it, stopping to kiss the nape. Her hands were pressed onto my back now, she laid still, like she was scared I'd stop if she did something wrong.

I made a trail to the top of her tank top and stopped there, pulling back to look down at her before I started pulling it off. She rose up, helping me and I tossed it onto the floor silently. She didn't have a bra on and I could see her in full view for the first time right now. Her pale, white skin was perfect where her breasts were. I couldn't help but lean over and kiss each peak. She touched the back of my head, taking in a deep breath. I couldn't help but breath deep either. I was feeling shaky and a little uncontrolled. I could hold it together though, I was sure of it.

I kissed every inch of soft skin on her chest before venturing lower toward her naval. She tensed at my lips as they got lower and lower. I couldn't help but tease her by biting the flesh of her abdomen before I tugged on her shorts. This would be the major factor in how far things went.

Sarah rose up, letting me pull them down, along with the lacy blue boy short panties she had on. I shoved them to the side; my eyes were stuck on what I'd been waiting to see for a month now. I caught her eyes and didn't say a word to her as she flushed at being seen so openly by me. I leaned back down and licked the inside of her thigh, making her flinch. I could tell she wanted me now. I kissed the upper part again, teasing her; I knew I was driving her insane.

I placed my hands on her hips as I plunged my tongue into her warmth. Sarah jerked slightly, gasping. I smirked as I ran my tongue over her folds, loving the affect it was having on her. I moved one hand from her hip and slid one finger inside.

"Mmm," she moaned gripping my back. I flicked my tongue back and forth over her nub while I pumped my finger in and out of her. Her nails dug into me now. "Paul," she whimpered, only making me move quicker.

I moved my hand and instead let my tongue please her. I loved the way she tasted. I had no idea why I hadn't done this sooner. She was moaning and rocking her hips slightly now. I was trying to lick every bit of her when she arched her back up and pulled on my short hair. I kissed her abdomen again before I moved back up to her face.

"We have to be quiet..." she said softly, running a hand down my chest, feeling the rock hard build. I nodded and took off my thin t-shirt; her eyes traveled over my dark tan muscles.

Sarah looked timid as she started unzipping my jeans. I stood up slowly, helping her and stepped out of them. I started to get back on her when she pushed me back and pushed on the waist band of my boxers. She wanted everything off. I kicked those off now, waiting for her reaction as she looked at me. Sarah had never even come close to seeing me like this before, she had only felt.

*********************************************************************

I looked at Paul's body, seeing him for the first time. I let my eyes stop on what I really wanted to see. "You're huge," I said slowly. I felt stupid after I said it. "I mean... I'm sorry," I stammered.

He just smiled at me as he moved to get back on top; I placed a hand on his chest and shoved him back. Paul had been focusing on me every time we did anything, it was his turn now. "I want to try something else," I said softly.

Paul looked surprised as he stood in front of me; I pushed my hair back and swallowed nervously. "I don't know if this will even be any good," I started to say. He just smiled wider at me.

"You don't have to, Sarah. It's fine."

I knew he wanted it though, what guy wouldn't? I bent down, resting on my knees in front of him. I let my nails rake over his thighs- he even had muscles there, I realized. Paul looked down at me as I touched him, making him hard in an instant. I looked up at him as I ran my tongue down the shaft; his eyes shut a moment before they fluttered back open to stare at me. I teased him with my tongue, running it up and down and in small circles.

As I ran it down again, I turned my head up and took in the first bit of him. There was no way I'd be able to get all of him into my mouth and throat. I heard him take a sharp breath and took it as a sign that it was okay. I moved my tongue at the same time I took him in, sucking on him gently, getting a bit more each time I went down.

He moved suddenly, his body seemed to shake for a moment even though he wasn't finished. Paul's hand moved to the back of my head, holding me in place while I explored different ways to please him. I thought I heard him groan for a moment and realized that it sounded more like a low growl coming from his chest.

I bobbed my head up and down, faster now until his eyes opened and he pushed me away quickly. I grabbed a handful of Kleenex and gave it to him; he grabbed it from me quickly, wiping himself off. "I didn't want to--" he explained. I nodded and moved back so that I resting on my elbows.

"Do you have a condom?" I finally asked, not believing I'd dared it. I'd thought on it a while and decided Paul was the one. He was the one I wanted to lose everything to completely.

Paul nodded as he grabbed his pants off of the floor, digging around in the pockets and producing a small gold square. He looked down at me before he started to turn away. I realized why he was hesitating and grabbed his arm and pulled him to me. "Its okay," I whispered. He kissed my neck, making me start to tingle again. I ran my hand up and down his side, only going as far as his hips.

I pressed against him, loving the feel of the warm skin again my own. I felt his hand parting my folds again, making me tense with anticipation. I kissed his neck this time, nibbling on his earlobe. I could feel his hot breath on me; he was starting to feel like he was a human space heater or something. Paul's mouth was leaving butterfly kisses all every place he could kiss without us moving.

I moved under him, moving my hips to his, trying to show him I wanted him. I could feel his member on my leg; I wiggled around. "Paul…" I whispered, wondering why he was holding back.

His body seemed to be shaky again, like he was trying hard not to convulse or spasm or something. "Hold on," he said in a growl. It was torture being this close and knowing what was going to happen and hadn't yet.

I started relax again when Paul's mouth crashed on mine, shoving his tongue into mine. I immediately put my arms around him, holding him tightly, breathing in his smell of cologne and cedar. I felt him moving my legs apart slightly and I widened my hips. I could feel the smile on his face when I did it. I couldn't take this much longer. A need that I hadn't had before was forming inside of me, I needed Paul.

He bit down on my neck right when I felt a jolt of pain shoot through me. "Ouch!" I cried out loudly, forgetting I had to be quiet. I felt tears forming when I felt him pull out and enter me again, making me squirm. Paul was looking at me; his eyes were a mix of sorry and euphoria.

"Hold still," he said making me focus.

I nodded and pressed my fingers into his back. He thrust into me again, sighing with pleasure when he did. "God you feel great," he whispered as he started moving. The pain was still there, burning, making me wince each time he moved.

"It hurts too bad," I whimpered, knowing I was leaving marks on his back.

He leaned his face down and kissed me softly. "It'll get better."

I shut my eyes tightly, willing myself to not jerk away from him. Paul moved again slowly moving his hips around in a circle. I surprised myself by letting out a small moan of pleasure. "Faster," I said softly, not being able to stand feeling so stretched with him staying inside of me without moving.

Paul had one hand supporting his weight off of me, and the other on my hip, moving me with him as he started thrusting into me. I opened my eyes back up and looked into his eyes. I gasped as he slammed into my walls.

He just smirked at me as he pushed one of my legs up, moving it around his waist. The difference was amazing. I moaned again, putting my face on his shoulder. "Don't stop," Paul pushed my hands off of him as he started to really get into it. He used both hands to hold himself now and for some reason he looked angry. He had a stressful look in his eyes instead of the one he'd had earlier that clearly showed he was enjoying things.

"What's wrong?"

Paul didn't answer me; he slammed inside of me, making me throb. "You're hurting me," I said softly, trying to push my hips back from his. The way I was laying made it difficult. I gasped loudly as he did it again. "I can't handle it. I can't handle you in me like that," I tried telling him. "You hurt when you do that."

He jerked completely away from me, pulling out. I felt sore once we were apart. He looked at me a moment and let his head drop into his hands. "I'm so sorry," he finally said as he got up and started to grab his boxers. "I shouldn't have done this," he mumbled.

I grabbed his hand. "No, no… I want to; I just want you to be gentler. I told you I was a virgin."

Paul sighed and held my hand for a moment. "I don't know if I trust myself."

"I trust you, you won't hurt me, I know you won't. Just... finish," I pleaded with him. I would have never thought I'd be begging Paul Kimkirk to have sex.

He looked into my eyes; longing was shining through. "Okay." He broke the stare and looked down at himself. "But there's one small problem."

I looked down and realized the problem. He'd only had one condom and the one that he was taking off was ripped through. I bit down my bottom lip, waiting for him to speak. He didn't say anything for a while as we sat there.

"You don't have to have one," I finally said. I trusted Paul enough to know he didn't have anything I could catch, and he could always just pull out.

Paul looked surprised as he took my hands in one of his. "Are you sure?"

I nodded and leaned up to kiss his jaw. "I'm sure. What are the chances I'll get pregnant tonight, anyway?"

He hesitated a moment before he turned his face toward mine and kissed my bottom lip, starting push me back down so that I was on my back. He moved back on top of me, looking slightly pained. "Paul… it's okay," I whispered.

Paul nodded, looking like he was holding something back as he pressed his chest against mine and put his head in the nape of my neck; I toyed with hair black hair, loving the coarseness of it. He kissed my neck lightly, making me shift under him.

"Just tell me if it hurts. I'll stop this time, I promise," he said into my ear, his breath tickling me.

I nodded and took a deep breath, bracing myself as he pressed into me again. I squeezed my eyes shut when I felt him slide all the way in. "Are you okay?" He asked softly, feeling me inhale sharply.

"I'm fine, just stop talking," I said, far from being in pain. He started moving again, slower than before, the pace was just right as I adjusted and felt new waves of ecstasy. I pressed my hips up against his, urging him to go deeper.

I didn't want it to end now that I was feeling this. Paul was amazing. Every move he made me moan and gasp. I tugged on his short hair, whimpering as he sucked down on my neck. "Paul."

He obviously loved hearing me say his name. I was starting to feel light headed as I felt something I hadn't experienced before take me over. My back arched as I gave into it, pure bliss. I couldn't help but press my mouth onto his shoulder, knowing if I didn't I'd wake everyone up from expressing that feeling.

Paul made a half groan/half growling sound as he shuddered and his spine did something I couldn't quite place for a moment. He let himself rest on top of me, both of us catching our breath. "I should go," he said suddenly, sitting up and rolling off of me.

I grabbed his arm. "No, don't. Not yet. We still have a while." I didn't want him to go yet, I wanted him to stay and hold me.

Paul moved my hand from his arm. "I can't. I'm not okay," he said in a strained voice as he started grabbing his clothes and pulling them on quickly.

I held the sheets up to myself as he hurried around getting his stuff. "But Paul, we just slept together for the first time and you're leaving?" I held back the emotions that were threatening to take over.

He sat down on the edge of my bed as he pulled his shoes on. "I can't stay with you. I don't trust myself right now, I might..." he sighed as he stood back up.

I blinked, not sure if it was still after effects when I thought I saw his shape blur for a moment. "You wont do anything wrong, I know you won't." I tried to plead with him. If he left I would feel like I'd been used. I grabbed the sheets and got up, still holding them around me. "Please don't go."

Paul stood by the window, looking torn. Something didn't seem quite right with him somehow. Something was off. "I might though, I can't control myself sometimes. I'll see you later though, okay?" He reached over and hugged me tightly, warming me with his body heat. "I'm not leaving because of you or because I slept with you, okay?"

I felt a few tears escape my eyes as I nodded my head against him, not really believing it. "Are you going to leave me now?" I whispered.

Paul lifted my chin with one finger so I could look at him. "I'm not, I promise, I just can't be here at this moment. I swear to you, I'll come by the store when you're there in a few hours." He kissed me one last time before he released me. "Don't cry," he said softly as he jumped out hitting the ground with a thud.

I watched him as he took off at a faster pace than I would have thought possible into the forest. I frowned when I heard the sound of several wolves howling in the distance. I wasn't sure what to believe- my own thoughts or his words.


	7. Chapter 7

**a/n--Hey guys.. hope youre liking the story so far. Thanks everyone who reviewed for me :D i like getting them so keep em coming. Thanks goes to Mediate89 for betaing this. and a shout out goes to liljenrocks check out her story its pretty kick ass. Also anyone with some good Embry fics, pass them on to me pleasae!!**

Chapter 7

"What happened?" Sam's voice came into my mind as I ran through the thick forest, back toward the rez.

"I don't know," I replied, showing him everything for the first time. He was silent for a while, going through my thoughts carefully.

"You almost hurt her, Paul. You were too close to phasing. You should have left sooner," Sam's deep, authoritative voice sounded angry.

"I know, I know. I couldn't though. She begged me not to. I don't like being mean to her," I admitted, feeling like a wuss now.

"Paul, you shouldn't knowingly put innocent people in danger like that. You're not safe and you know it. Your temper is too quick to flare up. I'm glad you finally shared this with me though, I thought we were friends."

I thought on that for a moment. Was Sam my friend or just my brother and alpha? "I guess we are, anyway… I doubt it'll happen again. I don't like the way that felt."

Sam let out a barking laugh as we ran the borders, miles apart. "I don't think you meant that the way it sounded, bro. And don't worry, I wont let the others know. I don't want to tarnish your rep as the pack bad ass."

I ran harder, trying to squash every last bit of energy out of myself. "I could use a good fight," I suggested.

"Meet you in the backyard. Be prepared," came Sam's agreement, showing me he could use a good scuffle while Emily would be asleep and oblivious to the damage we would do to each other.

*****************************************************************************************

I turned the door knob slowly, hoping no one would hear me as I snuck inside. I tiptoed in, shutting it softly. Perfect. Everyone was still asleep. I ducked into the bathroom quickly, turning on the shower. I'd had to borrow a pair of sweats from Sam after I'd busted out of my clothes. I stepped into the shower and let the water roll off of me. I had a few scrapes and cuts still healing after we'd tore into each other, both of us venting and happy to have a punching bag.

I shut my eyes as I scrubbed my hair, trying to get all of the leaves out of it. I wanted to be at the store early to see Sarah. She was probably pissed with me. If she even had it in her to be that pissed off. It felt better now that at least Sam knew the truth. He didn't even laugh or make fun of me. He just brushed it aside and warned me about hurting her, and phasing too close. We couldn't risk the exposure.

I turned the water off after making sure all the dirt was off of me and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around my waist before I headed down the hall to my room. I went in letting the water drip off of me. I hadn't slept at all and I was starting to feel it now. I stretched out across my bed, feeling relaxed. I didn't even bother putting anything on; I just pulled the sheet across myself in case my mom came in. I was tired. I would see Sarah when I got up. I yawned and rolled over, getting comfortable. I was sore from Sam throwing me around all night.

I closed my eyes, letting myself drift off into a deep sleep until I jolted up hearing the phone ring in the living room a few hours later. I rubbed my eyes sleepily, sitting up. I looked at the clock beside my bed. It was ten already. I yawned lazily as I got up, letting the wet towel fall to the floor. I rummaged through my closet grabbing jeans and a silver colored t-shirt with some sort of logo on it. I didn't care much as long as it was silver or gray. I pulled the clothes on quickly, grabbing socks and shoes next. My hair was sticking up straight but that was okay. It looked like I meant it to.

I left my room, shutting the door behind me. I could hear my mom and sister in the kitchen laughing. I grinned at her as I went in and grabbed a pack of pop tarts. "Mornin', mom," I said brightly, leaning over and kissing her on the cheek. She looked shocked as I kissed the top of my sister's head next. "Where's dad at?"

She nodded her head to the side. "He ran to the store, and then he has to go to Forks to grab a few things and send off an order." I nodded, biting off half off my pop tart, not even bothering to warm it up. I was in a pretty good mood. I'd let most of my steam off, I'd taken a nap, I'd got some the night before, and now I was going to see Sarah again. "I'm going into town. Then over to Sam's, okay?"

My mom waved me off, not even mentioning the night before to me. "Fine. Have fun!"

I grabbed my keys and took off to my truck; I hadn't used it this much in a while. It was strange. I usually ran everywhere and phased between trips. I backed out, flying down the road, letting mud splatter everywhere. The ground was partially frozen, and it looked like it might snow soon. I sped all the way to the store, knowing my dad wouldn't be there. I pulled into the parking lot, parking behind the store and got out, shutting the door loudly. I headed inside, feeling nervousness in the bottom of my stomach. What if she was mad? What if I'd hurt her feelings by leaving so fast?

I pushed the door slowly, waiting to be yelled at as I went in. Sarah was sitting on a stool with her ankles crossed, wearing track pants and a hoodie. Her hair was pushed down again; she looked like she had make-up caked on underneath her eyes. "Mornin', babe," I said flashing her bright grin.

Sarah appraised me a moment before finally giving me a small smile. "I didn't think you'd come," she said softly.

I glanced around the store, making sure no one was inside before I leaned on the counter. "Why not? I said I would. You look like you didn't go to bed after I left."

She shrugged, not moving from her perch on the old wooden stool. "I didn't. I kept hoping you would come back." She looked away for a moment. "I'm covered in bruises, Paul."

I felt a pang of remorse instantly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you any time yesterday, in the woods or later at your house," I said quietly. I wasn't used to this apologizing stuff. I didn't want to make a habit out of it either. I looked up into her blue eyes. "Are they bad?"

She shrugged and nodded to the back room. "I'll show you." I followed her to the back, not trying to touch her. She seemed wary of me today, like she wasn't sure how to act just yet. I shut the door behind us and leaned against it.

Sarah looked at me hesitantly before she slid her track pants down to her knees. I couldn't help but stare. On her small hip there were light bruises, her thighs, and then... she turned the inside of her leg out. She had some there too, on the inner thigh. She slid the track pants up quickly and then lifted her shirt up in the back. The bruise from yesterday in the woods looked bad.

"God. I didn't mean to. I didn't even know you were getting those last night or I would have done something different. I should've held myself off of you better," I started rambling. She pressed a finger to my lips and shook her head.

"No, I just don't understand them. I've never heard of anyone getting bruises from having sex like that. I mean, I'm really sore and it hurts to walk a lot, but ... I don't know."

I knew all about these strange bruises. Emily had them when she slept with Sam the first few times. I'd seen them in his memories. It was a wolf thing, we didn't know we did this to whoever had the experience of really being with us, not like how I'd slept with Holly, but something more... emotional.

"I'm still sorry. What if someone saw that? They'll think I'm beating you or something. Your dad already came by my house last night yelling at me."

Sarah sighed as she opened the door to the room and stepped out, moving slowly. "I know, I'm sorry. It just didn't seem like the right time to talk about it last night. He was pissed when I wouldn't tell him where I'd been." She went back behind the counter and sat down again, trying not to wince.

We stayed there, not speaking for a while. Neither of us was sure what to say. I swallowed, looking outside the store windows at the passersby. "When do you want to see me again?" I finally asked her. I wasn't even sure if she'd want to see me again after the way her body looked so battered.

Sarah shrugged her shoulders and toyed with her hair. "I don't know. It's up to you. You can come in again tonight. I don't think I can get away from my parents when I get off work, they're too suspicious now." I nodded quickly, that was fine. That meant I had a better chance of a repeat, as long as she didn't notice the weirdness from the night before.

"Okay. I should probably go before my dad gets back…" I trailed off. This was too uncomfortable for me. Sarah bit her bottom lip and looked like she wanted to say something.

"What?" I asked without thinking before I spoke. Sarah's eyes clouded over as she got up and leaned over the counter.

"You haven't even kissed me." I knew what she meant by that. She was still wondering if I'd leave her now. I had no intention of it, but she didn't seem to trust me. I leaned toward her and pushed my warm lips against hers. She returned it, kissing me differently than before, like she wanted more. I put a hand on her cheek, holding her face to mine as I moved my tongue against hers. It was perfect.

I lost track of how long we were standing there making out like we were ready to go at it on the counter until I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I pulled away, still looking at her eyes. A pink flush was rising into her cheeks when I looked at whoever had ruined our moment. Billy Black was there with an amused look in his eyes. "I need some help getting a few things," he said apologetically. I hadn't even noticed he had come in.

I looked back at Sarah. "I'll see you later," I told her as I backed out of the store, pushing the door open with my back. I headed toward the woods near the store, pulling off my shirt as I walked. It would be quicker to phase and run to Sam's. I made it to the trees, a few feet inside and stripped quickly, not even concentrating on phasing. I took off running east; I could hear Jared thoughts a hundred miles a minute in my head as I went.

"It's about time you phased," he grumbled. "I've been out for four hours already."

"Shut the hell up, I've been busy. I had stuff to do." I let my mind flash to last night, only showing him bits and pieces of what it had been like finally sleeping with Sarah.

"I can't believe she fell for it! I really don't believe it was that easy either. You're holding out!" He accused.

I laughed, barking slightly as we finally crossed paths. I rammed into him with my shoulder, shoving him a few feet. "So what's new here with Jake and his leech lover?" I asked him, smelling bits of her around the area. It hadn't been too long since she'd been to see Jake. Things were getting tense with the pack. None of us really felt one-hundred percent great with Bella being so close to the pack secrets.

"Nothing. She just came and saw Jake, his thoughts were even worse than what you just showed me," he joked. It was no secret that Jake claimed to love Bella; it drove us nuts to see her when we went to sleep at night.

"I'll do patrols today, you guys can take off if you want, I don't mind. I could use something to blow off steam with," I told him right before we both phased in the woods near Sam's house. I grabbed my clothes and started getting dressed.

"I don't know, man. Sam kinda wants us all out as much as possible. Quil's been acting kinda strange."

I thought about it. Quil Ateara had always been built. He'd always been cocky. It was hard to determine a change in his behavior. It was coming though; Old Quil said he was constantly burning up with heat. It would be nice to have an even split for the pack. I didn't wish this life on anyone, though. I was okay with it, but I didn't want everyone else to have to suffer this way.

We headed into the house and made ourselves comfortable as we waited for Emily to finish the lunch she was fixing. Sam looked over us like he was observing something interesting. "Something's up," he finally said. My stomach immediately felt an adrenaline rush that shot through me. Vampires would be great right now. Even better than great. "There are a lot of attacks in Seattle, its vampires no doubt; I just want you guys to keep a closer eye on things just in case any of them come further our way, okay?"

We all nodded at once, feeling excited about the idea of a fight. I hadn't had any good vampire action since we chased that red-headed leech back and forth with the Cullens. We sat around talking, going over the basics with each other. It was no secret that Sam was mad at me to the others, they just didn't know why. They could tell by the glowering looks we kept exchanging. I kept calm, calmer than usual. I shook only slightly.

Sam definitely thought Quil would be phasing soon. We were to keep an eye out for it when we were on patrol and alert everyone immediately. I still remembered him smarting off to me a year ago in the store when he came in with Jake and Embry. He was too much like me but without the temper. There couldn't be two of us in the pack like that.

I hung out for a while before telling them I'd do patrol and ran freely, taking in the scenery. It just meant I'd be able to come back earlier from it, when I would want to be at Sarah's house. I howled loudly into the air, letting everything out in it. I kept myself from thinking about the imprint thing and how I was growing more and more attached to her every day. It wasn't fair to her, or to me. I couldn't be with her without feeling a twinge of guilt. She would read more into the relationship than I ever would. I knew how it would end. Badly.


	8. Chapter 8

**an/n--allrighty.. if you guys read Heartbreak, heres the part you've been waiting to see in this side of the story. Hope you guys like it and review it for me. Thanks everyone who left a review on last chap.. loved it :D thanks mediate89 for betaing this and you guys check out liljenrocks for a kick ass story too :D**

Chapter 8

I looked over at Sarah; we were at the beach alone together. It was cool outside but I'd brought a blanket for her to bundle herself up in. We were sitting at the meeting area, on one of the benches instead of on the marble like the pack did for our meetings. I took a drink from my coke and crumpled up the can. We'd almost had to go to Forks and back to grab something to eat. I'd already finished both of my hamburgers and the fries. Sarah's food sat untouched in the paper bag.

"What's wrong?" I finally asked her, reaching over and touching her cheek.

Sarah shrugged and scooted toward me with her blanket, I hadn't seen her this quiet in the two months we'd been seeing each other. She was usually the one bombarding me with her happiness. I held my arms out and she immediately fell into them. She nestled her head on my chest, putting her cool hands in the back of my shirt. "You're freezing, we should go somewhere else," I told her, kissing the top of her head.

"No, I don't want to. You're warm, just keep your arms around me," she said in a softer voice than normal. I tightened my hold on her, hoping no one would come looking for her. Sarah was getting into more and more trouble lately because of me.

I let my head rest on the back of hers, and stared off into the water. My brothers were constantly jibing and making fun of me now that they'd all seen how I was with Sarah. Sam was pissed off at me most of the time. My parents were suspicious of me. It seemed like no matter what we did, the two of us could only find peace together.

"Do you feel okay?" I asked her.

"I'm tired. I feel like I could just lie down and go to sleep forever," she said lazily.

"I wont come by tonight then. I'll let you sleep," I said lowly. It had just kind of become normal for me to sneak inside two or three times a week now. The other nights she'd sneak out and we'd roam the reservation together in the pitch black laughing and getting a thrill from the chance of being caught.

"No, you can come in still, I just might not be as much fun as usual," she said quickly. It was like Sarah was terrified that if she didn't sleep with me often, I'd find someone else. I'd learned to control myself a little bit better since the first time, but I was still far from perfect with it.

I breathed in her scent, noticing a slight change in it. "Mmm. No, its okay, you should get some sleep for once. I'll go over to Sam's something."

Sarah moved back slightly so that she could look at me. "No, you can come. I want you to. I just need to talk to you about something first, okay?"

I nodded, letting loose of her so she could slide back a little bit. Sarah looked nervous now; she wiggled out of my hold completely and moved back a bit more. She must think she's going to make me mad, I thought as she pulled the blanket tighter. I wasn't abusive exactly; I just didn't realize I did things until moments later. "Okay... I'm listening"

Sarah bit down on her lip and looked at the marble floor. "Do you love me?" She finally blurted out.

I froze, staring at her for a while. I couldn't tell her that. What the hell had brought this on?

"What?"

She lifted her eyes up, looking into mine, searching them. "I asked if you loved me, Paul. I know you care about me and all, but…?"

I stood up quickly, feeling shaky. I took a deep breath and let it back out. "Does it matter?"

Sarah scrambled to get up and trailed after me. "It might. I mean, I love you. I love you a lot."

I felt my body start to vibrate violently when I heard the words leave her mouth. "Don't say that again!" I snapped at her, hunching over slightly, trying to keep myself in my human form. "You can't love me, Sarah so quit."

Tears started pouring down her pale cheeks. "But I do love you. I thought you loved me back," she said softly, wiping her cheeks with an edge of the blanket.

I held onto the railing, not looking at her. My stomach was in knots. "I don't love you. And you can't love me. I think I need to go."

She lunged forward quickly. "No! Don't go! If you leave you won't talk to me again. I didn't want to freak you out, I just couldn't help it."

I pushed her away as gently as I could. "Stop it," I ordered her.

I started to walk past her slowly, knowing that if I ran I'd phase in an instant. "Paul, don't leave me," she pleaded, just like she always did when I got mad at her.

I ignored her, not wanting to say anything else to her. This was finally it. Time to break up with her. I kept my eyes forward as I started down the beach. Sarah would find her own way back. I quivered a bit and paused, trying to ignore the way my skin was crawling.

I felt Sarah's cool hand on my arm. "Don't. Don't be mad at me. Please," she said, wiping more tears. I hated the way she'd beg with me, but a sick part of me liked the power I had over her. I stopped, knowing I'd regret this.

"I can't be with you anymore," I told her, keeping my annoyed, irritated expression.

Sarah's face fell and her blue eyes turned dark as she whispered slowly, backing away from me at the same time, "But... but... I'm pregnant. You can't leave me," she managed to get out.

I felt a wave of shock. Pregnant? What the hell kind of sick joke was that? I glared at her. "No. You're not. You're lying so I'll stay with you. I don't want you anymore Sarah, get it through your thick head!"

Tears fell from her eyes heavily now, like a rain storm. "I'm not lying, I swear. I mean, I'm not sure but I think I am."

I knew what she wanted me to do. Sarah wanted me to hug her and kiss her and tell her everything would be okay. She wanted me to tell her I loved her and that if she was pregnant I'd take care of her. I couldn't do it. It was a lie, and I'd only hurt her worse when I left her for my imprinted. Instead, I decided to push her away. Make her not want me.

"God, you're so fucking stupid! I just told you I didn't want you and you keep trying to get me back. I'm not changing my mind this time. I don't love you, I never have. I just wanted to fuck you, Sarah; I got what I wanted and now it's over, leave me the hell alone!" I yelled at her angrily. I whirled around and took off walking fast so she couldn't keep up.

I could sense her trying to keep up with me, trying to catch up. "You can't do this to me," she whimpered as she tried to run behind clumsily in the sand. "Paul, I really do think I am. I need you," she said, fighting against the wind to be heard.

I could feel my own heart hurting inside my chest as I took another stab at her. "Even if you are pregnant, it's probably not even mine. Everyone knows you're a slut. You should tell the other guys you slept with. If you weren't such a stupid whore, you wouldn't be in this mess."

I knew hearing those names come from me would kill her. "Don't say that. The baby is yours and you know it," Sarah cried as she tried to grab my hand.

The red flashed through my vision in a snap as I jerked my hand, hitting her in the jaw. Purposely or accidentally, I wasn't even sure. She gasped, touching the side of her face where I'd struck her. I'd never hit her in the face before.

"Leave me the hell alone. I don't want anything to do with you or the baby. Figure it out," I snarled at her. I took off then, not even caring if I phased as I ran off. I left her there crying and calling after me.

When I made it to the clearing I felt my control finally slip away as I burst out of my clothes. I was starting to feel hollow inside. A new hate was forming for myself. I'd just hurt the one person who cared about me and that I cared about back. I shouldn't have let things get that far. I should've left her alone after the first week of dating her. I did love her, I loved Sarah more than I thought was possible, but I couldn't tell her.

I was suddenly aware that I wasn't alone. Sam's huge black form was sitting across from me along with Jacob's russet shape. Beside them was Jared's spotted coat. They'd all been listening to everything and didn't say a word. I looked at them, lowering my head when I looked at Sam's eyes.

"Why did you do that?" He snapped at me.

I whined slightly. "I can't be with her. It's not right and all of you know it. She'll just get hurt when I imprint."

"Like you didn't hurt her already," came Jacob's snippish response.

Jared glowered at me slightly. "There's no rule saying we can't be with other people before we imprint."

Sam shook his large head at me, looking disgusted. "You were hateful to her. There was no reason for what I saw, especially after what she told you."

I growled at him. "That's none of your damn business," I bared my teeth at him, itching for a fight.

Sam got up off his hind legs slowly, coming toward me. "It won't kill you to admit that you love her, you know. We won't say a word, will we guys?"

I heard the snickers come from Jared, earning a look from Sam. "What if she really is pregnant, Paul? You're going AWOL on her and not even giving a damn."

I howled loudly, showing him I didn't care. We paced around in circles, the entire pack, discussing this for hours until the moon rose. I wouldn't budge, though.

-Sarah's POV-

I trudged back toward my house in the newly fallen snow that was coming down around me, trying to calm down before I got there. If my mom saw me like this she'd know why instantly. She'd already started making hints about me seeming different the past couple of months. I hated hiding things from her, we'd always been close. It killed me not to be able to tell her I thought I was pregnant. _Pregnant_, I thought haughtily to myself. Because I was too stupid to make Paul use a condom every time we were together.

I kicked up at the ice with the toe of my tan snow boot. It was freezing out here; I was stupid to go with Paul to the beach and think he wouldn't get mad and leave me. Paul was always mad at me for something, though. I crossed my arms over stomach, almost like I was holding myself together as I walked. I felt like this was all my fault. I should've been on birth control. I shouldn't have told him I loved him. I did love him though, a lot. Paul wasn't exactly nice to me all the time but when he was I could tell he loved me back even though he wouldn't admit it. It was all part of his tough guy act, I was sure.

I took in a deep breath and let it out shakily, thinking about everything that had happened. Paul had really left me this time. He wasn't coming back either. I wasn't sure if it was because of me or the baby. I was pretty sure there was a baby. I could just tell. I was late, tired, and felt... sick. Not nauseous sick, just flu-like. I was headed down the road that led to my house now, aware of how dark it was outside. My mom was probably worried; I'd told her I was going to pick up my check five hours ago.

I yawned as I neared the house, hoping they wouldn't ask too many questions, I hated lying. Now I had to lie even more. I hoped my face wouldn't bruise where he'd hit me. I already had a few bruises on my arms and on my back and sides. Paul didn't mean to do it though, he really didn't, I reasoned with myself as I thought back on him losing his temper. I pushed the front door open and went in, prepared to run to my room and hide until they went to bed.

"Sarah, I was worried, its snowing you could have called us for a ride," my mom said quickly, jumping up from the couch as I came in.

I waved her off. "I'm fine. I didn't have to walk through it long, anyway." I pulled my jacket off slowly, careful to avoid looking at them in the eyes.

"Where were you, sweetie?" My dad asked from across the room in front of the Tv.

I shrugged trying to look nonchalant about it. "I went to Kim's and then over to Katie's for a while. I didn't think you'd care." I went to the small kitchen hunting for something to snack on. I hadn't eaten all day. I left the food Paul had got me sitting there.

My mom followed after me. "You look terrible, sweetie. I hope you're not getting sick."

I didn't say anything as I moved around her, grabbing a pack of Oreos off the counter after I poured myself a glass of milk. I started to head off to my room when I noticed she was still following me. I went into my room, flipping up the lights as I went in and sank down onto my white canopy bed. I noticed suddenly how childish everything looked in here. Too pink.

"What, mom?" I sighed when she sat down beside me after she shut the door. I dipped an Oreo into the milk, wondering what she wanted. I needed to be alone for a while.

My mom looked at me intently as I chewed my cookie up. "I'm worried about you, you're not yourself lately."

I rolled my eyes at her as I pulled the blanket over my feet; they were like ice cubes. "I'm fine, mom, just school stuff." It was halfway true. I turned the Tv on, hoping she'd take it as a hint to go.

"Sarah, quit it," she ordered, grabbing the remote and turning the Tv back off again. She looked me in the eye. "Tell me what's going on."

"No, mom!" I finally snapped. I felt bad for it instantly. I never yelled at my mom like that. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, looking at her stricken face.

My mom got up from the edge of the bed slowly. "I don't know what's gotten into you lately, I'm starting to think your father's right though, it's that boy you keep sneaking around with, we're not stupid."

_Apparently you are_, I thought to myself, to not notice that the boy has been sneaking into my room at night and having sex with me under your own roof. "Don't blame Paul, mom, he hasn't done anything but want to be with me."

My mom laughed loudly as she paced around my room. "Sarah, I want you to tell me if you're seeing him please, I don't like the way he's changed you. You're quiet, withdrawn, you hardly go anywhere anymore. You won't hardly speak to anyone. I just want you back."

I didn't say anything for a few minutes. I started to spill everything out to her, but I couldn't make myself. "Mom, I'm not seeing Paul anymore, okay? I'm just not feeling good is all." Everything she'd described was because of him, though. It was all things I'd had to change to keep him happy. Paul being happy was all that mattered to me. Or it used to be, I didn't even know if I could go to school and face him tomorrow.

"I want to ask you one more thing before I leave you alone, okay?"

I nodded slowly. I kind of already knew what she'd want to know next. I'd have to be careful not to cry when I lied for this one.

My mom looked down at me, looking like she wanted to cry herself "I noticed you weren't using any personal things and that you didn't feel good, and well… are you pregnant, Sarah?"

I shook my head quickly. "How can you even ask me that?" I retorted at her. "Of course I'm not pregnant."

She looked relieved as she kissed my forehead lightly. "Thank heaven. I was worried for a moment. Don't worry, I didn't say anything to daddy either. He's already testy enough with you as it is." I was thankful for that, if he asked me I knew I wouldn't be able to lie so well. "Goodnight."

"Night," I said back softly as she left the room. I stared at the Tv, not even watching it now as I leaned back into the stack of pillows, still fully clothed. I just didn't have the energy to get up and change right now. I munched on the cookies, eating more than I should have. I was hoping Paul might still show up tonight by some chance and forgive me. I looked down at my stomach and felt a pang of worry. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have anyone I could tell. Kim was my closest friend, but she didn't know anything about this stuff either.

I pressed my stomach lightly, seeing if I could feel anything yet. My abdomen was a little hard and strangely warm. It almost felt like Paul's skin, he always felt like he had a fever. I let my hand rest there, thinking. I didn't know if I wanted this baby or not. I thought I did, I liked kids. I'd always thought I'd be older before I had any, though. I knew Paul didn't want the baby. He said the baby wasn't his. I felt the tears sting my eyes as I thought of his words. I knew the baby was his; I hadn't been with anyone else ever. I moved slowly to the foot of the bed and turned the lights off. I left the small lamp on, so he'd see it if he came.

I curled up into a little ball, finally letting go of everything. Tears came down my face, making my eyes feel sore after a while. I was always crying. I buried my face into my pillow, imagining it was Paul's chest. I wouldn't feel the warmth from him again. I sobbed louder, muffling it. Why couldn't he just be with me? Why? I wondered as I cried. I laid there, weeping and worrying until the sun started to shine through the window. I didn't want to go anywhere.

I couldn't make it through a day of school if I tried to. If I looked at Paul I'd burst into tear, I knew it. I didn't make to get up, knowing my mom would eventually come in to see why I hadn't. I stayed still, not moving an inch, my body felt weighted even though I was still as a statue. I finally heard the knock I'd been dreading and a second later the door opened.

"Sarah? You need to get up," my mom said as she came in staring at me. I knew I looked horrible.

"I can't go to school," I whispered hoarsely.

She frowned at me and pressed her hand against my forehead. "Fine, you can stay home but I'll call you every hour or so and you'd better be in this house young lady." I nodded, letting my head drop back down to the pillow. "You'd better call Mr. Kimkirk and tell him you're not going to work, too."

"I will in a bit, when I get up. I just don't feel like moving right now. I'm tired," I said sleepily, starting to get comfortable underneath my thick pink comforter.

"Just call me at the hospital if you need anything, okay? Or call your dad at the office," she said as she left. "I'm leaving, I hope you get to feeling better, sweetie."

I just nodded, waiting to hear the door close and lock before I crawled out of the bed and went into the living room. Everything was quiet, even outside it was quiet. I grabbed a pack of Pop Tarts and went to the computer in the corner of the living room and sat down, waiting for it to boot up. I nibbled on the edges of the Pop Tart, finishing both before I realized it. I clicked on Web MD and typed in the single word: Pregnancy. I frowned as I fished through the results, looking over all the information I found carefully. I kept one hand on myself as I read intently. I felt a nervousness creeping up inside of me now. I clicked out of the site and got up and started pacing around the living room nervously.

Where could I go to? I wondered. I couldn't go to the doctor's office or my mom would find out. If I went to a drug store in La Push, someone might tell my dad. I frowned as I went back to my room and started pulling out clean clothes to put on after I took a much needed shower. I padded into the bathroom, turning the water on as hot as I could stand it. I looked over myself as I bathed, noticing most of my bruises were fading away now. I looked at the newer ones on my forearms. Long sleeves as always.

I got out and wrapped a towel around myself after looking at my reflection. I was pale, I had circles under my eyes and I looked like I'd just lost my best friend. Technically I had. I got dressed slowly, still trying to decide on what I should do. I'd have to go to a store in town. I sighed as I pulled on my boots one by one, tucking my jeans inside of them. I had an hour to get there and back. I grabbed my pink jacket and pulled it on next, checking the pockets to make sure I had money stuffed inside them still.

I took off walking quickly, pulling my jacket around myself. It was already 9 o'clock now. I hummed lightly as I walked down the road, not minding the short walk to the few stores. I glanced around carefully as I headed into the grocery store. This was excruciating. I didn't know how else to find out, though. I went to the medicine aisle and walked up and down it, studying everything until I found what I'd been looking for. I bit my bottom lip; there were ten different tests to choose from.

I reached up and grabbed two of them, not even looking to see what type or brand. I'd take anything right now. I got in line to pay, trying to look like this was an every day trip for me. I tossed them onto the counter, not looking at the cashier. I held out a twenty wordlessly and snatched my bag up and bolted as soon as I had my change. I walked as fast as I could back home, getting groggier and groggier with each step I took.

I made it inside just as the phone started ringing I snatched it up. "Hello?" I held it in the crook of my neck, not listening to my mom as she yammered on. I opened up one of the boxes, studying everything. I read the instructions as I hung up. I walked slowly into the bathroom, trying to mentally prepare myself for this.

I went to the bathroom and set the tests on the counter. I sat down on the seat of the toilet to wait, watching intently as the minutes started to pass by slower than normal. I could see a bit of a change in them, one was starting to turn slightly pink. I grabbed the boxes to check what it meant. Pregnant.

I tossed them into the trashcan angrily as I stormed back into my room and slammed the door loudly. I crawled onto the bed and pulled my knees up to my chest. "Definitely pregnant," I whispered to myself. I let a few tears fall out of the corner of my eyes. I knew I should tell Paul even if he didn't care. That way he couldn't say I'd hidden anything from him. I sniffled and hugged my knees tightly, wondering where I went from here. I couldn't tell anyone.

My mom would kill me. My dad would be so ashamed of me, I thought as I pulled the blankets back over myself. I laid there, imagining what each one's reaction would be like. I felt so tired. I let myself relax in the bed, wondering how I could talk to Paul and where I could talk to him so it wouldn't be so obvious to everyone else what happened when he lost his temper with me. I grabbed the cordless and called my mom at work telling her I felt much better now that I'd slept, and that I still wanted to go to work.

I curled up taking a nap after I set the alarm to wake me up. The store would be the only common ground we had except for school and this wasn't something I wanted to bring up there. A tiny part of me felt hope. I hoped knowing that I was definitely pregnant would change his mind and he'd decide to be with me after all and maybe he'd want to keep the baby. I let my hand rest on myself as I dozed off. My stomach still felt oddly warm.

I woke up from a deep, dreamless sleep, regretting instantly that I'd decided to go to work. I'd have to walk the whole way there since my dad didn't know I was going. I pulled myself up from the bed and fixed my hair into a messy pony tail. I grabbed my apron and took off, knowing I was pushing being late. I walked quickly down the road, keeping my head down. I was surprised at myself by how well I was handling this. I kind of felt happy about being pregnant. The baby was Paul's after all and I loved him so I'd love his baby. I smiled to myself slightly as I went into the store, letting the door ding after me.

I took my spot behind the counter, reassuring Mrs. Gordon that I was fine after she commented on how pale I looked. I leaned on the counter, watching for any sign of Paul. Mr. Kimkirk was in the back doing an inventory. It was quiet and peaceful. I scribbled around in a notebook, writing things I knew would never happen. _Sarah Jean Kimkirk. Sarah Kimkirk._

I jumped when the door opened suddenly. A young girl walked past me, only looking at me for a second before she headed to the back where the deer skins were. I sighed as I got up to go see what she was looking for. I walked slowly behind her.

"Excuse me?" I said softly, making us both jump when she turned around.

One side of her face was beautiful, like a fairy-tale beauty. The other half was scarred badly. I looked at her, knowing it was rude. "I didn't mean to scare you," I said with a small smile.

"It's okay. I was just looking for some skins to start a dress with."

I frowned at the idea of her getting married. If this girl, scarred and mangled could find someone, why couldn't I? "For a wedding?" I asked slowly.

She blushed slightly, nodding. "Yeah, I just don't know what I need, really. I'm Makah, not Quileute," she explained.

We introduced ourselves as we talked about the skins and what she'd need. I found out her name was Emily Young. It sounded familiar from somewhere even though I couldn't place where from. She was friendly, an honestly nice person. I liked her. We walked about the traditional wedding stuff, laughing over bits of it.

"You should come and hang out at the beach with us sometime, we have huge bonfires every couple of weeks, you're more than welcome to come," she invited. "I don't have many friends here in La Push, just my fiancé's friends and his family."

I understood what she meant about not having anyone. "I might, I don't know though. My dad's kind of protective."

She nodded, looking like she knew what it was like to have an overprotective dad. "I'll let you know when the next one is so you can ask then. I'll be back Wednesday," she said waving as she left.

I watched as she left, Emily was unusually happy. It was like she carried some sort of cheerfulness with her that couldn't be destroyed even after being a victim of a bear attack. I touched the side of my own face, wondering how she walked so freely when she looked the way she did. It didn't seem to bother her too much, though. I waited through the entire shift and Paul never showed up. His dad didn't even mention him one time to me the entire night. I went home feeling sad and disappointed.

The only good thing had been that I'd made a potential friend with Emily. She was someone I wanted to get to know, I felt like I was drawn to her for some reason. My dad drove me home in silence, not speaking to me. I knew he was upset with me; I hardly spoke to him anymore. I figured if I didn't speak then I didn't have to lie. I got out of his car and shut the door and went inside, dreading what my mom was going to say when she saw me.

"Sweetie, you look bad. You shouldn't have gone to work," she said as she fussed over me, getting my plate from the oven where she'd put it to keep warm.

I sat down at the table, not even taking off my jacket as I sipped my glass of tea. "I'm fine. I'm just sleepy," I told her with a smile. She sat the plate down in front of me. I reached for my fork and froze when I looked at what was on the plate. Hamburger Helper. I felt my stomach lurch as I jumped up from the table and dashed to the bathroom at a fast run.

I heaved into the trash can, not even bothered that my mom had run after me and was pushing my hair back. I leaned back against the wall feeling shaky. "I'm s-s-sorry," I whimpered, wiping my mouth off with a piece of tissue.

"No, you're sick sweetie, don't be sorry. Let's get you to your room, okay? I'll bring you another trash can in." I nodded as she helped me up, my legs felt like they wanted to give out as I let myself fall onto my bed. "Put your pajamas on," she said as she opened up my dresser and tossed a set at me. "I'll be right back."

I waited until I was sure she was gone before I changed quickly, making sure I got a long-sleeved shirt instead of the short-sleeved one she'd got out. I crawled into my bed, noticing I seemed to spend a lot of time in it lately. I felt my stomach churn; the room was spinning a little bit. I hadn't eaten anything but the pop tarts today, I realized.

"Here, use this one," my mom said as she handed me the pail. I sat it down beside me instead of on the floor, knowing I'd need it. She pressed a cool cloth against my forehead. "Maybe you should stay home again tomorrow."

I shrugged, if she was willing to let me I would. "Maybe. I think it's a virus or something. I felt okay at work, I didn't move around a lot either, though." I leaned forward over the pail as a wave of nausea came over me. "I don't feel good," I said softly.

My mom was pulling my hair back into a pony tail out of my face. "I'll be in the living room if you need me, okay? Don't get up unless you have to." I nodded as she left, feeling miserable. I didn't know someone could feel this bad.

I shut my eyes, trying to think of other things than being sick. Would the baby look like Paul? I wondered. I'd love it if he did. I said _he_ because I wanted a boy. I knew without even thinking on it anymore that I wanted to keep this baby. I couldn't give him up for adoption… or worse.

I knew whether or not my parents or Paul wanted me to, I'd fight to keep him. I wanted Paul to be a family with me and the baby, though. To accept what had happened and maybe go along with it. I didn't care if he was mean to me sometimes as long as he stayed with me like he promised he would.


	9. Chapter 9

**a/n= ok kids, heres a conversation you might remember from heartbreak with a lilttle bit more action added to it and from another point of view.... Hope you like it. REVIEW!!**

**thanks mediate89 for betaing**

Chapter 9

I waited outside the store nervously for Emily and Sam to come get me. I knew I was deceiving my new friend already but I had to talk to him. It was kind of strange how Emily just happened to be engaged to the Sam Uley I'd heard so much about.

I saw the red truck Emily usually drove coming toward me and walked to it. "Hey, Sarah" Emily greeted me, looking as excited as I felt. Sam gave me a grin, reminding me of Paul somehow in his appearance only much, much calmer.

"Hey guys," I said smiling at them. I pulled the seatbelt down over myself and looked back up as we started toward the beach. "So, um… who all is gonna be there?"

Sam shrugged looking out the window as he pulled up close to the meeting area. The same exact place Paul had left me a week ago. "Jared, Jake, Embry, some of the elders." He didn't mention Paul, though. I frowned trying not to let my disappointment show.

"Come on you two, get out," Sam said as he opened his own door and hopped out. I crawled out of the truck slowly, tugging on my jacket. I looked around at the group at the meeting area. Almost all of them greeted Sam immediately. I noticed he was easily the tallest one there. Emily looked tiny next to him. The way he looked at her was amazing. Like he could see only her or something.

We sat down on one of the logs that had been moved up on the marble. I looked across the blazing fire and saw Jacob's friendly smile staring back at me "Hey, Sarah" he greeted kindly.

I smiled back at him, happy that I could finally talk to all of them without suffering any consequences. Within minutes I was being treated like I belonged there, one of the pack, I guess.

"Come on, let's get something to eat," Emily nudged me.

I shook my head. "I'm okay, thanks though." I didn't think I could stomach anything and I really didn't want to get sick in front of everybody. I knew the guys from school were already wondering about me. I had classes with all of them and I knew they'd noticed me constantly getting up and leaving.

Emily got up with Sam and went to the table, hand in hand. It was almost sickening to be near two people that seemed so much in love with each other. I stayed sitting. Embry was beside me now trying to get me to eat. It was almost like they all knew something I certainly hadn't told them. Emily was sitting back down beside me, forcing a plate into my hands.

"I would have gotten up and got it myself," I told her with a smile as I munched on a few of the chips.

"No, its okay. I didn't mind. I had to get ours, anyway. You should eat," she said grabbing one of the drinks Sam was holding out and giving it to me.

Sam looked over me, making me feel like a child. "She's right. Your dad told me to make sure you had something. He thinks you're starving yourself."

"What else did my dad happened to tell you?" I asked him worriedly. He'd admitted on the way over that my dad had gone and asked him if I really was going to hang out with him and Emily tonight. Sam had promised him that he'd watch out for me.

Sam gave me a bright smile. "A few other things, but since he spoke to me as an elder, it's a secret."

Emily rolled her eyes at him. "I'll find out later and tell you tomorrow". I laughed, watching the two of them banter until Sam's eyes averted to the woods. He leaned down and whispered into Emily's ear and her eyes drifted in the same direction.

I watched silently as Paul's figure emerged from the forest, pulling on a shirt. He looked angry at something as he got closer. His nose seemed wrinkled up at something. I ducked my head down, hoping he wouldn't notice me. Emily's eyes were on my face, waiting for something, I realized.

"Don't mind him. He's always like that," she explained softly.

Sam looked from me to Paul before nudging the man beside him. "I think its time to start." I leaned forward with everyone else as Billy Black began talking in a deep voice, telling stories I'd never heard before. They were like fairy tales, drawing me in.

-Paul's POV-

_What in the hell was she doing here_? I thought angrily to myself as I got closer. It was like I couldn't get rid of the girl or something. I set my face into a grimace as I sat down as far away from her as I could get. I purposely didn't look at her as I felt the blue eyes on my face.

I ignored the greetings from my brothers, except for Sam's. I only nodded once to him, to show him that I acknowledged it. I watched as Emily sat down beside Sarah and passed her a plate. Sam was getting his own. I felt the heat rushing through me as I sat here, trying to control myself. How dare she. I couldn't believe Emily had brought her here. Much less that Sam had allowed it. Emily was even more desperate for a baby than I thought she was.

I stayed still, I was hungry but I didn't exactly trust myself to get up right now. I tried not to listen as the two girls whispered and laughed with each other. Sam was staying expressionless, not wanting to take sides with his imprint or his brother. I knew who he'd pick and it wouldn't be me.

I waited until Billy Black cleared his throat and started to tell the same stories I'd heard over and over before I dared to get up and get a plate. Sarah was hanging onto every word, enticed with the magic of it all. She gasped and jumped at the right parts, almost making me smile. Almost. I watched the group from the back. I let my eyes drift onto her now, she couldn't tell if I was looking from here.

It wasn't that I didn't like her. I did like her a little bit. Sarah was pretty, very pretty. Her personality was easygoing and she was honestly a fun person to be around. I just didn't want to be around her. I knew she'd had a crush on me for a while, that's why I chose her. I knew she'd be easy to get into bed. She hung onto my every word, dazzled by me when I smiled and kissed her. Then she ruined it. She told me she loved me one night.

I didn't love her and I didn't want to risk learning to love her. I wanted nothing else to do with her. I got what I wanted- Sarah, and she should have left me alone like the others had. She was being all clingy and stuff. I didn't like that. I'd much rather be left alone aside from the occasional hook up.

I heard her melodic laugh and felt my stomach flip before I shook it off. I let my eyes drift down to her baggy sweater and jacket complete with a scarf ensemble. I stopped at her stomach, frowning. She'd told me she might be pregnant but never confirmed it. There were too many hearts here for me to be able to tell right now. I didn't want a baby, either. I wouldn't be a good dad. I didn't have a paternal bone in my body. I didn't even have a good home life of my own. My dad had quit hitting us but that didn't mean he was nice. Most days he just griped at us kids. It made things easier, though now that the council had talked to him. Sam never told me what had happened. I only know that my dad cowered from him now.

Beside, I wasn't good for Sarah. Even if I loved her, I could leave her after one glance at my imprint. I didn't much like the idea of imprinting either, though. I didn't want someone to have ties on me like Emily did on Sam. I'd seen inside his head too many times the affect that she had on him. Emily could grow three heads and Sam would still look at her like a lovesick fool. It was disgusting.

The stories ended and everyone started moving around, talking and laughing now. Emily glanced my way, smiling slightly. I gave her a dirty look. Emily flinched and grabbed Sam's hand, as if to say, _I dare you_. Sam kissed her cheek softly before turning back to Billy, in deep conversation with him. Sarah got up from the log she was sitting on and to my horror started coming toward me.

I stood my ground as she stopped at the cooler two feet away from me and got a Sprite out of it. She hesitated a moment before she looked at me "Paul?" She asked softly. Her voice sent a shiver down my spine.

I looked away from her. "What?"

Sarah bit her bottom lip and looked like she wanted to cry before she spoke. "Can we... talk?"

I rolled my eyes. "Talk, huh?" I didn't want to talk to her. I wouldn't mind doing something more than that, though……

She glanced around; she probably didn't want anyone to see us talking. "Yeah. Please, Paul. I really want to talk to you," she begged. I'll admit, it felt nice to have someone beg for my attention.

I shrugged and grabbed the beer I'd been drinking from; I'd had to sneak it from Sam's box. "Come on then before I change my mind." I walked off down the beach, not waiting for her to catch up.

Sarah trailed after me, pulling her jacket closer as she tried to keep up. She didn't say anything until we were a safe distance from the group. "I don't know why you're treating me like this," she finally said. "I didn't do anything wrong."

_You said you loved me, that was wrong_, I thought to myself snidely. I still didn't say anything to her, just kept walking as the waves crashed against the rocks. Sarah grabbed my hand and pulled on it.

"Stop walking and look at me," she said her voice was shaky.

I stopped and turned around to fix her with a death glare. "What do you want from me?" I snapped at her, making her jump. She was still scared of me, I could tell.

"I just don't understand Paul. I mean... we were... seeing each other and then you quit coming. Then you started to ignore me. And when I tried to talk to you at school you... you yelled at me." I continued to glare at her. Sarah faltered a moment, losing some of her confidence before going on. "You didn't even act like you knew who I was tonight."

I sighed "I just want to forget what happened, okay?"

Sarah let a single tear slide down her cheek as she trembled. "I'm pregnant," she whispered.

I froze. So she was pregnant for sure. I knew she wouldn't lie about it. Sarah wasn't the type to play games. I'd already tried to make it clear to her that I didn't want the baby when she'd told me she thought she was pregnant to start off with. Why was she telling me this?

More tears were falling from her blue eyes now, falling over onto her cheeks. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

I started walking again, angry. Angry at myself. Angry at her. Angry at everything.

"No," I replied.

She trailed after me, her scarf flying in the wind. "But it's your baby," she said tearfully. I didn't care whose baby it was as long as it stayed away from me. Far away.

"And?" I snapped, wishing she'd turn around and go back.

Sarah moved to grab my hand again. As she touched it I whirled around and gave her a small shove away. Or what I thought was a small shove. Sarah fell backwards into the sand as I pushed her. She didn't move to get up. She just sat there, sobbing now.

"Don't touch me again," I growled at her. "And don't talk to me either. I don't care if you're pregnant. It doesn't change anything between us. I don't want you." I took off again, going faster. I was sure she wouldn't be able to catch up now. I could feel my inner wolf starting to take over as I fled from her. I didn't even care if she was still laying there crying.

I felt the spasm in my back as I phased, taking off into the woods on all fours, leaving my clothes in shreds behind me. I needed to get away from her. Far away from her. Seeing Sarah was bad. It was a bad reminder of things I wanted to forget. I didn't want to think about how I'd lost control with her. I'd growled at her in a not so loving way. I'd been way too rough with her when we had sex. I'd almost phased when things got too intense between us. But she still followed me around. I knew I was definitely good-looking but other than that, I didn't see the infatuation. I was an ass. I'm rude. I'm mean for no good reason to innocent people. Yet this girl still claimed to love me.

-Sarah's POV-

I sat there in the sand crying, pulling my knees up to my chest. What did I do to deserve this? I thought as a new sob shook me. I didn't care if it was cold and I was sitting in the wet sand, all I cared about was that Paul wouldn't talk to me. He'd hardly even looked at me. I felt a warm hand on my back and looked up. Sam and Emily were standing there. Emily looked madder than I'd thought she was capable of being. Sam was looking in the direction Paul had run off to.

"I'm going to find Paul," he said abruptly. Emily nodded, wrapping her arms around me.

"Did he push you down?" She asked softly. I nodded after a moment.

Sam scowled as he took off his shirt and tossed it down beside Emily. "I'll be back."

She waved him off and hugged me tightly, stroking my hair like my own mother would have.

"What happened?" She asked slowly, like she wasn't sure if she should or not. Sobs were still ripping through me, shaking my body as I thought back to how hateful he'd been. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head taking shaky breaths, trying to calm down enough to tell her. "I'm pregnant and..." I started gasping as a new fit of tears shot through me. Emily was the first person I'd admitted it to except for Paul.

She seemed to hug me closer. "Paul?" She whispered to me as she pushed my hair back from my face.

"He doesn't want to even talk to me and he keeps yelling at me," I managed to get out, sniffling. Emily's cool hand wiped the tears from my cheeks lightly. "You should tell your parents, Sarah. Don't mind Paul."

I shook my head quickly. "No, I can't. They'll kill me, they told me to keep away from Paul. They don't like him at all."

Emily looked thoughtful for a moment. "I'm sure it won't be that bad. You have to see a doctor soon so you can't not tell them."

"No, I can't. You don't understand. It's even worse since Paul won't speak to me. He just gets mad and yells at me." I paused catching my breath. "I'm terrified of him when he does that. I just want him to talk to me."

Emily sighed and looked like she was holding back from saying something but Sam and Paul were getting closer to us now. It looked like Sam had some kind of hold over him, just by talking to him. Paul looked like he was carrying invisible weights as he followed after Sam who glanced at us and said simply, "Let's go sit at the fire."

We followed after the two boys. I could feel the nerves starting to work up in my stomach again as we walked. Emily sat down beside Sam. I took a spot across from them, opposite Paul who wasn't looking at anyone. He had a permanent grimace on his face.

"What the hell happened?" Sam finally said, realizing neither of us was going to speak to the other.

I cleared my throat. "It was nothing."

Sam's black eyes fell on me. "I think it was something." Emily placed a hand on him "Sam... don't."

"No Sarah, Paul had no business acting the way he did. Shoving you down or grabbing you like he has before. Don't protect him."

I trembled under the authority in Sam's voice. "No, it was my fault, I kept bothering him with... stupid stuff."

"You're pregnant, Sarah and Paul's got a baby on the way. I think its time he learned responsibility for his own actions. You can't keep defending him."

Paul's head hung low when Sam moved onto him next. "Paul, I don't want you to lay another finger on her again. I don't care if you don't want the baby, I don't care if you have an anger problem, you will control yourself."

"Yes, Sam," he replied obediently. I let my eyes drift to him. He looked up meeting them for a moment before looking away.

"I'm sure she wasn't with anyone else, either. You put a stop to that early on," Sam told Paul, looking at him with hard eyes.

I held my gaze at the fire. I couldn't believe Sam was making us sit here and discuss this like it was a group session. At least Paul was speaking, though.

Paul glared at Sam. "That's none of your business". He threw me a look of loathing. "It probably didn't stop anything."

I cringed at his words as they stung into me. "I didn't see anyone else you know that. You were the only one," I added at the end feeling the tears building up.

"And how in the hell do I know that?" Paul snapped at me, making me jump.

"Because I love you," I whimpered, letting alligator tears slip out.

Paul laughed loudly at that, like it was the funniest thing he'd heard in a while. I heard a low rumble come from Sam. He looked like he wanted to snap Paul in two.

Sam looked at Paul again, making Paul halt his laughing. "Paul, you need to be civil to Sarah until you at least find out for certain that this is your baby. You're pushing a fine line of cruelty."

Paul's face turned red. "I don't want to be nice to her. I want her to leave me alone. I want to go on like nothing happened."

Sam shook his head at Paul with a look of distaste. "It's not that easy. This is something you'll have to learn to live with. I'm not saying you have to date her or pretend you're in love with her, I'm just saying that you have to be nice."

"How far along are you?" Sam asked suddenly, looking at me again.

I shrugged, fidgeting with my sweater. "Six or eight weeks, maybe. I haven't gone to a doctor yet."

Sam nodded, looking at Emily before he spoke. "I take it your parents don't know?"

I shook my head quickly. "No. I can't tell them yet."

Sam sighed, rubbing the top of his head. "I could talk to them for you. I get along with your dad pretty well. It might come better from me than from someone else."

Paul didn't look too happy about that. "Are you going to tell them she's pregnant or that she's pregnant and its mine?"

Sam laughed harshly at that "Are you worried?"

"Can't you wait a while before you say anything?" I asked hopefully.

No, I'm going to have to tell them soon, Sarah. You have to go to the doctor. You can't just walk around sick and expect them not to notice. Your dad already knows something's up with you. When he talked to me he said he'd been worried about you because you seemed withdrawn."

"What are you going to do if this is your baby, Paul?" Sam asked him.

Paul scoffed. "Not a damn thing. I don't want it. I didn't ask for this. She should have taken better precautions. I mean… what kind of girl just jumps into bed with someone like that?" He gave me a sidelong look of death. "I kind of assumed since she jumped into bed with so easily with me that she was already taking those precautions. Meaning I assume she was sleeping around." He looked back at Sam. "How do I know she's not just trying to trap me?"

Sam rolled his eyes at him. "Yeah, Paul because you have _so_ much to offer a girl."

Paul scowled "Are we done here yet? I have a date."

Sam laughed at him after he said it. "The only date you got tonight is with me kid. I hope you're ready to work."

Paul groaned loudly. "Why am I being punished because that whore got herself pregnant?" He stood up angrily and stomped off, Sam's binding having fallen off of him.

I blinked, trying not to cry in front of Sam as he stood up. "Thank you," I whispered to him.

He nodded and waved me off. "Its okay, no problem. I don't want you to think that because I'm friends with Paul, you can't come to us though, okay? Don't hesitate to ask for anything." His gaze fell to Emily. "I'm going to find him. I'll see you later tonight, okay?"

She nodded and leaned up as he kissed her. It was worse than a romance movie seeing them together. It was what I wished I had with Paul.


	10. Chapter 10

**a/n---thanks to mediate for betaing this and thanks to my few reviewers that I had, it means alot that you guys, the few that did, took the time to type a few words for me instead of just hitting the alert button. Thanks goes to liljenrocks also, for being so kickass :D **

Chapter 10

I paced around the kitchen nervously, waiting. Today was the day Sam was coming to talk to my parents with me. I wished he would have let Emily come too, but he said that it was council business and it was better if he came alone. From everything I'd been told, Sam was an elder on the council and looked next to Billy Black as some sort of chief. It explained why my parents didn't care where I went with Emily. My mom had known who Emily was the moment I'd said she was beautiful but had terrible scars.

I'd been thinking a lot since the bonfire the other night, mostly about the stories I'd heard. They seemed so real somehow. Some of them reminded me of strange things I'd seen Paul do, or heard when I knew he was in the woods. I felt stupid for even thinking that, though. Paul wasn't a werewolf. I'd have noticed by now.

Sam had talked me into making today the day to tell my parents. I was getting bigger now, a small bulge that I hid with a sweater and a jacket, or a baggy hoodie. I was still sick a lot too, constantly early in the mornings, without even eating anything. I'd been getting up early enough to hide most of it but I knew my mom was starting to get suspicious of me.

Paul was being… terrible to me. I couldn't ignore him even if I tried. He constantly ragged on me, calling me horrible names. I touched my growing stomach. Feeling the heat from it he knew that this was his baby, Paul just didn't want to admit to it. Sam had mentioned that he had to talk to Paul next.

I heard Sam's heavy footfalls coming across the porch and ran to the door just as he knocked on it. My dad got up from the couch raising an eyebrow at me. I opened it slowly letting Sam in.

"Ready?" He said with a kind smile. I shrugged as I led him to the living room where my parents were.

"Oh, Sam, I wasn't expecting you," my dad greeted as he got up to shake his hand. My mom put down the magazine she'd been thumbing through and sat up straighter, knowing who he was. Sam nodded to my dad as he grasped his hand, giving my mom a smile as he sat down beside me. I could feel myself starting to get nauseous as I waited for the conversation to begin.

"I actually came by to help Sarah talk to you about something. I've gotten to know her pretty well through my fiancée Emily and if Sarah is Emily's friend then she's as good as mine too," Sam began, glancing at me. I nodded to him, showing him I wasn't chickening out yet. I pulled at the corner of the couch cushion, staring at the carpet.

I knew already my parents were getting nervous over whatever the elder had came to say. "Go on," my dad nudged. They were holding each others hand tightly. "We can handle it, whatever Sarah's done."

Sam cleared his throat, making me jump at the noise. "Sarah hasn't exactly done anything. Not alone and nothing wrong. I can unsure you. I just want you and your wife to keep an open mind, okay?" He paused and took a deep breath. "Sarah's pregnant," he finally said.

The amount of shame I felt now was gut wrenching when I heard my mom gasp.

"She's what?" My dad asked shocked.

"Sarah's pregnant, I'm afraid by one of my boys, one of the youths I work with, but I'll leave it up to Sarah to tell you that," Sam explained calmly.

"It's him isn't it, Sarah?" My dad raged turning to me now. "That Paul kid, isn't it? I told you to stay away from him, I told you a million times he was bad news."

I felt the tears welling up as I nodded my head slowly. I covered my face in my hands, hearing my mom cry with me was hurting worse than anything I'd felt before. My dad sighed loudly as he paced the living room. "Sarah, why did you get yourself into this mess? We taught you better than this."

"I... I... I... love him and I... I..." My voice cracked as I sniffled. Sam's large warm hand patted my back reassuringly.

"Mr. and Mrs. Carter, Sarah's been incredibly mature about this so far. She was just scared to tell you alone and I felt it was better for myself to come out instead of Emily."

I sniffled as I grabbed a tissue and dabbed at my eyes, knowing it would get worse when Sam left. "Sarah, why couldn't you stay away from him? And why isn't he here with you telling us about this?" My mom finally spoke.

"He doesn't want to talk to me," I whispered not looking at any of them; this was the worst part of the whole thing. "He doesn't want me anymore. He broke up with me and I..." I stopped there, taking deep, shaky breaths.

My mom sighed shaking her head. I was breaking her heart, I knew it. "Paul left you because you're pregnant, didn't he?"

I nodded staring into the wooden floorboards. "He doesn't want the baby."

Sam hugged with me one arm. "I think I'm guessing right when I say your daughter does want this baby, though. No matter how terrible Paul's acting toward her, she wants his baby and I ask that you don't force her into doing something she doesn't want to, even it's overstepping my boundaries as a council member."

My dad nodded in agreement with Sam. "Don't worry about that, son. This is her choice, her decision. I just want to ask you that you keep him away from her. I won't have him upsetting her in this condition. All he does is cause her more problems than he's worth."

Sam hugged me again as he stood. "I cant promise that, I can only talk to Paul and tell him my opinions on everything and hope that you will all find a way to resolve the problems you have with each other." He looked down at me. "Sarah, I'll see you later, okay? Its fine with me if you want to come over to mine and Emily's and spend some time with her tonight or whenever you want."

I looked at him, thanking him with my expression. "Thank you, I don't think I'll be going anywhere anytime soon, though."

My dad sighed as he walked with Sam to the door. "Sarah can still visit with Emily, I won't take that away from either of them, I know they need each other more than they realize."

Sam nodded. "Thank you and..." he looked at me a moment before saying slowly. "You know if you decide certain things that we're more than happy to…. help."

I wondered what he meant by that, happy to help with what? My dad nodded. "I know son, I know. It's up to her, though. Just keep Paul away from here or I won't be held accountable for what happens to him." They stood there, talking for a few minutes before Sam finally left.

My mom had moved to sit beside me on the couch; she had her arms wrapped around me. "Sweetie, why didn't you tell me sooner? I'm not mad, I'm just upset that you didn't tell me. I always thought you knew that you could tell me anything."

I rested my head on her shoulder, feeling drained emotionally and physically. "I know, mom. I couldn't. I was scared you'd yell at me, or make me--" I stopped there, knowing it wasn't too late for what I was scared of.

She stroked the back of my hair. "Shh, it's okay. We're not going to make you have an abortion or do anything you don't want to do, are we Jim?" She asked my father pointedly.

"No, honey we're not. I just want you to keep clear of Paul. Any guy that doesn't want to take responsibility for the child he's created is worthless."

I shut my eyes, calming down little by little. "I want to keep the baby. I want to keep him, I'll keep my job and pay for what I can," I started.

My dad waved it off. "You don't worry about costs, sweetie. Your mother and I will handle that." He sighed as he sat down beside us and rubbed my shoulder. "Does Mr. Kimkirk even have a clue?"

I shook my head quickly. "No, not unless Paul told them. I didn't want them to know since you didn't. And I don't want him to make me quit because I'm pregnant."

I raised my head up and pulled back from my mom. "I don't know what to do," I told them both softly. My eyes were sore around the edges.

My mom gave me a smile. "I do. You need to go lay down for a while, sweetie. I'll bring you something to snack on and from now on we'll pick you up to and from work. You can't be walking everywhere anymore."

My dad nodded in agreement getting up from the couch. "Also Sarah, if you wanted to go to Sam and Emily's later its fine, I trust their judgment and you'll have an eight o'clock curfew now."

That wasn't so bad to me. I was in bed by nine now anyway. I hadn't had to stay up late anymore to wait on Paul. "Okay, "I said simply, crawling up from the couch and heading to my room slowly. "Thank you for not yelling at me," I said lowly once my back was turned to them. I shut the door before they could say anything back.

I crawled into my bed; my room was my sanctuary now. I'd started spending most of my time inside of it. I didn't have friends to go out with except for Emily and Kim. And Kim might not want to hang out anymore once I told her the truth. I laid back into the pillows, feeling better emotionally than I had in a while. It was a relief to have my family in on this. It was an even bigger relief that they weren't that upset with me over it.

I watched re runs for a while, listening to the wind howl outside. Maybe I would go to Sam and Emily's later. It wouldn't be as tense there as it was be here.

I kept my hands on my small bump as I laid there, feeling content that no one was going to make me give him away. I had to keep Paul's baby, it was the only shred of him that I had left. If I couldn't have him, I needed the next thing closest to him, his child. I was lost in thought when the door opened and my mom came in carrying a plate with a turkey sandwich and carrots on it. I sat up slowly; my back was sore feeling already.

"We still have a few more things to talk about," she said gently as she handed me the plate.

I nodded. I'd been expecting to be asked a ton of questions. I picked at the sandwich, biting into the carrot stick.

"Okay, first thing is, how far are you along, Sarah?" Mom asked as softly as she could.

I swallowed the carrot I'd been chewing. "I don't know. I could be anywhere from eight or nine weeks to maybe just five." I knew it sounded terrible out loud. I'd been with Paul so many times though that I honestly had no idea when I could have gotten pregnant.

My mom looked taken back for a moment. "Oh... I see," she said slowly, letting that piece of news sink in. "Did he use a condom at all?" She blurted out, looking sorry she'd said it after the words left her mouth.

I felt the blood rise to my cheeks. "Sometimes. I don't really want to talk about that, mom." I gave her a pointed look.

"I'm sorry, I had to ask though. The next thing is, which doctor do you want to use?"

I shrugged my shoulders carelessly as I bit into the sandwich. "I don't know. Whichever one you want me to use."

She nodded, scribbling on a piece of paper. "Okay. One more and I'll let you take a nap: Why him, sweetie? Why are you so drawn to this boy?"

I swallowed hard, not sure how to answer this. I'd asked myself this question every day since I'd met Paul. I let him treat me like I was nothing, I let him yell at me and hit me, and then stood there while he told me he didn't want our baby. Yet I still loved him for some reason, and felt like I had to have him.

"I don't know," I gave her a half smile. "I want him mom. I want him to want our baby so bad. Paul's not that bad if you guys would give him a chance. He's unbelievably nice when he wants to be, he's just… difficult sometimes."

My mom didn't say anything for a while as she doodled on her paper. "So you're set on keeping the baby then, Sarah?"

"Please don't make me give the baby away," I said quickly sitting straight up, ready to argue. "I can't give the baby away, or…."

She held her hand up. "We told you earlier honey, it's your choice. Are you planning on going to school still?"

I hadn't thought about that. I liked school on the reservation, everyone was friendly. I was starting to get stares and whispers behind my back, though. School meant seeing Paul every day too.

"I guess I could home school, I can't walk back and forth from school to the store anymore, anyway."

My mom scribbled that down next. "I'll see what daddy says about it, I'm sure he'll agree to let you stay home, though." She stood up from the bed taking the empty plate with her. "I'm going to call and see if I can get you an appointment soon as possible."

I nodded, falling back onto the stack of pillows again. "Thank you, mom. You're being nicer about this than you have to be."

My mom waved it off. "Of course I have to be nice about this, this is my grandchild we're talking about." Her eyes dipped down to where my stomach was hidden under the blankets and layers of clothing. "Do you care if I--?"

I smiled at her as I pushed the blankets back, careful not to move my shirt up enough that she'd be able to see the now yellowish bruises left from Paul. Her hand felt cold against the warmth my bump was radiating.

"You're burning up!" My mom exclaimed.

"No, it's just that one spot, I guess from the sweaters and all," I explained quickly. She ran her hand over the skin there, pressing down gently. "I think you're definitely nine weeks, Sarah, or you wouldn't be able to notice a change yet."

I sighed as I pushed my layers back down again. "I thought so. I guess I'm so small that it's not going to be long before I look huge."

She laughed as she left the room. "Don't worry about that."

I rolled over onto my side and laid there, staring mindlessly at the Tv for three hours. I looked at the clock, it was only four. I got up from the bed and padded into the living room, my hair was halfway fallen out of its pony tail.

"Dad, is it still okay if I go to Emily's today?" I asked nervously.

He looked at my mom who nodded. "If you want to you can. Sam told me anytime you decide to show up to just drop you off. I guess Emily gets left behind a lot at home herself while he's out with those boys of his teaching them life lessons." He smiled at the last part.

"I'll go change and then I'll be ready," I said smiling brightly at him. I wasn't completely confined to my house. I grabbed a pair of jeans and changed into them, tossing my track pants onto the floor. I grabbed a different jacket and pulled it on next.

I met my dad at the car, he was warming it up for me, "I don't know where they live," I admitted.

My dad laughed as he backed out. "In the middle of the woods just about. That kid decided he'd had enough of people, I guess." He drove through La Push before turning down an icy dirt road. We didn't speak much as we went down the roads before pulling up to a small grey house. It wasn't as new as ours but it looked like they'd been doing work on it. Sam's familiar red truck was out front surrounded by a few toddler toys. I didn't know they kids. I frowned as I got out, waving bye to my dad as I went carefully up the icy steps.

Emily swung open the door before I could even knock. She had a bright smile on the unscarred half of her face. "Sarah!" She exclaimed as she led me in, reaching for my jacket. I shook my head showing her I wanted it on.

"Sorry to just show up, I had my dad bring me," I explained. She shook her head as she led me into the small living room. I looked around me amazed by it. It was a shrine of sorts to wolves. "This is different," I said as I looked it all over.

Emily stood smiling nervously. "They're all Sam's. He's a collector, I guess you could say."

I sat down on the couch across from her, wondering what to do now. I knew what I wanted to ask her, but I didn't dare do it outright. "So, um... the wolves are just a thing he likes? Kinda like the stories from the other night?"

She touched the top of her crow0black hair looking sheepish. "Yeah, kind of."

I bit my lip, deciding now was a good of time as any. "You know, those stories, they made me think about Paul, actually..."

Emily looked at the stairs, getting up quickly. I saw Sam coming down looking like he'd just woken up. Emily automatically went to his side, like she'd been pulled beside him magnetically. His hard black eyes fell upon me. "You wondered if they were true, didn't you?"

He went to the couch and sat down heavily, Emily following after him.

"It's stupid, I shouldn't have even brought it up," I said quickly, not wanting him to think I was crazy.

"No, they are true," Sam said sternly. His face was serious. "I wouldn't usually tell you that, though. I thought on it for a long time, not sure if it was right to do. But I decided since you're carrying Paul's baby, you needed to know." His eyes swept over my shocked face. "I need to tell you something else about Paul, Sarah. There are signs you need to watch for when he's getting mad. If he loses his temper it'll get ugly quick. If he starts to shake or fly into a sudden rage you need to get away from him as fast as you can."

I swallowed hard, my mouth was dry. I was crazy, but I believed everything Sam was telling me. He wouldn't lie and I'd been wondering the same thing he'd just confirmed. I looked at the floorboards; it didn't take much for Paul to lose his temper, either. He couldn't control it once he did. The tiniest thing would set him off.

"He won't realize he's hurt you until it's too late. He might not even remember what made him mad in the first place. Paul's my most temperamental brother so far. I'd really like for you to try not to be alone with Paul. Not to mention your parents don't want you to be around him either. I don't trust him to be close to you and not do anything out of anger."

I let out a deep breath. "Well that explains a few things."

Emily smiled shyly at me. "I know it's a lot to take in and believe all at once, but it's true. At least you believe us."

I smiled back at her. "It just explains so much about Paul and the way that he acts." The sudden rages he flew into when he yelled at me, the shoving, the hitting, the shaking and quivering. I placed a hand over my stomach. "You don't have to worry about him even speaking to me. He doesn't acknowledge me anymore. Unless you count him glaring when Jacob Black stopped and picked up my bag from the floor for me. It's like just because he doesn't like me he doesn't want else to be nice to me either."

Emily sighed as she squeezed Sam's hand. "Paul just has a very different way of showing he cares. He doesn't know how to be honest with anyone."

Sam got up from the couch yawning again. "I need to go back to bed. Sarah, please don't ignore what I said, okay? I don't want Paul to... hurt you," he said the last part like he was pained. He kissed Emily before heading up the stairs.

The wheels in my head were turning now as I looked at Emily. Losing their tempers. Hurting people and not realizing it. Emily turned her head then, her right side was vivid in the light now. "Emily... did Sam..?" I looked away from her. "Is that what happened to you? Were you too close?"

To my surprise she smiled at me faintly as she got up from the sofa. "Kind of. I just didn't know how to stop pushing Sam. It was my own fault for what happened to me."

She was heading toward the kitchen. "How can you be with him after he did... that?"

Emily laughed softly. "We're meant for each other. He completes me, and I complete him. I'm only lucky he still loves me after the way I look now…" She trailed off. "So, are you hungry? Thirsty?" She asked cheerfully.

I got up and followed her into the bright kitchen. It had white, scrubbed wood floors and was very cheery. "Maybe some tea. I'm trying not to eat a lot. I don't want to gain a ton."

She rolled her eyes as she poured me a glass and pushed it to me. "Gaining weight is the least of your worries." She turned to get another glass for herself. "I don't want to seem pushy, but have you decided anything about the baby yet?"

I sipped the cool sweet tea. "I'm not giving the baby up if that's what you mean. I can't stand the idea of it. I want to keep the baby and my dad said they'd help me. I know it sounds crazy but I'm still hoping Paul will change his mind and marry me or just want to be with me or something."

She moved around the kitchen, stirring the pot on the stove. "Just give him some time. Paul will come around." She sat down on a stool at the bar. "Sam will do his best to get him to change his mind, he's kind of the leader of the pack." She went into conversation, explaining "wolf" things to me then. There was so much I hadn't known before. I listened intently, not wanting to miss anything she said. This was fascinating. Sam was their Alpha, Jacob was next. Apparently Paul had the worst temper out of the pack and loved to pick fights with his 'brothers' as Emily called them.

We sat there for two hours, talking and learning more about each other and getting me more insight into pack life. They weren't all friends like I'd thought, but brothers. A whole pack of them. Emily stopped talking as heavy footsteps sounded from the back of the house. Moments later the back door flung open and Paul came in with Jared at his side. He gave me a dirty look.

"Why is she here?" He snapped to Emily.

Jared looked uncomfortable as he sat down at the kitchen table beside Paul. "Sarah," Emily started, "is here because she's my friend and Sam's also." She kept chopping up the vegetables. "So I expect you to be nice to her while she's in my home."

I kept my head lowered, not daring to look at Paul. I could feel him shooting daggers at me with his eyes.

Paul snorted loudly. "Why should I be nice to someone who's going around telling everyone I got her pregnant when she knows it's a lie?"

"Maybe I should go," I started, getting up from the counter to get my purse.

Emily grabbed my hand. "No, you stay, you're staying for dinner. He can either behave or I'll get Sam up."

Paul rolled his eyes at me. "Why don't you let her go? She probably has some guy to go meet, anyway."

I tried not to let it show that it bothered me when he said that. He knew I didn't have anyone to meet. Even though he'd left me I was still loyal to him. I didn't want anyone but Paul. Emily hit him in the back of the head with the wooden spoon she'd been holding with a loud crack. "Enough!" She snapped.

He was rubbing the side of his head. "Its okay, you can hit me all you want to, it doesn't change the fact that it's not my baby, or that I still don't want the reservation slut."

I felt my eyes getting watery as I looked at my hands. I was sitting here in agony listening to him talk about me. I should have stayed at home I thought to myself. I knew I was out of my mind to still be here, sitting in a house full of werewolves so calmly like I had been. Even crazier for wanting the most volatile one to be nice to me.

"Sam?" Emily called out loudly to the top of the stairs. Paul looked at them, looking worried for a second. Emily snickered at him as she went back to the cutting board. "What's the matter, Paul? Scared?"

He shook his head. "I'm not scared of Sam. He doesn't bother me. I just wish he'd quit babying her."

Emily rolled her eyes at him as she went to a side room. I could hear her rummaging around in there before she came back holding something out to me. I took the small pieces of cloth and smiled brightly when I realized what they were. Baby clothes. The first ones I had.

"Thank you," I said happily, folding them up.

Paul snorted. "Don't forget how expensive it is to cloth a baby, Sarah," he mocked, giving me a shrew smile.

There was a noise in the door of the kitchen; Sam was leaning in it, wearing only a pair of sweats, looking tired still. "You'll know soon enough, Paul. You're going to be broke." Emily rushed to fix him a glass of water and took it to him, moving quickly. He took a sip from it. "You'd better rest up while you can, Paul. You start work on Saturday at seven."

Paul looked shocked, surprised and mad all at once. "Work?" He asked slowly. It seemed he was losing color from his dark skin.

Sam smirked at him and sat the glass down. "Yes, work. At the garage. You're the new oil pit guy on weekends." He gave Paul a smile and walked past him, brushing shoulders slightly as he moved around, getting a box of Cheez-Its to snack on. "I'll work your patrols around your work schedule at the garage. You should start sleeping while you still can, so I wouldn't plan on having too many dates."

Paul glared at him, gripping the counter until Emily nudged his hand away from it, not wanting him to break it. "I don't want to work. I have a life."

I watched them nervously, watching Paul more closely than Sam for any of the signs they'd told me about. It looked like anytime he got mad at Sam he couldn't do anything, though. Like something held him back from it. Emily looked at me, giving me a small smile like she was making sure I was still here.

"Too bad, you have a job now. You have a child to take care of. You can't expect anyone else to take of the baby you created," Sam replied calmly. He shoved a handful of crackers into his mouth and chewed noisily.

"It's not my child, though!" Paul snapped angrily. He was starting to edge toward the door now, little by little. Jared was starting to tense like he might run for it too. Sam shrugged, moving slightly making both of the younger boys freeze when he did.

"We don't know that yet. You need to be prepared, though just in case. You have tons of stuff to start buying. Besides, I haven't got to talk to your parents yet. I figure we'll both sit down with them tomorrow." He let his eyes drift over to Emily. "I don't want to hear you being disrespectful to Emily again in our house, either. You know what will happen if you upset her." He gave Paul a stern look, it seemed his teeth bared slightly before he grabbed his Cheez-Its and went back upstairs. "I'll be up here for a while," he called behind him as he made his way up the stairs.

Emily went back to the stove and stirred the pot quickly. "If you two want to make a run for it, now is your chance."

No, I think I'll stay. I told my mom I would be here anyway," Paul said giving me his dazzling smile. He hit Jared lightly on the arm. "Come on, let's go watch the game." They walked off into the living room together, turning the Tv on.

I turned back to Emily. "Just a glimpse at life in a wolf pack, only you didn't see the fur flying around," she joked as she sat back down.

I looked at her curiously. "They _fight_ fight in their wolf forms?"

She nodded. "Every other day at least, and usually it's always Paul and whoever else."

I glanced toward the living room. "I feel bad that he has to get a job he doesn't want just to help me." I didn't want Paul to feel obligated to help me with our baby. It was my choice to keep the baby after all, not his. "I feel like I'm ruining his life."

Emily twirled the spoon around in her glass. "You didn't ruin his life, Sarah. You didn't get yourself pregnant. You didn't ask for it either. The only difference is, you can't hide from the truth like he's trying to."

"I just wish he'd quit calling me... well... the names he's been calling me. He knows I'm not like that. I'm still hoping he'll come around and maybe decide to try and be with me."

Emily didn't say anything. She was staring into the living room at Paul who was sitting like a statue on the couch.

"Is it okay if I use the bathroom?" I asked getting a sudden wave of nausea.

I stood up quickly following her. I went in and shut the door just moments before I got sick. I leaned against the small counter, closing my eyes. I couldn't get sick right now, I wasn't at home. I didn't know Emily well enough to be sick like this in her house. My stomach lurched and I leaned forward too late. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I realized I'd managed to throw up on my shirt.

God, this was a terrible night. I grabbed a handful of tissues to try and wipe it off. I sighed and tossed it in the trash. "Perfect," I muttered. I heard a soft knock on the door.

"Its me," Emily's voice came through on the other side. I opened it up a crack.

"Could I borrow a shirt?" I asked shyly, hoping she wouldn't ask why. She nodded.

"I'll be right back," she promised. I pushed the door shut quickly and leaned back on the wall, waiting.

I'd taken off my shirt and tried to wet it in the sink to make it a bit better. Now the whole thing was soaked and in a lump. I crossed my arms over myself as I waited. Suddenly the bathroom door opened before I could grab it. Emily came in with three different shirts. "Here, I didn't know which one would fit the best." She held them out, looking up.

I realized with a jolt why she was looking at me the way she was. "Emily, no!" I said quickly as she reached for the door knob. "Don't!"

Emily looked furious as I grabbed a shirt to put on quickly. "It's not what it looks like, I swear" I tried to convince her. Emily shook her head and pushed my hand away.

"Don't leave," she ordered as she slammed the door behind her. "Sam! Get down here!" She yelled. I heard silence from the pack in the living room. Heavy footsteps came near the bathroom, the door pushed open. Sam came in with Emily behind him.

I felt weak as his eyes went over me. He reached over and gently turned me around, looking at the worst one on my back. "What happened to you?" He demanded his eyes flashing. Emily stood back in the corner looking like she wanted to cry. "And don't try and lie to me, either."

I shook my head, grabbing the shirt and pulling it on. "Nothing. It was an accident. I fell down on some ice." I didn't look at either of them as I pulled my jacket on.

Sam shook his head angrily, his eyes flashing. "I said don't lie, Sarah. What happened? Why do you look like you've been beaten with a bat or something?"

Emily grabbed his hand. "Stay calm," she whispered to him. He nodded to her and turned back to me.

"Please don't hurt him," I whispered, crying. I pulled my jacket around myself and zipped it up. I wiped under my eyes quickly as Sam went back out. I heard growling and a loud scrape before Paul was shoved into the bathroom.

Sam had him by the back of the neck as Emily grabbed me and jerked my jacket and shirt up revealing everything they'd just seen. "Look at what you did," Sam ordered Paul who was growling loudly. I trembled, terrified of what might happen. I didn't dare say a word, "Look at what you did to her, Paul!" Sam snapped and Paul's eyes went over me slowly, looking like he was in unbearable pain as he flinched and made a small whining sound. Sam shook him violently. "You're no better than your own father!"

Paul made a snapping sound, ripping his eyes from me. "Don't you dare say that again!" He growled at Sam.

Sam shook him again, like a rag doll. "Why not? You're not different than he is. You asked me for help and now you did the same thing I protected you from. You didn't like it when he hit your sister, did you? Did you?" Sam roared into his ear loudly. "How is this any different? You know she can't hit you back, and to top it off, she's pregnant, Paul. Pregnant!"

I shook as I cried, still not daring to move.

"Shh," Emily whispered into my ear. "Don't say anything." I nodded, watching as Paul started to shake violently. Sam pushed him out of the bathroom and flung him out the front door with ease. "You want to fight? You want to push someone around, Paul? Why don't you push me around?" Sam jostled him just as Paul gave a last violent spasm. I watched with horror as shreds of fabric flew everywhere where Paul had been. A huge silver wolf was there now, growling and howling.

Sam took off out the door at a fast run, erupting into a jet black form that easily towered Paul's as he lunged at him. Emily grabbed my hand and pulled me back inside. "Don't watch," she whispered, trying to make me look away as the silver wolf howled in pain after being rammed into a tree.

"But he's going to hurt him'" I whimpered, watching. Emily forced me to sit down on the couch, glancing out the window.

"You don't know the whole story, Sarah. Paul hasn't been honest with you on everything."

I buried my face in my hands as I listened to the loud snarls and growls erupting. It sounded like there were more of them now. "I don't want him to be hurt," I whispered. If Sam hurt him, I'd feel terrible. It was my fault for not paying better attention when Emily came in. I shouldn't have gotten sick. I should have lied better for him. Paul was going to hate me now. I let myself fall over onto the arm of the couch and sob loudly as Emily hugged me gently.

"Has anyone else seen this, Sarah? What he did to you?"

I shook my head quickly. "No! Don't tell anyone, please," I begged her. If my dad knew…

Emily was looking outside again. "I'm not. But Sarah, you should've said something to someone. You can't let him do this to you. What if he would have struck you harder than he did the other night? He could have hurt the baby."

I didn't even want to think of that. Even though Paul continued to act hateful toward me, I knew that he wouldn't knowingly hurt our baby. I laid my head on her shoulder and cried while she watched the fight from the curtains. I heard her gasp one time and flinch. I just cried harder, curling up, not even noticing when the noises stopped.

One by one each of the boys that had been in the living room came in, wearing the same calm mask as they walked by me. Paul came in last, walking slowly by, staring down as he walked. My eyes widened at the gashes that covered his body. Sam had beaten him, literally. Emily jumped up, seeing him and ran to the laundry room, coming back quickly with two pairs of sweats. I kept my eyes downcast, not looking at either of them until after they'd pulled on the clothes Emily threw at them.

She sat back down beside, hugging me again.

Sam looked over the pack, excluding Paul who was off to the side alone as an outcast. "Go do patrol all of you, except you." They all turned and went back out, following Jacob this time who looked down at me with pity as he went by.

"Sit down," Sam snapped at Paul. I looked at him quickly; there were no marks on Sam. Paul immediately sat down looking terrified. Emily hugged me closer to her.

"Shh," she whispered again as I started to cry silently.

"Look at what you've done to her, Paul. What do you have to say for yourself? What kind of explanation can you give me for this? For doing something you despise yourself?" Sam asked Paul directly in a cold, hard tone.

Paul didn't answer him. He looked down at his bare feet. He looked like he might lie down and not ever get up. "Answer me," Sam snapped making Paul jump.

I stayed still and quiet with Emily, who like me seemed jumpy every time one of them moved the slightest bit. Paul cleared his throat as he looked down. "I didn't mean to. I just... I got... I don't... I mean, I'm..." he mumbled. "I guess I got jealous of her. I didn't like it when she did stuff. It made me crazy. And, um… I can't control myself when I get upset or feel something too strongly. I didn't mean to, I swear."

Sam made a rumbling sound before he spoke, making both of us jump next to him. "That's not good enough, Paul. We all get mad and we don't hurt the people around us. I get mad at Emily sometimes and I don't lay a finger on her. I never would."

Paul's head went lower it seemed. "I couldn't help it."

"You'd better come up with something better than this quick, Paul or you're going to talk to the entire council instead of just me."

Paul quivered slightly as he looked up slowly, his eyes piercing into mine, making me squirm back at the black color in them. "I got mad because she kept doing things and it... I couldn't take it." He sounded like he wanted to say more but couldn't. "Cant we talk about this alone?"

I felt Sam's gaze on me now. "Yeah. I'll meet you at the usual spot in ten minutes. Emily, its time for Sarah to go, anyway. It's almost 8 already. We don't need her getting in trouble the first day she's got to come out."

Emily nodded and stood up slowly I got up too not looking at either of the guys. I wasn't sure what to say to Sam. He just nodded at me as we left and I nodded back getting into the truck with Emily. The ride to my house was in silence. As she pulled into the driveway her eyes moved downwards to my stomach.

"I'm glad you got to see tonight what Paul is really like. That's what usually happens when Paul loses control of himself. He can't keep himself from phasing for more than eight hours at a time. You're so lucky he didn't hurt you worse than he did."

I nodded, listening to her. "You don't need him, Sarah. You'll do fine with this baby on your own. I can tell." I didn't want to hear that. I did need Paul. I needed him more than anyone realized. I needed him to just speak to me.

"Thank you for um... everything tonight," I told her, giving her a half smile as I got out. "I know you think I'm stupid, but I didn't mind it when he hit me because at least he was still speaking to me then." Emily nodded slowly, showing she understood somehow as I closed the door.

It had been a long night. I was ready to go inside and go to bed.


	11. Chapter 11

**a/n--Thanks mediate89 for betaing this for me, Hope you guys like this chapter and please please please review! You guys should check out stories by these few authors, They're all pretty kick ass.... Liljenrocks, iamkate, and she's a boozer. I promise you, you'll love all of their work. Each one is an amazing author. **

Chapter 11

I leaned back into the recliner at Sam's. Things were back to normal with us now. We'd had a long and lengthy talk the other night when he'd found out the truth about just how cruel I'd been with Sarah. It was excruciating for me, to have the pack know now what I'd been trying to hide from them for three months. They all understood though, they all knew why now. Sam was still on my case about at least being nice to Sarah. I couldn't bring myself to do it, though. I knew she'd think things were okay with us again and they weren't. I wasn't ever going to lay another finger on Sarah. I'd been trying to use more self-control every day to keep myself under wraps.

Sam had told me he couldn't force me to be nice to her, that it was my own choice, but he could make sure I didn't physically hurt her anymore. I felt like… my dad when he said that. Physically hurt. I shook my head as I looked at the Tv, lost in my own thoughts while they were still my own. Sam understood why I didn't want to be with Sarah too. I was too afraid of the horrors of imprinting. I still hated the thought of being tried to someone like that, but I knew it would happen soon. It had already happened to another member of the pack. Jared had asked Kim for a pencil, simple as that, and that was it. He was bonded to her forever now. He was lucky, though that Kim had already liked him.

He didn't have to play games like Sam had with Emily. It was kind of annoying to see dorky Kim's face whenever I patrolled with Jared. It was even worse waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you'd been kissing your best friend's girlfriend in your dreams. Jared was adjusting pretty well to it. Kim was ecstatic over the whole thing. She didn't even question his sanity when he broke the truth down to her. He was supposed to be bringing her over for dinner with the pack as a family tonight. Joy.

I looked over at Emily, curled up on couch with a book, then at Sam watching Tv. We were boring as hell. Everyone else was outside running patrols. They'd be back in an hour though. I'd just got off work from my new job. I snorted out loud thinking about it, earning a scowl from Emily as she turned a page. She was still pissed off at me.

I hated my job. Not because I was lazy, but because it meant I had to spend almost every hour I wasn't at school with Sam. It was hell having him for a boss all the time. It paid pretty well, though. I had my check put away for something; I wasn't sure what yet, though. I didn't need many material items. I could hear the sleet starting to fall on the roof and looked at the window. It was getting gray outside.

"I guess I should start dinner," Emily said suddenly, closing the book and stretching before she got up. "I hope Jared got Kim to come." I rolled my eyes at her; Emily was on a friend frenzy lately. First Sarah, now Kim.

Sam gave me an exasperated look as she went to the kitchen. "She's just happy she has people other than us to talk to." I shrugged and looked back out the window, I could see headlights.

"Someone's here," I announced, wondering who it could be. We usually didn't drive our cars, and Jared wasn't due here with Kim yet.

I heard light footsteps and an even lighter knock. The smell hit my nose and I looked at Sam wrinkling it up. "Sarah's here."

Sam got up and opened the door giving her a grin. "Emily's in the kitchen," he told her as he stepped back to let her in. He waved good-bye to whoever had dropped her off.

Sarah shook the snow flurries out of her blonde hair as she came in smiling brightly. "I figured. I brought some cookies. I figured you guys would eat them. I don't need to."

I watched her, not saying a word. It was probably better I didn't. Sam gave me a look as he followed her into the kitchen. I frowned after him. Was Sarah going to start being a usual here?

-Sarah's POV-

I went into the kitchen, my stomach churned slightly at the smell of the deer meat Emily was cooking.

"Hey, Em," I greeted her.

Emily looked up, her eyes shining when she saw me. "I didn't think you'd get to come. How'd everything go?"

I shrugged as I pulled out a stool and sat down. "Okay, I guess. The counselor said she'd already figured out what was going on, so it wasn't a big shock when my mom went in there and withdrew me." I'd gone through with the home schooling after seeing how rough I would have had it if I'd stayed at school. It seemed like everyone but Kim had stared at me, trying to get a glimpse and see if I was really pregnant or not. Then there was the whispering behind my back.

Emily sat down, blowing up at her bangs to get them out of her face. "It gives us more time to hang out too. I could use someone to keep me company." She pushed the bowl of candy toward me that was sitting on the bar. "Help yourself."

I shook my head and pushed it back toward her. "I'm not eating a lot of junk. I've already gained three pounds." I could tell it too, my thighs seemed to be getting wider and wider. I moved around on the stool pulling off my jacket. It was getting snug. "Mom's taking me to Port Angeles to do some shopping next Tuesday, if you want to come. She's taking me to Forks first though, to see the doctor." I made a face at the last part. It'd be my first official appointment.

"Maybe. I'll check with Sam and see if he minds. He doesn't really care for me being in Forks too much," Emily explained with a small smile, looking in the direction of the living where Paul and Sam sat in silence.

Paul. I looked back away quickly. He'd given me a mumbled apology for the marks and bruises he'd left on me but that was it. He didn't apologize for anything else. He still treated me like garbage in front of everyone. At least I didn't have to be afraid of anything but his mouth now, though. I stole another look at him and felt a twinge in my heart. I still wanted him like crazy.

My parents were more than happy with his family being clueless and Paul not wanting anything to do with me. My mom was being good with everything. My dad was even doing small things just to make life easier for me. I'd spoke with Mr. Kimkirk about working mornings now that I didn't have school anymore. It'd be easier for my dad to drop me off and pick me up. He didn't want me walking back and forth anymore.

"So Kim said she was coming over here with Jared?"

Emily nodded quickly, smiling again. "She is, they're together and I thought she should come and meet all of us. You're included as part of the pack plural now too."

I nodded at her. I knew being pregnant with a potential werewolf made me a part of the tribe's elite community, so to speak. "We've been friends since I moved here, she's a nice person. She's probably the only friend I have except for you right now."

"Jared's told me a lot about her. He knows everything, I think," Emily joked. I laughed, remembering the way he'd come in professing that he'd "found her". It was funny that "her" was shy, quiet Kim who'd always held an unrequited love for him.

Paul walked into the kitchen, looking annoyed. "She's not part of the pack family. She's not one of us," he said quietly as he grabbed a bottle of water.

Emily rolled her eyes at him and waved him off. "She is now. She's pregnant with your baby, isn't she?"

"It's not mine, she's just hoping I'll be the guy to take the blame for it," was his cool response.

I watched him walk back through the living room. "I guess its getting better every day. He didn't call me any names that time."

Emily gave me a sympathetic look as she got up and went back to her stove. "I don't think he's coming around so easily, though."

I could hope, I thought to myself. I still hoped he would change his mind even though he was mad at me for letting Emily see what he'd done. I felt bad about that still.

"I feel awful, like I haven't slept at all. And I throw up every four hours, at least." I sighed and sipped at the tea she'd poured me. "My mom said its normal, but I feel… bleh. Even when I'm at work I don't feel like I can stay awake."

Work had been tension-filled for me. I'd been avoiding Mr. Kimkirk and especially his wife when she'd come in on the weekends to help him. I if they put all the pieces together, they'd figure it out. I had to keep my job though, to help buy stuff for the baby. I didn't want my parents to have to do everything for us.

"You'll be fine. Just don't do a lot. I'm already working on a blanket for you," Emily said excitedly. "I'm making it different colors so it won't matter if you have a boy or a girl."

I laughed at her enthusiasm. "Thanks. I think when we go to Port Angeles I'm going to get a few things to start off with. I've definitely got to get different clothes soon. My track pants are the only thing that fit me decently."

I could feel Paul's hard black eyes on me as I spoke. They raked over my body slowly, like he was seeing if I was serious or not about getting bigger. Nervously, I pulled on the front of my shirt and moved so that I was leaning away from his view.

"Yeah, there's so much to do to get ready. You still have time though, probably a few months," Emily replied as she went to the back door and opened it up. Jared was coming in with Kim in tow. She looked like she wanted to burst from happiness every time he looked at her. His eyes seemed to glaze over the way Sam's did when he looked at Emily. Emily introduced herself to Kim, who spotted me and immediately came over to hug me.

"I haven't seen you all week!" She exclaimed, looking downward.

I pushed the stool back and got up slowly so she could see the full effects. Kim's mouth opened in awe, Jared stared a moment, too. "Wow, Sarah, I didn't know you were so… pregnant," he blurted out. Kim smacked him on the chest at the same time Emily scowled at him.

"I'm not even big yet!" I snapped at him as I sat back down. Only 12 weeks now. Kim slid down next to me, her eyes still trained on Jared who looked like he was going to hang out in the kitchen with the girls.

"Is it Paul's?" She whispered. Jared's eyes flashed for a moment when he looked at me, like he dared me to say yes. I just gave her a half smile.

"I'll tell you later," I promised. Little by little the rest of the guys started trailing in, all of them calling out a quick 'hey' to me as they passed through, shaking the rain off of themselves like dogs. Jake flashed me a smile as he went by. I smiled back at him, getting up to help Emily.

I could hear them talking with Sam loudly about Quil Ateara. They all claimed he was going to phase soon and become one of them. I knew Quil, kind of. He'd always been too friendly when he'd come into the store and hung around. He was a pretty nice guy, though.

I stood back waiting for the pack to get their plates filled before I grabbed a dish towel to wipe up the mess they left behind. I dropped it and bent down to pick it up, grumbling at the movement. The towel jerked up in a large hand. I looked up; Paul was standing in front of me. His face was expressionless while we stood there, looking at each other. Everyone around us was talking and laughing, not paying us any attention. Paul held the towel out to me. I slowly reached out and took it. He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him, but not like he would have before. I gingerly went forward, wondering what he was going to do. He leaned down, his hot breath tickling my ear.

"Leave the window open tonight, okay?" He whispered lower than I thought his deep voice could go. I nodded slowly, knowing I shouldn't give in to him so easily. "I'll be there about midnight." He jerked away from me quickly. Emily was staring at him like he'd grown three heads.

I felt my face turn red as I looked down at the counter and started wiping it again while Paul took off to the table with the rest of the pack. Emily was looking at me pointedly. I knew she wanted to know what Paul had been whispering to me about. I couldn't tell her, though; she'd get mad at me for agreeing. But I figured it was a start. Maybe tonight he would talk to me while we were alone.

I looked at the clock as headlights approached the house. "My mom's here," I told Emily with a smile. "I'd better go." I grabbed my jacket off the back of the chair and slid it on, not bothering to zip it up. Emily nodded and grabbed my purse and held it out.

"Call me later, okay?" I nodded to her, knowing I wouldn't. I didn't want to lie to her. I waved to the others, carefully avoiding Paul as I left. I hopped into the car quickly.

"Did you have fun?" My mom asked as she turned back out onto the main road. I shrugged, looking out the window.

"I guess. It was just a group of us over for dinner like usual. Kim was there, though. Jared brought her."

My mom glanced at me. "Was Paul there?"

"Kind of. He was in and out. He didn't speak to me, though and I didn't speak to him. Sam was there the entire time." I added the last part to pacify her. She looked ahead as she drove.

"Did you eat?"

"No, I'm not hungry. I'm ready to go to bed as soon as we get home. I'm drained." I pulled on my shirt again, frowning down at it. My mom's eyes went down to me as I tugged.

"We're going to have to get you some maternity clothes as bad you hate it, Sarah. You can't hide it much longer with those baggy sweaters."

I sighed as we pulled up to the house. "I know, I know. I just don't want to be... frumpy. I like my skirts and pink stuff, you know that."

She laughed as we got out and went inside. "I know, we'll find you something I'm sure though, sweetie. You're making yourself look fat instead of pregnant when you dress like that."

I knew she was telling me the truth. I'd thought the same thing. "I'm going to lay down, okay?" She nodded and tossed her keys on the bar as I went to my room to try and mentally prepare myself for later tonight. I had no idea what was going to happen when Paul got here.

-Paul's POV-

I pushed my window up, glancing at my door before I hopped outside in one swift movement. I landed on the ground in a crouch. I smiled slowly as I stood up and brushed my palms onto the knees of my jeans. I'd come home from Sam's and ate dinner with my family and took a quick shower. Things around here were a lot better. We actually had family meals and things. Unfortunately, this also meant that my parents were paying closer attention to where I was all the time. My mom had started noticing that I wasn't in my bed at night when she would look in at me. It didn't really bother me, though. No matter what they said or did, I really didn't have a choice but to sneak out.

I kicked at the dirt road as I walked along it. Sarah's house was a few minutes from mine. I didn't shiver as the cool nighttime air hit me; it felt nice against my hot skin. I walked on in the dark, going through the trees now, hoping that Sam and the others didn't see me or worse, smell me as I headed north. I let my thoughts drift away, knowing they were only mine for the moment. I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me lately. I was up and down with my feelings. I didn't know why I was so mean to Sarah all the time. I honestly didn't hate her. I didn't love her either. It was just… Ugh. I let out a sigh, kicking a rock in my path.

Sarah. She was beautiful. Now days she carried a small glow with her when she didn't look so sick and pale. I hated seeing her look so bad at school. The other kids were already starting to whisper and point at her when she left class and went to the bathroom constantly. It didn't take much for most of them to figure out why. Sarah was small and petite, making it easy for a small bulge to already show if she wore anything other than the baggy sweaters and hoodies she'd taken to lately. It wasn't the same as the cute, bright, girly clothes she used to wear.

I'd ruined her. Sarah used to be bubbly and laugh a lot. Now she just sat in class silently unless someone spoke to her. I could always sense her eyes on me in the classes we had together. I just didn't understand why I couldn't have imprinted her. She was perfect. It didn't make any sense why I didn't. I wanted to be with her. I didn't want to risk imprinting later on, though and hurting her even worse than I already had. I thought being mean to her would push her away, not drive her closer to me.

I paused at the edge of the tree line just outside the reservation where Sarah's house was at. I looked at her window, making sure that the small lamp was on. I'd whispered to her before she left Sam's to leave the window open for me tonight. It hadn't been hard to convince her. I crept to the shrubs that lined the yard and then dashed toward the house. Her dad would kill me if he saw me. I knew from Sam's thoughts that he wasn't too happy with me right now. I didn't blame him.

I tapped lightly on the window before pushing it open slowly, not wanting it to make any noise. I opened it just enough to slide in through it. Sarah got up quickly from the bed in the corner and moved towards me quietly. I held a finger up to her lips and whispered softly.

"Are they asleep?" She nodded and I let my finger drop. "Shhh," I warned as I pulled her close to me.

I breathed in her scent. It drove me crazy. She always smelled the same- melon body spray and a hint of the fabric softener she used in her laundry. I held her tightly for a moment, just loving her close to me. I reached down and gently pushed her head up so that I could look at her in the face. I stared into her eyes for a moment before I kissed her forcefully, wanting to make it clear why I was here.

Sarah ran her hands down my back, returning the kiss, not even trying to resist me after the way I'd treated her. I slid my hands down to her bottom, lifting her up and moved her carefully to her bed where dropped her on it. I pressed myself against her, knowing I was driving her crazy when I kissed her neck. I felt her tiny, cold hands pulling my shirt off. I leaned up enough to let her take it off of me before I pulled off her own pajamas and threw them to the floor. In a flash I was back on top of her, kicking off my shoes as I laid across the bed. I looked down at her, pausing for a just a second as I moved back away to take off my jeans. This wasn't right, I knew but I couldn't help it.

*********************************

I glanced down at Sarah as I got up and started getting dressed quickly. It was almost daylight outside. She stared up at me as I pulled my shirt on. I paused and listened, making sure I didn't hear any movement in the house. I leaned back down and kissed her one last time before I left. I went quietly to the window, watching her. I couldn't help but give her a smile as I ducked out of the window. "

I'll see you later," I whispered and pulled it down slowly.

I looked around before jogging off into the trees. I was hoping no one at my own house had noticed I was gone all night. I moved through the forest quickly, trying to get there before my mom woke up. I was halfway there when a deep voice called out, "What the hell was that?"

I froze where I was. Busted. And not even by my own mother. I stopped and looked in the direction the voice had come from. Sam was leaning against a large oak tree, his eyes were flaming.

"What the hell are you doing, Paul?" He asked again. I didn't say anything. I didn't even know what I was doing. I looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes. Sam was the only person in the world that could make me feel like this. He moved from the tree and walked toward me slowly, appraising me it seemed.

"What the hell are you thinking, man? Do you want her dad to kill you?" Sam was circling around me now, staring me down. "Are you just using her for a piece of ass or what? I thought you didn't even like her."

I kept my eyes down; I didn't want to let anything show in front of Sam. I didn't want to phase right now, not until I could get rid of these thoughts I didn't want my brothers to share. "I'm done fucking helping you. We're going to talk to your parents now." He grabbed my arm and jerked me hard in the direction of my house. I had no choice but to obey him and let myself be dragged toward my own funeral.

"No. I don't want to do this today. Maybe next week. Not right now," I pleaded with him. I was in enough trouble today.

"Ha. Between now and next week, you'll be at her house for five days. No, seven days. You're not going to put off telling your parents so you can sleep with her for the next week. She might not see what you're doing but I sure as hell do," Sam said in a stern tone.

I sighed. "Please, just one more day. I'm already going to be in trouble for going out last night."

Sam laughed at that. "Dude, you've been in trouble. For 8 weeks. This is just icing on the cake for you."

I could hear my heart pounding in my chest as we neared my house. I was only seventeen and about to have a heart attack. I would die before I could even be murdered by my mother or Sarah's father.

"Don't try and run," Sam ordered me. I felt the weight snap onto me as soon as the words left his mouth. Alpha command. I followed him up the steps and opened the door that led into my show room house. My mom working at the furniture store meant we had tons of nice, expensive, breakable objects around. My mom flew out of the kitchen looking madder than I had seen her in a long time.

"Where have you been all night?" She demanded.

I looked at Sam, willing him to speak up for me. Sam held a hand up. "Mrs. Kimkirk, that's my fault, not Paul's. I had him out late, talking to him about a few things that I want to talk to you and your husband about right now."

So he was willing to hide that part of this for me. At least my mom wouldn't know where I really went out to at night. She'd call Sarah's dad and tell him. My dad rounded the corner, adjusting the buttons on his work shirt.

"Oh… Hello, Sam. I was just on my way to the store." He looked at Sam warily for a moment.

My dad ran the Native American store in town. He usually just sold skins and other odds and ends things that we made here on the reservation. Sarah also happened to work there. That was just a perk of our relationship. When we'd had one, that is.

Sam gave him a nod. "I'd like to talk to you before you leave. I know you're busy but this can't really wait much longer. It's been eating away at Paul."

I threw him a dirty look. This didn't matter one way or another to me. My mom motioned to the couch, telling Sam to be seated. I sat down as close as I could to him. If my mom threw something at me, Sam would make a great shield. My parents sat down across from us, looking curious as to what he had to tell them.

"I believe you know her, her name is Sarah and she works at the store for you." Sam paused before saying, "She's pregnant and its Paul's baby she's carrying."

I felt a surge of panic when the words left his mouth. My first instinct was to say that he was lying. My dad's face turned into a shocked one. My mom looked horrified. I was digging my fingers into the couch cushions, waiting for a reaction.

"Paul's still not one hundred percent sure it's his. We're still waiting to find out all of the details, but there is a good chance of Paul being the father of this baby," Sam explained calmly. It was like he was getting off on this or something. Like he enjoyed causing his pack members pain and agony.

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" My mom's voice shot out angrily. She grabbed her cigarettes from the table and lit one hurriedly. "Didn't we teach you anything about safe sex?"

"Calm down, calm down," my dad told her, trying to be the sane one. It was surprising me to see him not lose control over this. Sam was watching my mom pace back and forth behind the couch, puffing away.

"He has a job now at the garage with me to help with the expenses and things."

My mom was shaking her head; I could see the tears falling down her cheeks. I wanted to get up and hug her, reassure her like I used to. "Good, because we're not supporting your baby, Paul. This is your child to take care of, not ours."

I sighed. Everyone was talking like we knew for sure that this was my baby. "You don't even know if it's mine or not," I told her.

My dad looked at me sternly. "And what makes you so sure it's not, Paul? The only person I've ever seen her talking to is you."

I hung my head in my hands. "I don't know. Because girls lie. She might just be saying this to trap me or something. Sarah's obsessed with me, she won't leave me alone."

"Obsessed with what?" My mom shot out at me. Sam was silent now, sitting back and watching the crossfire exchanged.

I looked up at her. "She keeps saying she loves me and stuff like that."

My mom snorted. "And what did you do to make her think that you loved her, Paul? Woman don't just think men love them for no reason at all, you had to have done something to give her that idea."

"Considering she's pregnant, I have a pretty good idea of what he did. My guess is that Paul told her whatever he had to just to get her in the bed," my dad said in a disappointed tone. "Maybe we should talk to her parents about this."

A horrified look came across my face; they couldn't talk to her parents. That wouldn't turn out good for either of us. "No!" I shouted out quickly. "Don't talk to them, please."

Sam was watching me with a bemused expression now, like he wanted to laugh but couldn't. "I don't even want the baby. I don't want anything to do with her. Its not like we're together or anything. She just says she's pregnant and all. I don't want to keep it if its mine."

My mom looked down at me, looking like she wanted to kill me. "Oh no, you made your bed, you lie in it. This is your baby, Paul, you're not giving it up. This time I'd prefer it if you didn't lie in the bed with a girl, though."

"Please don't talk to her at work dad. Please. I don't want her to think that it's okay. I don't want her thinking I changed my mind or something," I begged him.

My dad stared at me in disbelief. "I'll talk to her if I want to, son. If she's carrying our grandchild we're going to talk to her."

Grandchild. I let the word sink in. They seemed so determined to believe that this really was my baby without even asking for any proof. It was like I was the only guy in La Push possible of reproducing. After a few more minutes of calm talking with Sam, he left and I went to my room to get ready for school. My mom knocked on the door frame as I pulled a shirt over my head.

"You know your father's going to talk to her, don't you?"

I nodded solemnly as I picked up my bag. "I know. I just hope you guys don't believe everything she says. Sarah doesn't even know if this baby is mine or not and she's acting like it is." The word 'baby' dripped off of my tongue like venom. I hated the idea of a baby. I didn't like kids and they didn't like me. I especially never planned on having any of my own.

My mom sighed as she followed me through the living room. "We can't just ignore this, Paul. We're going to treat her like she's carrying your child until we know different."

I shrugged and gave her a look as I went out the door. "Do what you want. It doesn't change anything."


	12. Chapter 12

**a/n--thansk mediate89 for betaing this for me, you do a great job. I appreciate all the reviews I got for the last chap, I hope I get more for this one though.. **hinthint** also... like I always say... go read liljenrocks story, and also go check out she's a booza's story, i love both of their stuff. **

Chapter 12

I went into the store still feeling half asleep as I pushed the moving door back to get behind the counter. I was tired. I'd stayed up in complete silence with Paul all night. He didn't speak and neither did I. All we'd done was sleep together and then lay there unmoving.

I sat down, putting my books on the counter thinking about the night before. It'd felt so warm and right lying with Paul. He'd actually allowed himself to wrap his arms around me. He'd consciously kept his hands away from my stomach, though. I'd taken that as a sign that all he'd wanted was to randomly hook up with me, not show me he was changing his mind.

I rested my head on one hand as I stared out the window. I almost wished I was going to school today. At least it'd be more exciting than sitting here. I heard someone clear their throat and snapped out of my daze, realizing Mr. Kimkirk was standing above me, looking out of place.

"Um, Sarah? I'd like to speak with you."

I nodded, wondering what I'd done, if I was being fired or something. I sat up straight, looking at him

"Did I do something?"

He shook his head quickly. "No. No, Sarah. I'm afraid my son's the one that's done something wrong here."

I felt my heart jump. He knew. I got up slowly from the stool. "I'm sorry, I understand if you came to tell me to go home. I'll---"

He cut me off. "No, sit back down. I'm not firing you. I just wanted to let you know that Paul and his friend Sam came to talk to my wife and me this morning about your situation, and that we do think this is our grandchild." He looked at me with a somber expression on his aged face.

"You do?" I asked slowly, not believing this. "But I thought that since Paul said…" I trailed off, looking away from Mr. Kimkirk.

"Yes we do, and if there's anything at all that we can do to help you don't hesitate to ask us, okay? I know my wife wants to speak with you herself; we're not quite believing Paul's side to this. I've known you for some time now, and I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't lie about something like this."

I nodded, meeting his eyes. "I didn't want to tell you. I thought Paul should, and I didn't want you to say I was lying and fire me. I need my job right now to help pay for everything."

Mr. Kimkirk made a movement like he was brushing that aside. "Don't worry about your job. You're family now. You're having my first grandchild." He smiled at me then, the first time I could recall seeing him smile. "My wife would like if very much if you'd come to our house this evening for a while, to meet with our family."

I shook my head quickly. My parents would be furious with me for going over there. They were already going to be mad that Paul's parents knew. They'd been hoping they wouldn't ever find out and we wouldn't have anymore problems with Paul.

"I can't. I'm not allowed be near Paul. I'm sorry."

Mr. Kimkirk looked surprised. "But this is his child too. Paul might not want to be around but we certainly do. Maybe I should have a word with them myself…"

I felt the color draining from my face. "No, please don't. My dad won't like this. He doesn't want Paul to be involved."

Mr. Kimkirk looked at me carefully. "And what do _you_ want from Paul?"

I turned away from him quickly so he couldn't read the expression on my face. "I don't know. I have to do what they want. I can't do this alone." I knew I was treading on dangerous ground now. My parents might not want to help me anymore if I let Paul's family around. It was still a non-existent relationship between us.

"Well, I want you to at least think about it please. Don't keep us away because of our son's stupidity; don't hold his actions against us." Mr. Kimkirk said sadly as he started to walk off. After a few steps he paused and turned back around. "Don't do any of the stocking, either. Just leave it. I don't want you up and lifting things." He turned and walked off quickly before I could say anything.

I sat back down, unsure of myself. I didn't know what to do now. I was a mixing bowl full of emotions. I could hardly wait for the shift to be over with. I flipped through the book my mom had brought home with work- _What to Expect When You're Expecting_. I frowned as I looked over the pictures; I was going to be huge. I turned the page, engrossed in what I was reading.

"Excuse me, Sarah?" I heard a soft, throaty voice say. I jerked my head up quickly, shutting the book. A dark-haired woman dressed in a pantsuit was smiling at me.

"Hi, can I help you?" I asked giving her a small smile.

She held out her hand, revealing nicely polished nails and a few gold rings. "I'm Mrs. Kimkirk," she introduced.

I looked at her hand for a moment before hesitantly shaking it. "I'm Paul's mother, I'm sure you realize that. I just thought it'd be nice if we could talk for a while. My husband said it'd be fine if you left for a short lunch with me."

I bit my bottom lip as I looked at her and nodded slowly to show her I'd go. I grabbed my purse and my jacket and pulled it on before I stood up, not wanting her to stare at me. I could feel her eyes as I got up and zipped it up quickly.

"I have to be back by three," I told her softly as I followed her out of the store.

Mrs. Kimkirk nodded back smiling. "We're just going to go down the street to the small diner. I didn't think you'd feel like going anywhere further."

I walked silently with her down the street, staring down at the iced-over sidewalk as we walked slowly to the restaurant. When we arrived, she held the door open for me to go in. I hesitated, looking around before walking past her and sitting in a booth in the back. I slid across the plastic seat, trying to keep my face expressionless as she sat down across from me. She got strait to the point.

"I know you're wondering what I want from you after you already told my husband you didn't want our help, but it's not that easy," she began.

I nodded, showing her that I was listening. "Paul hasn't been fair to you with this. It pains me to no end to see how cruel my own son can be. I didn't want you to think that we thought you were... well, that you were lying and this wasn't Paul's baby, and our first grandchild. We don't have any reason to not believe you."

I looked down at my hands. I didn't know what they expected me to do. It wasn't that simple to just let them in my life. Paul would be livid if he knew. My parents would be even worse. "I don't understand. Didn't Paul tell you that we weren't together? Or even speaking?" I asked her slowly. We were apparently just sleeping together again.

Mrs. Kimkirk nodded. "I know. And I know my son- he won't stay away from you for much longer. After all, he thought you were worth sneaking around us and your own parents."

I sipped on the glass of Coke the waitress had laid down in front of me. "He won't change his mind. Sam can't even get him to consider this," I gestured down at myself.

She let her eyes linger on my belly. "How far along are you?"

I shrugged as I took another sip of my Cok.e "Twelve weeks now. I just look bigger than most people do at this stage."

She smiled at me kindly "So, you're keeping the baby?"

I looked at her carefully, trying to decide where she was going with this. "Of course I'm keeping the baby. This baby is all I have left of--" I stopped and looked back down. I'd almost let it slip that I was keeping the baby as my piece of Paul.

"You have no idea how relieved I am to know this. I was worried you might be giving the baby up." I gave her a curious look. "We want to be in the baby's life, of course. That's all I ask. Let us be grandparents, don't hold Paul against us."

Her tone was honest and sincere when she spoke. I felt like a bad person from the way she was begging me to say yes to something I wasn't sure of. "I don't know," I finally said.

Paul's mother gave me a small smile. "Would it help if we spoke to your parents?"

I shook my head quickly. "No, don't." I didn't want them to talk to each other. It was too uncomfortable. I looked at the clock, we'd been talking longer than I realized. It was a quarter after and I didn't call my dad to come take me home. I frowned at the time. "I need to go."

Her face fell as I grabbed my stuff. "But you didn't even order anything to eat."

I shrugged as I stood up slowly, feeling light headed. "I'm fine. I just need to get home. I'll talk to my parents." I gave her a quick wave and hurried to the door. I pushed it open and let the cool air hit me as I stepped out. It was freezing again. I started in the direction of home, shivering.

I walked for a few minutes, stopping every few steps to catch my breath. My abdomen had felt funny since last night. Not a painful funny, just…. different. I looked forward as I walked, aware now of a familiar green s-10 slowing down beside me. The window rolled down.

"Get in," Paul ordered.

I shook my head at him. "No, I'll walk. It's fine." I went a few more feet before he pulled off the muddy, icy road, got out and started to follow after me. "You shouldn't be out here walking home in the snow, Sarah. Just let me give you a ride."

I laughed bitterly at him, blowing cold air out as I stopped and turned around. "What do you care?"

Paul smirked at me. "I don't, really."

I turned and took off again, slipping on a patch of ice and flailing just as Paul grabbed me and pulled me back up to my feet. "You're going to hurt yourself, come on. It's not my baby but I still don't want Sam to know I let you walk home knock yourself out."

"Not your baby? You're still saying that?" I asked, staring into his harsh black eyes.

"Yeah, I'm still saying that. It's not mine. It could be anyone's baby. There's no telling who else you slept with," he snapped.

I felt the tears in the corners of my eyes as I pulled free of him and lost my balance again, this time hitting the ice with a thud. "Owww," I groaned, afraid to move. Paul bent down, trying to tug me back up.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled at him, making him let go quickly.

"That's not what you wanted last night. Last night you wanted my hands all over you, just like everyone else that's touched you," Paul snarled, his expression turning ugly.

I shook my head and reached up to pull my beanie over my ears. "Quit saying that. You're the only one I've been with and you know it. You know it's not a lie."

Paul didn't say anything for a moment, almost like he was thinking on it. "I don't know that. I don't know that you weren't seeing someone else. I don't know for sure if this is my baby. And if it is I don't want it or you."

The words I'd heard so many times took a stab at me but this time I felt it for real in my stomach. I turned sideways, holding myself and whimpering as I tried to get up.

"What's wrong?" Paul asked quickly, noticing my pained expression.

"I don't know. Help me up. Please," I begged. He was already reaching down to lift me into his arms.

Paul didn't say a word as he buckled me into his truck and sped off. I crumpled up, crying. What if something was wrong? I hadn't been hurting until Paul had upset me. I sat there and tried to keep my tears silent, not sure if Paul would snap at me for sobbing or not. I didn't pay attention as we entered Forks until I saw the hospital come into sight.

"Come on," he said urgently, pulling me out of the cab and carrying me inside. He pushed me into a chair in the waiting and I could have sworn I saw a look of panic cross his face as he asked the nurse to page my mom. Another nurse was crouched down beside me with a clipboard. I felt another jolt.

"Paul," I whimpered. He turned around quickly and came back in a flash beside me.

"What's wrong? What can I do?"

I shook my head and grasped his jacket, wincing as I felt another one.

"Sarah!" I heard my mom exclaim as she came around the corner. She ignored Paul as she scribbled on the patient information sheet. She spoke to the nurse as I was whisked off to a room in the maternity section. My mom held onto my hand, glaring at Paul as he trailed behind looking like he was in pain.

"What did he do to you?" She asked softly. I shook my head at her.

"I just don't feel right."

"I'll be right back, I'm going to see if they can hurry up and get in here to examine you." She glared at Paul again as she left.

I looked at him. He was leaning against the window looking out of place. He hadn't spoken since before my mom had found us. A nurse pushed into the room, hooking me up to a monitor and pushing my shirt up to put another one on my stomach. She fiddled around with a machine until a steady thumping sound filled the room. Paul's ears seemed to adjust slightly and he stood up and walked over, looking curious.

"This is your baby's heartbeat," the nurse explained, smiling at me. I shut my eyes, it sounded fine.

"Is it normal?"

"Oh, yes. Surprisingly strong too at this stage." She got up. "I have to leave it on you until the doctor gets in here, okay?" I nodded, listening still. Paul was sitting in the chair beside my bed now, as close as he could get to my stomach. He was staring at the monitor, listening carefully to rhythm as well.

"That's really the baby, isn't it?" He sounded awestruck. I looked at him, wondering what had gotten into him. He reached out and pressed a hand onto me, making me jump. "I really have a baby," he repeated, like it had just hit him. He kept his hand on me, but moved his eyes to my face.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, moving closer to me now, but still keeping a hand on my stomach. "I should've left you alone. I shouldn't have bothered you today. I upset you too much." His apology seemed sincere.

I nodded, wincing as I got another pain. "I'm sorry for everything," Paul continued in a low, deep voice. "I'm sorry for telling everyone you were lying. I know you're not."

I was shocked by his sudden change of heart. Paul never apologized to anyone for anything. I hadn't been expecting him to change his mind about the baby. He leaned back toward the monitor, laying his head on my hip as he listened. "It's amazing. I can hear his heartbeat and know he's mine."

I wasn't sure of what to do. This was exactly what I'd wanted, but it didn't feel as... won over as I'd pictured it. I let my hand reach down and curl into his hair as he laid on my abdomen. A knock at the door made us both jump. The doctor came in all smiles as she saw us there, my mom behind her. She was shooting daggers at Paul. I looked at her and shook my head. This wasn't the place.

The doctor listened too, to the heartbeat and then pressed on stomach to see if I was tender before announcing she needed to examine me. I looked next to me at Paul who showed no signs of leaving now. My mom looked at him too, waiting for him to leave. Paul just leaned back into his chair, crossing his arms, standing his ground. I sat up, moving around as the doctor instructed deciding that if this didn't bother either of them, it didn't bother me either.

My mom held my hand as the doctor checked me over, not saying anything until she told me to dress. I slid my track pants back on slowly and sat down on the edge of the bed wondering what was wrong with me. I was calmed down now, we'd been here for two hours. Paul moved closer as I sat down, my mom did the same on the other side. The doctor glanced at my mom for a moment.

"Would you like for your mother to step out into the hall while I have a few words with you two?"

My mom shook her head quickly. "No, she's a minor, I need to stay. He should leave."

The doctor cleared her throat. "He needs to be aware of this himself." She scribbled on her board, not looking at any of us. "You need to avoid stressed situations and also I can see you've had intercourse recently and I need to advise you to refrain from sexual activity for at least a week, and when you do continue, to be careful- no rough movements, no ignoring the pain next time, okay kids?"

I felt my face turning blood red as she finished speaking. Paul looked out the window, his own dark skin turning a crimson. My mom scowled at us as the doctor left.

"What were you thinking?" She snapped at me, tossing me my jacket. I didn't look at her as I put it on. I moved to get up and felt Paul's hand on my arm and back, helping me.

"Don't touch her, you've done enough," my mom shot at him, taking my hand. I felt relieved to know there was nothing wrong with the baby, just me. I wanted to crawl under a rock now though, that my mom knew I'd slept with Paul. Paul looked hurt by my mom's tone as he followed us out.

"Sarah... I want to talk to you," he said softly.

My mom motioned for me to get into the car. "I can't. Not right now." He nodded as I started to climb into the passenger's side. I mouthed "tonight" to him as my mom got in. He stood there and watched sadly as we pulled out of the parking lot. I looked at my mom.

"I'm sorry. At least there's nothing wrong with the baby."

She nodded, looking at the road. "That's the important part." I didn't try to speak to her again as we drove home, she'd already called dad and told him where I was. He was probably mad that Paul had taken me. Paul. He'd done a complete turn around tonight. All it took was to hear his baby's heartbeat one time and he'd changed.


	13. Chapter 13

a/n-- **Sorry this is so long you guys, its so worth it though, I think you'll be happy :D special thanks to mediate for being patient and editing all 11 pages :D major brownie points goes to everyone who reviewed, and to liljenrocks for her nice comments about me :D go check her out... and while youre at it.. check out shes a boozer, she has a kick ass Embry story. Dont forget to leave me some more reviews!! :D**

Chapter 13

I sat with my knees pulled up to my chest waiting. I knew he'd come I just didn't know when. My mom had managed to convince my dad that my hurting was just normal stuff. I certainly didn't want him to know it was from sleeping with Paul and being stressed from arguing with him. I didn't think I'd have that problem again, though. He'd looked too remorseful when I left the hospital.

I got up slowly, seeing a shadow outside and moved to the window. Paul's hands reached underneath the bottom and pushed it up slowly. I stood back watching him as he climbed in slowly. He stood up and let his eyes fall on me. He reached his hand out to touch my stomach, making me flinch and move back. He looked pained.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I studied him a moment before I stepped back toward him and took his warm hand and pressed it exactly where he wanted to feel. I felt his fingers curve around my skin.

"Thank you," he said softly. I nodded and looked at him for a moment as he stood there with his hand pressed on me.

"Come on," I whispered, moving back to my bed to lie down. He followed me closely, lying down beside me and moving me over so that I was lying on his chest and he could still hold my stomach.

I shut my eyes, listening to his long, even breathing. Paul shifted again, wrapping his other arm around me. I nestled my head against him, breathing in his cedar and cologne mix as always. I didn't say anything to him and he didn't say anything to me as we lay there.

I drifted off, feeling content and not worrying about a thing.

-Paul's POV-

I pressed my hand against Sarah's soft skin, feeling the heat from her stomach. A side effect from having my baby, I realized. She moved, rubbing her face into my shirt, making me smile slightly. I let my thumb slide back and forth over my baby. My baby. I rested my head, relaxing as I thought back on what had happened at the hospital. I'd been terrified when I thought that something was wrong with Sarah and the baby. It didn't really hit me until I heard the heartbeat, though.

It was strong, stronger than normal. Proof that this really was my baby. I let out a deep breath as we lay there, Sarah was falling asleep. I didn't care as long as she let me stay and feel the baby even though I couldn't really feel him moving yet. I could hear the heartbeat still though, just not as clearly as I could at the hospital. I could sense something around Sarah now that made me want to stay by her side and watch over her.

I'd been horrible to her. Cruel. I'd thought being hateful would push her away from me, make her not want me. I was dead wrong. I had to be with her, she was carrying my child. I needed to be around Sarah. If she'd let me. If she didn't, I understood why. I'd done so many uncalled for and horrible things to her over the past two months. I'd known all along that this had to be my baby; Sarah really hadn't been with anyone else. I'd taken her virginity, not some other guy. And Sarah was loyal to me, unbelievably loyal, it was almost like she'd imprinted on me and me not on her.

I had no idea what I'd do now with the imprinting thing. I couldn't let it happen. I couldn't imprint and leave her ever, she had my baby. This baby was mine, Sarah was mine and I'd almost driven her away. I kissed the side of her face now that I was sure she was asleep. I would have to start over from scratch. I laid back and shut my eyes, not daring to fall asleep here; I wouldn't wake up in time before someone came in and found us. I didn't want her to get into any trouble over me.

I took a deep breath, letting Sarah's melon scent fill me. It had another something added to it and I realized it must be from the baby. I felt my stomach flutter every time I heard the word or it popped into my mind. _Baby_. I was having a baby. I laid there, touching her stomach and listening to her sleep until daylight started to pour in through the window. I hated to leave.

I moved slowly, not wanting to wake her as I slid her over onto the bed instead of my chest. I moved my hand off of her stomach, regretting it. Sarah's eyes opened up slowly.

"Paul?"

I smiled at her as I stood up "I need to go. I'll see you sooner than you think, though okay?" I'd leave it at that for now. I leaned down and gently kissed her abdomen. "Be careful. Don't let anything happen to the baby."

She nodded sleepily as I kissed her forehead and went silently out the window. I had to get home quick. My mom would know where I was this time. She knew I'd taken Sarah to Forks Hospital so she'd assume that I went to see her last night to check on her. I couldn't afford for my parents to know that I was seeing her at night somehow.

I ran quickly through the woods back home, I could smell Jake close by. I took the shortcut to my house and jumped through the window hoping I'd made it in time. I looked around my room, I couldn't tell if anyone had been in it or not. I looked at the bed, decided against sleeping and went to the kitchen instead. I could smell bacon frying as I looked around. My mom was sitting at the table yawning as she lit a cigarette. She smiled at me as I came in and sat down rubbing my eyes.

"Late night?" She asked simply. I nodded slowly not sure if she knew or not.

"Do you think you could convince her to come over? Just see that we're not that bad?" She took a puff of her cigarette. I shrugged. I didn't know if I could get Sarah to do anything right now. I wasn't going to be as pushy as I used to be.

"Maybe."

Mom seemed to take that as a good enough answer. "Today, maybe?" She asked hopefully.

I sighed loudly as I got up and got the carton of orange juice out. "I'll see. I don't know if she can. Her parents won't like it much."

Mom made a face as she passed me a plate. "I'm tempted to go talk to them myself. They can't keep me away from my own flesh and blood."

I rolled my eyes as I sat down, drinking from the carton, with my plate. "Don't go over there. They're kind of... strange. I don't think they like me at all." I knew they didn't like me. Her mom probably hated me now. I stuffed forkfuls of food into my mouth before getting up and putting my plate in the sink. I hurried off to get a shower and change before I went back over to Sarah's.

I pulled my clothes on quickly, not even drying my hair as I walked by my mom who was cleaning.

"I'll be back later. I'll call if she says she'll come." I jumped down the steps and took off through the woods. I didn't dare drive, if someone was still there and saw my truck they'd recognize it. I walked slowly through the trees, feeling nervous about what I had to tell Sarah. It was her decision now if she wanted to be with me or not.

I hid in the trees that lined her yard, waiting until her dad finally left for work. I crept slowly up to her window again and pushed it up so I could climb through. Sarah was lying in her pink and white bed asleep. She looked perfectly peaceful.

I stood there, watching her as she slept for a moment before I dared to take my shoes off and crawl in beside her. I lifted the comforter up and slid underneath it, Sarah stirred slightly and peered at me under her lashes before moving closer to me and hugging me against her before she shut her eyes again. I wrapped my arms around her; I could feel what was drawing me here against my own stomach. I rubbed her shoulders as she slept. After a few minutes I shut my eyes letting myself drift off with her.

I woke up on and off as she slept heavily in my arms. I stared at her face, she really was beautiful. I didn't see how I could ever find someone more perfect for me than she was. Her eyes opened up slowly. They focused on me little by little.

"I thought you left me," she said softly.

I smiled at her, not being able to resist it. "I did for a while. I went home and took a shower and came back in after your dad left. I need to talk to you about something." I loosened my arms from around her thinking of how to say this. She nodded for me to continue. I looked into her blue-green eyes as I spoke softly.

"I know you've seen how Sam and Emily and Jared and Kim are together. The way they stare at each other and how they'll pull toward each other when the other is near." I paused as she nodded. "It's called _imprinting_. It means that Sam and Jared have found their soul mates in Emily and Kim. As soon as Sam and Jared looked at them they were tied to them forever. They complete their other halves."

Sarah looked at me confused. I pressed my finger to her lips as I started to speak again. "The rest of us haven't imprinted yet. I've been pushing you away from me because I can't stand the thought of imprinting on someone and breaking your heart. I don't want it to happen, but it will eventually. It could be a long time. I could stay just like this for thirty more years while I wait. Or I could go to school one day like Jared did and glimpse her, whoever she'll be and be tied to her."

I saw her lower lip start to tremble. "I didn't want to let myself love you, Sarah. I can't love you like that. Like Sam does Emily."

Sarah bit down on her lip like she always did when she got upset. "Do you even love me a little?"

I nodded slowly, not wanting to see her cry. "I love you more than a little, Sarah. That's why this is so hard."

She blinked, letting drops fall. "Cant you try and be with me until you imprint?" Her tone was pleading.

I looked away from her, not wanting to cry myself when I saw her start to. "It's only going to hurt you worse when I do, Sarah. I won't even be able to look at you the same way I do now. It won't matter anymore what happened in the past. Sam's had this happen to him too."

Sarah reached over and touched the side of my face lightly. "I'll deal with it when it happens. I'll let you go. I just... need you right now. I'm having your baby and I don't want to be alone."

I felt my heart start to break as I took her hand off my face and held it in mine. "Okay. But only because you understand everything." I kissed the top of her hand as I looked back into her eyes. She looked half happy and half sad as she rolled over to hug me.

"Thank you," she whispered as she sniffled into my neck. I nodded as I held her tightly. I was selfish by doing this, but I couldn't just walk away and leave her.

"Shh," I whispered, not wanting to talk anymore at the moment. She nodded and kept a tight grip around me, like she was afraid I might run off or something. I was letting my guard down little by little with her. I felt better already. I rubbed her back. "What do you want to do today?"

Sarah shrugged partly, not being able to move under my hold. "I don't know. I don't do much except sit here at home or go to Emily's and work." I thought on all three of the options. Work was closed today. Emily's meant too much of an audience as I adjusted to my view on things. If we sat here I might be tempted to do a lot more than sit here and that was against the doctor's orders.

"Would you consider going to my house?" I asked before I could chicken out.

She didn't say anything; I knew she was thinking it over. I blew into her ear, making her shudder and tilt her head away. "I don't know, I don't know about… everything. My parents don't want me to have anything to do with you guys at all. Besides that, Emily kind of told me about all that stuff before…."

Ah, so she thought my dad would go into a rage off hand and that we must be bad people or something. I sighed. "That's all in the past. Everything's the same at my house as it is at yours. I promise. And this isn't your parents' baby, this is our baby. My family just wants you to consider talking to them, getting to know them."

Sarah studied my face for a moment before finally nodding. "Fine, I'll go but... don't leave me alone with them. Either of them. I'm not making any promises on how involved they can be either. I can't completely go against my parents; they're doing too much for me right now."

I nodded and leaned over and kissed her softly. "Thank you."

Sarah stretched out slowly, arching her back as she turned; I couldn't help but stare at her stomach as she rolled over on her side. "When's your next appointment?"

She wiggled out from under the blankets. "Next Monday. I'll be fourteen weeks then. I'm getting bigger and bigger." I didn't think she was getting so big. She'd always been a little on the skinny side on certain spots. I thought she looked pretty damn good pregnant with my baby. She rolled again, this time letting one leg rest on either side of my hips. The pressure of her sitting on me automatically made my blood rush.

"God... get off," I said lowly. She only smiled down at me and acted like she was stretching again. "I'm serious. You know we can't do anything, you should start getting ready to go, anyway." I took a deep breath calming myself as she started to get back off, pressing down as she crawled over me.

"I have to get a shower. You can just... hang out or something, it won't take me long," she said as she went to the closet and flipped through the hanging clothes. She frowned and went to the dresser and started digging through it.

I watched her for a few minutes, watching her plunder through clothes. "Just put on something, I don't care what you look like."

She sighed loudly as went back to the closet and grabbed a pair of jeans. "They don't fit me, Paul. Only my track pants fit and I always wear those. I don't want them to think I'm a slob or something just because I'm pregnant now." She grabbed a pink sweater next and then rummaged back through the dresser again before yanking out a pair of light blue panties and a bra. "These don't even fit me either," she grumbled as she headed out of her room. "I'll be back in a few."

I nodded and waited until I heard the shower come on to get up from the bed. I pulled the sheets and comforter making it up perfectly. I looked at the pictures on the nightstand- Sarah at the beach, Sarah with her parents. I walked around, listening to make sure the shower hadn't stopped before I dared to go out of the room. I followed Sarah's scent to where it seemed to be almost as strong as it was in her room. I pushed the door open slowly to the room down the hall.

A nursery. Or it would be a nursery. The walls were painted pale green and a matching rug covered the hardwood floor. There was a rocking chair in the corner near the window. Everything else was open space except for a white dresser. I couldn't help but open it and looked inside. I frowned when I saw what was in it. Sarah had already been piling up tiny clothes. They looked miniscule in my hands.

I put the tiny pajamas back and shut the drawer before heading back to her room before she could realize I'd been snooping. I hadn't realized I should be getting baby stuff already. I thought of the checks I had from the garage that were stuffed in my wallet at home. I hadn't even cashed them. I didn't need to. I heard the bathroom door open just as I sat down on the bed again.

Sarah padded in with a towel wrapped around her middle and another on top of her head. I stared as she came in, what the hell was she playing at today? She tossed her pile of clothes on the bed and pretended like I wasn't there as she let the towel drop and started to get dressed little by little.

"You're not funny," I told her, looking up at the ceiling. A week ago I would have stared.

Sarah pulled her shirt over her head and then pulled the towel off her hair. "I'm dressed."

I glanced at her. "You're pretty in pink you know," I said randomly, making her laugh as she started brushing out her hair. "I like the way your clothes fit. You don't look fat."

Sarah rolled her eyes as she turned on the hair dryer, blowing out her blonde locks and sending a wave of her shampoo at me. I slid my feet into my shoes as she turned it back off and started pulling her hair up in a bun.

"Almost ready?" I asked.

"I guess. I wanted to put on make-up but I guess it doesn't matter. They've already seen me looking terrible." She grabbed her furry tan boots and slid them on. "Come on, let's get it over with."

I grabbed her hand as we walked out of the house. I should have gone and got my truck, I thought as Sarah walked beside me in the cold. She didn't seem to mind it a lot though. She swung our hands back and forth, a new glow had set into her since I'd told her I'd stay with her. She really did need me.

I tugged her down my road; I could sense her getting nervous as we neared my house. I glanced at her to see her reaction as we walked up the porch. It wasn't as big or as fancy as hers. It wasn't as tiny as others either, though. I opened up the door slowly, giving her a chance to get herself together.

"Relax. They're not going to bite," I whispered to her as she looked around my living room nervously. She was taking in all the odds and ends furniture junk my mom had brought home to _accentuate_.

"Come on." I pulled her toward the kitchen where I knew they would be. I went through the open doorway first, my mom got up smiling as she hurriedly put out her cigarette when she saw Sarah cowering behind me.

"Welcome, I'm so happy you came," she said happily, hugging Sarah before she could get away. I gave her a look and shook my head. My mom let go of her. My dad stayed seated, smiling at her. I tugged off her jacket and pulled out a chair for her to sit down in.

"Sit down, you're tired from walking," I ordered her as I went and hung her jacket up. She timidly sat down, pulling on her sweater. I slid down beside her, giving her a small smile as she leaned her body closer to me.

"You two should have called, I would have picked you up. Sarah doesn't need to be out walking around in this kind of weather," my dad said sternly.

Sarah smiled at him. "I'm fine. I'm not helpless. It's good for me to get out and move around." I grasped her cold hand in mine under the table.

My mom was up fixing Sarah a mug of herbal tea. "Here, drink this. It'll make warm you up." Sarah looked at the cup a moment before glancing at me, I nodded at her and she took a small sip of it. She paused before taking a bigger one and setting it back down. I could feel my dad watching me interact with her silently, like he was trying to see what the elusion of our relationship was.

"So Sarah, how's everything going with the baby? Paul mentioned he took you to the hospital yesterday." My mom started, keeping a smile on her face.

Sarah looked at me again before speaking. "Okay. It wasn't anything major. Just pains from stress." She sipped her tea again.

My dad cleared his throat. "You could have asked me to drive you back home, I wouldn't have minded. It really is too far for you to go on foot."

She shrugged. "It's not that bad of a walk. I was just lucky Paul came by when he did or I would have been there for a while."

"Well you know, next time you don't have to go all the way to Forks. I know a great midwife, she delivered Paul and Ellie. I actually spoke with her already, I was trying to get an idea of everything we'd need to have ready."

Sarah's eyes widened at my mom's words. "Why do I need a midwife?" She asked slowly.

My mom looked at me, then back at Sarah before speaking. "Because it's tribal tradition. All of our children are born here on the lands. We don't go to the hospital for birthing. I'd assumed since the baby is Quileute that it'd be born naturally here."

Sarah's grip tightened on my hand and she looked at me when she spoke. "I hadn't thought about that. I guess the baby really is more Quileute. I don't want to have the baby at the hospital if it bothers Paul."

I thought on it, I really didn't want her overnight in Forks- the Cullens' territory. I didn't want Dr. Fang walking the same halls as me and my brothers who would most likely want to visit as soon as they could after the birth. And I was kinda big on tradition for the tribe.

"It doesn't bother me, but I guess I would prefer it you didn't go to Forks."

She nodded slowly, agreeing with us. "Okay. I don't know how to even start with that though."

My mom got a gleeful look on her face, realizing she'd won herself a new in with Sarah. "I'll help you. I'll call and see when Mrs. Wahall can see you. It means we'll have to be extra careful with what we buy though, since we won't know the baby's sex until after he or she's born."

My dad caught my eye and smiled at me, showing his thanks for bringing Sarah. This was making them happier than I'd seen them in months.

My mom continued. "More importantly, you'll have to explain to your parents what you're planning. I'm not sure if they'll be agreeable with this."

"I don't think they'll mind that much, it kind of works out perfectly. I'd been worrying about the drive to Forks. At least here, I'm only a few minutes away from someone who can help."

I listened to them talk about hospitals and midwives for awhile. At least they were getting along. My dad had decided to go out and get wood for the fireplace, leaving me alone with them. "You know, I know where Paul goes at night," my mom stated with a hint of sternness. "If it were easier for you to come here and stay with him, that's not a big deal for us."

My eyes jerked up to my mom. Was she actually suggesting that Sarah stay the night here, with me? Sarah's cheeks blushed as she looked down at the floor. "I don't think that would work out so well. They know I don't go anywhere but over to Emily's and my dad checks in with Sam sometimes."

My mom shrugged carelessly. "I'm just saying, you're welcome in my home at any time. I figure there's nothing you two can do that you haven't done by now. I only wonder how your parents haven't realized how you're seeing each other yet. At any rate, I'm glad you two have worked things out between yourselves. I was worried you might not even speak when the baby was born." She got up from the table and put her glass in the sink. "I won't smoke when you're over, not in the house." She looked at Sarah and smiled as she stepped out on the back porch, shutting the door behind her.

I turned to Sarah. "Well, do you like her?" I wanted her to like my family. She was kind of stuck with us after all.

She nodded quickly. "She's nice. I like how at-ease she is with everything." She put a hand on her stomach. "I guess I'll have to get ready for a home birth."

I smiled at her, she was taking this so easily. Anyone else would've been terrified at the idea of not being in a hospital.

"Come on, let's go to my room for a while." I pulled her up slowly, shaking my head at the way she acted like she could hardly move already. I led her down the hall to last door and opened it. My room wasn't a mess. It just wasn't very glamorous compared to hers. She glanced around as she let herself flop onto my bed.

"Not what I pictured."

I smirked at her as I sat down beside her, wrapping an arm over her shoulders. "She's really happy, you know. She's not that upset about the baby. She just wants to be around you and get to know you." Sarah nodded and leaned against me.

"I know. I'm happy for her help with it too. Your dad just seems too out of place with the baby talk."

I laughed out loud. My dad never really spent time with us as kids. "He doesn't know what to do. My sister's really flipping out over this. She's at my aunt's house right now or she'd be asking to feel the baby." I looked down at the small bump. "That's something I wanted to talk about too, actually. I don't think you should let a lot of people feel your stomach. The heat radiating from it might start a lot of questions."

She nodded, taking my other arm and placing it on her. "I know, Sam said it's from your guys' genes or something."

I pressed my hand onto her stomach as another thought came to me. "I have something for you, too." I leaned over to the edge of my bed and grabbed my pants off the floor, tugging my wallet out. I opened it with one hand letting my fingers grasping what I wanted. "Here. You should start getting everything you need to take care of the baby." I pushed the money into her hands.

Sarah shook her head, pulling away from me. "I can't take all of your money." She tried putting it back in my hand. I clamped my hand into a ball. "Paul... this is yours. You'll need your own stuff for here."

I shrugged. "I'll get it. I don't exactly spend money on a lot of stuff. I want to help."

She sighed and looked down at the money before I took it and stuffed it into her pocket. "Next thing is, you need to learn how to drive." She made a face at me when I said it. "You're old enough to have a license. You'll need one soon."

I kissed the side of her face quickly. "Its torture," I said softly as I reached up and pushed her face around to mine and kissed her mouth next. "You're right here and I can't even have you."

She opened her mouth up, letting my tongue slide in and I pushed her back onto my bed. I'd dreamed of this too many times. Only she wasn't pregnant and I didn't have to stop. I felt her hands snaking up my back, running through my hair.

"I love you," she dared to whisper as I started down her neck. I didn't hesitate to answer.

"I love you too" I whispered back, letting my hand go through the back of her sweater. I slid my hand around, cupping it around her perfect mound. I kissed her bottom lip, sighing as she ran her nails up and down my rib cage.

"Good thing she's already pregnant," I heard my mom saying. I hadn't even sensed her in the room. I lifted myself off of Sarah, jerking my hand out from under her shirt in one move. Sarah let go of me quickly, sitting up and adjusting her shirt again.

"I didn't hear you knock."

She rolled her eyes at me as she sat down, forcing me to move over. "Next step of business is getting your family to agree to at least meet us. I don't want them to not like us. Paul hasn't been right but this baby is still a part of our family. I thought maybe I'd call and see if I could get them to meet with us."

I shook my head at her. "Not such a good idea right now, mom. Maybe wait a week… or eight."

Sarah shifted around beside me. "I'll bring it up to them. I'll have to let them know I'm coming over here anyway when I tell her about the midwife instead of a doctor thing." She was leaned back partway, one hand on her stomach.

My mom got up and started looking around my room like she was inspecting it or something. "Hmm... You're going to have to move things around to fit the bassinet in here, Paul." Bassinet? In my room? I frowned at her as she appraised my closet space next.

"Why can't we put it in the spare room?" I wondered aloud, she scoffed at me shaking her head. "The baby will need to be close to you so you can hear him."

I could hear the baby if it was down the hall. I knew I could. But my mom didn't. "I guess in here is okay then. I doubt if I have the baby over night though." She rolled her eyes as she started to leave the room again.

"Do you two want some lunch?" I shook my head and so did Sarah. "You should eat, Sarah. It's not healthy for you to only snack on those little bags of carrots and celery I see you with all the time. You need real food."

Sarah flushed slightly. "I'm trying not to gain a ton. I'm already bigger than most people are at this point."

My mom paused in the doorway. "Paul was a big baby too. Then again, look at his size now."

"I hope its all baby. I've already bought a few things, I'm not even sure if they're going to fit the baby though, they're so tiny."

My mom laughed as she walked out then. "They'll fit."

I looked back over at Sarah, she was sitting up again slowly. "You know, technically the doctor only said no actual sex. She didn't say we couldn't do other stuff." She smiled, looking at me like she was ready to jump me. I was torn. I wanted her like crazy right now, but I didn't want to do something that would hurt her. She leaned over slowly, placing one hand on my thigh as she wrapped the other around my waist.

"We could wait until later tonight. Or we could go the beach like we used to."

I looked down at her, noticing how her sweater hugged her when she leaned a certain way. I could see straight down clearly. She'd….grown. I jerked my eyes away, feeling my blood start to pound as she inched her hand up higher on my thigh.

"Stop... I might make you hurt if we do anything more than make out."

Sarah frowned at me, making her bottom lip pout out. "I guess I should get home anyway." She removed her arms from around me and started to stand up.

"No... wait… just..." I sighed as I gave in to her. "Lay back down." She gave me a sly smile as she sat back down and I got up and pushed my door closed. "Don't you dare be loud either. My mom's still in the kitchen. She's cool with you staying here but I don't want her to hear..." Sarah was nodding already and reaching her arms out to pull me down on top of her.

I gasped when I felt what she did when I finally let my weight rest on top of her. She'd lifted one leg up over my hip, pressing me against her. I knew she could feel exactly what she wanted through my jeans and her thin jeans. I pushed my mouth onto hers, shutting my eyes as I felt her relaxing under me. I could feel her hands on my lower back now, pressing down. She bit on my bottom lip a little in between kisses, I had forgotten how exhilarating it was to just lay here and make out.

I pulled my mouth from hers just enough so I could speak. "So are staying with me tonight?" I whispered. Sarah shook her head.

"I can't just say 'hey, I'm going to stay at Paul's'." I blew into her ear before I started nibbling on the lobe.

"Come on… stay." She shook her head again and shut her eyes when I pushed my hand into the waist of her jeans. I rested my hand on her abdomen. "You're right. It'll be fun to stay over when we can actually be together."

She leaned her head up and kissed me, pushing her tongue into mine as she moved her hands up to play with my hair. I heard a knock on the door and called out, still kissing her, "Go away!"

I heard someone laugh and a moment later the door opened. My mom was standing there with an over-excited Ellie. I shot her a dirty look as I let go of Sarah again.

"Come here, kid." Elli ran quickly to me and hopped up into my lap. "I want to show you something, okay?" She nodded, her eyes shining as she looked at Sarah who was sitting on the edge of the bed beside me. I grabbed Ellie's small hand and pressed it against Sarah's stomach. "You're going to be an auntie," I told her watching her smile. Sarah gave her a warm smile as Ellie pushed onto her stomach.

"That's not a real baby," she declared. "The stork's bringing the real one." We all laughed at Ellie's theory as she hopped down off of my lap and took off. "I wanna watch Tv."

My mom smiled at us brightly. "Thank you for letting her feel. I know you probably don't want us all touching your stomach. Are you staying for dinner?"

Sarah looked at the clock beside my bed. "I didn't know it was this late. I've got to get home. They're gonna notice I'm gone and I wasn't supposed to go out because I'm not supposed to do much." She grabbed her jacket and started putting it on, I couldn't help but let out a laugh when she tried to zip it up.

"Come on, I'll walk you back." I got up and grabbed her hand.

I walked her all the way to her driveway this time, daring her parents to come out and say something to me. Sarah looked up at me shyly. "I guess I'll see you later. Or tomorrow or whenever?" I nodded.

"I've got patrol tonight, but I'll come by tomorrow after school by the store and see you." I leaned down and wrapped my arms around her, inhaling deeply before I kissed her goodbye. "Goodnight," I said softly as I let go of her.

Sarah smiled."Night."

She turned to go inside right as I called out, "Love you!"


	14. Chapter 14

a/n--**This is a huge chapter.. sorry!! its better than a four pager though right? anyways... thanks mediate for betaing this :D also thanks to my reviewers you guys actually help get this updated quicker. Dont forget to go check out liljenrocks's story, its about the new wolf pack kids, the originals kids. Its pretty awesome so check it out! **

**Warning....lemony lime goodness is in doses in here..... :D :D but it wouldnt be a Paul story without it. **

Chapter 14

I shut the door behind me and paused to take off my jacket and scarf. "I'm home!" I called to my mom. I headed into the kitchen smelling chicken frying. She turned around, looking slightly disdainful.

"Where have you been?"

I shrugged and sat down at the bar, grabbing a roll and buttering it up. "I went over to the Kimkirk's for a while. They wanted to talk with me." I tried to say it as casually as I could.

"You went where?" She demanded, her eyes flashing. My dad came around the corner, pushing up his sleeves.

"What happened?" He asked, smiling.

My mom turned to him. "Sarah," she nodded her head toward me, "went over to the Kimkirk's house today." I looked down at the roll I was chewing on, not meeting my dad's eyes.

"Why did you go there, Sarah? I thought we discussed this already and decided you weren't going to have anything to do with them and neither would the baby."

I stared at the pieces of roll I was tearing off and piling up. "No, that's what you decided. They just wanted to talk. They want to be a part of the baby's life too. And Paul."

My dad sighed and rubbed his temples. "Sarah, you know it won't work out. And Paul is nothing but bad news for you. Those people aren't the type of family my grandchild needs. The baby will be taken care of without them."

I looked up slowly, glancing at my mom's stricken face as she shoved a bowl of mashed potatoes at me on the counter. "But they're the baby's grandparents too. Paul's the father of the baby, I can't just not let them be around if they choose to be. It's not right."

"I don't care if it's right, I don't want you going over there and visiting them. We don't even know anything about them. I just know I don't like their son and I don't want you near him. The other day I saw him and a bunch of other hooligans running around in the snow half dressed. I don't see how Sam Uley puts up with them."

I frowned. I'd liked the Kimkirk's. They were honestly nice people. "But it's not your choice. It's mine and Paul's baby, not yours. I'm pregnant with Paul Kimkirk's baby whether you like it or not so you're going to have to start liking him and his family," I said angrily. I could feel tears running down my cheeks as I got upset. Why couldn't they just get along? I pushed the stool back and grabbed a hold of the bar to pull myself, my dad reached over to help and I gave him a dirty look. "I'm fine."

My mom sighed. "Sarah, don't get yourself all upset over this please, sweetie. Just sit down at the table and eat dinner, okay?" She gave me a pleading look as she carried the bowls over and sat them down. I glanced at the chicken and the pitcher of lemonade. I was pretty hungry. I sighed as I went over to the table, wiping my cheeks as I sat down.

My dad pushed the food at me. "I guess its okay if you go over there, but only if Mrs. Kimkirk is there too, okay?"

I nodded, putting a spoon full of potatoes into my mouth. I hadn't realized how hungry I was for something other than my health food snacks. I swallowed and sipped my lemonade. "She wants to meet you guys. I told her already I didn't think you would meet her, though."

My mom looked surprised. "I don't know what she wants with us. It's better if I don't see her. It might not turn out so well for any of us." My dad nodded his silent agreement. I'd at least got them to agree to let me do what I wanted with the baby, I probably shouldn't push the whole meeting them.

I waited a few minutes before daring to bring up the next arguable topic. "There's something else I wanted to talk to you about too," I began. My dad put his fork down and looked at me. "I don't think I want to go to Forks to the doctor anymore. I think I'd rather just have the baby at home with a midwife here on the reservation."

My mom and dad exchanged looks. "I think that's a bad idea. You need to go to Forks. There are too many things that could go wrong. Having babies at home is not exactly modern, we have a hospital for a reason," my mom said unhappily.

"Are they telling you to do this or something?" My dad asked angrily.

I shook my head, not wanting them to get even madder at the Kimkirks. "Its just that all the babies in the tribe are born on the reservation and I thought that mine should be, just like his or her Quileute family was."

My mom rolled her eyes at the ceiling. "You're not Quileute, Sarah. You're not a member of the tribe. You're having the baby in Forks. I don't trust those midwives they have, anyway." My dad was nodding in agreement with her. "It's just a bunch of tribal mumbo jumbo that they do."

"But the baby is Quileute. Paul's a member of the tribe. He works with the council, they're big on tradition and I don't think its right for his own flesh and blood to be born anywhere else. Mrs. Kimkirk gave me the number of a midwife to start seeing." I looked at their faces, trying to see if that made them any madder.

My mom had her head in her hands, with her elbows on the table. "You can't just not go to a doctor. There might be something wrong and you won't know it."

"The midwife will be able to tell. I really want to do things this way, mom. It means a lot to me," I said softly.

My dad cleared his throat. "Then we'll do it your way. I guess I do understand what you mean about the baby being Quileute and wanting it to be born the way that they traditionally are."

I couldn't help but grin now. I'd won them over. "Thank you!" I jumped up from my chair and went around the table and hugged him tightly. "It means a lot to me."

My mom still looked uneasy at the idea of it. "I suppose we could see how it goes. I'll cancel your appointment tomorrow but you still need to go shopping for some clothes. You can't keep wearing just your track pants and pajamas everywhere. I noticed your jacket barely fits now too."

I knew that. I hardly had anything that fit me now. Even my track pants were tightening on me. "I'm getting fat already. I can't even wear any of my regular shirts now. Only these sweaters fit." I picked at the skin of the chicken. "Would you mind if we did some shopping for the baby too? I want to get a few things just to have ready."

She nodded quickly. "I thought we could go into town tomorrow and see what kind of nursery sets they have at the furniture store so we don't have to haul a crib back from Seattle or Port Angles."

"Sounds good to me." I pushed my plate back and got up slowly. "I'm going to bed, I don't feel good." I grabbed my lemonade to take with me and waved to them as I went to my room. I kicked my pants off, not even bothering to put on pajamas as I crawled into the bed. I knew Paul wasn't coming tonight but I needed a replacement. I grabbed a pillow and stuffed it under me, clutching at it. It wasn't the best but it would work. I shut my eyes and let myself drift off, feeling the mental toll of the day hitting me.

*********************************

I put on my new maternity clothes. I didn't care for them that much, I hated the elastic band that went over me. We'd gone shopping a few days ago for them and I'd taken forever trying to find girly enough ones. I had to admit though, I preferred the pink shirt I had on to any of my other ones, and this one didn't hug my stomach as bad. I ran my fingers through my hair, glimpsing in the mirror deciding I looked okay.

"Sarah, we need to go soon, okay?" My mom called out.

"Coming!" I yelled back, grabbing my purse and leaving my room quickly. We were going to run over to the furniture store to look at a few things. I followed her out to the car and got in, buckling myself up.

"So were you thinking white or wood colored?" My mom asked as we neared the store. I shrugged.

"It doesn't matter, really." I was more worried about my mom and Paul's finally meeting today. My mom had no clue she worked at the store.

My mom pulled into a space and we went in, looking over a few things. I wandered off on my own, looking at dressers. I could hear my mom talking to someone on the other side of the store.

"Well this is the one I'm getting for my son, actually. It's sturdier and comes with the changing table." I heard Mrs. Kimkirk's voice saying. I froze. Oh, no….

"Oh, really? You're expecting a grandchild too? When's the due date?" My mom asked excitedly. "My daughter's due in the fall, in October."

"That's about the same as my son's girlfriend, actually." I hurried around the corner then. "Oh, Hello Sarah! I wasn't expecting you," she said with a bright smile.

Realization dawned on both womens' faces when they looked from me back to each other. "Mom, this is Mrs. Kimkirk, Paul's mother. Mrs. Kimkirk, this is my mom, Sandra."

Mrs. Kimkirk held out her hand for my mom to shake. "I'm so glad we finally got to meet, I've been trying to get Sarah to introduce us for a week or two now."

My mom looked at her hand and didn't take it; instead she got a cold look on her face. "Come on Sarah, I think we're done in here." She turned to go. I gave Mrs. Kimkirk as apologetic look as I went to leave with her.

"I'd like to talk to you for a moment, if you don't mind," Mrs. Kimkirk said hurriedly. My mom stopped and turned back around to give her an annoyed look.

"I don't have time to talk to the likes of you and you might as well bring the crib you bought back to the store because the baby won't be at your house overnight, anyway," my mom shot out at her.

I opened my mouth to speak and Mrs. Kimkirk held a hand up to stop me. "I think the baby will be. After all, the baby does belong to my son. And speaking of my son, I don't know what you hold against him so pig-headedly but its time you drop it."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Were these two ladies really fixing to have it out right here in the store with all of these witnesses?

"Your son," my mom spat out "got my barely sixteen-year old daughter pregnant for starters after I told him to stay away from her."

Mrs. Kimkirk got a sweet smile on her face and spoke in an even sweeter voice. "And your sixteen-year old daughter had sex with my son, did she not? Paul didn't get Sarah pregnant all alone, I'm sure, and maybe just maybe, have you considered that your daughter didn't stay away Paul?"

It was true. We'd both done things we weren't supposed to in order to see each other. We snuck out, we lied, we deliberately turned them against each other without meaning to. I looked down at the wooden floor.

"Can we go, please?"

Mrs. Kimkirk reached over and hugged me. "I'm sorry sweetheart, but its time they realized its not just Paul that did something wrong. Please don't be upset with me."

My mom rolled her eyes. "I've had enough. Come on." She started walking back out.

"If you change your mind, come by!" Mrs. Kimkirk called out. I gave her a small smile as I followed my mom to the car. Talk about a rough start. I got in and slammed the door shut.

"Why did you do that, mom?"

She started the car and started backing out slowly. "She was rude to me too, Sarah. I don't like her." I shook my head as I looked out the window; we passed the garage where Paul and Sam worked at. I could see Sam and Paul's shapes in the building. Bigger than the rest.

I'd already decided where I was going tonight. It was Saturday and Paul didn't have to go to school so I didn't see a better day to go over than tonight. It'd been a little over a week that the doctor had said to take it easy. It had driven us both crazy not to be able to do much. It was even more frustrating when Sam had given Paul all late night patrols.

We got home and I got out of the car quickly, knowing I'd have to hurry up and pack and call Paul to stop by for me after work. I grabbed the cordless phone and an apple and took off to my room while my mom relayed the events to my dad who was trying hard not to laugh at her. I dialed the garages number and waited while they got Paul.

"Hello?" He came across sounding worried.

I smiled as I tossed some stuff into a bag. "Hey sexy," I said playfully.

"Sarah? Is everything okay?" He said surprised.

"It will be if you come get me after work, I'll be ready," I teased him.

Paul laughed then, realizing what I was after. "Okay. I'll be there in about half an hour, love you." He hung up quickly, not waiting for me to reply. I tossed the phone on the bed and grabbed my toothbrush and things from the bathroom.

I trudged into the living room a few minutes later with my bag and sat down heavily on the couch. My dad looked at me surprised. "Going somewhere?"

I nodded, knowing I'd have to tell them eventually anyway. "To Paul's. I'm staying the night with him. He's coming by for me in a few minutes."

My dad turned green and my mom gasped a little bit. "It's not right, Sarah. You can't just stay there, you're only sixteen."

I shrugged at her, watching the window for signs of his truck. "It's not like we can do anything we haven't done before. Especially since his entire family will be there with us too," I pointed out.

"It's not right, though. I already don't approve of this situation," my dad started. I got up from the couch and grabbed my bag, I could hear Paul outside.

"I'll be back tomorrow," I said smiling at them. I kissed my dad on the cheek as I rushed out. I practically ran to Paul's truck and got in. I wrinkled my nose up. Grease.

"God… you stink."

Paul laughed as he backed out. "You smell pretty good," he observed, breathing in. I filled him in on what had happened earlier and to my surprise he laughed about it. He thought it was funny that they fought.

We pulled at his house and he grabbed my bag as we got out and headed inside. I followed behind him, no one was here yet. "So I can either take a shower or we can do other stuff," he suggested winking at me. I thought about it, I wanted him. But he smelled like a dirty old grease pit.

"Shower," I ordered. He led me into his room and started grabbing some clothes at random. I sat down at the bed and watched him as he grabbed a pair of board shorts. "So did you like work?"

He rolled his eyes and leaned over me. "Not really, but it's worth it. I get to take care of you and the baby this way." I smiled at him as he pressed his lips over mine, just brushing them and then took off to the bathroom. "I'll be back."

I leaned back onto his bed, looking around. He didn't have a lot of decoration in here. I adjusted his pillows around, laying back. I didn't feel like getting up and turning the Tv on. I waited patiently, hoping he'd hurry before someone came back. I heard the door open again a few minutes later and he came in, still dripping from the shower, clothes in hand. Paul smirked at me when I looked him over; he had a towel tied around his waist.

"Less to take off," he explained as he slid down beside me.

I wrapped my arms on his neck, pulling him closer. I'd waited too long for him, I decided as he kissed the curve of my neck. I moaned lightly when I felt him sliding his hands further down pushing my jeans down lower. His warm fingers slipped inside of me in one move, I pressed my body against his wanting to be as close to him as I could be. I shut my eyes, leaning my head on his shoulder as he pumped his fingers in and out. I sighed, it was great but it wasn't what I wanted.

"It's not enough. I want you," I whispered in his ear.

Paul smirked as he slowly stopped what he was doing, leaving his hand in between my legs. "Not now. Maybe later."

I hadn't ever had to push Paul into this before. I frowned at him and shoved his hand away from me. "Why not now?" A sudden thought hit me. He didn't want to sleep with me. He probably thought I was fat and ugly-looking already. "Is it because of last time? Or because you don't want to see me undressed anymore?" I asked, my cheeks turning red already.

"No, it's because it'll have to be fast if we do anything right now and I don't want it to be. I'd rather be kind of… gentle this time," he said, his voice sounding husky.

Gentle? If there was one word to describe our sex life, it wasn't gentle. I'd just kind of gotten used to it over time, and learned that was Paul.

"You don't have to be gentle, though." I told him, pulling everything back into place. The front door closed just then and Paul stood up trying to grab his clothes just as Mrs. Kimkirk came in. She eyed him suspiciously as he stood there with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Hey, mom."

She nodded at him and then smiled at me. "I hope I didn't make her too mad," she said with a hint of teasing. I laughed at her and waved her off.

"It's good for her. She's going to have to get used to you guys being a part of the baby." Paul gave us an impatient look as he grabbed his pants and took off down the hall to get dressed.

"So you're going to stay with us tonight?" Mrs. Kimkirk asked happily. She nodded at my bag on the floor beside the dresser. I nodded back.

"I didn't think you guys would mind. I've been at Sam and Emily's three days in a row, I thought I should give them a break from me."

Mrs. Kimkirk looked behind her before she spoke. "That poor soul. Emily's been through so much this past year, being disowned by most her family, then that horrible attack that left her scarred. And her poor baby." She shook her head sadly. "Don't you let her and Sam talk you into anything either. I know she wants a baby bad enough to do whatever she has to for one. I figured that was why she took such a liking to you."

I frowned at her. I hadn't known Emily had a baby before. I certainly didn't think Emily only wanted to be my friend because I was pregnant and wanted it. "I'm not giving the baby away. If I did though, Emily and Sam would have been first choice. Emily knows already I'm keeping the baby, she doesn't even mention wanting it."

Mrs. Kimkirk nodded approvingly. "She must have decided that being near a baby was enough for her. She always has her sister's kids."

Paul came back in, fully clothed to my disappointment. "What you wanna do?" He asked me, leaning in the door. I shrugged and got up, holding my stomach that seemed to be getting bigger and bigger everyday.

"Nothing that I have to move a lot to do." Paul put a hand on my lower back as I walked in front of him to the front part of the house. He guided me to the couch and pushed me down on it.

"Movie, I guess," he said as he turned the Tv on and sat down beside me. Mrs. Kimkirk just smiled as she went behind us into the tiny kitchen and started moving things around. I glanced behind me.

"I'll go help her," I said pushing myself up and walking in timidly. "Anything I could do to help?"

She shook her head. "No, you go sit down. You're a guest here, I can handle fixing dinner alone like I always do."

I sighed as I headed back to the couch, feeling defeated. I flopped down beside Paul. His hands automatically went to rest on my stomach like they had been lately.

"I like this one," I told him, snuggling in next to him. He shifted so that I leaned onto his shoulder and pulled a woven blanket off the back of the couch and tossed it over me halfway. I rested my head against him, feeling content beside him. It was a relief to be able to relax and hang out like this.

We watched movie after movie until I was dozing in and out. I had my arms wrapped around his middle when he shook me gently. "No… don't leave me yet," I mumbled tightening my hold.

Paul laughed, I could hear others laughing too as he tried to pry my hands off of him. "I'm not leaving you. Its time for dinner." I opened my eyes and blinked as everything came into focus. I was at Paul's. I sat up slowly, letting him loose.

"Oh, Sorry. I guess I fell asleep and forgot I was here."

Paul stood up and stretched and then reached down to pull me up too. "Come on, I'm starved." I let him tug me up and followed him into the kitchen wary of whatever it was I was smelling. I sat down where he indicated and smiled warmly at Ellie who shied away from me. Mr. Kimkirk passed me a glass of herbal tea as he walked by.

"Here you go. My wife made that for you."

I took a small sip and tasted it. It didn't taste good. I sipped it again and placed it on the table. Mrs. Kimkirk was on my right and passed me a plate. I looked down at it and saw what I smelled. "Deer meat?" I asked slowly. She nodded.

"Its one of Paul's favorites."

I glanced at Paul quickly as I shoved my chair back and took off. Deer. How disgusting. I went into the bathroom and shut the door, flinging myself over the toilet. I heard someone knocking on the door softly. I didn't answer as I got sick again. The door opened and Mrs. Kimkirk slid in and shut it behind her.

"I'm so sorry, Sarah. I didn't know it'd make you sick like this. I told them to hurry up and eat it and throw the rest away."

I leaned back and grabbed a piece of tissue to wipe my mouth with. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin dinner." I felt shaky when I spoke. Mrs. Kimkirk shook her head as she got me a washcloth and wiped my face off with it.

"You didn't ruin anything. I should've known you wouldn't eat deer meat and things like we did."

I closed my eyes; it felt good for her to sponge off my now hot face. I reached up for the counter and pulled myself up slowly. I rinsed my mouth out a few times before deciding it felt clean enough for the moment.

"I don't get sick a lot, just when I smell or see something I don't like. Or when I get too hot."

"Aren't you seeing the midwife Monday?" She asked as we went back to the kitchen.

I nodded, I'd almost forgotten. "Yeah, she was more than happy to start seeing me when I told her the baby was Paul's. She said it would be an honor or something."

Mrs. Kimkirk smiled. "We're close heirs of different members of the tribe that used to be important. It makes some of the older people like Paul. I know most of the others don't care for him too much."

I sat back down slowly, all the deer meat was gone from the table. The pan it'd been cooked in was soaking and Paul had lit a candle.

"Thank you."

Ellie chanced a look at me. "Is she sick?"

Mr. Kimkirk laughed. "Kind of, Ellie. Sarah will be finem though. If you're done why don't you go play with your dolls for a while, honey?' She hopped down from the table and walked off, looking at me again.

Paul pushed my plate at me, he'd put all vegetables on it. "Eat something. It might make you feel better. You haven't had anything since you got here."

I picked up my fork and looked at the food, wondering if I should chance it. I speared a piece of broccoli and bit into it. I chewed it up slowly, waiting to see if I was going to get nauseous before I swallowed it. I finished eating with Paul and his parents in mostly silence.

I got up and took my plate to the sink and dipped it into the water and started washing the dishes that were in there. I rinsed off the silverware aware of Paul beside me trying to take the dish cloth out of my hands.

"I can do the dishes. I'm not that helpless. Your mom cooked." Paul scowled at me as I stood there washing and scrubbing. Mrs. Kimkirk watched us.

"Don't even argue with her, Paul. She's not going to let it rest until we let her do something."

I put the last plate up a few minutes later and turned to him, wiping my hands off. "Okay, what do you usually do now?"

Paul leaned against the counter looking like a chiseled piece of stone he was so perfect. "I dunno. I usually watch Tv before I go outside and check my traps and stuff and head over to your house." I knew what he meant by traps. He meant he did patrol.

"Aren't you going to do that tonight?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"No. Sam's going to do it tonight. Emily's mad at him anyway and doesn't want him around. It gives him something to do." He stood up straight. "Come on." He held out his hand for me. I took it and followed him through his house again. He flipped the light on in his room. "Enough hanging out with the family."

I laughed as I grabbed my bag. "I'll be right back." I headed off to brush my teeth, not being able to take it anymore. I went back out, and slipped into his room again.

"So I guess we're not sleeping apart? One of us on the couch?" I asked him as I dug around my bag again.

Paul laughed loudly as he watched me. "Hardly. My mom and dad kinda think of it like this: At least if you're staying here, I'll stay here. And there's no point in us sleeping apart from each other when we won't, anyway. Plus, there's not really anything we can do that we shouldn't."

I stood up with my pajamas and changed quickly, so quickly that Paul scoffed at me as he turned the Tv on and laid back on top of the blankets. I crawled beside him, sliding under them. He flipped the channels, not even looking at them. "So… you sleepy still?" He asked glancing at me.

I pretended to yawn. "Kind of." I rolled onto my side and looked over at him. Even in the dark Paul was gorgeous. "When does everyone else go to bed?"

Paul moved his hand down to feel the baby. "I'm not even sure. I haven't been here after dinner in a while. Mom will probably come in here before she does though. And Ellie."

I shifted around, getting comfortable beside him; the light from the TV was illuminating the glint in his eyes. "Wake me up when everyone is asleep, I know you can tell." I had barely shut my eyes when Ellie flew into the room and bounded onto the bed with us.

"Mom says to come tell you and Sarah goodnight. I wanted to stay up and watch Tv with you, though," she pouted at Paul, giving him sad eyes. Paul laughed as he grabbed her under the arms and pulled her on top of him.

"Tomorrow night, okay? I'll tell mom I said its okay. Sarah's not feeling good tonight."

Ellie eyed me a moment. "She looks pale."

I giggled at her. "I'm not that sick." Paul tickled Ellie, making her shriek and squeal until his mom came in.

"Don't get her all hyped up, Paul." He let go of her and she leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek

"Night," she said as she crawled off of his bed and followed their mom to her room. Mrs. Kimkirk shook her head at us.

"Night, kids." She pulled the door shut as she left.

Paul turned to me. "Don't go to sleep. They'll all be passed out in about fifteen minutes."

I sighed as I sat back up and leaned on him, watching Tv in silence. He had one arm tossed over the top of my shoulders as we watched Tv for what felt like forever before he tilted his head. I fought back a laugh when I thought I saw his ears twitch.

"They're asleep," he said nudging me. It was music to my ears as I let myself roll over on top of him. I straddled him. His hands went to my hips and rested there as I leaned down and kissed him, packing it with the passion I'd been holding back all day.

His lips caressed mine. His tongue slid in between my lips and forced itself into mine. Paul's hands were on my bottom now, grabbing as I leaned further up, before I started to get off of him. I wanted him on top of me, to feel his body against mine. I slid off of him and laid down as he took the hint and got on top, kissing my neck. I traced circles on the arch of his back lightly, drinking in every moment we had together. It'd been torture to go a week without him. We literally hadn't ever gone that long without some sort of intimate action. We just weren't capable of keeping our hands off of each other.

He tugged my thin top off, tossing it onto the floor beside the bed and undid the clasp of the lacy, pink bra I'd worn under it. His mouth kissed my collar bone, going lower, and lower until I felt him take one of my peaks into his mouth. I moaned lightly at first and he moved away quickly, kissing down my stomach. He paused at my abdomen before kissing it lightly and then running his tongue on my thighs.

"No…" I whispered as he started to push my legs apart. He stopped, confused and came back up to look at me face to face.

" 'No' you don't want me to?"

I sighed and pushed on him a little bit. "I don't want that. I want you." I leaned over and kissed on his ear lobe and bit his neck. "We could have done that all week."

Paul smirked a bit as he rolled over, not putting his weight on me to hover above me. I looked up into his eyes with anticipation as he looked back at me, not moving an inch. "I don't want to hurt you again," he said softly.

I rolled my eyes at him, he knew as well as I did that anytime we were together it would hurt somehow. "You won't. Not in a bad way." I pushed my hips up, trying to get him to enter me.

He moved slightly, paused right at my entrance. "I might, though. I don't think we should…" I glared at him a moment, daring him to get off of me.

"Paul Kimkirk, if you know what's good for you you'll have sex with me right now. And you'll make it mind blowing."

Paul laughed at me. That only made it worse. I sighed loudly. "Either do it or get off and I'll go find someone that will sleep with me." I pushed my hands on his chest, trying to make him get off. He pushed me back down gently, pushing inside of me quickly. "Oh!" I gasped loudly, I hadn't been expecting that. I clutched his back, adjusting. It still hurt at first, but it was replaced quickly with wanting him.

"Shh. Be quiet," he ordered as he pulled back his hips slowly, leaving only the first few inches of himself inside of me. I squirmed, trying to guide him in again. "Nuh-uh, I'll decide when you're ready," he said softly, a hint of slyness in his tone. It was torture, laying here with only half of what I'd been wanting for so long. He rolled his hips in a circle, making me moan softly.

"I'm ready to smack you if you don't just... do it already." I was pregnant, tired, and sexually frustrated with a boyfriend that was declared a sex god among every girl he'd been with.

"You're being too pushy," Paul said pulling out completely. He rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. I felt like crying. I'd been so damn close… I turned away from him, pulling the blankets around myself.

"Maybe I should go home tonight."

Paul sighed. I felt his warm hand touch my shoulder. I shrugged it off of me. "Don't touch me," I snapped at him. If he couldn't have sex with me, he couldn't touch me at all. I leaned over the side of the bed and grabbed a handful of my clothes and get dressed again.

"Don't be like this," Paul pleaded. He'd rolled onto his side to watch me as I stood up to put my panties and pajama bottoms on again.

"I wasn't asking for much. I just wanted- no, needed you." I felt the tears starting to form and sat down on the edge of the bed without getting dressed. I hunched over and wiped at my eyes.

"Are you crying?" He asked worriedly, his arms wrapped around me. I didn't have the energy to shove them off again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry, I swear. I was just teasing you."

I sniffled, still feeling betrayed in a way. I felt his warm lips kiss the top of my head. "Come on, I wont tease you again. You tell me what to do and I'll do it." he whispered into my ear. I nodded, turning around and catching his mouth with mine. I shoved him back, or pushed on him to make him lay back. This time I'd control whether we stopped or not. I crawled on top of him, wondering if this was such a good idea. I straddled his hips again. He held his hands out for me to hold onto as I lowered myself onto him.

"Oh, god.." I moaned as I went down. Paul's eyes searched my face.

"Does it hurt?" He asked. I shook my head quickly, this definitely didn't hurt. It was better than anything I'd experienced with him so far. He pushed his hips up and I took it as a sign to start rocking against him. Waves of pleasure jolted through me each time I went down on him again.

Paul held onto my hands as I moved up and down, I heard him growl lowly a few times, turning me on even more. I grasped at his hands. "Ugh… harder," I whimpered when I felt him thrusting up with me. I shut my eyes; the room was spinning with them open. Paul rocked his hips up opposite of mine, plunging deeper and deeper each time.

"Stop…" I gasped, slowing down. "Get on top," I ordered as I started to get off of him. His hands flew up to my sides and he pushed me down quickly, not even breaking the connection we had as he shoved me down into the pillows. I lifted one leg around his waist as he started pushing in and out in a rhythm, making me moan each time. I entwined my fingers into his hair, reminding myself to keep quiet as Paul pushed my other leg around him.

"Faster," I directed him, smashing myself against him, I was almost there. I felt his change of pace and grasped at his black locks. "Paul," I moaned, giving in to everything that had built up. He kissed the side of my face as he kept thrusting, sending me into a shakiness. I moved my hands to his chest and ran the back of my fingers across his nipple.

"Sarah..." he moaned, surprising me. Paul didn't usually say much. I pinched at it, loving this power I'd found over him. He growled again, this time it was like a purr. He moved, holding himself with only one hand as the other went down between us, to press on my nub. I bit down on my bottom lip not wanting to give in again, his finger moved in a circle, making me arch my back up involuntarily. God, he was amazing, I thought to myself. I shut my eyes, trying to give him a few minutes to release his own.

"I'll stop," he whispered as he slowed. "I know you're getting tired." He pulled out of me. I took a deep breath, I felt like I was in a sauna. His body heat and my own two orgasms were enough to make me feel like I couldn't catch my breath. He kissed my cheeks and my lips gently as he laid down beside me. I knew he was far from finished.

"But you didn't…" I whispered to him, kicking the blankets off of myself. I was burning up. I ran my fingers down his chest. He caught my hand in his own.

"I'll be okay. I'll go take a shower or something." I shook my head at him.

"No. It's okay. I'll just…" I used my other hand to tickle his hip. He didn't object as I lowered myself down halfway. His fingers ran through my hair as I took him in my mouth. I watched him under my eyelashes as he moaned softly and tried to keep from moving. I'd only just got started when I jerked my head back quickly.

"God... I am so sorry," he sputtered sitting up.

I pressed my hand over my mouth, trying not to gag as he pushed the small trash can at me. I hacked into it a few times before turning to glare at him. Paul smiled at me crookedly as he opened his arms up for me to lie in. I gave him a dirty look as I laid against him.

"I said I was sorry," he whispered.

I rolled my eyes. "It'd be different if I really thought you were." He kissed the side of my head as he tightened his grip on me.

"I love you so much." I smiled hearing him say it. A few months ago I would have thought he'd lost it if he'd been this nice to me. Paul had changed a lot from how he used to be.

"I love you, too. I just hope soon our families will learn to love each other."

Paul laughed loudly. "I wouldn't count on that. They hate each other." His hands rested on top of my stomach. "You're getting bigger. I wonder how big he is."

I smirked at his term. "He? What makes you so sure I'm carrying a boy?" I wanted a girl. I didn't want my son to have to carry on the same curses that Paul and the rest did because he had the elder blood. "It's a girl."

"No, it's a boy. I can tell. I can hear his heartbeat if I listen close enough."

I pulled away from him. "I'm sure it's a girl, though. Too bad I'm seeing the midwife or we'd know next week what we were having." Paul laid back as I finally got dressed again. I didn't want his mom or dad checking on us and finding us both completely undressed in bed together. I slid back in the bed beside him.

"You should get to sleep. You have to go to work in the morning." It was already two in the morning. We'd taken a lot longer than usual this time. He pulled his boxers on and nestled his face in the side of my neck and hair.

"You have to work too, remember?" I'd almost forgotten that. I only worked three days now. Mr. Kimkirk said it was easier if I didn't do a lot while I was there or work too much. I snuggled against his chest and we both drifted off, both of us were spent.


	15. Chapter 15

**a/n---Srry this took so long. I blame Mediate :P she did a great job betating this, so kudos to her. Thanks everyone who reviewed last chap for me. Check out yay4shanghai's story Geez calm down Paul for another chapter written by moi. Its a good story. Also, read liljenrocks story. Youll fall in love with David Uley, I swear. And last, but not least, dont forget shes a boozer.. **

Chapter 15

I glanced at my ever growing stomach. It was far from being just a bulge like it used to be. I was huge. I looked miserably as Paul's dad came around the corner. I was putting a box of wool and odds and ends up on the shelves. I paused, working as he came closer.

"That's enough for today, why don't you go sit down?" He said kindly. I knew he didn't like me getting up and moving around but I felt lazy if I just sat around all day.

"I'm fine. Just miserable." I stuffed more wools into the bin.

I sighed as I headed up to the front to sit down and take a short break. My feet hurt, my back hurt, my head hurt. I sat down on the stool, feeling instant relief. I looked out the window as people walked by. By now, everyone had noticed and heard about me. There was no more hiding the baby. Paul never really said if anyone talked about me at school to him. He only had three more weeks before he was out and could stay home with me unless he worked with Sam. I pressed my hand on my stomach as I sat there, the baby moved over away from it, making me smile.

Mrs. Wahall had said the baby was in great shape and progressing normally. I'd seen her only yesterday. Everything was going as planned for the baby. Except that the mothers still didn't get along very well. Paul's mom was as nice as she could be, my mom was a nightmare. I'd refused to get ultrasounds done; I wanted everything to be completely old fashioned. Tomorrow Emily was bringing her nieces down for me and Paul to practice on. Little Claire was as close as we could get to a baby at the moment. Then, on Saturday, I was having a baby shower. I wanted to groan out loud at that thought. Emily, Kim, and the mom's would be there, along with Paul's aunts and grandma.

I laid my head on my arms and the baby shifted around inside of me. Almost six months. I'd started thinking of names randomly, for boys or girls. Paul still swore he could sense I was having a boy but Sam had told me that it was all in his head. They couldn't sense anything other than I was pregnant. Emily had been wonderful, helping in any way she could. She was as happy as I was that I was getting closer and closer to my due date. I glanced at my watch. Ten more minutes and I could go home. Or over to Emily's like I wanted to.

The door jingled as Mrs. Gordon came in. I smiled at her and got up, moving slowly. She eyed me for a moment. "You don't look so well," she commented as I got my bag. I'd been doing school work here and there.

"I don't feel so well. I still have to walk home too."

She shook her head and started counting the money. "You shouldn't be walking all the way to the edge of the reservation when you're this far along."

I shrugged as I slung my bag over my shoulder. "I don't have a choice. No one has time to give me a ride home. Mom and dad are at work and Paul's at school til four today with make up work."

Mrs. Gordon frowned. "I'm sure Mr. Kimkirk would take you."

"No, I don't want to bug him. I'll be fine. I haven't got to walk in a couple of months, anyway." I smiled at her as I headed out. It felt good outside today. It was warming up, or as warm as it could get here. I didn't dare wear shorts though; my legs were pasty from not being able to get in the tanning bed for so long. I headed down the street humming to myself. I was halfway down when I saw Paul pulling up next to me. "Come on, get in," he called out as he stopped.

I opened up the door and crawled inside the cab of the truck. "I'm glad you came, I was starting to get kind of tired and I wasn't even close to being home yet." I shoved my bag on the floorboard. "I thought you had to stay late at school."

Paul grinned at me as we headed toward his house. I'd started staying with him on the weekends. It gave us time to be alone together, even though we weren't always technically alone. Ellie had warmed up to me and had started sleeping with us sometimes at night. It made any sort of intimate time hard for us. Neither of us would say anything about it, though. We went inside and hung out, watching Tv and talking. I leaned against him on the couch; I didn't even feel like taking advantage of being completely alone. Paul rubbed my back soothingly and I started to doze off. It felt nice to have the aches rubbed out of my muscles.

I woke up alone on the couch some time later. I could hear Paul laughing in the kitchen. I sat up slowly, yawning. I still felt tired. I pushed myself up slowly and walked slowly into the kitchen where his family was. Ellie was coloring at the table, Mr. Kimkirk was carving something, Mrs. Kimkirk was cooking, and Paul was leaning against the counter.

"Hey, honey," he drawled as I came in. I went to him, letting him hug me. "You look like you should have slept some more." he murmured as he kissed my cheek.

I shrugged, rubbing my eyes. They felt swollen and puffy. "I'll go to bed earlier tonight. I don't feel good."

He nodded and rubbed my arm as I leaned on him. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I just don't feel right or something. Uncomfortable." I took one of his hands and placed it on the baby as it moved suddenly. Paul smiled broadly when it shifted some more. "She's still moving around, I just feel... tired."

Paul rubbed my stomach lightly as we stood there making the baby move. "You should eat something," he said softly. His mom turned around to look at us.

"Is she moving?" She asked excitedly. I nodded and motioned that it was okay for her to feel too.

Paul looked at me for a moment, frowning it seemed as his mom pressed her hands on my stomach. He watched her closely as she felt the baby, anxiously almost, until she took her hand back off. "Not much longer, Sarah and she'll be moving around in her crib."

Mr. Kimkirk was smiling happily too as he watched us. "You can feel too if you want," I offered. He shook his head quickly.

"No thanks. I'll just wait and hold her when she's born."

Paul rolled his eyes and shoved his hand back on me. "He. When HE is born. I'm having a boy, remember?" He smirked at me and leaned down to kiss my lips softly. "A boy and I'm naming him Christopher Paul Kimkirk Jr."

I laughed at him; he wasn't naming the baby after himself. "I don't think you are. I think you're having a girl and her name will be Bailee. Or maybe Bridget. I haven't decided yet." He made a face at me.

"I don't think so. I think it's definitely a boy. I can tell."

Mrs. Kimkirk shook her head at him as she moved past us and placed a bowl of some sort of stew at each place. "You two sit down and eat, okay?" She ordered. I let go of Paul and went slowly to the table and lowered myself down. I was tired just from that.

"Thank you," I told her as I started eating. I finished before Paul did and got up and carried my bowl back to the sink. "I guess I should go home." I yawned.

Paul waved me off. "Why? It's Thursday night. You could stay. You don't have to work. I'll take you home before I leave or something." He spooned more food into his mouth and swallowed. "You have clothes here still."

I sighed and I rested my head in my hands. "I guess I will. I'm going to get a shower, though. I'm ready to pass out." I headed off to his room to get my things from his dresser and grabbed his sweats instead. They'd be more comfortable, anyway. I went to the bathroom and turned on the shower and shut the door softly. I'd gotten used to staying here. It felt like a second home to me. I grabbed a washcloth and stepped into the shower, letting the warm water roll over me. It felt great but after a few minutes it was making me tired.

I was rinsing off when the pains started to shoot through me. I grabbed onto the side of the shower and held myself, taking in a deep breath. I opened my eyes up slowly, shaking as another came. I looked down at the floor of the shower and felt a jolt of horror. Blood. I didn't even bother to turn off the water as I started to climb out. I stopped and grabbed the towel rack beside the shower for support.

"Paul?!" I called out loudly, hoping he'd hear me over the shower. I winced as I started lifting one leg over at a time. "Paul!" I yelled louder. "Help me! Please!" I grabbed the counter next, whimpering. "Paul!" I shouted again just as the door opened. Paul immediately wrapped a towel around me.

"What happened, Sarah?" He asked worriedly. He took me into his arms and grabbed another towel to cover me with as he kicked the door open wider. I curled up against him.

"I'm bleeding. I hurt. I don't feel good." I tried not to cry as he took me to his room. Mrs. Kimkirk was rushing in

"What's wrong?" She asked, grabbing my hand. "Did you fall down?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. It just started and I don't know what to do." Paul was pulling a shirt over my head trying to dress me. He lifted me up, dressing me like a child.

"Come on," he said moving fast. Mrs. Kimkirk was following close behind him as he carried me out. His dad jumped up, realizing something was wrong.

"I'll stay with Ellie, you go with them," he told his wife as she grabbed her keys and purse. She waved to him as Paul put me in the backseat of her car, holding me. I knew without asking where we were headed.

"I don want to lose the baby," I whispered to Paul. He leaned over to brush the hair out of my face,

"You're not going to lose the baby." I buried my face into his shirt, wetting it with tears.

"I did everything right. I did everything I was supposed to. I didn't do anything wrong."

We made it to Forks fifteen minuets later. I started to stand up when Paul swooped me up and carried me off into hospital. I saw him wrinkle his nose as he went in. I zoned out everything as I was put into a bed and hooked up to monitors. I felt small shooting pains again and winced, clutching my stomach and curling up. The baby's heartbeat sounded across her monitor, sounding strong like it had before.

"I wish they'd hurry up." Paul sounded impatient while he hovered over me. Mrs. Kimkirk had stepped out and was calling my house for me. I shut my eyes, feeling another small gush of blood leave me when a doctor suddenly came in. He checked me over quickly, examining me as fast as he could. Paul looked like he was holding himself back every time I winced when the doctor touched me.

"What's wrong?" He asked worriedly.

The doctor pulled the sheets down over me and he stood up. "The bleeding will stop as long as you stay completely off of your feet, Ms. Carter. My guess is you've been doing entirely too much. Too much stress and strain on yourself will lead to this again if you don't slow down, which is why I am putting you on complete bed rest. No activities. No working, no walking, no anything except taking a five minute shower with supervision and going to the bathroom."

I nodded, showing him I understood. "Is the baby okay? I don't want anything to happen to the baby." He shook his head.

"The baby is fine. It's you that needs the break. You let that boyfriend of yours do everything for you." He nodded at Paul as he wrote on the paper. "I'm going to keep you for a few hours, just to monitor the baby and make sure the bleeding does slow down. It's not a miscarriage yet, but it could be if you don't take it easy young lady."

I nodded again, feeling relieved. I leaned back onto the bed as Mrs. Kimkirk and my mom came in together, both looking worried. Paul's held my hand silently; I knew he didn't trust himself to say anything right now. My mom listened while I tiredly relayed everything that I'd learned so far. I closed my eyes.

"I still don't feel good."

Mrs. Kimkirk squeezed my free hand. "You kept saying you were tired, you've been trying to do too much by yourself. Your mom told me you've been going home and trying to move furniture and things."

I opened my eyes back up and looked at Paul who made an angry sound. "You did what? You're not supposed to do heavy work, Sarah. Dad says he keeps telling you at work to sit down and stop stocking, too."

My mom sighed as she sat down in the other chair in the room. "Thank you for calling me, Diane. You don't know how much I appreciate it."

I exchanged a surprised look with Paul. Were they starting to like each other? "Does it hurt still?" He asked softly. I shook my head and listened to the baby's heart thudding. I didn't want to move. I felt like I could sleep for days.

"I'm so tired. I'm tired from everything. I don't think I can do anything but sleep."

Paul smiled and kissed my hand. "That's all you'll be allowed to do. I'll get Emily to come sit with you during the day if your mom isn't home." I nodded, knowing Emily would be all too happy to come.

We sat there, waiting for hours until they came and told me it was okay to go home with restrictions. I was wheeled out to my mom's car. Paul helped me in, buckling me up. My mom was in the driver's side, her lips pulled tight as she watched him. Mrs. Kimkirk was off to the side, waiting for Paul. I'd decided it would be easier to just go home with my family. Paul could come get me during the weekend and help me. He leaned down and kissed me gently.

"Don't get up and move around. If you need something call me, okay?" He pressed his hand on my stomach for a moment, feeling the baby. My mom gave him a look.

"Sarah will be fine at home. I appreciate you and your mother rushing her over here and calling me but I'll take it from here."

Paul glanced at her. "I didn't do it for you. I did it for my girlfriend and my baby. I don't want to lose either of them."

I kissed him on the jaw. "I'll call you if anything happens. I love you." He nodded and shut the door.

"I love you too." He backed away, watching as we drove off. I knew it was killing him to stay behind. His protective instincts were starting to kick into overdrive like they had before when we first started dating, only in a different way. My mom looked over at me.

"I'll just use this as a way to prove that you should stay at home all the time instead of going over there on the weekends."

I sighed and I looked out the window. "I already told you, I like it over there and I like being able to spend time with Paul and I cant do that at our house." Paul still wasn't allowed over after all these months. It was ridiculous.

"I just don't like him. I don't think he really understands the responsibility he has to have with the baby." My mom looked agitated as we pulled into the driveway. I started to get out when she stopped me. "You sit right there while I get your dad to come get you."

I sat back and waited until my dad came out and lifted me up -nowhere as easily as Paul had- and carried me into my room. "If you need something sweetie, you call for me, okay? I'll be right here," he said trying to comfort me as he laid me down and covered me up after taking my flip flops off. I hadn't even noticed what Paul had put on me in his hurry. His sweats and one of my shirts with no bra, of course. I laid back into the pillows not even bothering to turn on the Tv. This was going to be horrible.

*******************************

I'd been on bed rest for a full day almost. It'd been terrible. I couldn't even walk myself to the bathroom without my mom hovering over me. I'd quit bleeding not long after we got home from the hospital. I'd spoken to Paul on the phone the night before but I was dying to see him. I felt if he was closer to me it'd be more bearable. I flipped through the channels, wondering if my mom would let me go stay at the Kimkirk's if they came and got me and I promised not to move. Paul would be there to do everything for me.

I grabbed the bag of chips I was eating from when I heard my mom raising her voice to someone. I hit mute and listened hard. "I don't care. You're not welcome in this house. You'll have to wait until Sarah's able to go to work and move on her own."

Paul's angry, strained voice cut through. "You can't keep me from seeing her. I want to check on her and my baby. It's not right what you're trying to do."

"I can keep you from her when she's inside my home. I suggest you leave Paul, my husband will be here soon."

Paul laughed bitterly. "I don't care. I'll leave as soon as I see her."

"Leave now before I call someone to come and get you," she snapped at him angrily.

"Either let me in and let me see her the nice way or I'll come in, anyway." His words cut through. "And then if she's willing, I'll take her home with me where I can see her as much as I want."

My mom scoffed and started arguing with him again. I pushed the blankets back and got up slowly from my bed, holding onto the wall as I walked toward the living room. "Stop it! Both of you!" I ordered them. They both quit talking as soon as they saw me walking toward the door where they were fighting. "Just stop," I said softer, feeling tears build up and threaten to spill over.

"Sarah, you shouldn't be up," Paul said, moving past my mom to grab me. "Come on, sit down." He guided me to the couch beside us. I sat down slowly "Mom, just let him stay please. Or I'm going with him. I don't want to be away from him." I looked at her through blurred eyes, wiping at my cheeks.

My mom shook her head. "Sarah... "

I started to get back up again, pushing down on the arm of the couch for balance. "I'm going to get a bag then. When you get over your grudge with Paul, call me and I'll come back."

Paul looked back and forth at us, not sure what to do. "Sarah, I don't want you to get up to pack."

My mom glared at him almost like she was mad that he'd said something that made sense. "She doesn't need a bag because she's staying here."

I shook my head at her. "No, I'm not. Paul go get my clothes. I have to have something to wear tomorrow to the shower." Paul nodded and glanced at my mom a moment before obediently going to my room to grab my stuff. "Mom, I'm sick and tired of this. I'm having a baby in three months that belongs to Paul and you can't even accept it." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I didn't need to get stressed out or I'd end up at the hospital again. "You're driving me crazy. Paul's Quileute, get over it already. Paul's not on drugs, he doesn't drink and he's not a gang member!" I was getting close to being hysterical now.

"Sarah, don't get yourself upset. You're going to make yourself sick again," my mom warned, not commenting on my outburst. Paul emerged from my room with my overnight bag and I nodded to him. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't handle this tense situation.

"You're the one making me sick. You're making me stressed out and worried," I told her as Paul carried me out of the house. My mom was chewing her nails nervously.

"Don't leave, please. Just stay, sweetie. We'll figure something out."

I shook my head; she wasn't saying what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear her she was sorry to Paul. She'd been mean and hateful to him and his family long enough. "No," I said gravely, pulling the door shut and slamming it, deafening anything else she had to say. Paul backed out quickly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I just wanted to see you. I had to see you and feel the baby." I nodded; Paul had honestly meant no harm.

"I know you did. It's her being… close-minded. I'm sick of her trying to push you away all the time. I can't take it anymore. She's the one making me so stressed out that I start bleeding." I was calming down little by little, trying to stop it before I started to hurt again. "I hope your mom doesn't care that I'm coming."

Paul rolled his eyes. "Who do you think pushed me into coming over to your house and demanding to see you?" We pulled into his driveway. I could see both his parents' cars were there. Paul grabbed my bag and then me and carried me swiftly into the house, pausing only to open the door. "Where do you want to be?" He asked looking around. I shrugged.

"Kitchen chair for now." He turned and headed inside the warm, earthy colored kitchen and sat me down. Mrs. Kimkirk looked surprised.

"What happened?"

Paul relayed the events to her as I sat in comfortable silence next to his dad. Mr. Kimkirk never talked much. Ellie wasn't anywhere to be seen. I rested both hands on my stomach and sighed, leaning back into the chair. "I'm sorry to impose on you like this," I apologized to her as she leaned down to hug me. "She's just... driving me crazy."

Mrs. Kimkirk nodded at the stove. "Hungry?"

"No, far from it. I don't feel so good right now. I don't think I could eat a thing for the rest of the night," I told her with a small smile. "I'd like to go to bed soon if you guys don't think I'm being rude. I told everyone to keep the shower on for tomorrow. You guys have gone through too much trouble to cancel it."

Mrs. Kimkirk nodded understandingly. "We'll get you over there and back without you even walking to the car. All of Paul's aunts will be there, of course. And his grandmother." I heard Mr. Kimkirk make a choking sound in his throat and he gave me a look of pity. "Oh, you hush. I'm sure they'll like Sarah. They all adore Paul after all."

Paul smirked at his mom and stuffed chips into his mouth. "Of course they'll like her. I like her, so it's only natural that they like what I like." He flashed me a smile. "You ready for me to help you up yet?"

I nodded and held out my arms for him. "Take me to your bed." He winked at me and I punched him lightly in the shoulder. "Not funny." He laughed lightly as he picked me up and toted me off to this room and put me carefully in his bed. I wiggled around, pushing his pillows around until I dug out a hole to lie in. I stretched out; the only light on was coming from the Tv. I felt the baby shift to one side and grabbed Paul's hand so he could feel. "I'm tired of being pregnant already," I said softly.

His hand pushed up my shirt so he could feel my skin directly. The baby wiggled away when he lifted his hand up making him smile so brightly his eyes got a glint in them. I lifted my head and watched as he pressed the side of his face down on me, the baby stopped automatically. Paul rose back up and gave me an excited grin, the baby moved again. I shook my head, smiling at him as he played his game. The baby stopped whenever Paul was touching her, but if I did, she kept moving. Paul left his hands resting on her as he leaned up to whisper to my stomach.

"You already know who I am, don't you? I'm your dad."I let the word register. Paul was going to be a dad. "I'll bet you love me already. I'm sorry it's so hot in there for you but I can't help it. It's my genes overriding your mom's." He kissed my skin lightly. I felt a small flutter. "I'm sorry you have to listen to those grandmothers of yours bicker all the time too, they'll realize they're wrong soon enough." He rested his cheek on me again; I didn't even notice his warmth like I usually would. "Now, I'm going to let you go to sleep while I say goodnight to your beautiful mommy." He kissed my stomach yet again before sliding back up beside me.

"You know she doesn't actually know that it's you touching her, right?" I teased him. Paul kissed me suddenly, pressing his mouth against mine hungrily. I opened my mouth slightly, letting him push his tongue in. He was pressing himself against me as closely as he could. "Mmm... stop" I pushed on his chest as his mouth started down my neck, leaving hot kisses behind. "Stop," I said again before he finally did.

Paul gave me a quick peck on the lips and sat up. "I have to go out tonight. Don't try and get up though, okay? I'll run by the window every hour or two. Yell for mom if it's really important and just tell her I had an emergency with Jared or Sam."

I nodded, knowing he had to go. "Be careful." Paul scoffed at me as he got up and started stripping down so he could phase. "I don't need to be careful. I'm the scariest thing out there." He paused at the window. "Please don't get up while I'm gone." I waved him off and shifted in his bed.

"Just go. I need to rest up and be ready for the baby shower tomorrow."

"Bye. Love you," he said as he ducked out, not waiting for me to say it back.

I lost track of the time as I slept on and off waiting for Paul to slip back inside. I'd heard someone moving around the hallway a while ago and hoped they didn't peek in. I didn't want to even explain while he was gone. I tossed and turned, glancing at the clock. It was six. Where was he at? I sat up and started to get out of the bed little by little. I was getting stiff from sitting still for so long and I had to pee like crazy. I stood up and stretched and had just touched the doorknob when Paul dropped inside. I jumped at the thud he made.

"Where are you going?" He asked carefully.

I looked at him and felt a shiver of nervousness for a moment at his tone. It reminded me of a Paul I didn't want to think about. "No— nowhere," I said forcing a smile. He looked at me before reaching past me and opening the door.

"Go to the bathroom and come right back." I nodded and rushed out quickly.

I padded back to his room where he was standing at the mirror above his dresser, picking leaves out of his short hair. "Sorry about that. We had a few things to do that ran over." I didn't ask what. My stomach couldn't handle hearing about him tearing into vampires.

"I need to take a shower before ten," I told him as an afterthought. If it was between Paul or his mother sitting in there while I took a shower, I'd choose Paul. I held my stomach and laid back down into the warm sheets. No matter how long it'd been since Paul had dared to hurt me, I got nervous every time he used a certain tone when he spoke. Or when he moved too fast. Paul was observing me. I snuggled down into the blankets and stared back at him.

"What?" I finally asked. He shook his head and looked away.

"I wasn't going to do anything to you. You didn't have to flinch." I sat back up, rolling a bit.

"I know. I can't help it sometimes when I think you're mad, though." He nodded still not looking at me as he started getting some clothes.

"Go back to sleep, I'll wake you up in enough time, okay?" I nodded and curled up into a ball, feeling bad for thinking he'd hurt me right now. He was so in love with me and the baby he'd probably hurt himself trying to.

***************************

I frowned as I sat back in the recliner at Sam and Emily's; everyone around me was rushing to get everything in place and ready. There was pink everywhere. It looked like Emily had hosed the house down with Pepto Bismol or something. Paul had brought me over early; we only had a few minutes now until everyone started arriving. I placed a hand over my stomach as the baby fluttered inside of me.

"Is she moving?" Emily asked excitedly. I nodded and took her hand and pressed it to where the baby was fluttering. Kim was behind her waiting for a turn. I let them both feel, not bothered by the touching.

"What's so great about that?" I heard Embry say behind us. I turned my head to look at him and motioned for him to come closer. He gave us a suspicious look as he inched nearer. I got his hand and pushed it lower where the baby had moved to. "Cool," he muttered, pushing down to feel better. I jumped slightly when I saw Paul move to my side in a flash.

"Get your hand off," he snapped at Embry. Embry glanced at me before drawing back.

"I didn't do anything wrong," he protested.

"I don't care. Don't touch her or the baby," Paul snarled back, looking angry. I looked at Kim and Emily and shook my head at them. Embry glared back.

"I didn't hurt them. She said it was okay."

"I say it's not ok." Paul growled and started to vibrate. I felt a hint of panic watching them both start to shake. Emily gave them a shove out.

"Outside," she ordered backing up just as they both exploded and tore into each other wildly. My hand flew to my mouth as I watched them fight. "Don't cry," Emily whispered to me as she shut the door. "They'll be okay."

"They're going to hurt each other, though." I glimpsed at them through the window, watching as they shoved each other into the woods. I was worried as I sat there, trying not to let it show. Cars were pulling up now. Kim rubbed my shoulder.

"He'll be okay. Paul always fights." That was true. Paul was always arguing with the pack for a fight. I took a deep breath. A few minutes later Mrs. Kimkirk came in with three dark-haired ladies behind her. I sat up straighter and straightened my clothes out a bit. I'd put on a pink short sleeve shirt with a belt that cinched right above my stomach and a pair of khakis. I'd done my best to look girly like I preferred.

"Hi." I greeted them smiling. Mrs. Kimkirk smiled back while the ladies put their bags in the corner with the other presents that were piling up there. "Sarah, these are my sisters, Janet, Tori, and Simone." She pointed at each one as she introduced them to me. I smiled brightly at them and held out my hand.

"I'm Sarah," I said warmly. They looked at my hand like it was a piece of cardboard. I drew it back slowly, maybe they didn't shake hands. I glanced at the door, happy to see my mom had come after all. She brought several gift bags and sat them down before she came over and hugged me.

"Hey, sweetie." She sat down in the chair next to me. She looked at Paul's aunts and mom and gave them a smile, nodding. "Do you feel better today?"

I nodded and touched my stomach. "A lot better. I went to bed early last night."

Paul's aunt Tori's eyes flashed to me. "You don't live at home?" She asked in a surprisingly deep voice.

"She lives at home with us still," my mom said quickly, glancing at Mrs. Kimkirk. I shifted, feeling my cheeks flush. "Where else would she be?"

Aunt Simone laughed, the other two joining her before Mrs. Kimkirk shot them a look making them quiet down. Emily came into the room then, making me feel like I'd been saved from some sort of punishment and started passing out instructions to a game she wanted to play. I watched them as they all laughed and talked, glancing outside every few minutes. Paul's grandmother had made it in. She'd looked at me like a leper. I didn't understand why they didn't like me. They'd barely met me.

"So where is Paul at?" One of the aunts asked looking at his mom. Mrs. Kimkirk glanced at me.

"I honestly don't know. Sarah, is Paul coming back by?" I knew this was her way of getting us to talk friendly to each other. I nodded quickly.

"He's coming back in a bit. He went with Sam and Embry to check their traps and run to Makah."

My mom had walked off to help Emily get plates of snacks ready for everyone so I was alone with them. "Now that's where he could have found a nice girl," his grandmother said pointedly, giving me a hard look. I looked down at the wooden floorboards as Aunt Janet nodded in agreement.

"I'd always hoped he'd stay with that nice Holly Kory. She's such a sensible girl."

I felt a pang when they mentioned her. Holly had always been a sore spot between me and Paul for obvious reasons. "Paul still has time to find someone though," Aunt Simone said looking at me for a reaction. Mrs. Kimkirk cleared her throat.

"Paul's got a baby on the way that he needs to focus on," she said stiffly looking at them. "A baby from a very nice young lady that's still sitting here in front of you." I met her eyes and tried to show my thanks. She nodded and cut a hard look at the women beside her. "Sarah's doing everything our way. She's having a midwife deliver on the reservation. She's been on rest for a few days so forgive her if she doesn't speak much. I'm sure she doesn't feel well."

"At least she's doing things the right way. That baby is Quileute." They chattered now about midwives versus hospitals while I was brought present after present to open up-- sleepers, onesies, a bouncer, a highchair, tons of gift cards and numerous yellow items.

"Thank you," I said after each one. I was ready to get out of here. I didn't care what I got anymore. My mom and Emily collected the paper and tissue while Mrs. Kimkirk went to get the picture of the car seat she'd bought and didn't have room to haul in with everything else. I was left with the evil ones again.

"You know, Paul always has had strange taste in girls," Aunt Tori said in a stage whisper to Aunt Simone. I pretended like I didn't hear them as I read over cards. "I don't know what he wanted with this one. From the looks of her, its probably not even Paul's child she's carrying."

I pushed the cards back off of my lap and stood up for the first time all afternoon. I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks. I started walking to the door when I heard them laughing at me. "She thought we wouldn't know she was staying over with him." The grandmother clicked her tongue only making more tears fall as I went out the door, shutting it softly. _What cruel women,_ I thought as I cried, trying not to sob. I walked partway to the woods near the house and stood there trying to get my bearings back.

I knew I only had a few minutes before Emily and my mom would come looking for me. I sniffled as I remembered what they'd said. Probably not even Paul's baby they'd whispered. I heard a snap of branches and Sam, Embry and Paul started emerging from the woods little by little. "What's wrong?" Paul asked, spotting me immediately. He came over to me. I shook my head and wiped my eyes.

"Nothing. I'm just being stupid is all."

He glanced toward the house "Come on," he said grabbing my hand. Sam and Embry lagged back pretending they'd forgotten something. I went inside first. The aunts were cackling some more.

"Paul will come to his senses," I heard one of them say. Paul looked at me and back at them. I grabbed his hand back in mine.

"Don't. I don't care." He pulled me past the couch in front of them, his eyes flashing.

"Paul!" they all exclaimed at once. "I wasn't expecting you to show up while we were here, honey." His grandma smiled brightly at him.

Paul glared at them. "I don't think you were. That's why you were treating Sarah so badly." None of them spoke for a moment. I was aware that mom, Emily, and Mrs. Kimkirk were standing in the doorway now.

"We were just playing around," Aunt Simone said quickly. Paul snorted at her.

"Doesn't look like it." He glanced at his mom before he continued. "Do you four realize that if you upset my girlfriend enough right now she'll lose my baby? Or that just by walking outside to get away from you, you could have stressed her enough to cause her to miscarry?"

They were all silent and still as statues as he spoke venomously to them. Mrs. Kimkirk just watched along with my mother. "It's your fault if something happens to my girlfriend or my baby tonight when she calms down. I hope you'll be able to live with that." His body shook for a moment. I squeezed his hand.

"Calm down, Paul. Please calm down," I whispered to him. He nodded at me and took a deep breath.

"I'm going back outside with the guys, and if you upset her again, you'll regret it," he warned. He leaned over and kissed my cheek before he headed out. They looked at me as Emily pushed me down into a chair.

"Don't get up again, you're going to make yourself upset." She handed me a plate with cake on it. I didn't even want the cake I'd been looking forward to anymore. I felt like a cry baby.

"I'm okay," I told her, wiping under my eyes again. I dropped one hand to feel the baby flutter. The aunts were looking at me curiously now.

"I didn't know there was anything wrong with the baby, Sarah. I'm so sorry I was so horrible to you." Aunt Janet apologized. I looked at her for a moment as Aunt Tori said kindly.

"I didn't know Paul was that protective over you." I bit my bottom lip, feeling tears well up again as they spoke to me. I brushed my cheeks as a few more fell down.

"Awe, Sarah don't cry," Mrs. Kimkirk said soothingly. She leaned down beside me and hugged me "It's okay. No one else is going to say a word to you." I nodded, feeling like a child as she pushed my cake at me. "Now eat some of your cake, okay? Mrs. Narata made it for you."

"I don't feel good," I whispered to her. "I want Paul." She nodded and Emily looked at me before going outside quickly. "Do you hurt, Sarah?" I nodded slowly. I hurt, just not bad. I'd say it though if it meant Paul would stay with me. My mom's cool hand felt my forehead.

"You've had a busy day."

Emily came in with Paul following behind her closely. She stood back and let him walk past her into the living room. "Sarah… what's wrong, honey?" He asked as he took his mom's spot beside me. I shook my head.

"I don't feel good. Finish opening the presents your family brought you." I wasn't touching them. Paul could take their presents home with him. He looked at me and opened the first present as I shoved a forkful of cake into my mouth and chewed it slowly. He ripped the paper off of a huge basket. It was filled up with baby items-- baby wash, shampoo, wipes, diapers, towels… everything that you could think of. It read from Aunt Janet. Paul thanked her and ripped open the next one. It was another basket filled with odds and ends.

The last one was a card. Paul opened it up slowly and read it to himself. Everyone was staring at him before he realized he was supposed to read it out loud. He passed it to me, letting me see what was taking him so long. It read _From Grandma to by dearest grandson_. Enclosed was five hundred dollars. "Um, thank you grandma," he said slowly as he got up and hugged her tightly. I didn't say anything, I just passed it back to him. I didn't want it. I was still upset by them.

Soon everyone started to trickle out little by little. I'd met more people on the reservation than I'd ever noticed before. They all knew Paul or his mom or my dad in some way. I waved good-bye to the ones that were leaving, Paul's family hung around until everyone had left. Paul's hand was resting on my stomach while he sat beside me, not leaving for a moment. I listened until they finally got the courage to ask exactly what was wrong with me and the baby. I looked at Paul and nodded as I sipped out of his glass of punch.

"Sarah tries to do too much on her own and doesn't let herself rest properly. She's under a lot of emotional stress right now from all of us. It just took its toll on her the other night and she had an accident while she was at the house with me. She can't get too upset or move around lot for a week or two. It'll make her lose the baby if it's bad enough next time."

They looked at each other for a moment, looks of worry. "We're all so sorry we were so terrible to you. We just didn't want Paul to end up with a... well... someone not Native American, honestly. And you just don't seem like you're going to be able to take care of a baby by yourself." I looked at the one who was speaking to me for the group. I swallowed hard before answering.

"No one has wanted us to be together since we laid eyes on each other. They're all learning to accept that we're together whether they like it or not. And I'm perfectly able to take care of a baby by myself. I'm not as stupid as I may look to you." I knew I could have been nicer, but I didn't want to be. Paul's grandmother nodded.

"I can see now that you must know what you're doing. You've got my grandson wrapped around your fingers." I couldn't help but smile at that. Paul was far from being tamed. He still had a lot to learn about taking care of babies on his own. I listened as he talked with the women before they finally left. I was ready to go home and relax.


	16. Chapter 16

**a/n--- Thanks Mediate89 for betaing this and everyone who reviewed for me. I appreciate the feedback. Checkout liljenrocks and shes a boozer for some more good stories! Just as a warning... Lemon is in this chapter. **

Chapter 16

I frowned at the all gifts I'd gotten. Where was I taking them to exactly? I was still mad at my mom and I didn't exactly live at the Kimkirks'. I picked up a yellow baby gown and held it against my stomach, sizing it up; I still had a ways to go. I looked around at Paul who was stuffing bags inside of bags.

"Don't even bother," I told said with a sigh. "I don't even know where I'm taking all this stuff to." I bit into a chip and chewed it, looking at everything again. I'd gotten plenty of presents-- yellow and green and tons of gift cards. Paul paused and leaned over to kiss my cheek.

"I'll put it in my room, okay?" I shrugged and watched him as he started carrying stuff outside and putting it in the back of his truck. I didn't care what he did with it right now. I was feeling too stressed and unstable to worry about petty things. I rested my head on my hand and continued to stare out the living room window.

"Sarah?" I heard my mom's voice behind me. I turned my head and followed her with my eyes as she walked around the chair and sat down beside me. "You can tell Paul to take everything to the house... or I can tell him." My eyes widened in surprise. Was she actually going to speak nicely to Paul? "I saw how he stood up to his family for you; I realize maybe he's not as bad for you as I thought he was." I could practically hear the creak of her pride cracking as she spoke. "I guess he does actually care for you and the baby. I realize his mother isn't that bad, either. Paul is more than welcome to come to the house and help you put away everything and visit if you're willing to come back home."

I could feel a heavy weight being lifted off my shoulders. "Thank you. You have no idea how much easier this makes it for me." I reached over and gave her a hug. We sat there talking softly while Paul finished getting everything into his truck. When he'd packed up the last box he came back and craned his head around the doorway.

"Ready?" He asked with a smile. My mom patted me on the knee and let herself out of the room. I nodded and held my hands out to Paul so he could help me up.

"Yeah, we're going to my mom's house." Paul raised an eyebrow and walked over to pull me out of the chair.

"I guess I'll drop you off, then."

"No, you're coming too. She invited you. She's had a change of heart and I'd appreciate it if you would at least pretend to like her for an hour." He sighed and nodded obligingly. I couldn't help but smile knowing I'd won him over again.

It became normal for Paul to drop by during the week after school from then on out. My mom never said another harsh word to him, and my dad acknowledged but didn't speak to him while he was there. Being able to have Paul so near was a big factor in helping me cope with everything.

***********************************

It had been a week since the shower. The doctor had declared that my complete bed rest was no longer necessary and I was finally able to gain a little independence. It was a huge relief. I'd hated being so closely monitored by everyone. On my first day on my own I'd decided to sit on the porch and wait for Paul since I had nothing else to do. I'd quit working at the store unless they absolutely needed me which was more of Mr. Kimkirk's idea than my own. He'd said that after I had the baby though, I could come back if I wanted to.

I smiled as Paul pulled into the driveway and got up, grabbing my thin sweater and overnight bag. It was pouring rain, the way it had been all day. I held the bag over my head and hurried across the grass to the truck. "Hey honey," he greeted me, flashing me his "dazzle" smile.

"I didn't think you'd ever get here." I looked him over. He'd taken off his shirt and tossed it onto the floorboard, leaving him in only his shorts. His chest was glistening with drops of water and I reached over to brush some of them off. He smiled at the gesture and reached up to make my hand in his. We drove the rest of the way in silence and before I knew it we had arrived at his house.

"No one is here," I commented as he cut the engine.

"I know. They won't be home until around six. It's only four." He grinned slyly. "That means we can be as loud as we want to be." I smiled shyly and we both got out to make a mad dash for the front door. Once we were safely inside I tossed my bag and sweater onto the couch and kicked off my flip flops. We proceeded to his bedroom without bothering to turn on any lights and were immediately wrapped up in each other's arms. Paul kissed me roughly and I ran my hands across his body, feeling his muscles. His skin was smooth and perfect.

His hands slowly started to push up my shirt and I glared when he paused. "Keep going," I ordered, and he continued. I lifted my arms so he could pull it off and watched his eyes grow wide at the sight of my chest. I knew it was from being six months pregnant, but Paul seemed to ogle as he unhooked my bra.

"Wow," he breathed, reaching out to touch one of my breasts. I pushed his hands away, my chest was too sore for him to feel. I shoved his pants down in one jerk and then shimmied down my own. We pressed back against each other once we were completely undressed. I was starting to get hot already from being so close to him but I loved the heat; it was comforting, it was Paul. After a few minutes of kissing against the wall we made our way over to his bed.

I stared emitting moans and gasps when he started to suck on the curve of my neck and nibble at my ear. I entangled my fingers in his hair as he went lower, trailing kisses down my body. He skipped my stomach entirely, going straight between my legs. I whimpered when he started to run his hot tongue along my folds. "Umph... Paul," I gasped. I was feeling a balloon of pressure building up. I squirmed, I felt like I was about to pull his hair out.

My body clenched, shivered and then relaxed. Paul slid back up beside me, pressing his mouth onto mine, and moving so that he was on top of me. I shifted, adjusting to get comfortable. "I want you so bad," he said as he traced his finger along the side of my face. I kissed it when he touched my lips.

"Show me."

Paul rolled off of me. "Come here." I sat up and let him guide me so that I was on my knees facing away from him. "Fuck," he moaned as he pushed into me. He stayed perfectly still, not moving and I let out a loud moan with him. I moved slightly, showing him that I wanted him to keep going and he slowly started to thrust, moving his hips back so that it felt like he was entering me again each time. I had to grip the headboard tightly for support.

"Harder," I growled when he slowed down for a moment. His breathing was getting heavier and I shut my eyes, unable to focus as he obliged.

"God, you have no clue how good this feels," he grunted. His movements were getting rougher and rougher and I dug my nails into the wood.

"Paul… faster," I whined loudly. I couldn't have been quiet if I'd wanted to. Everything was intensified from this position. Paul was mumbling loudly to me under his breath, saying things I hadn't heard him say in a long time. Suddenly he slammed into me harder and growled loudly. I had beads of sweat forming on my forehead but the heat made everything more exhilarating.

I felt the speed of his thrusts picking up and I bounced back against him, creating a new friction. I was gasping now, yelling anything from Paul's name to exactly what I wanted him to do. A little while later I tightened around him, not being able to take it anymore and felt him give in with me. I stayed still while he wrapped his arms around my middle and kissed the side of my face.

"You were so fucking good," he murmured. I was still catching my breath. The rain was beating down on the roof; I hadn't noticed it before. I moved away as he pulled out of me and we collapsed beside each other on the bed. I laid there with him for a few minutes before we started getting dressed. Everyone would be back soon, and we didn't need to be caught like this.

"You look all flushed and glowy now," Paul snickered at me as he pulled his shorts on and nothing else. I rolled my eyes and tried to make sense of my hair that was sticking up in stacks. I ran my fingers through it, combing out the tangles.

"You have a big stupid "I got some" grin on your face." I leaned over and hooked my bra back on, noticing that he was staring again. "They're boobs, Paul. You've seen them before." I snatched up one of his shirts and put it on. I grabbed a pair of sweats and put those on next. "I'm still hot."

"Come on, I'll get you some tea." He grabbed my hand and pulled me along behind him. "You want to run down to the pizza place before everyone gets in?" I shrugged; whatever Paul wanted was fine with me. We made our way down the small hallway and through the little living room, stopping dead in our tracks when we reached the kitchen.

Mrs. Kimkirk was sitting at the table with an amused look on her face. I felt the blood rush to my own when she shook her head at us. I was horrified at the thought of her hearing us have sex when we weren't holding anything back. Paul glanced at me before walking to the fridge to pour me a glass of tea. I pressed one hand over my stomach, watching as Paul rifled around to find a box of Gold Fish crackers. He opened them and sat down beside me looking calm and collected. Mrs. Kimkirk looked at Paul and then me before saying sternly, "You'd better hope you don't end up in the hospital again."

Paul laughed loudly, not seeming the least bit shameful that his mom had heard us. I kicked him under the table and shot him a look. "I'm fine," I said quietly. Mrs. Kimkirk laughed and got up to grab her cigarettes from the kitchen counter.

"Are you going to make the pizza run for me tonight, Paul?" Paul nodded and stood up, stretching and yawning. I paid particular attention to the way every muscle in his body shifted when he moved like that. He was gorgeous.

Mrs. Kimkirk started digging into her purse. "Next time at least shut the door. And don't assume you're alone." She handed Paul a twenty. "And kids, use protection from now on." My cheeks burned at her little joke. Paul however snickered and decided to take a stab back.

"Yeah, I can see why we'd need to."

Mrs. Kimkirk rolled her eyes and shooed us out of the kitchen. "Paul, at least put on a shirt before you go." I nodded in agreement. I didn't like people staring at him when we went somewhere.

I got up from the kitchen table and followed Paul outside. "I'm absolutely mortified," I admitted after I shut the door of his truck. He flashed me a grin and started backing out of the driveway.

We arrived at the pizzeria about ten minutes later. Every Friday was pizza night, every Saturday was Chinese. Paul hopped out of the vehicle and went inside to get the pizzas. I picked at my nails while I waited for him -I hadn't even been painting them anymore- and started to think about the baby. Some days I felt like I could do a great job of taking care of it. Other days I felt like I should have listened to Paul months ago and ended the pregnancy. I was worried I couldn't take provide for it financially. I couldn't depend on my parents all the time and I didn't want to take all of Paul's money. He was already handing every check over to me.

Paul returned, pizzas in hand and handed them to me to hold while he drove. "Paul?" I asked quietly, picking at the sticker on top of the box. "Can I tell you something?"

H glanced at me and nodded. "You know you can. What's up?"

I scratched part of the sticker up. "I'm scared," I said bluntly. "I'm scared I can't do this. I don't think I can take care of the baby like it should be taken care of. I'm worried I won't be able to buy everything it needs, or that it'll do without something because I won't have enough money." My lower lip started to tremble.

Paul reached over for my hand. "I know what you mean. I've been thinking about everything too. I think we can take care of him, though if we really try to and he won't do with out anything, I can promise you that." He rubbed his thumb along the back of my hand. "It'll all work out."

I kept my eyes on the road ahead. "I've been thinking that we should have gone ahead and put it for adoption or something. I just don't know. I want to keep it so bad, but I just don't know...." I let my words get away form em and spoke the forbidden. "What if you end up not wanting us anymore and leaving?"

Paul hit the brakes and I grabbed onto the dash to keep from falling out of my seat. He pulled over to the side of the road and turned to glare at me. "Sarah, I am tired of hearing you say things like that. It makes me feel like shit that you still don't trust me to stick around. I'll _always_ be for you and for the baby. Always. Even if I imprint we can still be friends. I'll never leave you." I looked into his eyes. They were filled with frustration and anger and I instantly regretted expressing my concerns. I knew I wouldn't be able to speak so I sat silent and he continued. "I won't make you raise the baby by yourself. It's my baby too and I hate that you're doubting my feelings for it. I know I was a jerk in the beginning but you no longer have any reason to believe that I don't already love this baby."

My eyes were starting to water and I reached up to wipe them with my sleeve. Paul shook his head but his expression had softened. He faced forward and turned the key in the ignition. "Have I not been helping out enough? Have I not made efforts to be as active as I can in this pregnancy? Is there something more you want me to do to prove myself?"

I shook my head and let a few tears fall down my cheeks. Paul sighed and reached over to take my hand in his. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "I love you. I just can't stand the fact that you don't trust me. I know I don't deserve your trust, I treated you like shit, but I'm trying really hard to make it up to you." We pulled into the driveway just then and he cut the engine. I stared at the floor while we sat in silence, ready to keep listening if Paul wasn't finished. He didn't say anything else, however; instead, he leaned across the seat to kiss me. I couldn't help but kiss him back as he massaged my lips with his.

He pulled away and locked eyes with mine. His eyes were dark, almost black, and traced with vulnerability. "Stop crying before we go inside, okay?" He whispered. "I don't want them to know we've been fighting." He took the pizza boxes from my lap and hopped out of the driver's side. I wiped at my eyes and stayed in the truck until I deemed myself calm enough to go back into the house.

When I finally returned to the family I sat down and watched everyone else eat. I'd lost my appetite after arguing with Paul. I sipped on some water for awhile before standing up. "I'm sorry, I don't want to be rude but I'm going to go to bed a little early tonight. I'm not feeling well." I excused myself and made my way to Paul's room. I shut the door quietly and slipped under the covers on his bed.

Paul had scared me today for the first time in awhile. He hadn't yelled at me in months. I knew he was trying hard to be a good boyfriend, and preparing to be a good father, but this all seemed so much more complicated than it should have been. Everything had changed so thoroughly in the past few months and I was having an incredibly hard time adjusting.

I buried my face into the pillows and cried for the second time in a day. I'd been nuts to think that this was a good idea. I loved Paul like crazy but I shouldn't have allowed myself to carry his baby. I wasn't ready to commit to such a huge responsibility with a guy like Paul. He could be sweet when he wanted to be, but he's not the type of man I would have chosen to raise a family with.

I was engrossed in my pity party when the door opened and a sliver of light ran across the floor. I knew who it was. Sam didn't make Paul patrol on the weekends anymore because of Paul's garage job so I never spent the weekends alone. The door shut again and I heard Paul rustling toward me. I turned in bed so that I was facing away from him.

"Sarah, stop crying, okay? You don't have anything to be so upset over. You're making everything out to be worse than it is."

I sniffled and blinked away the blurriness that was forming over my eyes. "I have plenty to cry about. I'm sixteen and pregnant. I'm scared and I'm huge and my back hurts. I'm not ready to have a baby. I don't want to be a mom." I was working to keep my voice low so his parents wouldn't overhear but it was hard through my tears. I could hear his voice shaking when he spoke.

"And I'm seventeen and about to be a dad. I wish I didn't have to go to school so I could spend my time working for money to support my child. I'm constantly running around and doing shit with Sam so that when I finally do get to the garage, I'm tired as hell. You're constantly complaining about how uncomfortable you are—well, I'm sorry. Sometimes I feel like shit too and no one ever offers to rub my sore back." I sobbed and pulled the comforter over my head. "I didn't ask for this either, but I'm making it work and so will you."

Paul reached over and yanked the blanket off of me.

"Stop it!" I yelled, covering myself again. My breathing was coming in gasps now and I gave up trying to be quiet. "If that's the way you feel then just leave! I don't want you to screw up your life for me. The baby doesn't need a father like you, anyway."

I heard a loud bang as soon as the words left my mouth and I jumped. The sound was immediately followed by a rap on the door. "Paul? Sarah? What's going on?" Mrs. Kimkirk was worrying on the other side. I shakily brought myself to a sitting position and looked up at Paul who was standing tall a few feet away.

"Stay," he demanded. I shook my head.

"I want to go home."

The knock sounded again and Mrs. Kimkirk pushed through the door a few seconds later. She assessed the scene for a moment before rushing over to the bed and putting an arm around me. "Honey, what's wrong?" She asked, smoothing the hair out of my face. "Did Paul say something to you? He didn't hit you did he?" She shot her son a warning glare. Paul took a few steps back toward the wall and leaned against is, folding his arms across his chest.

I shook my head and wiped my eyes, trying to steady my breathing. "I want to call my mom. I want to go home. Please." Mrs. Kimkirk hugged me tightly and rubbed my back.

"Oh, honey. Do you think you can stick it out for the night? Paul can sleep on the couch, he doesn't have to be near you. I'll take you home first thing in the morning, I promise. I'd hate to have you call your parents this late at night."

I nodded reluctantly and moved a hand on my stomach. Mrs. Kimkirk placed her hand on top of mine. "Is she alright?" The baby shifted and Mrs. Kimkirk smiled. "She can feel what you feel, you know. Babies are very susceptible to their mother's emotions. If you're upset, she gets upset too." That explained why she'd seemed so restless during our little spat. I suddenly felt awful for involving an innocent baby into all of this.

I snapped my head up when the light switched on and Mr. Kimkirk came into the room. He met eyes with his wife and turned to Paul. "Come on, son. Get your things and come out here." Paul grunted softly as he moved away from the wall. I didn't look as him as he walked over to grab a pillow from the bed and followed his father out of the room. As soon as they were gone Mrs. Kimkirk stood up.

"You should get some sleep, honey. Just let me know when you wake up and I'll bring you home." She smiled kindly and turned to leave. Before she reached the light switch I looked to my left and saw a large crack in the nightstand. The nightstand that had been dangerously to where I was lying. I swallowed loudly and snuggled under the covers. Mrs. Kimkirk bade me goodnight and shut the door behind her.

I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking back on what was said. Neither Paul nor I were ready to be parents, that much was obvious, but I was ashamed in knowing that he was doing a better job than I was at trying to accept the situation. He really had been working hard at putting us—me and the baby before himself, but there was a part of me that would never forget the Paul that would call me a whore and a liar and leave bruises all over my body.

I rubbed my nose against the pillow and inhaled Paul's scent. It made my heart ache. I needed Paul, I always would and so would our baby. I regretted saying that the baby didn't need a father like him. That's what had set him off; that's why he'd cracked the nightstand. Paul wouldn't have to be so angry with me if I wasn't constantly challenging him and trying to bring him down. He'd been so helpful and dedicated to me lately. He didn't deserve my antics.

It was one o'clock before I decided to get out of bed and go to the living room. I shuffled my way over to the couch, careful not to make much noise. I knew that if Paul was awake he would be able to hear me moving around. When I got to where Paul was lying I kneeled down and gingerly placed a hand on his arm.

"Paul?" I whispered. Paul shifted and I could see his eyes shining in the dark.

"Yeah?" The tonelessness of his voice made me cringe and I reached out to run my hand through his thick black hair.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. I love you, Paul and I believe you when you say you won't leave." I fought to fight back more tears. It seemed like every other conversation I had these days resulted in me crying. "I know you care about the baby and I know you're working hard to be a good dad…"

Paul sat up and took both of my hands into his large, warm ones. "I'm the one who should be sorry," he whispered. "I was lying here thinking about what I'd said. Don't let any of it bother you, okay?" He leaned down and brushed his lips against my cheek. "I love you, too."

I smiled and sniffled and Paul reached up to wipe my eyes. "Come on, let's get you to bed." He got off the couch and helped me to a standing position. As I got up I felt my stomach brush against his and his hand automatically went down to feel the baby. "How is he?" Paul inquired, rubbing his thumb along the spot the baby just kicked. "We didn't scare him too much, did we?"

I shook my head. "No, she likes the sound of your voice, even if you're yelling. She gets excited every time you talk." Paul smiled and touched his forehead with mine.

"I'm sorry for being such a jerk. The baby shouldn't have to hear me yell and neither should you. I'll work on it, I promise." I stood on my tip toes and gave him a kiss to let him know that everything would be alright; however, the simple action sent a jolt through my spine and I couldn't suppress a groan. Paul immediately brought his hand around and rested it on my lower back.

"Back hurt?"

I shook my head and took a deep breath. I didn't want Paul to think I was being a baby. Between school, running patrols and working at the garage, he averaged about eight hours of sleep a week and he never complained. He had been right about that when we were arguing; his body was stressed just like mine was and he took it all in stride, unlike me who was constantly complaining about being hungry, hot, sore or tired.

Paul pulled away and led me out of the room. "Let's get to bed and I'll give you a backrub."

I sighed but didn't protest. My ankles were swelling too and although I wasn't going to complain about being in pain, I wasn't going to pass up a shot at relief. I would just have to give him a massage tomorrow night.

When we reached his bedroom he switched on the bedside lamp and I sat on the edge of his bed while he went to rummage around in his closet. A few seconds later he emerged with a small plastic bag, looking sheepish. He walked over and sat down beside me.

"I got a few things for the baby the other day," he mumbled. I raised my eyebrows. Paul had gone baby shopping? He reached inside and pulled out a tiny blue onesie with the words _Daddy's Little Man_ printed across the front, and a little blue t-shirt with a matching blue hat and tiny blue booties. I rolled my eyes. Of course he'd gotten boy things.

"Is there anything pink in there?" I teased. Paul stuffed his purchases back into the bag.

"Why would I want my son wearing pink?"

I shook my head and snuggled down into the covers. "What are you going to do with all of that stuff when the baby comes out with girl parts?" Paul reached over to turn off the lamp but not before I got a glimpse of the blush in his cheeks. I smirked and turned to face the wall. Paul settled himself beside me and started to gently knead my back. I almost moaned at the sensation of his warm hands soothing my sore muscles.

After my body was entirely relaxed Paul reached around to drape an arm over my side so that his hand was covering my stomach. We always slept this way when we were together. It made him feel safer to know that I was safe beside him and it gave him peace of mind to know that the baby was resting under his hand while he slept. It was comforting to me as well and I wasn't awake for longer than a few more minutes.

Please review!!


	17. Chapter 17

**a/n--- Thanks Mediate89 for all your help with this chapter. You did an awesome job of decorating hehe. Major thanks to all my reviewers for this last chapter. Also, if you guys havent did so already, add me to your author alert, I have a couple new stories that will be out soon that Im sure you guys will all love :D**

Chapter 17

I laid back on the couch with my feet propped up on the table. I was miserable. I thought I'd had it bad before, but it was nothing compared to now. The baby was constantly pressing on my bladder, making me need to use the bathroom every twenty minutes. My chest was getting larger and much sorer, my joints were swollen, my back was killing me, and I really wanted some peanut butter.

Paul was out with the pack right now, doing his wolf thing. They were all in a frenzy this week because Quil had imprinted. Paul had been a bit put-off by the whole scenario, not only because Quil had imprinted on a two-year-old, but because it reminded him that the same thing could happen to him at any given moment. Quil made the third member of the pack to imprint and everyone was worried that it wasn't as rare as the legends claimed it to be.

I'd met two other members of Paul's pack, Seth and Leah at the latest bonfire gathering. Seth was sweet and welcomed me into the group with open arms, but Leah didn't seem to care much for anyone; especially Emily. I caught her glaring at Emily's growing belly when she thought no one was looking. Paul had told me the story of what had happened between them and although I loved Emily, I couldn't help but feel for Leah and worry if I would be going through the same thing if Paul imprinted. I didn't even want to imagine it.

Four members of the pack hadn't imprinted but Paul was still sure that he would someday. Whether he was just being pessimistic or he really thought it was going to happen, I didn't know but he was one of the few who seemed certain that fate was going to lead him in that direction, whereas the others, Embry and Jacob especially, were sure that imprinting wasn't written anywhere in their future. I tired to make sense of it all and sometimes I wondered if even they knew what they were talking about.

I sat my bag of chips on top of my stomach and started flipping through the channels, looking for something to watch. Of course there wasn't anything on in the middle of the afternoon. I sighed and tossed the bag of chips onto the coffee table so I could get up. It hurt to move. I was twenty-nine weeks pregnant already, according to the midwife and had eleven weeks to go before the baby was born. I was still opting to forgo all traditional doctor visits and Mrs. Wahall, the midwife was constantly reassuring me that routine sonograms weren't necessary in healthy pregnancies.

I stretched when I was finally able to ease myself off the couch and winced as the baby kicked my spine. The baby had been getting a lot stronger these past few weeks and Paul admitted that that was part of the reason he was sure it was a boy. According to him, no girl could kick that hard. Even after explaining to him what Mrs. Wahall told me – that I was carrying high and more often than not that meant the baby was female- he continued to refer to the baby as a "his son", brushing the midwife's revelation off as an old wives' tale.

I went into the kitchen and plundered around, looking for something new to eat. Paul would be out with the pack for awhile yet and I needed something to pass the time. I slammed the fridge door shut and frowned; nothing looked appealing. My parents were both at work so there was no one to go and get me what I really wanted—a jar of crunchy peanut butter and a bottle of strawberry syrup to mix into milk. I grabbed my cell off of the counter and dialed Paul's number, knowing that he probably didn't have his phone with him in the state he was in now. Sure enough, I was sent straight to his voicemail. I left him a quick message asking him to stop at the grocery store on his way home and flipped the phone shut.

I decided to spend some time in the baby's room to take my mind off of my cravings. The crib and the rest of the furniture were assembled; pale oak to match the pale yellow walls… now all I needed was the baby. Being in the nursery gave me mixed feelings. On the one hand, I couldn't wait to have the baby in here, lying in the crib, dressed in the little t-shirts and baby gowns and wearing the tiny diapers. But the idea of being a parent still scared me more than anything. I wasn't ready to be a mother. My parents and Paul's promised to help out as much as they could but even that guarantee couldn't ease my nerves completely. Paul seemed so much calmer about the situation. If he was nervous about being a dad, he didn't show it; he seemed to be getting more excited every day. He'd already bought and assembled a little bassinet to put in his bedroom and had boxes of diapers and bags of clothes stored in his closet.

After arranging a few things and making a mental note of everything else we still needed, I pulled the nursery door shut and padded back out to the living room. I lowered myself onto my favorite side of the couch and picked up the remote, hoping that after thirty minutes there would be something new to watch. I almost wished that school was still in session. I'd settle for anything, even homework if it meant escaping this mind-numbing boredom.

I was watching _Friends_ when Paul walked in, looking beat. He got a quick drink from the kitchen and then made his way over to me. "You look rough, baby," I told him honestly. Paul shrugged and dropped down beside me.

"Long day. Sam's got us running longer and harder and Leah's getting on my nerves. I've about had it with her. I got into four fights this morning." I looked over what I could see of his body. Any wounds he had acquired were long healed. He groaned and draped his arms across the back of the couch. I bit my lip, deciding to speak up now before he got too comfortable.

"Baby?" I rested my hand on his thigh for good measure, making him twitch.

"Hmm?" His eyes were closed now and his head was thrown back, resting on top of the couch.

"Do you think you could run to the store for me quick?" Paul turned his head and looked at me skeptically. I put on my best pouty face and squeezed his leg a little.

"Please, baby," I begged. "I've been wanting peanut butter all day. I tried calling you while you were out but your phone was off. Please." Paul closed his eyes again and shook his head. I felt like crying. "Paul, please. I'm dying here."

"Have your parents pick some up for you," he mumbled lazily. I took one of his large, calloused hands and placed it over my stomach where the baby was rotating.

"But the baby wants some now." I heard him scoff and much to my dismay, he stayed frozen to the spot. "She needs food to grow, Paul. She wants her daddy to go get her some."

"She can grow on the leftovers from last night."

"Paul!"

"Sarah." He was looking at me now and he did not look amused. "Goddamn. I just got done running a twelve hour shift. I've been bit, I've been hit, and I've been snarled at by a girl. I'm not in the mood to do anything but sleep or have sex and I know the second part isn't happening."

I allowed my eyes to well with tears and I crossed my arms over my chest. I sat there sniffling for a few minutes before Paul sighed loudly and stretched his body. He scooted so that he was sitting on the edge of the couch with his hands folded out in front of him. I saw him look at me out of the corner of my eye but I didn't look back.

"Are you really going to cry over a damn jar of peanut butter?"

"I'm craving it because I'm pregnant with your baby, Paul. It's not my fault." I reached up to wipe my eyes and Paul rolled his own.

"Oh, so I suppose it's my fault." I nodded and sniffled again for effect. I could tell I starting to get somewhere. Paul stared at me for a few more seconds before leaning over to kiss me behind the ear.

"You know," he whispered, "there's something I've been craving too." I cringed. He meant sex. We hadn't been intimate for a few weeks now and I knew that he was getting frustrated. I noticed his showers were getting longer so I knew that he was trying to take care of himself but I also knew that Paul couldn't rely on self-satisfaction forever. I decided to compromise.

"I'll give you a blowjob if you run to the store." Paul frowned and backed away.

"Is that all I get?"

"I'm not really in the mood to do anything else."

"Well I'm not really in the mood to go to the store for you, Sarah. I'm fucking whipped."

"Fine." I flopped down across the cushions and pulled the throw over my head. Paul reached over and yanked it away from my face. I felt a weight being lifted as he stood up from the couch, stretching and groaning.

"You're such a baby." After a few heavy footfalls I heard the jingle of keys and opened one eye. Paul was getting ready to walk out the front door. As soon as he was halfway out I sat upright.

"Don't forget the strawberry syrup!" I called after him.

***

"Here's your damn peanut butter." Paul thrust the plastic grocery bag at me and I smiled with glee. I peeked inside; there was a bottle of strawberry syrup in there too.

"Thanks, baby." I leaned up to kiss him and then walked straight to the dishwasher to grab a spoon. I moaned with the first bite and had one third of the jar devoured in a matter of minutes. Paul was watching me with a mixture of curiosity and disgust but I didn't care; I had my peanut butter. After what had to be my tenth bite, Paul reached over and took the jar from me.

"Alright, my turn."

"Paul," I whined. "I wasn't finished!" In all honesty, I'd had about enough of JIF's crunchy creation but I needed to stall. I knew that Paul wasn't going to settle for only a blowjob; he was Paul—he was going to want to have sex and I was too fat and ugly to give it to him.

"Sarah, you promised, let's go." He took hold of my wrist and led me out of the kitchen. I huffed, but I knew better than to argue the matter anymore. Paul probably knew what I was doing. Usually when he wanted to do something I didn't want to do, I would argue with him until he would get fed up and drop the issue. Paul was making sure that that wasn't going to be the case this time.

Paul started shedding his clothes, which were really just his shorts, as soon as we got to my bedroom but I stayed fully clothed, sitting on the edge of the bed and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Come on, Sarah. You're not doing this with clothes on." He sat down beside me and pulled my hair down from its messy updo. He reached for the hem of my shirt next and slowly started to pull it up. I smacked his hand away.

"Stop! I don't want you to see me." Paul rolled his eyes and placed his hands on his lap.

"Damnit, Sarah."

"I don't want you remembering me like this." My eyes were starting to well again.

"Fine, I won't look. God." He shut his eyes but I made no move to undress myself. After a few minutes of stillness and silence Paul sighed impatiently. I made a face; I was really going to have to do this.

"Promise you'll keep them closed?" Paul nodded and I slowly started lifted my shirt over my head. As soon as my bra and cotton tee were tossed onto the floor, he opened his eyes and looked at my topless form. "Paul!" I shrieked, trying to cover my extended belly with my arms. Paul smirked and moved my arms away.

"You're beautiful," he murmured. He smoothed his warm hands over my stomach and leaned down to kiss the spot above my navel. "My baby's making you prettier than ever." He lifted his head and grinned. I smiled lamely in return, sure that he was just saying that so I would have sex with him.

"Can we get this over with?" I asked, moving to the head of the bed.

"You're not exactly setting the mood. You could at least pretend to want to sleep with me."

"This was your idea, not mine," I reminded him. Paul rolled his eyes and guided me into a lying position. He hovered over my body and began kissing me softly, kisses that I only returned halfheartedly. I reached down to help him get hard and he was ready almost immediately. "Let's go," I urged him. "And remember not to touch my breasts." Paul made a noise in the back of his throat and moved down to spread my legs. He entered me slowly a few seconds later, inhaling deeply and I knew that he was trying to savor the moment.

He suckled on my neck while he thrusted as best he could with my large stomach in the way but even that couldn't turn me on. I lied still against the pillows, making no effort to return any of his favors. "Come on, Sarah," he muttered breathlessly. "I might as well go beat off in the fucking bathroom."

"Just hurry up, Paul." He pumped a few more times, growling into my ear when he released. When he was finished he pulled out and flopped down beside me. I was already covering myself with the sheets, ready to go to sleep. I felt him prop himself up behind me and lean down so that I could feel his warm lips next to my ear.

"Next time," he kissed my temple, "I'm buying you the cheap shit."

***********

I sat down heavily at the Emily's kitchen table. We were having dinner with pack tonight. The guys were meeting more often because there were new threats in the area and Emily wanted a girl to talk to so she invited me to spend the day with her. I'd helped her work in the garden before everyone got here but there was only so much I could do before I had to sit back and watch her finish. She didn't mind and I made up for it by helping out with dinner.

I heard the front door slam and looked to see Embry flashing me a dazzling smile.

"Hey, Sarah." He reached me in two long strides and took a seat in the chair across from me. He was shirtless, like the wolf boys always were, and I tried not to stare at the perfectly toned and tanned body they all seemed to share as well. I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Hey, Embry."

"How's my baby doing?" He grinned and reached out to place his hands over my large abdomen. I rolled my eyes.

"You'd better not let Paul hear you saying that." Embry shrugged and moved his hands to where the baby was shifting. "She's fine. Getting bigger… and stronger." As if on cue the baby kicked hard against Embry's palm, making him chuckle.

"That is so weird."

"She likes you."

Embry looked up at me and winked. "It's still not too late to leave Paul for me, y'know. I'm good with kids." I smacked his arm playfully.

"Get out of here." Embry laughed and went out back to go check on the grill. I was only alone for a few minutes before Paul walked in half naked from being in the woods, followed by Sam and Jared.

"Hey, honey." He walked over to me and leaned down to place a kiss on my cheek. "How are you doing?"

"No PDA's." I heard Jared complain.

"You're just jealous because Kim didn't want to come," Paul shot back. Jared pouted and stalked outside to see if the food was ready. Almost as soon as he walked out the door he came back in carrying a large plate piled high with burgers and hotdogs. Emily was at his heels carrying a second and Sam went out to grab the third. It was starting to rain so we had to try to fit all of the food onto the little table. Needless to say, most of us were eating in the living room.

Watching the guys eat was always a show. I'd lost count of how many hamburgers Paul had eaten after his ninth and Jared ate an entire platter of hotdogs by himself. Embry was eating the potato salad straight out of the bucket and Sam was finishing off the last half of the watermelon. I was full after my first piece of chicken and Emily only ate a few bites off of Sam's plate but the food still didn't last any longer than thirty minutes.

***

It was dark when we got back to Paul's house. I was beat and ready to sleep so we went straight to his bedroom, passing up his parents' offer to join them in watching _Pearl Harbor_. I shimmied out of my jeans and into a pair of sweatpants. Paul was already in only his boxers by the time I threw on one of his oversized t-shirts. We snuggled into bed and Paul reached over to switch off the bedside lamp, leaving one arm wrapped around me. I drifted off easily with Paul's warm body so close to mine.

***

I could tell that is was very early morning when Paul started shaking me awake.

"Get up, Sarah. Get up. Shit." The only thing I could comprehend in my sleep-ridden state was the fact that I was cold. It took a few seconds for me to realize that it was because I was no longer covered. Paul must have thrown the comforter off of me… but why? I rubbed my eyes and started to sit up, only half aware of Paul scurrying around the room.

"Paul, what are you--" I started to mumble sleepily, and then I looked down. The sheets were red. My pants were red. And I was wet. My heart started to pound and I looked at Paul with wide eyes.

"You're bleeding," he explained. "It's all over the bed." And it was all over Paul too. Part of his leg was streaked with blood and a corner of his shorts was darker gray.

"What's happening?" I gasped; tears were starting to form. Paul shook his head.

"I don't know, but we have to get you to the hospital. Here," he produced a clean pair of pants and a new shirt, "put these on. I'm going to go tell my mom what's going on." He ran to the door, grabbing a pair of jeans on the way. I couldn't move. I was sobbing hard now and scared out of my mind. What was happening? I placed a hand on my stomach, trying to feel the baby move inside of me but I wasn't met with a response.

Paul returned a short time later and hurried over to the bed.

"Sarah, come on, we've got to go. Get dressed."

"She's not moving, Paul. I can't feel her," I whispered through my tears. Paul took one of my hands in his and leaned down to give me a quick kiss.

"She's asleep. Now let's go." He grabbed the clean shirt and replaced my old one. After he helped me change my pants he lifted me off the bed and half carried me out of the house. We passed Mrs. Kimkirk on the way; she was on the phone, probably calling my parents. Paul didn't stop to say anything more to her in his rush to get me to the truck.

We were driving several miles over the speed limit but it was still dark out and there wasn't much traffic so there was no reason to take our time. It normally took about thirty minutes to get from La Push to Forks, but Paul got us there in just under fifteen. He parked the vehicle as close to the hospital doors as he could get and hurried around to unbuckle me.

"Has the baby moved yet?" He placed a hand on my stomach and I could see the worry in his eyes. I shook my head and reached up to wipe the tears off of my cheeks. His voice was shaking when he spoke again. "Let's go."

We were surrounded by hospital staff almost as soon as we walked through the double doors. One look at my very pregnant state and the blood that was still seeping down my legs and just about every nurse on call was paged. I was starting to feel dizzy as Paul gave them my information and was glad that he was supporting most of my weight. Everyone was trying to ask me questions but I couldn't answer them; all I could do was clutch Paul's arm and try to stay standing. Someone was sent to fetch a gurney but by that time I was losing my ability to focus and don't remember ever lying down before the world went black.

***

I awoke to a beeping sound and the hum of low voices. It took a second after I opened my eyes to remember where I was and my hand automatically traveled to my stomach. Someone must have registered my movement because I felt a hand on my arm a moment later. It was cold. It wasn't Paul.

"Paul." My voice was quiet and hoarse, like I hadn't spoken in days.

"Paul went down to the cafeteria." That was my mother's voice. "You've been out for almost two days, honey and he stayed with you the whole time. About twenty minutes ago the doctor told him to go take care of himself or he would ban visitors. That got him moving." She smiled weakly at the memory.

"The baby. What happened?" The baby was kicking again but that didn't mean that everything was alright.

"Sshh." My mom reached over to smooth the hair out of my face and kissed my forehead. "The baby's fine." She used the remote control to turn off the television; that must have been where the voices were coming from because I was the only other person in the room. "The doctor did a sonogram. You have placenta previa. It means that the placenta is lying lower than it should be and that's why you've been bleeding so much." My brow wrinkled. What did this mean?

Just then Paul walked in and hurried over to the bed. "Sarah." He looked awful, but he sounded relieved. I scooted over and he carefully took a seat beside me, not hesitating to wrap his arms around me in a warm embrace. "God, I'm so sorry. The doctor made me leave." He leaned down to kiss my cheek and his wonderful scent filled my nose. "Are you alright?"

I nodded. "The baby's okay."

Paul smiled and placed his hand on my abdomen. "I know. I've been reading to him while you were asleep."

"My mom said I was out for almost two days." It was just me and Paul in the room now. My mom had left to go get the doctor.

"Yea," he said quietly, absentmindedly moving his hand back and forth across the thin fabric of my hospital gown. "You needed a transfusion. You lost a lot of blood. Something about the placenta lying too low—Sarah," he paused and looked down, "you don't have to do the homebirth if you don't want to. The doctor said it would be alright as long as the midwife was aware but if you don't feel safe with it then we can have the baby here, at the hospital. It won't make a difference to me."

I bit my lip. I hated hospitals and certainly didn't want to give birth in one; not after having my heart set on a homebirth, and I knew that it did make a difference to Paul. He didn't want the baby born here anymore than I did. But what if something went wrong? I was about to speak when the doctor walked in.

"How are you feeling, Miss Carter?" He sat down next to me with his clipboard in hand. He asked a few more questions and I answered him as best I could. After doing a quick examination he explained to me in detail what my mother had mentioned about my condition and assured me that a homebirth would be possible and safe as long as we took the necessary precautions. He acknowledged our feelings about having the baby born on the reservation and agreed to talk to our midwife about everything so that there wouldn't be any problems. As soon as the doctor was sure that we understood everything, he gave us permission to leave, making me promise to rest and take it easy until the baby was born. And I decided that was the only thing that really mattered—that the baby was going to be born.


	18. Chapter 18

**an-- Here it is...what you've all been waiting for :D Hope you like it! Just want to say thanks for the reviews last chapter, sorry it took so long to update again, and thanks mediate89 for betaing this and doing a great job. And thanks to liljenrocks for just being...Jen :P remeber to review!!**

Chapter 18

I held my stomach as I walked out of my bedroom and toward the kitchen; I wasn't sure if the skin over my stomach could stretch anymore. I was thirty-four weeks along now and more miserable than ever. I could barely even walk. When I finally reached my destination I found my mom sitting at the kitchen table going over bills. "This sucks," I told her, reaching into the cupboard to grab a box of Pop Tarts. She laughed and looked up from her pile of papers.

"You still have six weeks to go, sweetie." I rolled my eyes and sat down carefully in the chair beside her. "Is Paul coming for you or do I need to drop you off?" The parents had all talked and decided that they didn't want me to be home alone anymore. They were all worried that something would happen and I'd be alone and not be able to call. It was ridiculous.

"He's coming for me. We're just going to go back to bed." I started to get up, holding onto the table for support and my mom reached over to give me a hand but I swatted it away. I didn't like being helped up. "I'm hungry," I complained, eyeing the refrigerator.

"So fix yourself something," my mom suggested, bringing her attention back to her task. I sighed; I didn't want to cook, I wanted someone else to do it for me. I'd ask Paul.

"I'll wait, maybe Paul will fix something."

My mom shook her head and got up to grab her purse and put on her jacket. "Sarah, you're taking advantage of him. It's not right to abuse being pregnant the way you are." I could tell she was smiling as she gathered the bills and made sure she had her car keys. "Here he comes now," she muttered, glancing out the window. She walked over and gave me a kiss before heading out to the car. I retrieved my overnight bag from the couch and went outside a few minutes later.

Paul was already waiting in the driveway and was at my side taking my bag from me before I even had the front door shut and locked. I could tell he had been up for a while already. He was shirtless and filthy and looked utterly exhausted. He helped me to the truck and I eased my way into the passenger's seat in the same amount of time it took him to throw my bag in the back, get behind the wheel, and start the ignition. We were pulling out when I was hit with another wave of hunger. "Do you have any eggs or bacon at your house? I'm really hungry."

He shrugged. "Probably."

I reached over to rub my hand across his thigh. "Will you make some for me?"

Paul caught my hand and held it tightly in his. "I guess." He sighed theatrically and looked over to give me a teasing grin. I smiled back.

"Thanks, baby. My mom wouldn't do anything for me." I pouted. Paul rolled his eyes as he turned into the garage and cut the engine. "So what else are we going to do today?" I asked, fumbling with my seatbelt. Paul frowned.

"I might have to go back out later today."

"Oh."

Paul brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed it. "But I'll stay with you until they need me."

We were inside the house a few minutes later and Paul tossed my bag onto the floor. "Here," he said guiding me over to the couch, "you sit and I'll make your stuff." I gladly stretched out across the soft cushions as Paul walked off to the kitchen. I heard some banging and an occasional _shit _and twenty minutes later Paul was walking back in the living room with a plate of food in his hand, looking disgruntled.

"I didn't have bacon," he said, daring me to complain.

"That's okay, thanks." I took the spoon out of his hand and started shoveling down my eggs. They were a little rubbery, but they still tasted good. I wanted them too badly to care if they weren't perfect. Paul sat beside me, rubbing my stomach and talking to the baby while I ate. When I was finished he got up and stretched.

"I'm gonna go get shower." I nodded and he leaned over to give me a quick kiss on the lips before striding off to the bathroom. I decided to go lie down in his bed while I waited for him. My back had been hurting since the drive over and the couch was no longer as comfortable as I needed it to be. I walked past the guest bedroom on my way through the hallway and peered inside. Paul's parents had started getting everything ready for the birth. I was going to be having the baby here since my house wasn't technically on the reservation.

I settled myself into Paul's bed and breathed in the scent of his pillow-- cologne and cedar. It never ceased to calm me. I moved onto my side, trying to ease the tension in my back but the new position seemed to make it worse. I was still trying to get comfortable when Paul walked in with a towel around his waist.

"What's wrong?" He asked, noticing the scowl on my face.

"My back's cramping." Paul pulled on a pair of boxers and crawled in beside me. A second later I felt his large, warm hands gently kneading my back. I sighed with relief. "Thanks, baby."

Paul kissed the side of my face. "I don't mind. I know you don't feel well and I haven't been around much this week." The heat from his hands was quickly easing away my discomfort and I closed my eyes.

"It's okay," I mumbled sleepily. "I'm sorry I've been such a bitch lately."

Paul chuckled. "You're eight months pregnant, Sarah. I understand. Just don't think it's gonna keep up after you have the baby." I could hear the tease in his voice. "Now let's get some sleep while we still can." He wrapped his arms around me, resting his hands just below my stomach and I could hear his deep, steady breathing in a moment's time. I yawned and started to drift off myself, feeling my lower back jab again now that Paul wasn't rubbing it.

I hadn't been asleep long when I was woken by a loud howl ringing through the air. Paul was obviously in a deeper sleep than I had been because he didn't stir. I frowned, wondering if I should wake him or not. The howl sounded again, this time accompanied by another and I reached over to try to shake his massive body. "Get up, I think they're calling you." I nudged him again and he groaned.

"Are you okay alone?" He asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

I shrugged; I'd have to be okay alone. I couldn't call anyone to come sit with me or they'd ask where he went. "I'll be okay. Just go. Take your phone and strap it to your leg and I'll call if I need something." Paul nodded and leaned over to press his mouth against mine.

"Love you," he said quickly as he got out of the bed. I watched him strip off his boxers and walk over to the window.

"I know. I love you too."

After Paul left I rolled over into a little ball and held my stomach, feeling the baby kick around. She'd dropped a lot over the past couple of weeks but the midwife said it was normal. It was incredibly uncomfortable, though.

I laid in bed for awhile, unable to go back to sleep with the constant cramping and thought on my relationship with Paul. It was like we didn't even know we wouldn't be together forever. Paul openly showed and told me that he loved me and I wasn't so sure I could let him go anymore. I'd hated to see him leave a few minutes ago. It was the first I'd seen him in three days and I missed him. The desire to be near him had gotten stronger over the past few weeks.

I was starting to get thirsty so I rolled out of bed, holding onto the nightstand for support. As soon as I was standing a sharp pain shot through my abdomen and a gush of warm fluid splashed onto the carpet. I was unable to move for an indeterminable amount of time as I tried to process what had just happened. It wasn't until I felt the tears welling up in my eyes that I decided to call someone.

I tried to calm myself as I gingerly made my way into the kitchen and picked up the nearest telephone. I dialed Paul's number with a shaky hand but when he didn't answer I called my mom and told her what was happening. She was surprised to hear that my water had broken and I had to tell her that Paul got called away by Sam for a "work emergency" when she asked where he was. Since she couldn't get away from her own job yet, she advised me to call Mrs. Kimkirk.

Mrs. Kimkirk practically squealed with joy when I told her why I needed her. She promised that she was on her way and instructed me to call the midwife and let her know what was going on. Before I could dial the number another pain hit and I tried not to think about why my body was hurting. I took a deep breath after it had passed and called Mrs. Wahall. She answered after the first ring.

"My water broke," I told her feebly, not even bothering with introductions.

"How long ago?"

I thought on it. "About twenty minutes ago and I'm hurting all over." I heard a rustling of some papers and a thud on the other end of the line.

"I'll be there in a bit. Just try to stay calm and walk around as much as you can, okay? It's a little early but everything should be fine." I nodded, more for myself than for her and hung up the phone. I tried Paul again and when there was still no answer I called Emily and asked if she could get a hold of Sam. She told me she would try and that she would be over in a few minutes with any news on Paul. Everyone was called. The only thing I could do now was wait for everyone to arrive and since I was still having what I was sure were contractions, I decided to turn on the Tv in an attempt to take my mind off things.

I felt another contraction as soon as Mrs. Kimkirk walked through the door. "Sarah? Where are you?" She called out worriedly before she spotted me holding my back on the couch. I looked up at her, glad that someone was finally here.

"It hurts," I whined as the pain subsided. Mrs. Kimkirk sat down beside me and rubbed my back in understanding.

"We need to get you changed, okay? And moving around. Your labor will go a lot faster if you walk. Are you sure your water broke?"

I nodded. "It's all over the floor in Paul's room."

"Okay then, let's get you up." She stood in front of me and held out her hands so I could pull myself into a standing position. I hobbled down the hall, holding onto Mrs. Kimkirk's arm for support incase another contraction came. When we got to Paul's room I grabbed one of his t-shirts and wore it like a gown. It was large enough to comfortably cover my girth and long enough to hang past my knees. His scent was still fresh on it and I let it soothe me through the discomfort the way he would have done had he been there.

I walked up and down the hallway and around different parts of the house while Mrs. Kimkirk rushed around to get things ready for the impending birth. I was still trying not to think about what was happening because the idea of having a baby by the end of the night was too terrifying to imagine. "Ooww," I whined and held my back as another pain tightened my abdominal muscles. Mrs. Kimkirk walked over and put a hand on my shoulder.

"You still have awhile to go before it starts to get bad, honey. These ones are only about fifteen minutes apart. You need to start relaxing now so you'll be prepared for when they start to get worse, okay?" She rubbed her hand up and down my back and instructed me to breathe deeply and focus on working my way through each contraction.

It wasn't long before Emily arrived looking nervous and excited all at the same time. She found me standing by the bathroom door and wrapped her arms around me. "I can't believe you're having her already."

"It's too early, I'm not ready," I whispered so Mrs. Kimkirk wouldn't hear. I rested my head on Emily's shoulder and squeezed a few tears out of my eyes. "I'm scared, Emily."

"Aww, you'll be fine, honey. Once you see your beautiful baby nothing else will matter." She gave me what was supposed to be a reassuring smile but I couldn't help but wonder if she really knew what she was talking about. After being hit with a longer-lasting contraction I pulled away from Emily and whimpered.

"Where's Paul?"

Emily's expression softened. "I'm sorry. I tried calling him. I called Sam and Embry and Quil but they're all… running around." She shot a meaningful glance at Mrs. Kimkirk who was still fumbling around trying to get things ready.

"I don't know why the hell he left you," she called from the kitchen. "Have you tried calling him again?" We met her halfway across the living room and Emily tried to reason with her while I stood to the side feeling completely miserable.

"Yes but his phone's turned off. He should be home soon, though. Sam said it wouldn't take them very long."

"Damnit." Mrs. Kimkirk almost stamped her foot. "This is a really bullshit thing for him to do. He was supposed to stay with Sarah all day. He told me that's what he was going to do." She shook her head and stalked off to the guest bedroom to make sure the bed was clean and ready.

I walked around the house with Emily until Mrs. Wahall arrived. She asked me how I was feeling and asked where I was going to be giving birth at. Mrs. Kimkirk led her to the bedroom and showed her around. "Sarah, why don't you come sit on the bed for me. I'd like to examine you," the midwife instructed. I reluctantly agreed and watched as Mrs. Wahall pulled things out of her bag and laid them on a nearby table—blankets, an aspirator, scissors, clamps, gloves… I looked away. After a quick and uncomfortable examination Mrs. Wahall informed me that I was four centimeters dilated and progressing smoothly.

"It's early but I think it will be fine. There was confusion about the conception anyway, right? This baby might actually be right on time but I won't know until he or she is born." Her cool hands pressed on my stomach, and then she looked at her watch. "We still have a while to go." I winced as my abdominal muscles tightened and tried to relax my body the way I had been instructed. Mrs. Wahall looked up at me, her expression serious. "Remember Sarah, there's nothing I can give you here. You'll have to work with your body to get through this labor naturally." I nodded pitifully. "Where's Paul? She asked.

"He got called away on a work emergency," I mumbled. "He'll be back soon."

Mrs. Wahall raised her eyebrows. "Okay, well, I don't want you moving around too much. I don't want you to start losing blood the way you have been."

I stayed confined to the bed for the next six hours, whining and holding my stomach as the contractions got steadily worse. My mother sat by my side and tried to help ease me through some of the pain but the only person I really wanted with me was Paul. I couldn't understand why he wasn't back yet. Emily was in and out with her hand over her own baby bump, looking worried. I knew she was wondering if this was what she really wanted now that she knew how it went.

"Make it stop," I begged my mom who was wiping my forehead with a damp cloth.

"I wish I could honey, but you only have a few more centimeters to go. Just keep breathing and everything will be fine." I wiped the hot tears off of my cheeks. I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't physically or mentally prepared to bring a baby into the world. Why couldn't Paul have used a damn condom? After a few more hours I didn't even want to stick with the birth plan anymore; I wanted drugs—anything to put an end to the torture, but Mrs. Wahall, Emily and the mothers continued to support and encourage me.

"Where's Paul?" I gasped after a particularly rough contraction. I squirmed, trying to relieve some of the pressure building below my waist and Emily reached out to place a hand on my tight stomach.

"I can't get a hold of him, Sarah. I keep trying but no one is answering their phones."

"It hurts _so_ much," I whimpered, unable to stop sobbing long enough to take a deep breath. "I want him here. He needs to be here! I hate Paul. I hate Sam!" I rolled over and cried into the pillow. "I can't do this. I don't want to have a baby."

Mrs. Wahall hurried into the bedroom, sensing that I was close to hysterics as the pain became longer and stronger. She smoothed the wet hair out of my face and tried to calm me. "Sarah, honey, you need to relax. It needs to get worse before it can get better, so you--" I cut her off.

"No!"

I stayed huddled up at the head of the bed, ignoring them as they tried to soothe me and get me to do some of the pain management we'd planned. All I could think about was Paul and why he wasn't here to help me through this. After everything we'd been through, after all the time we'd spent talking and worrying about the baby, he wasn't even here to help me bring it into the world. I dug my nails into the sheets and continued to cry through the unbearable pain that was ravaging my body.

"Sarah, I think its time to start." I didn't know what time it was but the sky was dark when Mrs. Wahall came in and coaxed me into a semi-sitting position so she could examine me. I saw her reach for a pair of latex gloves and held my legs together. She sighed and looked at me sternly. "Come on Sarah, you need to be mature about this. You're going to have to start pushing soon and you can't do it with your legs closed."

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. "I can't." I dug my nails into my mom's hand and cried out as another powerful contraction hit just minutes after the last one. "I need Paul," I sobbed.

"Sarah, we can't wait for Paul. The baby's ready to come now, so let's try a few little pushes, okay? Just a few." I took a deep breath. "It'll help with the pain, sweetie." My mom adjusted the pillows behind me and I pushed with the next contraction as I was instructed, but instead of holding it for ten seconds I stopped at four and pushed Mrs. Wahall's hands off of me.

"Oww," I moaned. "I can't do it."

"Sarah," Mrs. Wahall sounded annoyed, "you can't be afraid to push--" but she was cut off by a commotion outside of the door and Paul came bursting into the room a few seconds later, still shirtless and looking panicked.

"Oh my god, Sarah. I am so sorry, baby." He was by my side in a flash, brushing the hair out of my eyes and covering me in kisses. "I shouldn't have left you, I'm so sorry." He took my trembling hand in his and I grasped it tightly, biting my bottom lip and groaning as another wave of pain washed over my body.

"Paul, I'm scared," I whispered. "It hurts so much."

He ran a hand through my hair and leaned down to kiss my forehead. "You'll be alright, honey. Just listen to the midwife and she'll tell you what to do."

My mother let herself out when she realized this was a moment I only wanted to share with Paul and Mrs. Wahall urged me to start pushing again. Pushing felt wrong and made my entire body hurt so I had to stop each time and both Paul and Mrs. Wahall were quickly losing patience.

"I can't do it, I can't," I sobbed into Paul's shoulder. He rubbed his hand up and down my arm.

"Yes you can. You can do it. You've just gotta try harder."

I screamed and fell back against the pillows. "I can't! Don't make me do it, please. Paul, don't make me."

After several more failed attempts at pushing Paul pulled his hand out of mine and stood up. "Sarah, all you're doing is dragging this out and it's not good for the baby." Mrs. Wahall shook her head. "If I'm just going to be a distraction then I'm going to leave." He started for the door.

"No!" I stretched my arm out as best I could. "Don't go. Please, I'll do it." I cried hard and clutched my stomach. Paul froze and turned to look at me.

"Are you going to push like you're supposed to?" I nodded quickly. "Okay." He stepped back over to me. "And stop crying, too. It's only making it worse." He climbed behind me so that I was sitting between his legs and wrapped his arms around my middle, letting his hands rest on my thighs. "Now just calm down," he cooed, rubbing his thumbs across my skin.

Mrs. Wahall gave him an appreciative nod and turned back to me "On the count of three. One, two, three," she chimed. I squeezed my eyes shut and screamed through clenched teeth. Paul was muttering words of encouragement as I pushed and pushed and pushed. I leaned into his chest and dug into his wrists as my nether regions started to burn.

"Ow, ow, ow!" I tried to close my legs but Paul was holding them firmly in place and I was too weak to fight against his grip. "Stop, make it stop," I whined. Despite my best efforts, I started to sob. I was at my breaking point—hot, tired and utterly miserable.

"You're okay, Sarah," Paul murmured into my ear. "You're almost done."

"Do you want to feel the head?" I shook my head at Mrs. Wahall but Paul reached lower and I felt his warm fingers fumbling around until he found what he was looking for.

"That's his head!" He almost squealed and I could tell he was grinning. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "You're doing so great, Sarah. Just a few more pushes and we can hold him."

After a few more minutes of pushing, thrashing and yelping through the most intense pain I'd ever felt in my life I felt the baby slip free and heard its tiny cry. Paul leaned over my shoulder to catch the first glimpse of the squealing infant. "It's a girl," he announced incredulously, and then he laughed. "Sarah, it's a girl!"

I was too focused on trying to take deep breaths to join Paul in his excitement at having a new daughter. As it was, I couldn't find anything exciting about the situation at all. My entire body was shaking with exhaustion and I felt like I was going to be sick. I barely registered Paul lowering me back into the pillows so he could move closer to the baby. Mrs. Wahall let him cut the umbilical cord and he watched intently as she cleaned the tiny body and wrapped it in a soft white blanket.

"Sarah, do you want to hold her?" Mrs. Wahall offered me the bundle when it was clear that I wasn't going to be asking for it and I feebly shook my head. All I wanted to do was sleep and find a way to ease away the ache in my body. Paul didn't hesitate to hold out his hands, though and I watched as he very carefully cradled the baby in his arms. He shuffled up to where I was sitting and positioned the baby so that I could see her face.

"Look at her," he said softly, a smile lighting up his face. "Look at how beautiful she is." I didn't see the beauty. She looked kind of squished and purple to me and her dark hair was wet and matted against her head but Paul was completely enamored.

We stayed in the bedroom for awhile, just the four of us while Mrs. Wahall got things cleaned up and put away. She weighed and measured the baby—5 pounds, eleven ounces and eighteen inches long—and made sure that the placenta was delivered safely. She checked me for bleeding and gave us a few tips on postnatal care but I didn't catch most of it in my daze. Paul was listening with rapt attention, though so I made a mental note to ask him about it later.

It wasn't long before everyone wanted to come in and see the newest member of the family. They gushed over how perfect and little she was and congratulated us on being new parents. Paul was beaming the entire time but I could barely keep my eyes open. Someone in the small crowd asked if we'd named her yet and Paul shot me a questioning glance, still holding tight to baby in his arms.

"Um," he sat down beside me and stared down at the baby, "Bridget? Bridget… Rose?" He looked to me for a response but I just shrugged. It was one of the names I'd suggested earlier in the pregnancy and if Paul liked it then it was fine with me. I didn't have the energy to put up much of a debate. "Bridget Rose Kimkirk," he stated proudly.

Everyone finally left, including Mrs. Wahall who was out speaking with my parents, leaving only me, Paul and the baby in the room. He was walking slowly around the bed, talking softly to the little bundle and I snuggled down into the blankets, glad to finally be able to get some much needed rest. I'd barely closed my eyes, however when I felt Paul's weight on the bed beside me.

"Honey, what's wrong? Why won't you hold the baby?" I kept my back to him and he continued. "You have to at least feed her, Sarah. Come on." I felt his hand on my shoulder and he turned me so that I was facing him. "Sit up."

"Paul, I'm tired," I whined.

"Mrs. Wahall said you have to try to nurse her. It'll make you feel better." I rolled my eyes and sat up as straight as I could. Paul gently handed me the baby and helped me bring her to my chest. My breasts were incredibly sore and it hurt to have her latch on but I knew I had to endure it or Paul would complain until I did.

"I think she looks kinda like me." Paul broke the momentary silence and I could hear the pride in his voice as he gazed down at the baby. "She's got my hair color." He ran one of his fingers through it; it looked a lot softer now that it was dry. "And my eyes and mouth, but she's got your little nose and ears." He looked up at me and smiled but I couldn't find it in me to smile back.

When the baby was finished I quickly handed her back to Paul. He leaned over to give me a kiss as soon as I laid back down. "I'll watch over her while you rest," he whispered. "You put yourself through a lot today. I'm so proud of you." I smiled weakly and pulled the blankets over my shoulders.

"Tell everyone not to wake me unless it's to feed her," I mumbled.

Paul ran a hand through my hair. "Okay." He leaned down to kiss me again. "I love you."

an---- Review!!


	19. Chapter 19

**a/n-- thanks mediate for beefing up the story so much and betaing it so well for me. Thanks everyone who continues to review each chapter. **

Chapter 19

I watched Sarah as she slept; she was white as a sheet and had circles under her eyes. She hadn't done as well as I thought she would have with the home birth. I'd felt like shit when I had to threaten her with leaving to get her to push. God, it had pained me to hear her scream and cry giving birth to my baby. But it was all worth it, I decided as I looked down at the tiny baby I was holding. She was beautiful. I was surprised at how much I already loved her. Despite being wet and wrinkly, my heart had swollen inside of my chest the moment I'd seen her in Mrs. Wahall's hands. I smiled at the memory and the shock I'd felt when Mrs. Wahall had announced that I had a daughter. It only took a few seconds for me to realize that it didn't matter whether the baby was a boy or a girl or a squid. It was my baby and I was going to love it no matter what.

I rubbed Bridget's tiny back and got up slowly from the bed so I could walk into the living room where the parents were waiting. Ellie was staying with Sam and Emily tonight until we could get everything calmed down and cleaned up here. They looked up when they heard me coming in. I made my way over to the couch and sat down on the as carefully as I could. "Is Sarah okay?" Mrs. Carter asked worriedly. I nodded, not wanting to say much about Sarah right now. She was probably just tired and weak but I felt like something wasn't right with her. I kissed the baby's little forehead knowing the others were dying to hold her again.

"Here," I said passing her to Sarah's dad. "I'm going to get Sarah some stuff ready to get a shower when she wakes up. I'll need someone to help me." Her mom nodded at me, showing me that she would and I left back to the bedroom. I shut the door behind me and sat on the bed with my head in my hands for a few minutes, desperately hoping that Sarah was better when she woke up. Bridget had to have her. Hell, I had to have her right now. I didn't know what to do with a baby. I'd only practiced on Claire and Quil was hovering the entire time.

Sarah stirred in her sleep and got up to get her things around. I grabbed a new shirt, some shorts and a couple of towels and laid them on the counter in the guest bathroom. When I got back to the bedroom Sarah was still sleeping soundly so I shut the door softly behind me and went to the living room where my mom was cradling Bridget. She glanced at the clock. "Paul, we're going to have to wake Sarah up soon. I know she barely fell asleep but this little one is going to eat every couple of hours." I nodded at her but I didn't want to wake Sarah up. She deserved to sleep for a while. She'd had a bad delivery and I'd made it worse by disappearing for six hours of it.

"Could... I mean… can't we bottle feed her?" I asked slowly, knowing already what the mothers would say but at the rate Sarah was going, I'd have to remind her to feed her own baby. As expected, Mrs. Carter shook her head.

"No. Breastfeeding is better. Sarah's just going to have to get up every few hours. It won't hurt her."

"Paul, Where were you?" My dad asked suddenly. I glanced at him as I grabbed a diaper.

"I was doing some stuff. I lost my phone."

He eyed me warily "What type of stuff? You were gone an awfully long time on a day you said you didn't have anything planned.

I glared at him. "I told you Sam called me away on a work emergency. It's really none of your business, anyway." I shuffled over to my mom and held out my arms for the baby. "Here, give her to me. I'm taking her to Sarah." The warm body was handed to me gently and I shifted her around so I could kiss her again.

"I'll go with you. I'm going to see if she wants something to eat herself." Her mom said, getting up from her chair to follow me. I couldn't think of a nice way to tell her to back off or I would have. I went to the guest room and lowered myself down beside Sarah on the bed. I nudged her lightly.

"Sarah? Honey?" I leaned back against the headboard, feeling a little tired myself. "It's time to get up and feed Bridget. She's hungry." Sarah stirred a little bit and groaned as she woke up.

"No, I'm tired." She made no move to sit up and I sighed, wishing that her mom wasn't in the room with us.

"Honey, you have to get up," I said softly.

Her mom cleared her throat. "Sarah, after you feed her I'll help you get a shower and fix you something to eat, okay?" She leaned down and kissed Sarah's forehead. "I'm going to go get you something to drink." Sarah nodded without opening her eyes and I waited until her mom shut the door to say what I wanted.

"Sarah, I know you feel like shit right now but you have to sit up long enough to feed the baby. I'll take her right back when she's done, I swear." I knew I shouldn't have to beg her to do this. Sarah sat up slowly, wincing as she did.

"Paul… I'm sore, I'm tired and I don't feel like messing with it." My eyes widened. I'd never heard her refer to the baby as an "it", not even while she was pregnant. I didn't know what to say so I passed her Bridget before she could refuse, watching her carefully to make sure she didn't drop her. Sarah sniffled and I saw a tear slide down her face. She was deliberately looking away from the baby as I helped her get adjusted. "It still hurts," Sarah whined when the baby started to nurse. After a few quiet minutes she started to sob. "Paul, I don't want her."

"You don't mean that."

"I'm not ready."

I reached up and brushed the hair away from her face. "You're just tired. You need to rest," I assured her, hoping that was the only problem. Sarah's mother came back just then with a glass of Sprite in her hand. If she'd heard what we'd been saying, she didn't let us know it.

I walked down the hall feeling agitated with Sarah. She didn't want to do anything. When I got back to the living room I looked to my mom and passed her the baby. "What's wrong?" She whispered. She'd obviously heard me slam the door. I shook my head.

"Nothing. Just take Bri and I'm going to help Sarah get up. She can't just lay there." I went back to the room and looked down at Sarah. Her mother was helping her sit up and I brushed her aside. "I've got her. I'll just need you to help her actually shower." As close as we were right now in our relationship, I didn't think Sarah wanted me to give her a bath.

I stood back, watching as she started to shakily get up before reaching for my hand. "Help me walk." I gripped her and we went slowly to the bathroom, her wincing with every step before we made it. I helped her step into the bathtub before leaving.

"You can put her in her bassinet," I told my mom as I walked into the kitchen. "I'm fixing Sarah something, and then sleeping while Bridget does." She nodded. I knew it sounded strange to them that I was the one getting up and down. I watched as Bri was laid in her bassinet and made sure that she was tucked in carefully.

***************************

It had been two days since Sarah'd had Bridget and she still didn't want anything to do with her. I was trying not to let anyone but me see how she was with the baby. I didn't want them to know Sarah didn't like her. I loved her to pieces; it was hard for me to understand why Sarah didn't. My aunts and grandma were pressing to come over, along with the pack. Sarah didn't want visitors but I knew it was rude not to let them come so I told them to come after lunch.

I looked across the living room at my mom; she was holding Bridget and smiling at her. I'd kill for Sarah to even look at her. I was tired from doing everything. My mom had shown me the basics-- bathing, diapering, wrapping her up and burping her all the while Sarah laid in a little ball. Sarah didn't want to do anything. I had to force her to eat and then force her to feed the baby. I didn't want my mom and Sarah's always taking care of her, she wasn't theirs. She was mine and Sarah's. I didn't know what I was going to do when I had to work this weekend. My mom and hers had to work too. No one would be here to help Sarah and I couldn't help but worry if Bridget would get taken care of properly. Sarah hadn't changed her diaper once. I did a good job of hiding that fact from everyone else, though. I changed her in the room with us and no one ever knew the difference.

I yawned and rested my head in my hand, propped up with my elbow. "What time are friends coming?" My mom asked as she pushed Bridget's tiny arms through a little pink dress. I shrugged.

"Noon, I think. Don't worry, they already know to wash their hands and don't drop her." I'd threatened them with the consequences if anything happened to my baby. They were all getting a kick out of the whole situation. Me taking care of the baby. The only thing that really worried me about letting the pack in was the members that hadn't imprinted. The last thing I wanted was one of my brothers to imprint on my newborn daughter. I'd have to kill him whoever he was. Sam had told me not to worry about it, after all, the ones left to imprint were kids too. Except Embry. I sighed out loud; Sam wasn't as worried about it as he should have been. Bridget was his and Emily's god daughter. We'd decided months before the baby was born that they were our obvious choice. "I guess I should go warn Sarah." I got up and stretched out.

"Sarah?" I asked as I opened up the door to my room. She'd moved from the guest room back into my room. She still had a few days because Mrs. Wahall said it was okay for her to try and move around and go back home. The blood loss had been worse than I'd realized.

"What?" She asked sleepily. I sat down beside her and rubbed her back softly. "The pack's coming over in a bit to see the baby. I thought you might want to get dressed or something. Leah and Kim are coming too."

She nodded and sat up slowly. "Okay. I'll get up in a bit. I'm still tired." She rubbed her eyes. Her color was coming back little by little in her cheeks but she was still pale. I leaned over and gave her a quick peck.

"I've gotta get a shower and go get a few things." I reached down and grabbed some clothes out of a basket. "I'll be back." Sarah laid back down and snuggled into the blankets, not even asking about Bridget. I shook my head and went into the living room.

"Let me have her," I told my mom, getting the baby from her. I carried her back into my room and put her in her bassinet in the corner, near the bed. Sarah stirred, frowning at me as she saw the baby.

"Don't leave her with me," she said in the dead tone she used when she talked about Bridget. I ignored her as I tucked the baby in and left again. This was going to be hard. I left the door open halfway and I went and sat down on the couch to wait it out. My mom looked at me curiously

"Where did you put her?" I shrugged and stared at the TV. "With her mother." My mom frowned and looked down the hall. She wasn't going to like this anymore than I was. When I heard Bridget starting to fuss I kept my mouth in a clench and balled up my fists. She always started out whimpering and the sound was pitiful. My mom started to get up but I shook my head at her.

"No. Leave her in there," I snapped at her. I heard the baby let out a cry. My mom's face crumpled up.

"Paul, this isn't right." I stayed where I was sitting. "Sarah hasn't been right either." Bridget was crying now and I felt the anguish start to pound in my temples as I listened.

"Paul?" I heard Sarah called out timidly. I held a finger to my lips for my mom to see. She bit her bottom lip as she paced. "Paul, come get her."

The baby cried and whimpered some more. I was starting to reach my breaking point now. I heard the crying start to quiet and I looked at my mom, wondering if it was possible Sarah had finally gotten up. The crying was gone now completely and I got up from the couch, trying to keep my calm mask as I went down the hall. My mom was shaking her head at me, looking worried. I peeked inside the room, keeping back so Sarah wouldn't see me. She was holding Bridget, looking like she was crying silently to herself.

I watched her for a few seconds as she touched the baby's face, looking at her for the first time since she'd had her. She touched her tiny feet next and then moved to her hands. I pushed the door open and slid into the room, shutting it behind me. Sarah looked up at me when I sat down on the edge of the bed. Tears were running down her cheeks as she held the baby to her chest. "I don't know what to do with her," she whimpered. "She started crying and I had to get her and I didn't even know how to pick her up. I don't know what she wants. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to take care of her." She paused to wipe her eyes. "It hurt so bad having her and I hated it for it and now she hates me."

I touched Bridget's tiny hand with my index finger. "It doesn't matter anymore if you're ready. She's here, Sarah. I wasn't ready either and I've been taking care of her. She doesn't hate you either. She can tell when you're upset and it upsets her."

Bridget's little fists flailed into the air and she started crying again. Sarah started to push her toward me but I shook my head and crossed my arms. "No. You hold her. She's your baby, Sarah. Just hold her and talk to her and she'll calm down." I got up. "I'll go get you some wipes and a diaper and you can change her too." Sarah's eyes glistened again.

"No! Don't leave me with her."

I rolled my eyes. "Nothings going to happen." I went back into the living room where I'd been camping out with the baby. My mom jumped up when she saw me.

"Is she okay? Is Bridget okay?" I nodded and waved her off as I grabbed the pack of diapers and wipes. I never would have thought I'd be a pro at diapers.

"They're fine. They're bonding right now," I told her with a smug look. I went back into my room. Relief flooded Sarah's eyes when she saw me. I tossed a tiny diaper on the bed. Poor Bri had to wear the smallest size they sold. Her tiny clothes were even too big for her, but we couldn't find any smaller. "Here." Sarah frowned as she laid the baby down in front of her. "Take that one off, wipe her and put this one on." She slowly started to unsnap the pink onesie my mom had insisted on putting on under the dress and changed the diaper. "See? You can take care of her." I told Sarah with a smile. She nodded slowly, still not looking sure of it herself.

Sarah looked... not like Sarah right now. She still was obviously tired. The circles were getting better, but she had her hair pulled up into a messy ponytail and her face looked sallow. Sarah usually fretted over appearances. "Will you at least put her in her bassinet for me?" Sarah asked meekly. I nodded and took Bridget, kissing her face as she slept. She'd fallen asleep after Sarah had put a fresh diaper on her. I laid her down, making sure her blankets were just right in case she moved her face.

"Will you help me up?" Sarah reached out for me. She could walk a lot better now but she said her pelvic bone hurt if she stood for too long. "I want to take a shower and try to look human before everyone gets here." I nodded and helped her up, really looking at her for the first time. I didn't know if she was still swollen or if she would stay like this but Sarah's body was still kind of puffier than it used to be.

I followed her into the bathroom and sat down as she started the water. "I could stand outside..." I suggested. She shook her head and she grabbed a towel and a washcloth.

"What if I get weak and fall down?" That was true. I'd seen every inch of her a million times before, but somehow this seemed more personal. She let her hair down; it was at the top of her shoulders now. I looked away as she got undressed and lowered herself into the tub of water. "Gee, you're not even sneaking a peek," she teased.

I shrugged and looked at the door, not letting my eyes drift over. I was half scared to look. I didn't want to see the after effects of the pregnancy. I wanted to have Sarah's body in my mind the way it'd been before she'd had a baby, when it was smooth and perfect. "Paul?" She said softly.

"Yeah?" She didn't say anything. I could hear her splash the water. "You need something?" I asked her, still looking at the white door. She didn't say anything again. I finally averted my gaze to the bathtub.

"You won't look at me," she said tearfully. "You haven't looked since I had her." That was true; the last glimpse I'd got of her body was when I helped slide her limp body into a new shirt. "Do I look that bad?" She whispered.

I sighed and finally looked down at her. Sarah was…. chubby. She had a few purplish red lines on her abdomen. Her breasts were… wow…. I looked again, amazed. She didn't look awful to me. She'd needed the extra weight honestly. She'd always been on the skinny side. I looked down at her thighs; they were a little bit chubbier than I remembered too. I hadn't paid any attention after a while. "No. You look fine." It wasn't a lie either. She looked fine to me. I would still do her… when I could.

Sarah frowned at me, her eyes tearing up. "Just 'fine'?" She made a move to get out of the tub and I reached down to help her up. "I must be hideous."

I rolled my eyes at her. "You look like you always do. Only now you're not carrying another person with you. It's not like I can touch you anywhere really. So why would I stare and get myself worked up for nothing?" That was true too. I couldn't get anything right now out of staring at her. I had a long wait ahead of myself.

Sarah wrapped another towel around her hair, moving very slowly. "Are you still like... attracted to me?" She wondered, her cheeks flushing.

I gave her a look as I reached over and grabbed her brush off the counter. "Yes," I answered shortly. I did not want to start this conversation. "Come on, Bri might be waking up soon to eat." She nodded and I herded her out of the bathroom, holding her towel up. I fell back onto my bed, crossing my arms behind my head. "I'm tired," I announced. Sarah rolled her eyes; she was becoming more and more herself by the minute. I watched her as she moved slowly around the room, looking for something to put on. She must have felt my eyes on her because she turned around.

"What?" I shook my head, watching again as she let the towel drop and got dressed. _Hmm_. No, she didn't look so bad. Just chubby. I still wanted her, I knew that. The connection I felt to her seemed stronger now that we shared a child.

We had just settled into the living room when the pack knocked on the door. I got up and opened it, grinning at them as they came in. Good thing my house wasn't that small. I didn't realize there were ten of us now. Sarah sat up a bit on the couch holding Bridget asleep in her arms. "Okay, no one looks at her in the eyes unless they're imprinted, got it?" I ordered them. Sam rolled his eyes at me.

"Get out of my way, Kimkirk. These guys aren't going to hurt her anymore than you are." I bristled as they went past, peeking at Bridget. Sarah sat her up, pulling the blankets back. Sam elbowed me. "Things going good?" He asked, I nodded, talking to him about Bridget's sleeping, eating, and crying.

***************************

I smiled at the pack as they talked in whispers over Bridget. They were heading back out, happy they'd got to see the new generation of the blood line. Sam and Paul were standing in the kitchen talking animatedly. I looked up as Embry neared me, wanting his turn no doubt. "Hey, honey." He winked and sat down on the couch beside me. He cradled his arms, showing me he wanted to hold the baby. I reluctantly passed Bridget to him.

"Hey yourself," I told him with a smile.

He looked down at Bridget, studying her. "She's almost as beautiful as you are," he noted quietly. I bit my bottom lip, looking back into his eyes as they met mine. Just as quick, he broke the stare. "Let's hope she has your intelligence and personality too." I laughed at him. Paul looked at me for a moment. His eyes pierced me when he saw me and Embry sitting side by side.

"She's got Paul's hair though. And his eyes and skin."

Embry rolled his eyes. "Sure, sure. Let Paul take all the credit for this adorable little creature." He grinned at me again. Embry had always been very friendly with me, but something was different with this. It was like he flirting with me right here under Paul's eyes or something. I shook my head, moving the thoughts away. Embry was his brother for crying out loud. He wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that.

Embry passed Bridget back to me when Sam started to leave. "I'll see you two later." He flashed me another smile before he left. I looked after him, feeling uneasy. Paul swooped down beside me.

"He was kind of close," he commented. I nodded, not saying anything as he took Bridget. "You know, you can go out on a patrol if you need to. I should get used to watching her alone." Paul shook his head.

"No, I don't have any patrols to do right now. Sam told me to stay home for a couple of weeks until you get adjusted with this. Then I'll do extra patrols to fill in for him when Emily has her baby." He looked at me, then away and cleared his throat. "I, uh... I want to talk to you about something," he began. "I know we said I'd stay with you until the baby was born but um… I don't think it's going to be as easy to leave as I thought it would be." I nodded, listening. "I thought that maybe... if you still wanted me, we could try it out together officially. I don't want to leave you." I looked up at him and smiled. A new hope was blooming inside of me.

"I don't want you to leave me. I don't want to be without you." I grabbed his hand underneath Bridget's sleeping body. "I was hoping you wouldn't leave me. This is all too much for me right now. And I want Bridget to know that we were together, and we tried to make things work."

Paul nodded and rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand. "I think... I think if I imprint I'm going to try and resist it." I frowned at the idea of him imprinting.

"What if you can't, though?"

He sighed. "Hold on, I'm going to put her in her bassinet." He got up with Bridget and went to his room. He came back a few minutes later and sat back down beside me. I leaned into him and he folded his arms around me. "If I can't fight it I don't know what I'll do. I can't be with both of you. I won't be able to. I don't want to lose you to someone else either, though. I can't imagine you with another guy. It pisses me off just thinking about it right now."

I knew already Paul was jealous of anyone else. I wasn't sure how it was going to work if he found someone else. It was difficult. I didn't want Paul with anyone else. I didn't want someone else touching him, or holding my baby with him, but if he left me I couldn't very well stay alone for the rest of my life. "I won't leave you. I won't leave you until you leave me completely," I promised him. "It's always been you, you know that." He kissed the side of my face; his lips were hot against my skin

"I know. I just hope you always feel that way."

I took a deep breath. This was the first time we'd really touched each other in three days. Bridget was almost a week old now. She was so tiny still. I was starting to love her now. She wasn't the thing I'd been disliking the past three days. She was my daughter now.

"I've been horrible, Paul. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't made me take care of Bridget. I honestly didn't want her anymore. I wanted to ask you to give her up. I just... couldn't handle her." It sounded even worse to say my thoughts aloud now. I was ashamed for ever having those thoughts to begin with.

Paul shifted beside me, careful not to put much pressure on me as he did. "It's okay now. I knew you'd come around. You can't resist that adorable face." He chuckled and then turned serious. "She's the single most precious thing to me in this world. I wouldn't give her up for anything. I can't believe I didn't want her when you told me you were pregnant. I was such an ass." I noticed that his hands were resting my hips now instead of my stomach. "I wasn't really going to leave you either, when you were in labor. I knew you'd do what I said if you thought I was going to."

I smiled. "It worked."

He reached up to brush a strand of hair behind my ear. "Are you tired still?"

I nodded. "I'm better, though. Not as weak now. I'm starting not to be so sore either. I guess I just needed to get up and move around."

"You'd been in bed for three days. It was time you got up." It was silent for a moment. "Your mom wants you to move back home with the baby when you can. I guess because I have to go back to school, and no one will be here with you." His hot breath was tickling me. I wiggled around and rolled over, frowning at the discomfort until I faced him.

"I guess we will. She has her nursery there. It's too crowded for us in your room." I started to bury my face in his shirt when he raised my chin back up and kissed me.

"We still have a while before we need to be alone anyway," he said with a smirk. "I love you," he whispered before he pressed his mouth onto mine again. We pulled apart every few seconds only to catch a breath before clinging to each other again.

"You two really ought to look into birth some control soon." We jerked our heads toward the sound and saw Mr. Kimkirk shaking his head at us as from the doorway. We rolled our eyes and waited for him to leave to continue. I couldn't help but agree with him, though. I didn't want anymore kids ever. Kids weren't for us.

Bridget was different.


	20. Chapter 20

**a/n--- Hey guys! Sorry its been so long to update, I got kind of side tracked with the last chapter of Heartbreak, which if you havent read yet, you should go and do, Mediate89 also beta'd this chapter so snaps to her :P I have a new story called "Just Smile" that you should also check out. Its a Leah story. Now.... Onto the chapter... please remember to review!!**

Chapter 20

I grabbed the keys to my mom's car and started out the front door. Paul was asleep in my room with Bridget so I decided to run to the store for some diapers before it closed. I slid my feet into my flip flops and grabbed a jacket.

I started the car and drove slowly down the road. I was still kind of funny about driving ever since Paul had pushed me into getting a license. I turned slowly into the parking lot and parked straight through the spaces so I wouldn't have to back out.

I headed inside after checking to make sure I'd brought my wallet. I'd started working again a couple of weeks ago at the tavern with Paul's dad. It helped some with diapers and things. Paul still worked at the garage. He worked during the week now too. He'd quit school completely. He said it was a waste of his time and that he really didn't have time to go anymore. Not with the pack, Bridget, and trying to work. He usually gave me four hundred dollars a month for Bridget which was a big help. Paul claimed he didn't need much for himself anyway.

I walked through the sliding door and smiled at the lady behind the register before I went to the baby aisle. I grabbed a pack of Pampers and a two liter of soda for Paul when he woke up. He was staying up with Bridget tonight while I got some sleep. Being a mother was more exhausting than I thought it would be. I handed the cashier a few bills and she dropped the diapers into a bag and handed them to me. I shoved the change into my pocket and headed back out.

"Sarah!" A voice shouted behind me.

I turned around, wondering who was calling my name and then I spotted him. "Embry?" I could feel a small smile forming on my lips. I stopped walking and waited for him to catch up to me. "What are you doing out?"

"Picking my mom up. I took her car to Makah to see my grandma." Embry grinned. "You don't have Bridget with you?" he asked, peering into the windows of the car.

I shook my head. "Nah, she's with Paul. They're both passed out right now. I had to come grab some diapers."

Embry nodded, still smiling at me. "I didn't think it would be possible, but you look better than you did before you had the baby."

I felt the pink in my cheeks rising and looked down to the ground so he wouldn't see it, even though it was nearly dark. "So... I haven't seen you around lately." I had missed him the past few times I'd been at Sam and Emily's. He shrugged and leaned beside me on the car.

"Been doin' a lot more patrols lately. Keeps me busy." He looked down at the gravel for a moment before looking back up at me with his chocolate brown eyes. "So, what's the deal with you and Paul now?"

I glanced away, looking at the street. "What do you mean?"

Embry shrugged. "Are you guys going to like... stay together? Or are you not together at all or what?"

I kept my eyes away from him, why in the world was he asking? Everyone in the pack knew we were together… somewhat. "Yeah, were together. For now at least. Until he imprints. I don't know how that's going to work out when it happens. Neither of us is going to want to accept the change we'll have to make." I might as well be honest with him. The whole pack would know.

Embry scoffed lightly. "Imprint." He shifted his weight so that he wasn't leaning against the car anymore. "That shit's ridiculous."

"I gotta go," I told him with a small smile. "Paul's going to wonder where I am." He nodded and backed away from me raising one hand in a wave.

"I'll see you later, honey."

As soon as I walked through the door I noticed Paul sitting on the couch watching Tv. I hung my jacket over the back of a kitchen chair and tossed the diapers over the couch. I walked around to give him a hug.

"I thought you were asleep."

He shrugged and yawned lazily as I made my way into his lap. I thought I heard him sniff before he backed away and said, "Where did you see Embry?' I looked at him, wondering how to answer.

"At the store. I went to get Bridget's diapers and he was waiting on his mom. We talked for a while outside."

Paul glared. "You guys hung out and talked?"

I nodded my head, knowing it was either tell the truth now or face it later when he found out. "Not very long. Just a few minutes." I leaned back toward him for a kiss. He shook his head at me and reached up and pushed my mouth back.

"Why?"

I sighed and backed away from him, knowing that he wasn't going to let this drop. "Because."

Paul gave me a hard look. "I told you to stay away from him, Sarah. I've told you more than once that I don't want you talking to him. I don't even want you near enough to him that I can smell him on you when you come home." He stood up from the couch; I looked up at him as he towered above me.

"It wasn't a big deal, Paul. We just ran into each other."

"No. Embry doesn't just _run_ into people he wants to see. He waits and smells them out for a chance to talk to them."

I got up from the couch. "I'm sure it was just an accident, though."

Paul shook his head and walked over to grab his keys off of the counter. "It wasn't, I can promise you that. I don't want you talking to Embry again. It pisses me off. It pisses me the fuck off badly." I nodded quickly, not wanting him to lose his temper with Bridget one room away from us.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I didn't know you'd get so mad. I won't talk to him." That seemed to satisfy him somewhat.

"I'm still going to catch up with him. I told him a million times not to speak to you," he said as he opened the door. I followed him out hurriedly.

"Don't get like this, Paul. It wasn't a big deal. Embry knows I'm with you." He opened the door to his truck and got in. I rushed to the window. "Don't fight with him over talking to me."

Paul shook his head; he was gripping the steering wheel and shaking slightly. I hadn't seen him shake in months. "But…" he started to say and then stopped. I reached over and touched his face lightly.

"Calm down. You can't go anyway. You're supposed to watch Bridget tonight while I get some sleep," I reminded him, knowing if it came to his daughter he'd stay.

He sighed and rubbed his temples before pulling the keys back out of the ignition. "Fine. I'll stay. Bridget's more important," he said grudgingly as he got back out. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to me.

"I thought maybe tomorrow we could spend some time together." I looked up at him, knowing he'd take my meaning. It was well past our waiting time, but neither of us had made a move yet. I wrapped my arms around his middle, knowing the calming affect it would have on him.

Paul slowly snaked his arms around my back. He wasn't shaking anymore. "I guess I could go for that." His ran his warm hands up my shirt and caressed my back. "I guess it's been longer than I realized. Like... forever." It'd been even longer since we had the type of sex that we both wanted throughout the pregnancy but couldn't have. "I don't have to be to work until ten," he murmured huskily, moving his hands around to the front. He touched my breasts lightly, careful not to do anymore than that.

"I don't have to be at work 'til later, either. Your dad's taking Bridget home for your mom to watch until I get off," I said, melting into him. Everything felt new, like we hadn't touched each other millions of times before. "Let's go inside," I suggested, pulling on his hand when we broke our embrace.

We made our way to my room, both of us peeking in at Bridget in hers. She was tucked into her crib, sleeping. I turned the monitor on so we could hear her and rummaged through my dresser for pajamas. "Don't forget she's been whiny, so make sure you burp her okay?" I told Paul.

He rolled his eyes at me and lounged across my bed. "I know how to take care of her. I do it more than you do."

I gave him a dirty look. "You do not. I always have Bridget. I just don't turn her into a doll like you do." I turned away from him as I changed. I heard him sigh from where he was. "What?" I snapped when I turned back around and shook my hair out of its pony tail. I dropped down beside him on the bed.

Paul sat up, leaning against my headboard. "You. You haven't acted the same since you got pregnant. It's like you're not the same person sometimes." I glared at him as I crawled over to his side. I felt a sharp pinch on my butt and slapped his hand away. "See? Months ago you would have liked that."

I laid down underneath the blankets and looked at him. "Months ago you would have jumped on me the day six weeks fell on. You haven't even tried anything. It's like you're not attracted to me anymore or something." I stretched out, letting the soreness ache in my legs from getting used to work again.

"I never said I didn't want to do it. I just thought you were too tired or that you didn't want. You cover yourself. Major turn off," Paul said in an honest voice.

"Well I thought you didn't want me anymore. I thought you were disgusted by me. And you always put Bridget in bed with us. We can't do anything with her in there." I snuggled into the sheets. "You should probably go to the couch before my mom comes in." As cool as his parents were with us sleeping together, mine weren't.

Paul grumbled as he got up from my bed, stretching and making his muscles flex as he moved and twisted "I guess I can. I think I'm taking Bri to my house when she gets up at six, though. My mom will keep her for a while. Then maybe I can come back?"

I nodded sleepily to him. "Sure. After everyone else is gone too, okay? I love you," I mumbled, before drifting off.

I yawned as I drove home from the tavern. Paul had gotten off of work before I did and was getting Bridget ready for the bonfire tonight. It was cool out, but she'd be fine if we bundled her up and Paul held her. I still needed to change into something else, and put some more make-up on before we left.

I went into my house and greeted my mom before I disappeared into my bedroom and started getting ready. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a light pink shirt with tiny white polka dots covering it. I slid my feet into the snow boots Paul laughed at all the time and grabbed a jacket. I headed back out to wait for Paul and Bridget.

"Sarah, isn't it kind of cold to have Bridget out?" my mom asked.

I shook my head. "She'll be okay. We'll be by the fire and Paul's bundling her up pretty good." I left out the part about Paul's super werewolf heating abilities.

I heard Paul pull into the driveway and hurried out to the truck I glanced through the window and noticed Bridget sleeping peacefully in her carseat. "Wow, she's sleeping. What'd your mom do to her?" I asked incredulously. I hadn't seen Bridget sleeping this soundly for a week.

"Mom said she was fussy all day but when I got there she calmed down and passed out while I was feeding her. I brought two bottles for her. I didn't think you'd want to feed her in front of the pack," he added with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for being so thoughtful."

Paul parked next to Sam at the beach and unhooked the carseat. He got out and carried Bridget toward the meeting area and sat her down on the bench. "We can't stay late. It'll be too cold for Bri," he told Sam, who nodded understandingly.

I started helping Emily get things ready. I'd brought a few bags of chips and some other snacks with us. The pack amazed me with their appetites every time we got together with them. Emily sighed and held her back.

I smiled sympathetically. "It's miserable, isn't it?"

She nodded quickly and sat down as soon as Sam came over and insisted on taking over. "I think she's almost as hard headed as you were," he told me with a grin. It was no secret I had tried to do more than I should have when I was pregnant.

I glanced at Paul who was beside me guarding Bridget. "Do you mind if I walk down the shore?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "No, I'll hold her when she wakes up to help make sure she's warm enough." I nodded and gave him a quick kiss.

I walked all the way down to the rocks, stepping over driftwood and marveling at how beautiful the beach was at sunset. It'd been forever since I'd been on the beach. Since Paul and I were sneaking around almost a year ago. I hadn't realized we'd been together so long. I was happy with Paul. More than happy. I'd always been infatuated with him and now I loved Paul to pieces. Having Bridget with him just made it all the better for me. I still worried though, about him leaving me. I knew too, that he worried I'd leave him first, and he wouldn't be able to handle it. Paul was entirely too possessive sometimes.

I stopped at the cliffs overlooking the water and sat down on a boulder, happy to just be alone for a while. I leaned back on my elbows and watched the seagulls. Bridget would be waking up soon. I hadn't got to spend much time with her today and I was starting to feel guilty about it. I felt guilty anytime anyone but me or Paul had her. Bridget was ours, not someone else's to take care of. I heard a scuffle behind me and turned my head.

"Hey, honey," the deep voice drawled as a figure dropped down beside me. I smiled at him.

"Hey, Emb."

Embry studied me for a moment as if he were searching my face for something. "You're out pretty far on your own," he commented, finally looking away.

I shrugged. "Yeah. I just wanted to get away for a bit. Paul has Bridget by the fire." I picked up a rock and tossed it, watching it skip into the waves.

"Oh. Paul's here?" He frowned slightly. "You didn't get in too much trouble the other night did you?"

I laughed at him, knowing what he meant. "Not really. He wasn't happy with me either, though. He said to keep away from you."

Embry grinned widely. "So Paul doesn't want us near each other? I wonder why. I've never done anything to make him think I'd try something if he wasn't near." He laughed a little bit and tossed a rock that went much further than mine had.

"Show off," I muttered. I threw another one out. "Paul's just... territorial, I guess. He doesn't like it if I pay too much attention to other people." I hadn't ever said that as freely to anyone as I just had to Embry. I glanced at him quickly, hoping he hadn't got the wrong idea.

Embry nodded slowly. "I can sort of see why. If I had what he had, I would be the same way. Only I wouldn't have treated someone as badly as he did." I knew he was referring the beginnings of mine and Paul's relationship. I'd always wondered why Embry didn't have someone. The others dated here and there and Embry really was a sweet guy, and not at all bad-looking either.

"He's not so bad anymore. Not since I had Bridget. She's calmed him down a lot. We haven't been arguing as much lately," I told him honestly. "And Paul's a great father. He takes good care of Bridget."

Embry smiled slightly and looked out across waves. "Lots of guys would make great fathers. Or step fathers." He glanced at me meaningfully. "But I never had either."

I shifted toward him. "What happened?"

"Oh, nothing happened to him. I don't think so anyway. I just don't know who he is. My mom won't say and I won't ask. It isn't between very many guys though. Not very many men carry this gene to make us phase the way we do."

I frowned at his nonchalance. "I guess I'm lucky I have Bridget then. I don't think I would have wanted a son to carry on the wolf thing. It changes you guys so much. I know Sam used to smile more, and Jared was a football player. Paul was your normal kid, partying and all. I don't know much about the rest of you, though."

Embry turned to me. His eyes were glinting in the dark that was creeping over us. "Let's see. I'm seventeen. I used to like to ride dirt bikes a lot. I've always been friends with Jake and Quil. I used to box too. I loved it, but I can't do it anymore because I might hurt someone. Well, hurt them more than I'm supposed to. And I'm graduating next year… if I decide to keep going to school. It's getting harder and harder to keep up with that sort of thing."

I listened to him, noticing how husky his voice was without him even trying to make it that way. I looked away, suddenly feeling guilty for sitting here with him. "I should get back or Paul's going to be mad," I told him softly. "I told him I wouldn't be gone long."

Embry stood up with me. "You know... you don't have to put up with his tantrums. He's not the boss of you."

I laughed bitterly as I zipped up my jacket. "Easier said than done. I'm his. I'm his until he finds his other half. And maybe after that too. I need him too much to be without him."

Embry sighed and followed close behind me as I started walking through the sand. "That's not fair to you, though. Don't you ever think of yourself?"

I stopped walking and turned to face him. "No, I don't. I can't think of myself. I need Paul. I need him to be with me. I need him to be a father to our baby. I need him to support us right now."

Embry studied me. "You could find someone else if you wanted to. And there are jobs in Forks and Port Angeles."

I shook my head at him; he'd hit a nerve. "I can't find anyone else. I'm seventeen with a two-month-old baby from a possessive boyfriend. No one wants some girl with another man's baby," I shot out, feeling hot tears spewing over as I finally said what I'd been thinking for a while now. I was damaged goods.

"Hey. I didn't mean to make you cry," Embry said softly, pulling me toward him. He hugged me tightly. "I was just asking is all. I won't bring it up again, I swear. Just stop crying okay?" He rubbed his warm hand up and down my back and let me nuzzle my face into his neck.

I let a few more tears fall. Embry was a lot like Paul, physically. Very warm and strong. He smelled differently though, more like cedar than pine. A lot like Sam, actually. I pulled away from his hug quickly. "You shouldn't have done that. He's going to kill us now."

Embry laughed and we started walking again. "I'm not scared of him. Just hug Sam or something. He'll never notice. Just tell me if he over reacts. I don't want to let him hurt you anymore."

I distanced myself from Embry when we got back to the meeting area. I waved to Paul who was sitting near the fire. Bridget was awake now and looking around curiously. She and Paul's upper half were covered in a thick blanket. I went over to them, forgetting all about being covered in Embry's scent.

"Hey, Bridget, Mama's been dying to see you," I cooed to her. I kissed her forehead and sat down close to Paul, stuffing my cold hands into the pouch of his sweatshirt.

Paul glanced at me and I saw his nose twitch slightly. He didn't say anything, though. I tickled Bridget and kissed her tiny hands. Paul had put mittens on them. "I doubt she can even move in all those clothes, Paul." Quil came up to us with a smirk. "Even I don't wrap Claire up that much."

"Claire's not a two-month-old baby either," Paul shot back at him. He looked down at me. "I was wondering where you went to."

I shrugged, trying to brush it off as no big deal. "I went to the cliffs and sat for a while. Embry met up with me halfway on his way here from the woods." I knew if I didn't mention Embry somewhere in there it would be a lot worse later.

"Oh. You guys went for a stroll together?" he asked lowly.

I quickly shook my head. "No, we just walked back here. He was on his way to the bonfire too."

Paul looked disgusted. I got up and fixed him a plate of food and then took Bridget from him so he could eat. I held her close and fed her a bottle.

"You're not hungry, Sarah?" Jacob asked me.

"No, I'm fine," I assured him.

Paul finished the second half of his hotdog in one bite and rolled his eyes.

We stayed and visited for another couple of hours before I told Paul that it was getting too cold. He agreed and passed me Bridget so I could settle her into her carseat. Paul pulled his hoodie over his head and folded it across Bridget's body for added thermal protection. Even from a short distance I could feel the garment still radiating Paul's intense body heat.

We said our good-byes shortly after and made our way to the vehicle.

"Are you mad?" I asked Paul softly once we were all buckled in.

He glanced down at Bridget and roughly shifted gears, putting the truck into drive. His mouth was set in a straight line and I knew then that he was just waiting for Bridget to be tucked away in her bassinet before he let me know just how mad he really was.

He pulled up to his house and carried the carseat across the driveway, not seeming the slightest bit chilly even though it had to be below freezing by now and he was wearing nothing but a thin undershirt. His parents must have been asleep because the house was dark and Paul had to fumble around with his key to unlock the front door.

When we got inside we went straight to his bedroom. I sat down on the edge of his bed and took my boots off while he carefully lifted the sleeping baby into his arms and laid her down on the changing table. Paul didn't speak to me or even look at me as he changed Bridget's diaper and laid her down for the night. When he crawled into bed beside me, he turned away toward the wall and went straight to sleep. I was glad Paul had decided not to yell at me or start throwing things like I had expected him to, but at least then I would be getting some kind of attention.

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	21. Chapter 21

**AN--Ok.. I think some of you might have been waiting for this for a while now... **coughKatecough** But here it is... I have a new story called Just Smile, and if you havent read it yet, Go check it out. Also.... The Red updates are kind of slow because my revuew count is slow... More reviews... faster chapters...:D So please... review! Also thanks Mediate89 for betaing this and doing an awesome job. She actually is more like a co author most of the time. So.. you guys have her to thank also!**

Chapter 21

I yawned as I walked down the beach line toward Sarah's house. It was early out, but there were a few other people out walking around regardless. Sam was letting me off of patrol a bit earlier than usual so that I could go home and see Bridget. I hadn't got to see her as much lately. Not since the big vampire fight with the newborns.

I'd loved it. Ripping those vampires to shreds. It was self-satisfying beyond belief. Now our only problem was Jacob. Jacob had left the pack, upset over stupid Bella Swan. I didn't see what was so great about her, personally. She was skinny and not extremely attractive. I much preferred Sarah's looks over hers. Sarah was still beautiful to me even though so much time had passed between us.

Nothing could ever match the beauty I saw in Bridget, though. She was eight months old now and growing. She could laugh and crawl, and walk around if she held onto something. She was the apple of my eye. I'd picked up even more hours at the garage so I could help Sarah out with everything. I wanted Bridget to have nothing but the best in life.

I kicked at the sand as I went further up the shore line, letting the spray of the sea hit my body. It felt cool against my warm skin and I was reveling in the sensation until I collided with a force that would have cause me to stumble had I been entirely human. I opened my eyes and glared, ready to snap at the idiot who'd gotten in my way.

"Why don't you watch where you're--" I stopped when I looked at the person I'd run into. She had long black hair, satiny copper skin, and the face of an angel. I don't know how long I stood staring into her bright black eyes before she spoke.

"Are you okay?" she asked in a melodic, velvety voice. God... her voice. It was enough to send tingles down my spine. She reached up to tuck a strand of her gorgeous hair behind her ear, sending a waft of her delicious scent toward me. Hyacinth. How I knew the name of that particular flower, or that it was even a flower, I had no idea and I didn't care.

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to speak. "I, uh... I... I'm sorry," I stuttered like an idiot. I was Paul. I knew how to talk to pretty girls. Hell, I even knew how to get them in bed, so what was my problem?

"I'm fine. Are you alright?" she asked, cocking her head curiously to one side. I swallowed hard. Was she really concerned about me? She continued to measure my reaction. No, from the looks of her expression she was probably wondering why I was staring at her like some sort of creeper.

The wind blew, making her hair fly haphazardly around her beautiful face and she reached up to grab it. She held it into a pony tail with her fist. "Well, I guess I'll um…. see you later or something," she said awkwardly. She gave me a small smile and started to walk away in the opposite direction.

I followed after her quickly. I had to know who she was. I had to know her name. As foggy as every other thought seemed to be at the moment, I knew I couldn't let her get away. "Wait!" I called out after her.

She turned around quickly, her expression curious.

"I'm sorry... I just... I'm Paul, by the way."

She smiled slightly. "I'm Rachel, and really... it's not a big deal. I should have been paying better attention."

Rachel. Ah… what a beautiful name. Rachel was the only thing I could see right now. "Rachel? You mean... Rachel Black?" I asked as realization dawned on me. Jacob's sister. Shit. This wouldn't be good.

Rachel nodded. "Yeah, actually. You must know my baby brother or something." She gestured to the papers in her hand. "I was actually just taking these down for my dad. He said we didn't need them."

I looked down at the flyers she was holding. They were asking for information on Jake. They'd never find him. "Yeah, we're good friends. Jake's not around here though," I told her without thinking. I quickly changed the subject before she could ask about anything because I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to deny her any answers if she did. "So, um... could I walk you back home?" I asked quickly. I wasn't used to this flirting thing anymore. I hadn't had to do it in so long.

Rachel shrugged. "Sure, I guess so." We started walking toward the Blacks' home. Rachel was the first to attempt conversation as we walked.

"It's really early. What's got you out?" I looked at her mouth when she spoke-- two perfectly shaped lips.

"Just going for a run. I do that a lot." Bridget and Sarah flashed through my mind at the mention of what I'd been doing, and although I felt like Rachel was the only person that really mattered anymore, I knew I would always have a duty to my daughter.

"I should start running. There's not much else to do around here. It's a major change from school."

I nodded. The more she talked the more I wanted to stay with her all day—every day, no matter what my duties were. And she seemed to like me well enough. I mean, at least she was talking to me.

"So how old are you, anyway? Just wondering."

Rachel looked down and smirked. "Older than you are, probably. You're my brother's age, right? I'm twenty."

Twenty. Only two years of age difference. "No, I'm a bit older. Eighteen. So how long are you here for?" We were nearing the Blacks' now. I could only hope that Billy was still asleep. I didn't want him to see me and rat me out. I needed time to think this over before I shared it with anyone else.

"Awhile. I'm hoping to find a job here in Port Angeles or somewhere close by. I don't really like to stay near La Push longer than I have to, but I don't have anywhere else to go. And I hate to leave Billy here alone…. especially with all the trouble he's been having with Jake disappearing and everything." Rachel was soft-hearted. She cared about her family. I liked that.

I stopped at the edge of the driveway, knowing I'd be toast if I got any closer. "So if you're going to be here for a while we should do something… hang out, if you want to of course." I gave her my dazzle smile, flashing my bright white teeth at her

Rachel paused, thinking it over. "Maybe. I don't know. Dad's friend invited me some sort of party at his house Saturday night. I figured he was the closest I'd get to a young crowd here. Do you know Sam Uley?"

Sam. Sam knew this beautiful creature and hadn't told me about her? "Yeah, I know Sam. We're friends. He must have invited you to the barbecue next Saturday. I'll be there after I get off work." I'd had plans of being there with my girlfriend and daughter. I doubted Sarah would be too happy if she saw me talking to another girl the entire time, but I needed this time to get to know Rachel. I began thinking of ways I could disinvite Sarah.

"Guess I'll see you there then. It starts at five, right?"

I nodded, trying to absorb all I could of her before I had to go. "Yeah, it's at five. If you need a ride or something I can stop by for you," I suggested hopefully.

Rachel shook her head. "Nah. I have a car. It was nice meeting you, though." She edged toward the house and waved as she walked to the porch. I moved back slowly, watching her as she went.

When she shut the door I turned and headed toward the woods. I had imprinted. I had imprinted and I wanted her more than anything. I could only hope that she'd feel the same way about me soon. I kept her image fresh in my memory as I walked toward Sam's house. He'd know what to do.

I knocked once on the door to the house before I pushed it open and let myself in. Sam was still upstairs. I shrugged and headed up the staircase, daring to go into his alpha territory for this. The pack usually stayed downstairs as a sign of respect. Like actual wolves, we thought of the upstairs as Sam's den, his resting place in private. I saw the door was cracked open to his room so I nudged it open the rest of the way.

My eyes drifted to the corner of the room where Sam was sleeping with his arms wrapped around his own imprint. I cleared my throat loudly, making them both jump awake. My face turned blood red. I turned around quickly.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I apologized.

Sam was growling lowly as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Paul, get the hell out of here. It's seven in the morning, and did it occur to you that maybe... just maybe... we aren't wearing anything under these sheets?"

As if that weren't already obvious. Oh well. I'd seen Sam naked plenty of times—not that that made it cool or anything, and Emily was eight months pregnant, anyway. I wouldn't want to see her like that even if I could think of anyone but Rachel.

"I'm sorry, okay? I… I just need to talk to you."

Sam sighed loudly and ran a hand through his cropped black hair. "Paul, get down stairs."

I took off quickly, noticing his voice was teetering on the edge of an order. I took the steps two at a time before I landed at the bottom and started pacing. I heard them shuffling around upstairs, probably looking for whatever they'd thrown off. I heard Sam coming down slowly, obviously still half asleep.

"Now what the hell's so important that you had to wake me up this damn early on my day off for?" I couldn't stop the grin I knew was coming. Sam gave me a funny look and sat down on the couch. "What happened?"

I smiled wider, picturing Rachel. "I imprinted. I think I did, anyway. I'm pretty sure actually. I wanted to hear what you had to say."

Sam rubbed his temples. "On who and when?"

"Rachel. Rachel Black. God she's amazing, Sam. She's beautiful. She's really friendly too. I met her an hour ago on the beach on my way to see Sar--" I stopped there. Sarah. Now that I wasn't with Rachel I could think about the situation objectively. This was not going to go over well. I'd promised Sarah that I would try to fight the imprint. But I knew now that I absolutely couldn't, that I didn't even want to, and that was going to make it worse.

Sam's eyes met mine understandingly. "Sarah?"

I nodded.

We sat there talking in hushed voices to each other while Emily slept upstairs. I stayed with Sam for two hours going over ideas. Finally, in the end it was decided that I'd tell Sarah her as soon as I could, and not lead her on any longer than I had to. Bridget would be another situation. I didn't know if Sarah would try to keep her from me out of spite. Sam assured me that if it came down to it, he would talk with the other council members and see what he could do.

I left Sam's feeling nervous. As thrilled as I was about Rachel, I didn't want to hurt Sarah. I headed down the path toward her house. I could hear Sarah inside playing with Bridget. At least they were alone. I didn't need an audience for this.

I knocked on the door twice before opening it up slowly. Sarah was crawling on the floor with Bridget, both of them laughing and smiling at each other. She looked up as I came in.

"Hi honey," she said cheerfully. I gave her a small smile and sat down on the couch. Bridget crawled over to me and I scooped her into my arms. It'd been two days since I'd held her. I squeezed her body against mine tightly and kissed her cheeks.

"Daddy missed you," I whispered against her ear. She pulled back and grunted her own little greeting. I sat her on my knee and started bouncing her up and down, marveling at the sound of her bell-like giggle. "I need to talk to you, Sarah." I kept my focus on Bridget so I wouldn't have to look Sarah in the eye. "Maybe we should put Bridget in her crib for a few minutes."

Sarah frowned down at me but obliged. She walked over to take Bridget and I followed her down the hall to Bridget's bedroom. I knew she could tell that something was up. Usually I would have hugged or kissed her by now. After Bridget was in her crib with a few toys we went to our bedroom and Sarah lowered herself down on the bed.

"Okay," she started in a small voice. "What's up?"

I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and sat down beside her. I'd never wanted to have this conversation, but a part of me couldn't regret finally having to. "I want to tell you something important. And I know you're going to hate me, but you have to realize that no matter what I'll always be here for you and Bridget." Sarah was already starting to look scared and confused and I had to look away before I could tell her the next part. "I… I imprinted today."

When Sarah didn't say anything I looked up from the floor. Her eyes were wide and she swallowed hard. "No." she said, scooting away from me. "No, you didn't. You didn't."

"Sarah, I--" As happy as I was about Rachel, it still hurt me to see Sarah cry. I reached out to her but she grabbed a pillow and shoved it against my chest.

"You didn't!" she yelled. When she was sure I wasn't joking she gasped and started to sob.

"Sarah, please…"

Sarah wiped at her cheeks and tugged on the blonde locks I used to admire. "This isn't fair, Paul!" Sarah got up and glared down at me. I stared back, feeling helpless. I didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry." Sorry that she was hurting from this, not sorry that it happened.

Sarah looked down the hall toward the nursery. "So is this it then? Are you over me and Bridget now?"

"What? No, it doesn't work like that. Don't bring Bridget into any part of this," I begged.

Sarah stood up and glared down at me. "Why don't you just go? Go and be with _her, _whoever she is and leave us alone," she snapped. She turned and stormed out into the hallway. I followed after her.

"Sarah, stop it. I'm never going to stop caring for you and Bridget. I'll always be here when you need me, I promised. Meeting Rachel"—Sarah scoffed—"doesn't have to change any of that."

"Are you going you live with her? Do you even know who she is?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't.

"It's really fucked up that you're willing to break apart your family for a fucking stranger, Paul."

"You and Bridget will always be my family."

"Get out."

"I want to take Bridget home with me. I haven't seen her in days."

"Take her home to meet your new girlfriend? I don't think so, Paul. Just leave."

Instead of heading toward the front door I made my way to the nursery where Bridget was still playing quietly with her toys. Sarah was right on my heels but I didn't care. When I walked through the door Bridget looked up at me, and then at Sarah with curious eyes.

"Dada!" Bridget abruptly dropped the little car she had been holding and reached out to me with her chubby little arms. I couldn't help but smile. I closed the distance between us in one easy stride and picked her up. I cuddled her against my chest and breathed in the sweet smell of her baby lotion. It was still one of my favorite scents in the world. Right next to hyacinth.

"Put her down, Paul." Sarah's voice was low behind me.

I ignored her and grabbed Bridget's diaper bag. I was able to grab a few changes of clothes and some extra diapers before Sarah stopped me.

"I'm not joking, Paul. You're not taking her with you." Sarah was crying again. "You don't deserve her. At least if you leave now she won't remember who you are."

I stopped short. I knew Sarah was probably just taking a stab at me. I didn't think she would really keep me away from Bridget, but the very idea angered me and I had to work to control my breathing before I could speak again.

"I don't know why you're acting like this, Sarah. We can still be friends, and I'll always be a father to Bridget. Nothing in the world could stop me from taking care of you two."

Sarah laughed bitterly through her tears. "If I wanted a friend I'd go find Embry."

"Embry?" Despite everything my hands started to shake and I had to sit Bridget down on the rug.

Sarah seemed satisfied with my reaction. "Embry would love to look after us."

Embry living and sleeping with Sarah. Embry taking my place in Bridget's life. They swore they were only friends. I could feel the heat running through my spine. Not Embry, anyone but Embry.

"That's not going to happen, Sarah." I said it before I could stop myself.

"Oh really?" Sarah raised an eyebrow. "So what, you think I'm going to agree to some sick polygamist relationship, or stay single for the rest of my life? You think you can have your cake and eat it too? Well I'll tell you something, Paul. I'm not your cake anymore."

I sat Bridget's diaper bag on top of the changing table. I knew I couldn't take her with me right now. My skin was still tingling and I wasn't going to risk hurting her. I needed to be alone for awhile, so I headed to the front door, empty-handed.

"Sarah, you're being ridiculous," I spat before I yanked the door open and stepped outside.

In all honesty though, she may have been right. I wasn't sure what I wanted anymore.

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	22. Chapter 22

**A/N----I was soo happy over the amount of feedback I got for the last chapter! It was the first time in forever I had more than a handful of reviews. THanks so mmuch for leaving them and please remember to do it again on this chapter!**

**Thanks goes to Mediate89 for betaing this chapter, and I would like you guys to know, shes not just a beta, Mediate is actually more of a co-author in some of stories, so please, show her some appreciation also. **

Chapter 22

I dressed earlier than usual for my run. This was the first time in two weeks I was going for one and I was anxious to spend some time alone outdoors. I hadn't moved from my bed except to take care of Bridget since Paul and I had broken up.

Paul hadn't come back since it'd happened. He tried calling several times a day and left voicemails about wanting to see Bridget but I never answered the phone or called him back.

Getting used to being without Paul was hard. I kept waking up in the middle of the night and feeling for him beside me. Bridget missed him too, I knew she did. She was waking in the middle of the night as well and there was little I could do to stop her crying when she did.

Seeing the impact the breakup had on Bridget broke my heart and I knew that I had to move on for her sake. She would soon forget about Paul and I knew I could raise her without his help. My dad had assured me that Bridget and I would be taken care of financially until I could get a new job and get back on my feet. Aside from Bridget herself, I didn't want anything of Paul's anymore, and that included the money he gave me to help pay for food and diapers.

I left the house quietly and started toward the beach.

When I arrived at the shore I slowed my pace and trotted over to my favorite spot. I hadn't been here since the day I'd told Embry I wouldn't leave Paul for anything. Embry. I should have taken him up on his offer instead of waiting around for Paul to leave me. I hadn't seen Embry in awhile, but it would have been foolish and unfair to assume that he would be waiting around for me to change my mind.

I sank down onto a boulder, my out-of-shape body already feeling achy from the jogging. I leaned against the smooth rock and looked up at the sky. It was beautiful—the pink, purple and orange still lingering from the sunrise. I sat reflecting in complete silence until I heard a twig crack behind me. I snapped my head around and my heart skipped a beat at the sight of the tall, dark boy walking toward me.

"I didn't know you came here," I said quietly, quickly pulling myself into a sitting position and attempting to brush some of the sand off of my sweats.

Embry smiled wanly and moved to sit down beside me. "I've been coming here every morning for three months. I wasn't expecting to see you here, though."

I settled back against the rock and let my eyes run over his body. None of the usual guilt washed over me as I did. Embry wasn't as bulky as Paul but the long, thin muscles were still very easy to make out under the copper tan of his skin. His hair was only slightly longer than it had been before, some of it reaching down to his ears now, but it was still the same beautiful black—sleeker and shinier than Paul's was. Embry blushed under my scrutiny and I quickly looked away.

"I couldn't stay inside anymore. I guess you know what happened."

Embry nodded and started fiddling with a seashell. I couldn't help but notice the way his lashes brushed the top of his cheekbones when he looked down, or the way his bangs tickled his brow. "I knew the day it happened. Paul phased and we saw everything." He glanced over at me and I could tell that he was measuring my reaction.

"I think I'll be okay," I mumbled.

Embry dropped his shell and scooted closer to me. I wasn't surprised when I felt his heavy arm drape around my shoulders. Embry'd always been a friendly person, so this act of comfort should have been expected, but they way he held me so firmly against his body somehow seemed more personal.

"Do you still want Paul?" I heard him murmur against the top of my head.

I frowned. "Paul doesn't want me."

Embry inhaled deeply. He moved his mouth next to my ear and whispered, "Do you still want me?"

I should have been taken aback at his advance but the only thing I could focus on in that moment was the sound of my heart pounding inside of my chest. Being against Embry's body, feeling the heat radiating off of his skin, and being surrounded by a scent that was so different from Paul's, yet so alike made it difficult to think.

"I…."

Embry planted a gentle kiss on my temple and moved back to his original position. Without a word he drew his knees to his chest and turned his attention to the waves crashing against the shore.

We sat in silence until the sun was visible on the horizon. I knew Bridget would be waking up for breakfast soon and I wanted to be there when she did. Bridget and I needed to be with each other now more than ever. I didn't want her thinking her mother had run off on her too.

I stretched and groaned lightly. Embry turned his head toward me and raised his eyebrows.

"I should probably be getting back to Bridget." I stood up and dusted the sand off of my pants. Embry looked up at me and nodded in understanding before rising to his own feet. He stretched his arms high above his head and I couldn't help but notice the way his muscles shifted almost fluidly under his tan.

"So…. I guess I'll see you later?" It was more of a question than a statement.

I shrugged. "We'll probably run into each other." I thought I saw him frown. "Bye, Embry." I flashed him a quick smile before turning to leave.

"Are you doing anything this afternoon?" Embry asked in a rush.

I stopped and turned back around to face him. He looked down at his feet and started nudging the sand with his toes.

I cocked my head curiously to the side. "What?"

Embry glanced up at me and ran a hand nervously through his shiny hair. "Um, well… If you wanted to we could—maybe we could, you know… I dunno… hang out at the beach? You can bring Bridget," he added on quickly.

"Um… sure. Bridget could use a little fresh air."

Embry grinned and I felt my stomach flip. "Great. I'll be here around one."

"Cool, I'll see you then."

On the way home I really began to reassess the phrase: _When Fate closes the door, somewhere she opens a window…_

After I was dressed and showered I fed Bridget lunch and got her ready for the beach. I changed her into a little tank top with matching shorts and a sun hat, and pulled her soft, dark hair into little pigtails. After I had her looking as cute as she could get I grabbed her shovel and bucket and a few other things and stuffed them into a bag.

Bridget hadn't seen Embry since she was three months old, so her reaction to him would be really important as far as my friendship with him was concerned. I couldn't think of any reason she wouldn't like him, though. Bridget loved just about everybody. She definitely hadn't inherited Paul's attitude, and for that I was glad.

I settled Bridget into her stroller and handed her a graham cracker to snack on. She chattered happily the whole way to the beach and I knew she was enjoying the fresh air just as much as I was. I looked around for Embry when we arrived at the wooden stairway but I couldn't find him. Bridget smacked her cracker contentedly between her lips and entertained herself by watching the seagulls that flocked the shore.

When the clock on my phone read twenty after one, I sighed and stood to leave. I should have known Embry wouldn't really want to spend the day playing with me and Bridget. He'd probably taken some real friends up on their offer to hang out, and I didn't blame him. I wasn't a very interesting person.

"Hey, don't think you're getting out of this so easily." I looked up and saw Embry trotting down the stairs with a big grin on his face. He was wearing an orange shirt with some sort of logo across the front and a pair of board shorts with flips flops. Very beach bum, and different from the usual cut-offs and bare chest.

"I thought you forgot or something," I admitted, trying not to sound too relieved.

Embry hopped off the last step and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Nah, I didn't stand you up. I was just late. I passed out as soon as I got home and overslept."

"Oh, well you didn't have to--"

He waved his hand at me. "Don't worry about it. I needed to get out. It seems like all I do anymore is patrol, sleep…. patrol some more. It's about time I had some fun. Sam's running us all ragged."

I laughed lightly. "Well, I dunno how much fun we're gonna be."

Embry ignored me and squatted down in front of the stroller. "Hey, beautiful." He gave Bridget a sweet smile and reached out to tickle her tummy. Bridget squealed excitedly and pointed at Embry, making him laugh. "Can I hold her?" He asked, looking up at me hopefully.

I shrugged. "Sure."

Still smiling, Embry unhooked the safety belt and carefully lifted Bridget out of her seat. "You ready to play, cutie?" he asked once he had her situated in his arms. Bridget cooed and bounced in response so we headed out across the sand.

When we got to a clear area Embry lowered himself to the ground and sat Bridget across from him. I made myself comfortable beside them and reached into the bag to grab Bridget a toy. I handed her a shovel and she immediately started stabbing into the damp grits.

"Nine months, right?" Embry asked me, and I assumed he was referring to Bridget's age.

"Yep. I can't believe it's almost been a year." I shook my head in disbelief.

Embry nodded and continued to watch Bridget, who was now babbling merrily at her new game.

"You know, she really is too cute. Are you sure she's Paul's?" As if sensing some sort of funny joke, Bridget looked up and laughed hilariously at the two of us.

I glared at him and tossed some sand onto his shorts with my foot.

"Kidding, kidding." Embry said quickly, holding his hands up in defense. He turned his attention back to the baby in front of him. "You knew I was kidding, right Bridget?" Bridget stared at him for a few seconds before flinging a shovelful of sand in his direction.

"Hey!" Embry protested, looking down at his now soiled shirt. Bridget giggled gleefully.

Embry was dusting himself off when I decided to voice a concern that had been nagging at me since this morning.

"Embry," I started, biting down on the corner of my lip, "you're not just… hanging out with me to make Paul mad, are you?"

Embry's head shot up and all traces of amusement were gone from his face. I felt bad. Embry was always such a cheerful person. I hadn't meant to upset him with my accusation.

"I'm sorry, I just…"

Embry sighed and dropped his gaze to the ground. "Sarah…" He was struggling for words. "I liked you way before Paul ever did. I…" He paused and looked up at me. "I still do. I think you're a great person and I would love to get to know you more."

But Paul and I have a history… and a baby. Doesn't that bother you?" I had to cover my bases.

"Paul's imprinted. He's not coming back." I winced. "And Bridget's great," he added with a grin. As if to prove his statement, he reached over and wiggled Bridget's bare foot. She screeched and kicked his hand away in response and we both laughed despite ourselves.

We talked for awhile until Bridget started to get bored. We decided to take her to the shoreline to see how she liked the water. Embry and I each took one of her chubby little hands and slowly guided her along the beach. When we approached the waves she started whining and turned to me with her arms up.

"It's just water, Bridget," I coaxed. I walked a few steps further, trying to show Bridget that it was okay, but she wasn't hearing of it. When she realized I wasn't stopping she stamped her little feet and started to cry. Embry crouched down and rubbed Bridget's little back.

"It's ok, Bridget," he soothed. Bridget sniffled and peeked at him from where her face was buried in my leg. "Water's fun. Don't you want to give it a try?" Bridget stubbornly looked away and Embry sighed. A few seconds later a wave rolled in near us and Bridget whimpered. She abruptly turned and held her arms out to Embry. He picked her up and Bridget wasted no time in wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder. It was such a sweet scene, and Bridget really seemed to like Embry. Not enough to let him take her into the water though, so we just walked along the shore until Bridget fell asleep.

Embry and I walked back to the stroller and said our goodbyes. He handed me Bridget and we exchanged phone numbers. I was supposed to meet up with him the next day. We were going on our first official date as a couple with Jared and Kim.

********

I ran a brush through my hair again and looked in the mirror. I'd rushed home from work and put on a pair of faded jeans, a snug fitting lavender t-shirt and a pair of flip flops. My best guess was that we were going to the beach. Mrs. Kimkirk had offered to keep Bridget for me. I knew that Paul was supposed to be out late patrolling, so I wasn't counting on him being able to visit Bridget.

I heard the rumble before I saw the two ATV's pulling into my yard. I could recognize Kim on one of them. She was smiling at me from her seat behind Jared. Embry was walking toward me, his own vehicle idling beside Jared's.

"Hey, honey. You ready for a ride?" he asked with a mischievous grin.

"Okay," I answered in a small voice. "Am I dressed ok for whatever you've got planned?"

Embry glanced at me and nodded and then held out his hand. I slid mine into his and followed him over to the waiting four-wheeler. I climbed on behind him warily and he reached behind him to pull my arms around his waist. Embry's well-muscled abdomen was very easily accessed from this position and I was glad his back was to me so he couldn't see the blush creeping across my face as we took off.

The boys rode through the woods trying to see who could outrun the other while Kim and I screeched. After a while they pulled up to the edge of the woods near the beach and stopped. We were all laughing as we got off and made our way to a dry spot on the sand.

"Ugh, my hairs a mess," I complained, trying to run my fingers through it. Kim was doing the same with hers. Jared was watching her as she moved, his eyes glazing over like Sam's did when he watched Emily. Like Paul's probably did now whenever he saw Rachel.

"I brought a blanket and stuff so we can sit down while they mess around," Kim said with a smile. The boys were already testing the water where the waves met the shore. They didn't even have to bother with undressing as they'd both come wearing only a pair of cut-offs.

I smiled back and moved to help her straighten the quilt out on the ground. "Thanks. I don't think Embry realizes that I'm not an outdoors girl yet."

"So, you guys want to go in too?" Jared asked. I hadn't even heard him and Embry walk up behind us.

"I can't swim," I admitted looking out at the choppy waves.

"I'm sure Embry will teach you how to hold your breath," Jared jibed. He nudged Embry who gave his arm a punch in return.

I stuffed my hands into my pockets and blushed a little bit, letting my eyes look out over the water. It was, to say the least, an uncomfortable situation.

Eventually the boys ran off to race each other to the water, so Kim and I wandered around the beach gathering small pieces of driftwood for a fire. Kim told me the date plan was to hang out at the beach and then go eat somewhere. It seemed like an alright idea to me.

Kim was starting to light the driest pieces of wood we could find when Embry came back out of the water and sat down behind me on the log so that my back was beside his knees.

"You guys talking about me?" he asked, bending away from me and shaking his wet hair like a dog. A few drops hit me but I didn't mind. Embry looked good wet.

Kim rolled her eyes at him. "Why would I waste my time?" Jared snickered as he sat down beside Kim and started digging through his pants pockets to produce a lighter.

"Here," Embry said, leaning forward and taking it from him. He clicked the flame into place and had the fire roaring in no time. It was beautiful. The ocean salt colored the flames in blue, purple and green. It was like nothing I'd ever seen before.

"So Sarah, have you met Rachel yet?" Jared asked suddenly.

Embry shifted, but didn't say anything. I shook my head. "No, and I don't want to," I replied, consequently ending all conversation on Rachel and Paul. I did not want to have my first date with Embry ruined by talking about my ex and his new girlfriend. Kim quickly changed the subject.

"So how long have you and Embry been seeing each other?"

I'd let Embry take this one. I wasn't exactly sure if we were even technically together or not. Embry shrugged and looked into the dazzling fire. "Not long," he said finally. "We met up at the beach yesterday and got to talking. So I guess it was probably then, right?" He glanced up at me for confirmation and I nodded.

We sat around talking and laughing for almost an hour before Jared muttered something to Kim and she reached into her pocket to pull out a large, neatly wrapped joint. Jared brought it to his lips and lit it and I was mildly surprised when he passed it to Embry. I was glad that Kim had refused when it was offered to her because it made me feel slightly less dorky when I did the same.

The weed didn't seem to have any effect on the guys because their body heat burned it off so quickly, but I imagined it was an old habit from back when they could actually get something out of it.

Embry moved closer to me, closing in the space between our sides. "Are you having fun? I know this has got to be boring for you. I just didn't really know where to take you. Sam said you liked being outside, so I figured the beach would be okay."

"I do. I like coming here. It's so open and laid-back," I told him with a smile. I wondered why Sam had lied to Embry. I was still good friends with Emily, so he knew I preferred to stay inside. I wasn't about to let Embry know that, though.

Embry reached down and looped his fingers through mine. His skin was burning like Paul's used to. Kim's eyes flickered in our direction and she stood, pulling Jared up with her.

"Let's go for a walk, baby," she suggested, and Jared didn't argue.

Embry and I watched them disappear into the trees. It didn't take me long to lose sight of them because it was starting to get dark.

Embry shifted uncomfortably beside me now that it was just the two of us. I hadn't realized how awkward the silence had gotten until my stomach started knotting itself up. Ever since Embry had announced our courtship it seemed like things had become much more intimate between us. I was grateful when he cleared his throat and turned toward me.

"Sarah," he began hesitantly. His gaze was intense and even in the firelight I could see the deep mahogany of his eyes shining bright at me. "I really like you. And I hope that this can be the start of something meaningful between us."

I nodded, unable to speak and in one swift, sudden movement Embry leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. They were soft and warm and very gentle in their movement. Embry's kisses were so unlike Paul's and I couldn't help but follow his lead. I wanted more. Embry must have taken my pounding heart as encouragement because he wrapped his strong, muscled arms around me and deepened the kiss.

"Is this okay?" he asked as he lowered me to the ground. I nodded again and opened my mouth to give him an easy entrance. After a few minutes of fevered kissing I could feel Embry hard against my thigh. A part of me wanted to stop the whole thing in case Embry let it get out of hand but another part reminded me that I hadn't had sex in over a month and that Embry was really good at the thing he was doing to my neck.

I knew we were entering a territory I didn't want to enter on the first date but I couldn't help it. I kept pressing my hips against his every time he would move his lower half. It was almost like seeing what the real thing with him would be like, and I had to admit… I wanted it. After only a few minutes of teasing each other with the pressing and the hip movements, I squeezed my legs around his waist and he froze.

I almost whined when Embry groaned and pulled away, mortification flooding his features. It was only when he glanced down at himself that I realized what had happened. I didn't need light to know that his entire face and probably his ears were red.

"Oh shit," he whispered to himself, running a hand through his thick hair.

Jared took this time to make an appearance and he laughed as he took in the scene. "What happened there, buddy? Get a little excited?"

"Jared!" Kim hissed and gave him a hard shove, which didn't do a thing other than stop his laughing.

"Shut the fuck up," Embry mumbled, pulling himself to his feet. Jared grinned when Embry walked past him and started heading toward the waves.

"Where is he going?" I asked Jared worriedly.

Jared snorted. "He probably needs to go cool himself down a little." Kim glared and smacked him across the arm. "Sorry baby," Jared apologized, but his eyes were still dancing.

*******

"So do I get another date?" Embry asked as he walked me to the edge of my driveway.

I shrugged. "I suppose. You weren't too terrible."

Embry looked down at the gravel. "I'm sorry about the um, you know…."

"Don't worry about it. In fact," we stopped and I leaned up so that my mouth was near his ear, "I think it was kind of sexy."

Embry smiled and rolled his eyes before leaning down for one last kiss goodbye.

"G'night, honey."

**REVIEW! **


	23. Chapter 23

**a/n---So heres something kind of interesting... I think it'll definitely answer some questions for you guys. Or at least some of you. Thanks for reviewig the last chapter, I was happy by the amount of feedback I got. Mediate beta'd this, so thanks goes to her. And now.. on to the story.... **

Chapter 23

I glanced to my right at Embry who was leaning against the window of the passenger's seat and watching me as I drove toward Port Angeles. My peripheral vision and sneaking glances at the clock told me that he'd been staring at me for six minutes.

"What?" I asked self consciously, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear. Embry shifted and smiled lazily.

"Nothing. Just looking at you is all." He reached over and took my free hand in his.

"That's not creepy," I joked rubbing my thumb over his smooth copper skin.

Things were finally going good for once in a long time. Embry and I had been trying out our relationship and I was loving it. He was so sweet and considerate… and sexy-- the perfect man, in anyone's opinion and I kept waiting for him to wake up and realize that he deserved so much better than me.

Paul and I were finally back on speaking terms again. Embry had helped me realize how wrong I was for using Bridget against him, and that the imprint wasn't his fault but it still took me a couple weeks to finally see reason. I still really loved Paul but I was happy with Embry and keeping Bridget from Paul and Paul from her didn't seem to make much sense anymore.

Embry's assistance in getting Paul his daughter back proved very helpful when it finally came time to tell himabout our new relationship. Embry and I had tried to keep the fact that we were dating away from Paul as best we could, but after a few nights of patrolling together Embry let it slip through his thoughts. We were all hanging out at Emily's when a fight almost broke out over it. Paul had accused Embry of scamming on me for months, which was partly true but not in the way that Paul thought. Sam had to break them up before things got out of hand.

I explained to Paul that if it hadn't been for Embry I'd still be keeping Bridget from him and that calmed him down a little bit. I also explained that I was happy and that him worrying about my love life was no longer appropriate now that he had Rachel. He'd looked a little guilty when I pointed that out. I suppose I was being a little hypocritical, though because I still refused to make friends Rachel. Whether I was with Embry or not I didn't want to be reminded of the fact that she'd taken my first love from me by simply looking at him. I allowed her to help Paul take care of Bridget but that was as far as I was willing to go for awhile.

I pulled into the parking lot of a party supply store and made sure to find a space close to the front doors so I wouldn't get drenched in rain. Embry got out and came around to open my door for me while I picked my purse up from the floorboard.

"Oh, how gentlemanly of you," I teased.

He smirked. "I try."

When we got inside I looked around for the paper plate section. I figured it would be easiest to start there.

"So… ballerina stuff, right?" Embry asked as we made our way to the back of the store. I took his hand and nodded.

"Yep. Emily said she found a really cute pattern for a ballerina cake and that she wanted to give it a try so I figured we'd base everything on that."

"Cool."

Embry followed me around the store patiently while I filled my basket with party supplies. I was halving the expense with Paul so I made sure that I got everything I wanted before I checked out. Embry picked out a cute balloon in the shape of a dancer at the register and insisted on paying for it with his own money, which I thought was a really nice gesture. It showed that he really didn't mind being a part of Bridget's life.

When we were finished we loaded everything into the car and started the long drive home.

"So, do you wanna hang out later or something?" Embry asked, breaking the silence as we drove down the interstate. We'd only planned on going together to shop for Bridget's first birthday party, but I certainly wasn't going to deny him if he wanted to spend more time with me.

"Sure, what'd you have in mind?"

"I dunno, movie at my place? We can order in. My mom's leaving around six and not gonna be home until later tomorrow."

I shrugged and flipped on the heater, more to clear up the windows than anything since Embry's body was warm enough to heat up the entire car. "Sounds good. I'll leave Bridget with my parents or see if Paul wants her. Do you work in the morning?"

"Yep, but don't worry about that. Sam asked me to do a quick patrol before I head off to the site so I probably won't get any sleep tonight anyway. You can stay as late as you want." He looked over at me and winked and I felt my cheeks flush. "Do you wanna grab some lunch?" Embry asked as I pulled onto the main street. I glanced at the clock. It was twelve-thirty and I hadn't eaten since before Embry and I had gone on our daily run together.

"Actually, yea. All I had was a waffle for breakfast."

"Okay, then turn in here," Embry instructed, pointing to an entrance leading to a large Japanese grill. "I love this place. They have the best fish steak in the world." I looked at him and scrunched up my nose. I wasn't a big fish person. Embry rolled his eyes as I cut the ignition. "They have other things too."

We were seated at a table in the back. Embry waited for me to figure out what I wanted before he ordered. I ended up choosing a plate of fried rice and some sort of vegetable soup, and Embry got his fish along with four other sides and a large Coke. The waitress didn't seem to mind the big order, though. She looked around my age and was eyeing Embry dreamily the entire time she was standing next to us. Of course, the devilish grins he kept flashing her probably weren't at all discouraging and I was surprised she hadn't burst into giggles by the time she headed back to the kitchen with her notepad.

"Do you do that often?" I asked, trying to sound disinterested.

Embry smiled and glanced up at me through his long, dark lashes. "You said you were hungry."

I didn't understand what he meant until our waitress was back less than ten minutes later with all of our food. We had a good start on our meal before anyone around us even got theirs.

"So, my parents will be at the party," I said in-between bites. "I was thinking that maybe you guys could officially meet."

Embry took a big bite of his stir fry and looked up at me chewing a mouth full of food. He waited until he swallowed to speak. " 'Kay. Think they'll like me?" He asked, filling up his fork again.

I shrugged and focused on pushing a grain of rice around my plate with a spoon. I highly doubted they would approve of my new boyfriend, as amazing as he was to me. They knew he hung around Paul and any friend of Paul's was not supposed to be any friend of mine. I didn't think it could go any worse than my meeting with his mother had, though. She'd gone out of her way to be rude to me every chance she got. Apparently she didn't think I was 'good enough' for her only son, which I reminded myself of often, but the reasons she gave him for our incompatibility were completely outrageous.

I glanced up at him and smiled. "I don't see any reason why they shouldn't adore you." I really didn't, but that didn't mean they wouldn't.

After we were finished eating we headed back to La Push. I dropped Embry off at Sam's instead of at his house, since his mother was still home and he avoided her when he could. "Ill see you later, right?" he asked, leaning down into the window at the same time I moved up. We smacked foreheads and I pulled back quickly. Embry chuckled and blushed and ran a hand through his dark black hair. "Sorry," he mumbled. I nodded in response, too embarrassed to speak.

I didn't move this time when he leaned back down and kissed me softly on the lips. I shut my eyes and let him take the lead. If there was one thing Embry excelled in, it was kissing. We pulled away only when we heard a series of wolf whistles issuing from behind us where Jared, Quil and a new wolf named Jay were walking up. Embry kissed me on the nose before stepping back.

"So, seven?" I asked him, shoving the key into the ignition.

He nodded once and gave me an adorable half smile. "Seven."

As soon as I pulled into the driveway of my house on the edge of the reservation my mom opened the front door and Bridget came toddling down the porch steps. She had her eyes fixed on me and was grinning from ear to ear. I hurried over to her before she could trip and fall on the concrete.

"Hey Princess," I cooed, picking her up and cuddling her to my chest. "Mama was getting your birthday stuff." I smiled down at her and her expression lit up. "You ready for your party this weekend?" She babbled excitedly as we walked into the house.

"Was she good?" I asked my mom when we entered the living room. I kissed the top of Bridget's head and sat her down next to her toy box.

"She was great," my mom called from the kitchen. "Paul left a message, though. He wants to take her until Saturday." Perfect. I hadn't even had to call and ask.

"Did he say what time he wanted her?"

My mom stepped out from around the corner wiping her hands on a dish towel. "He said he'd be here around four." Great. That gave me two hours to spend with Bridget and plenty of time to get myself ready for my night with Embry.

After I brought all of my stuff in from the car I picked Bridget up and carried her to the nursery. "Let's get you some things packed up for daddy's house," I told her. Bridget bounced excitedly in my arms and went off into a series of "Dadadadada!"

Bridget and I were watching _Blue's Clues _when Paul knocked on the door. My mom had gone off to the grocery store and my dad was in his bedroom sleeping so I stretched and groaned and walked over to answer it. I could tell Paul had just gotten off of work and he looked tired but happy. He always looked happy these days and I tried to convince myself that that was a good thing.

"Hey, Sarah. Did you get my message?"

"Yea, my mom told me." I stepped aside so he could come into the house.

"So I was gonna bring her back right before the part--"

"Daaaa!" Bridget screeched and came padding into the kitchen. She ran right up to Paul and whined with her arms held out to him until he bent down to pick her up.

"Daddy's here, Princess," he told her softly, giving her a smile and a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Bridget giggled and wrapped her arms like a vice around his neck before settling her head onto his bare shoulder.

"So, how are things?" Paul asked over Bridget's head. He followed me into the living room and waited by the couch while I got her things around.

"Things are good," I told him simply. I didn't want to divulge too much information. Telling Paul any details about my life implied that I might want to know something about his.

As soon as Paul left I started getting ready to meet up with Embry. I took another shower, making sure I was all shaved and then rubbed my entire body down with my special reserve: Cherry Blossom lotion from Bath and Body Works. I dried and straightened my hair before applying a light layer of make-up. Embry said we would just be watching a movie so I chose to stay casual and picked out a pair of faded jeans and a pale blue Washington Cougars t-shirt.

My nerves were starting to work themselves into a bundle by the time I slipped into a pair of tennis shoes and threw on a light grey hooded jacket. It was six-thirty according to the microwave clock so I decided to head out.

As I walked up the little sidewalk leading to Embry's porch, I noticed with much relief that his blazer was the only vehicle in the little stone driveway. I rang the doorbell and looked around at the bright orange and yellow chrysanthemums growing sparsely underneath the front windows while I waited for Embry to answer the door.

It was only a few seconds before Embry was standing in front of me with a welcoming smile on his face. He'd changed from what he was wearing earlier into a plain grey t-shirt. It wasn't tight like the ones Paul used to wear to flaunt off his abs; it was much more subtle and somehow an even bigger turn-on. His cut-offs were hanging low on his hips and I could tell he'd just showered because his hair was still wet and brushing against his forehead. When he leaned over to shut the door behind us I was assaulted with his wonderful new scent—some tantalizing mixture of spice and clean linen.

Embry cleared his throat and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Well, this is it. Home sweet home."

I'd never been in Embry's house before so I took in the scene.

"It's nice," I lied. It wasn't bad, but it could have been a lot better. The rooms were clean, but small and kind of dark. There were old pictures on the walls of what I assumed were long-deceased uncles and grandpas, a few of Embry when he was younger and a whole mess of framed calendar pictures of mountains and waterfalls. The smell of cigarette smoke still lingered in the air but the soft aroma of dried potpourri made it bearable.

"So, what movie do you want to see?" I followed Embry into the living room where he was crouching down in front of the large entertainment center. He looked at me over his shoulder and raised his eyebrows.

"Um, I don't care. Just… just whatever you want," I stumbled, sitting down carefully on the edge of the old sofa. Embry grabbed a DVD case and switched on the Tv.

"Rat Race." He grinned and sprawled out next to me.

Embry's eyes stayed glued to the screen until the previews were over, and then he casually scooted next to me. He spread his arms out over the back of the couch and looked down at me with a questioning stare. I smiled and snuggled into his side to show him that being this close in proximity was perfectly alright and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, enveloping me in his warmth. His scent was stronger here and I inhaled quietly, trying not to make it too obvious that I was smelling him.

It wasn't long before the only things I could properly focus on were the deep, steady breathing coming from inside Embry's chest, the warm, soft cotton of his t-shirt against my cheek and the way his fingertips were brushing lightly against my bicep. I wanted more. I wanted so much more of Embry. I wanted all of him. I slowly slid my hand over and rested it atop his hard, flat abdomen. I felt him shift and I knew that he was watching me, but I didn't dare meet his gaze. I stayed frozen in place, trying desperately to concentrate on the movie and not my rapidly beating heart. I didn't want Embry to think that I was being too forward, or that I was expecting something he wasn't ready for, so I waited to see if he would make the next move.

I was beginning to think that Embry was actually watching the movie, completely oblivious to my subtle advances, or that he really didn't want to try anything with me when I felt him lift his arm from my shoulder and carefully tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. He took my hand that was on his stomach and slowly brought it to his lips. Instinctively, I turned my head and kissed the first part of Embry I came in contact with. I was still nuzzled against his ribcage when he slid his index finger under my chin and raised my head so that his large doe eyes were locked on mine.

We stayed still for a moment before Embry took the initiative and slowly leaned forward to take my lips with his. His kisses were always so sweet and sensual, not hungry and demanding like the ones I was used to receiving. The way Embry's soft, warm lips moved in perfect synchronization with mine had my lower half tingling with excitement before we even pulled away to breathe.

I didn't realize how far things had gotten until I felt the arm of the sofa beneath my head. Embry was hovering over me and breathing heavily with a fire in his eyes. I was very aware of his arousal pressed hard against my thigh and the thought that we might actually go all the way for the first time flooded me with a plethora of different emotions. I wasn't sure what sex would do to our relationship, and I was sort of enjoying something new—the cuddling, the kissing, the savoring of what was to come; things I never really had with Paul. But my body wasn't used to waiting for what it wanted and Embry's hands caressing my sides, Embry's soft, hot kisses on my neck and Embry's irresistible fragrance were creating an uncomfortable ache in my body's most sensitive area.

I moaned lightly when Embry started nursing the spot below my ear and subconsciously moved my hands to the waistband of his shorts. The tips of my fingers had barely been inserted when Embry abruptly pulled away. He flattened himself against the back of the couch and placed his hands on his knees.

"What's wrong?" I asked cautiously. I brought myself to a sitting position while I waited for a response, but all I got was an apologetic glance.

"Embry?" I pressed. He exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his hair.

"Nothing."

"What did I do?"

"No! Nothing! It's just…." He trailed off and turned to face me. "I don't—I… I just don't really want to have sex is all," he continued, reaching over to take my hand in his. I pulled away, taken aback by his blatant rejection. He must have seen something in my expression because he groaned in frustration and reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "No, no… I didn't mean it like that. I just…. It's not you, Honey, okay?" I nodded and he sighed dejectedly. "Come here." He brought me next to him and gently pressed my head against his chest.

"It's okay, Embry," I said softly, wrapping my arms around his waist. I was still a little wary of his spotty explanation but I didn't press the matter. I didn't want to admit even to myself that if he hadn't stopped me, I would have had sex with Embry without being on birth control.

Apparently appeased, Embry kissed the top of my head and pushed the hair out of my eyes. Suddenly he chuckled.

"Do you even know what the movie's about?"

I laughed. "Not a clue."

********

Due to our busy schedules, Embry and I had gone three days without seeing each other by the time the day of the party rolled around.

I was still hurrying to get everything ready when Paul showed up with the birthday girl. He'd dressed her in a long-sleeved lavender t-shirt with ruffles at the end of the sleeves and matching lavender pants, complete with their own ruffles at the end of the legs. I knew it was all about frills with Paul, but that didn't prepare me for the little white tutu he pulled out of the sack he was carrying. I hadn't even thought of making Bridget into a ballerina for her ballerina party and I congratulated him on his cleverness. Paul smiled proudly in response and adjusted the tutu around Bridget's waist, making sure the large satin bow was properly positioned before stepping back to admire his handy work. Bridget stomped her feet and giggled at the silly new garment, making her shiny curls bounce around her face.

Paul offered to take over decoration duty so I could spend some time with my baby girl.

"Hey, Pumpkin." I cooed, lifting her into my arms. "Are you ready for your big party?" Bridget pointed to the balloons and streamers hanging from the ceiling and walls and chattered excitedly. I took that as a 'yes'.

My mom came into the house then carrying an armful of bags. Paul dropped his tape and rushed over to grab the largest ones from her. "Thanks, Paul," she said, sounding out-of-breath. We helped her set up drinks and sandwiches while Bridget contentedly kicked balloons around the kitchen. She'd loved the one Embry had gotten her and insisted that I tie it to one of her crib posts.

Sam and Emily were the first of the others to arrive. Sam was cradling baby Adam in his arms so Emily could carry in the beautiful cake. It was in the shape of ballet slippers and frosted to look like a pink pair of dancing shoes with real ribbons for the laces. I thanked her several times for going through all the trouble for me but she assured me that she'd enjoyed doing it.

Soon the house was full of people. Bridget was clinging to me and playing shy whenever someone came up to talk to her, which was unusual for her—usually she was fairly outgoing, but I guess the thrill of the party and a horde of new strangers was too much to take in one day. The one person I really wanted to see and one Bridget probably wouldn't have minded had yet to make his appearance and I tried not to worry myself.

Thirty minutes later Embry arrived and I kissed him on the cheek, very aware that people were watching. "Hey. I was starting to wonder," I murmured, shifting Bridget over to my left side.

He grinned and gave me an extra peck on the lips before he stepped back. "I had to stop and get Bridget's present." Bridget whined and held her arms out for Embry until he took her from me. "That's a neat little outfit you've got on," he told her before planting a small kiss on her nose. She giggled and leaned down to rub her face on Embry's t-shirt.

I glanced over at my parents who were making small talk with some of the guests. "Ready to go do a meet and greet?" Embry shrugged and trailed behind me as I slowly made my way over to them.

"Mom, dad," I started, after their conversation had ceased a bit. "This is Embry, my new boyfriend. We met at school." They both looked surprised but didn't have a chance to say anything before Embry reached out to shake their hands with the arm that wasn't holding Bridget.

"Mr. and Mrs. Carter it's nice to meet you." He smiled. I could tell they wanted to say a lot of things to me, to him—probably wondering what I was doing with a guy I knew they were so obviously going to disapprove of, but a roomful of guests certainly did have its advantages. I flashed them one last smile and pulled Embry back into the kitchen.

"So, that wasn't so bad," I said cheerfully. Embry didn't answer. He was looking past me with a blank expression. I turned to follow his gaze and narrowed my eyes when I saw Paul standing in front of Rachel with his hands on her waist. I'd forgotten that she was supposed to show up. She was pretty—copper-skinned and raven-haired. Paul's parents must have been overjoyed when they found out that he was going to end up with a nice Quileute girl after all. I quickly turned my attention to Bridget who was still perched happily in Embry's arms.

"Are you ready to open presents?" I asked her. She babbled happily and Embry sat her down on the ground so she could toddle after me as I walked toward the living to announce the event.

We sat in the middle of the room so everyone could gather around. Paul sat down beside us, leaning in closer for a picture whenever his mom ordered him to. "Look, this one's from Daddy," I told Bridget, helping her tiny hands rip off the paper after we'd opened a few of the other gifts. Bridget pulled the paper off of the large box and squealed with delight, moreso at the wrappings she was waving wildly in the air than the illustration of the pink rocking horse that was waiting inside to be assembled.

"You like it, Bri?" Paul asked her, kissing her on the cheek.

When we were halfway through the pile of gifts Paul stood up to stretch his legs and I noticed him slowly making his way over to Rachel until he was close enough to grab her hand. I scoffed to myself and tried to focus on other things, like Embry striding across the room with a huge smile on his face. He took Paul's place beside me and carefully sat an over-sized shoe box down in front of Bridget. It was a very plain box with nothing for wrappings or bows, not even a nametag and I got nervous when the top started to jump a little. I glanced at Embry suspiciously but he just kept on smiling and urged Bridget to open it.

When she did she screamed and I quickly looked to see what the problem was.

Inside the box was a tiny grey kitten with a little bell on its bright yellow collar. It let out several squeaky mews as it looked around at the crowd. He was cute and although I'd never thought about getting a family cat, I was happy that now Bridget would have something to entertain herself with when I was busy. Bridget, however, had other ideas. She was whimpering and hiding herself behind Embry's broad back. She would peek out at the kitten every few seconds, but start cowering again as soon as it moved or made a noise.

"Come on, Bridget, it's just a kitty," Embry coaxed, trying to pull her in front of him. Paul settled back down beside us and brought Bridget into his lap. I picked up the furry little rascal and held him, kicking and squirming in front of her. She cringed into Paul's chest and whined. Everyone thought it was adorable, but I was surprised at her reaction. She loved stuffed animals.

"Bridget, look, he's soft." Paul took her small hand in his and brushed it against the animal's bristly coat. Bridget sniffled and reluctantly turned to look at the kitten.

"See, he won't hurt you," Embry added, scratching the little cat behind the ears with his index finger. I sat the cat down on Bridget's lap and she started to protest until the kitten turned and looked up at her with his pale blue eyes. Bridget stared back at him with a calculating expression and then gently pinched its tiny ear between her thumb and forefinger. She quickly pulled her hand back again and started to giggle.

"Yea, see?"I said hopefully. "He's a good kitty."

After their initial introduction Bridget and her new little friend were inseparable. She merrily crawled after him from room to room and had a grand time playing hide and seek when he decided to squeeze underneath the couch. I'd already set up the litter box Embry'd provided and two plastic dishes for food and water.

Not long after, Bridget walked up to me with a package of little jingly cat toys and placed them on my lap. I was sitting in the rocker feeding Adam a bottle for Emily. "Take it to daddy sweetie, ask him to open it for you," I said, glancing back down at the perfect little baby in my arms. He looked a lot like Emily but the intensity of his eyes was the same I saw in Sam's.

Bridget frowned a little and looked around the room. She then took off at a quick pace across the floor and held her arms up when she reached Embry on the other side of the room. "Dad-dy!"

Sam snorted loudly from my left. Embry froze and his eyes darted over to Paul whose reaction to the situation was a little less benign than his brothers'. He stopped drinking out of his soda and sat the can down on the coffee table with enough force to cause a small eruption. "What the hell?" He spat from his place on the sofa. His eyes flashed from Embry to me, anger apparent in every one of his features. I knew what he was thinking—that we made Bridget call Embry 'daddy' when Paul wasn't around.

I handed Adam back to Emily and hurried over to Bridget, cursing myself for not opening the damn toys myself. I knew I was blushing profusely, right along with Embry, who backed away and casually turned Bridget so she was facing Paul's direction.

"She was just being silly," I explained, scooping my daughter up into my arms. "Weren't you, honey? You know that's not daddy." I brought her over to Paul and placed her in his lap. He gave me a hard look and wrapped his arms around Bridget's body.

He held her for the remainder of the party, even when we had cake and ice cream. He seemed determined to make it clear to her that he was daddy, not Embry. As if she really needed reminded. She adored Paul and the relationship she shared with him was more special than one she would ever share with Embry or anyone else, including me.

***

Sam and Emily were the first to leave, saying that Adam was getting cranky. Little by little everyone else filed out as well. Paul and Rachel stayed behind until they were the only ones left, other than Embry and my parents. Paul finally relinquished his hold on Bridget and handed her back to me.

"I'll be by for her on Monday," he said kissing her one last time. "I want to take her to the zoo up in Seattle."

I wasn't very happy with the fact that Rachel would be taking Bridget on her very first trip to the zoo, but I knew Paul wanted to do something nice with Bridget for her birthday so I didn't argue. "Fine, I'll have her ready in the morning then."

Rachel walked up and touched Paul on the arm lightly. "I'm going to the car." They locked eyes for a moment and I fought the urge to roll my eyes at the serenity that washed over both their faces. "It was nice to meet you Sarah," she said, turning and offering me a small smile. I tried to smile back, but it ended up feeling more like a grimace. I waited until she was gone to speak to Paul.

"Well, thanks for the help with the party."

Paul shrugged. "You didn't even have to ask."

"Can you believe it's been a year?" I asked, looking down at Bridget. She was resting her head on my shoulder and her eyes were starting to droop. She'd had a long day.

Paul shook his head and reached out to push her bangs away from her eyes. I felt Bridget shift and she extended the hand she wasn't chewing on toward Paul. "Dada," she said, with her little finger still in her mouth. Paul took her hand in his and brought it to his lips.

"Daddy will see you in a few days, alright Princess? We're going somewhere special," he added with an air of excitement. Bridget took in his tone and let out a small gasp. I didn't need to be looking at her to know that her entire face was bright and shining. Paul chuckled and leaned down to peck her on the nose. "Do I get a kiss?" he asked, still puckered. Bridget lifted her head and blew him a raspberry. She hadn't quite got the concept of kissing down yet, but Paul thought it was adorable even if he did end up covered in baby spit. "Bye-bye, Princess. I love you."

He surprised me then by leaning down and enveloping me into a hug. He gave me a light squeeze and I surprised myself by hugging him back. It was a slight peace offering between us, and the start of an entirely different relationship.

**REVIEW PLEASE!!!**


	24. Chapter 24

**a/n---- I know its been forever since I updated either of my stories and I do apologize for it. Mediate89's computer went down on us and let's face it,... Im shit without her betaing so an update just wasnt possible without her Lol. Thanks for the reviews on last chapter, and I hope you guys leave me some for this chapter. Its getting closer and closer to the end... **

Chapter 24

I yawned tiredly as I walked out of the bathroom. I'd just gotten a shower after working a long, busy day at the hospital. I was beyond tired with all of the extra shifts I'd been picking up to try and help as much as I could with mine and Embry's new goal. We'd been dating for nine months now and really wanted to share a home.

"You took too long," Embry complained when I padded into the living room. He was sitting on the couch with Bridget in his lap reading a book. "I've been here fifteen minutes already."

I rolled my eyes knowing he wasn't really upset. "Where's my mom at?" I asked as I took a place beside him. Embry's arm wrapped around me, pulling me closer to his warm body.

"She's in the kitchen. I told her I could watch Bridget while you showered and she started dinner. I can watch her, you know," he said matter-of-factly. "It doesn't hurt anything."

I laid my head on his chest, smiling a little at Bridget when she tried to pry the book out of Embry's hands. "Aren't you home early?"

Embry kissed the top of my head. "Yup. I came to tell you the good news. I think you'll be happy about it, anyway."

I lifted my cheek from his chest to look him in the eye. "You won the lottery?"

He rolled his eyes and pecked the tip of my nose. "No. But it sure would help pay for the house we just got about an hour ago."

The shock of the news jolted through me. I sat straight up, wide-eyed. "We got the house?" .

Embry nodded and grinned. "Yup. We got it. I have to go tomorrow and finish up the paper work and then we can start working on it and moving in."

"Oh my god!" I almost squealed. "Are you serious?"

It was a small house. Very small, but big enough for the three of us. It had three smalls bedrooms, a bathroom, kitchen, a tiny laundry area and a small living room. It was on the very edge of the reservation and wasn't too far off from Paul's place. It needed a few things done to it, but otherwise it was perfect for us. It would be perfect. It would be ours.

Embry relinquished his hold on the little book and Bridget smiled gleefully. "Of course I am."

I hugged him tightly. "I cant believe it," I whispered.

Embry squeezed me back. "Neither can I."

"What's happening?" Mom asked loudly, breaking our embrace. Bridget turned her head in mom's direction and extended one of her chubby hands.

I glanced at Embry. We'd mentioned looking for a place to my parents before but neither of them actually expected us to get one. "Embry got the house," I informed her with a tentative smile.

Mom sucked in a deep breath and looked like she wanted to say more than the "Congratulations" that she gave.

Bridget crawled over Embry's lap toward me. "Come here, princess." I pulled her into my arms and cuddled her to my chest. "You're happy we have our own place now, aren't you?" She babbled ecclesiastically.

"I'm gonna go home for a bit," Embry said tickling Bridget's tummy. "But if you guys feel like going to the beach or something later just call me, I'll be up."

I nodded and he bent over to kissed me. I shut my eyes, drinking in the sweet affection before he pulled away and kissed Bridget's forehead.

"I'll call you later. I love you," I told him.

Embry got up from the couch and smiled down at me while he slipped his sneakers back on. "Love you too honey," he said before letting himself out into the rainy night.

It didn't take my parents long to start the inquisition after he left. Where was this house at? How were we going to handle the bills? Did I really want to move in with a guy? What if we broke up? What if I got pregnant again? What about Bridget? The questions were never-ending and they lasted on and off for two straight days.

I assured them that I was comfortable with this decision and that I was more than ready to get out and start a life of my own.

I started packing the following Thursday. I had more clothes than I'd realized and didn't hesitate to throw away things that didn't fit or that I simply didn't like anymore. Bridget was with Paul's mom for the day and I was enjoying the peace of having the house to myself. I was humming and sitting on the floor going through my wardrobe when I heard a whistle from the window. I looked up, a smile already forming.

"Hey, you. I have a front door you know."

Embry grinned back and stuck his head through the pane before climbing inside. "This is more fun."

I made my way through piles of clothes and over to the window. "What brings you over so early?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his waist. He was shirtless as usual and his shorts were hanging low on his hips. The heat coming from his body felt great in the cool breeze billowing through the curtains.

He circled his arms around me and enveloped me in a tight embrace. "I wanted to see you."

I ran my hands up and down the smooth copper skin of his back until he did what I wanted him to do. His lips crashed against mine softly and his hands moved to the back of my head to hold me in place. Without thinking, I took a step back to move to the edge of the bed and pulled him down with me.

I shifted around on the bed, wrapping my legs around him. A low moan came from Embry when I bit down on his bottom lip. Embry's mouth moved down to my neck, licking lightly and then sucking. This time the moan came from me from the sensation he was causing. I shut my eyes when I felt his hands push up the thin t-shirt I was wearing and slide underneath my bra. I didn't stop him. I wanted him to keep going.

Embry's hands cupped my breast and squeezed lightly. He was trying not to be too rough. I let my fingers run through his soft, dark hair. Our lips were back together again, our tongues fighting each others. We stayed like this for a few minutes until I worked up the courage to make a move I knew he wasn't going to make. I pulled away from him to watch his facial expressions as I shifted and started sliding down his shorts.

I barely had my fingers under the elastic waistband when Embry's hands grabbed mine. "No," he said softly before rolling off of me.

I pulled my shirt and my bra back down, feeling the rejection sink in. "Okay," I said quietly, wrapping my arms around myself. Nothing stung like your boyfriend telling you he didn't want to have sex with you after almost a year of trying.

Embry glanced at my door. "Your parents are here," he finally said, looking everywhere but at my face.

I bit my bottom lip and nodded. I knew if he really wanted to have sex, he would offer to take me to his house. His mom was at work. Obviously he didn't. "Fine," I said with a dejected sigh.

It bothered me. It bothered me a lot that Embry had yet to do more than kiss me. I couldn't help but wonder why.

Embry stood up from my bed. "I think I'll go," he said. There was a bit of a flush to his cheeks.

"Is there something wrong with me?" I asked before I could chicken out.

He didn't answer me for a moment. "No, of course not." He leaned down and kissed me softly. "I really should go now though," he added, backing away toward the window. "I'll come get these boxes when you're done. Just call me. Love you." He ducked out onto the lawn and bolted away with his super speed before I could even reply.

I didn't see Embry again until the next day when we started moving things into the small house. We had a little sofa and a tv in the living room. We'd got a kitchen table from Embry's grandmother, and we already had our beds. Well, I had my bed. Embry didn't bother bringing his. We didn't need an extra bed. Although, I had no clue as to how I would spend an entire night with Embry in the same bed without touching him the way I wanted to.

"Here, I'll take that one," Embry offered taking one of the boxes labeled 'Bridget's Room' from me.

I didn't argue and passed it to him, grabbing another one and following him through the house. "So, I was kind of thinking that we could just half the closet," I told him walking through the doorway of the room we'd taken as ours.

It wasn't huge, but it was the biggest of the three small bedrooms. We'd put our bed, a dresser, and nightstand inside of it and had boxes piled up everywhere. Most of them were mine. "Yeah," Embry responded, dropping a box on the floor with a thud. "I don't think I'll need as much room as you. I don't wear clothes." He looked up and grinned.

I rolled my eyes. "I couldn't decide what to leave behind. What'd you bring?" I asked, leaning down and making to open one of his boxes.

Embry swatted my hands out of the way. "Stuff. Stuff that's personal guy stuff."

I giggled at him. "Porn? Memorabilia from past conquests?" I joked before lifting the lid from the box and peeking inside.

"Nah. Its just some shorts." Embry smiled lazily. "What'd you pack in all these boxes?"

I shrugged, grabbing one and taking it to the dresser. "Clothes, pictures, shoes, movies. You know, girl stuff."

Embry make a clicking noise with his tongue and grabbed his own stuff, unpacking it all in less time than it took for me to unpack half of mine. I was still on box number five when he went to the kitchen and started cleaning it up. We spent the entire day packing, cleaning and getting everything ready. It seemed to take us forever before everything was declared good enough to live in.

We headed back to my house for dinner. Embry was frowning the entire time. He didn't like the idea of being cooped up with my parents. Our families didn't want us together anymore than they'd wanted me with Paul. Bridget and I both loved Embry though, and he loved both of us. To me, that's the only thing that really mattered.

"Embry-Bear?" I started in a teasing tone when we pulled up to my house.

Embry squeezed my hand. "Yeah, honey?"

"I think this is the best decision I've made in a long time," I answered with a smile.

He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek softly as we pulled into the driveway. "I think so too."

Dinner was quiet. My dad asked Embry questions about the house-- How was he planning on supporting a small family? What was his job like? Would he stick around when the bills got rough?-- and questions about our relationship. Bridget was in the high chair munching on her own dinner, giggling and blowing kisses at me. I could tell she was tired, so it wasn't long after dinner that I gave her a bath and put her down for the night. The last night in my parents' house.

I got up the next morning and got Bridget ready for the weekend. It was Friday which meant that Paul was coming for her and taking her for tonight and tomorrow and would bring her back on Sunday morning. Bridget was full of smiles as always when I woke her up. I had ten minutes before Paul would be here for her.

"Hey, Princess. When you get back we'll be in our new house," I told her quietly while I pulled her shiny black curls into a pony tail.

Bridget grinned and started her babbling, mixing in some words she knew every so often. One word was unmistakable though when Paul knocked on the door and let himself in.

"Dadee!"

"Bri!" Paul exclaimed, making her squeal. He grinned and took her from me so he could snuggle her against his chest. Bridget leaned up to kiss his nose and laughed while I smiled on at them.

"Here's her bag. I packed her some extra things just in case," I told Paul when his eyes cut toward me. He stared at me for a moment, almost as if he were looking for something before he nodded and took the bag from me.

"Alright. I guess we'll be on our way then so you can go to work." He glanced over at Bridget. "You ready, Princess?"

Bridget hit his shoulder lightly. "Down!" she demanded.

He sighed and placed her down, taking a hold of her small hand. "I'll call you before I drop her off. I'll see you later, Sarah."

I nodded and leaned in at the same time he did. We shared a quick hug before I kissed Bridget goodbye and showed them out the door.

By lunch time my head began to pound as patient after patient annoyed me at the hospital. Paper work kept piling up for me to file and sort. It seemed like everyone was sick today or needed me to check their billing for them. Usually I loved my job, but I was on edge today. I was going to my own home for the first time ever after I was finished here.

When my shift was over I got into my mom's car and headed toward the little house on the edge of the reservation. I'd be alone for about an hour, as Embry didn't get off work until later. I went inside, using my shiny new key to unlock the door and hung my jacket over a chair. I decided to start dinner so Embry wouldn't have to wait long for it after he got home. Home. This was our home now.

Embry came in at about six o'clock looking tired and worn out. I wondered briefly what sort of grueling tasks they had him doing. It took a lot to wear down a werewolf.

"Hey, honey," he greeted as he kicked his shoes off at the door. He may have been exhausted, but his eyes were bright.

"Hey, Embry," I replied stirring a pot on the stove. "I made you some dinner." It wasn't much; just some biscuits, gravy, some carrots and a few potatoes, but Embry seemed grateful. He nodded appreciatively and started to fix himself a plate.

"Looks great," he said as he started ladling some gravy over his biscuits. I didn't know if he was just trying to make me feel good or not, since cooking wasn't exactly my specialty, but he made sure there weren't any leftovers.

We wanted to relax on our first night in our new house, so we decided to watch a movie after dinner.

We each took a shower to wash off the day and then settled down on the old sofa cushions as the previews began to play. We'd decided on an old comedy that wasn't very funny, so I shifted my focus to Embry instead. He was wearing his light grey t-shirt and still smelled of soap and warm water. I burrowed into his side and he tightened his hold on me, absentmindedly stroking my shoulder with his fingers. I inhaled deeply and ran my hand across his well-defined abdomen.

I started kissing his chest and went all the way up to his neck. Embry brought his head down and met my lips with his. It wasn't long before I was straddling his waist and our moans and groans drowned out any sound from the tv. I tangled my fingers through his damp hair and pulled back to look him in the eye.

"Embry," I swallowed. "are we... are we ever going to do anything more than this." Embry's expression didn't change but I felt myself redden. I didn't want him to think that I was some sex-crazed whore, but it had been almost a year since I'd done anything like that with a guy and I knew he wasn't ignorant to that fact. And I knew that he had needs as well as I did. There was really no way to miss it when Embry got excited.

He sighed after a moment and reached up to brush a lock of fair hair behind my ear.

"Embry, is there something wrong?" I didn't want to sound too pushy. "I mean... "

"What do you want to do?" There was suddenly a fire in his eyes along with a determination I hadn't seen before. I immediately felt self-conscious. Was he really offering to give me what I wanted? Now, after months of always pulling back when things got too heated? I realized I wasn't entirely prepared for this kind of situation and stuttered over my words.

"I... I.... well, I... " Embry cut me off with a kiss and ran his hands along my sides under the thin fabric of my night shirt.

"Anything you want," he whispered huskily as he nuzzled my neck with his nose.

"Embry, are you ready?" I could hear my heart thumping in my ears and vaguely wondered if he'd notice.

I felt his mouth turn up against my jaw. "Honey, I've been ready since high school."

Then why the wait? It didn't make sense, but I didn't ask.

Embry moved his lips from my collarbone to my mouth and started a wrestling match with my tongue. When I was able to speak again, all I could manage was a soft 'okay' but that was all the encouragement he needed because he picked me up and carried me down the hallway to our new bedroom.

"What about birth control?" Embry asked once we'd undressed. He was hovering over me with his arms braced on either side of the pillow to support his weight. He knew I couldn't take anything while I was still nursing Bridget, but there were ways other than pills or monthly injections. Besides, I knew my cycle well and I knew there wasn't a chance for any accidents at this point.

"Nothing will happen." When he didn't looked convinced, I asked, "Do I smell fertile to you?"

Embry blushed profusely but after a moment he shook his head. I smiled and leaned up to kiss him softly.

"See? That's how Paul always--" I cut myself off. Now was definitely not the time to be mentioning my ex-boyfriend.

Embry chuckled good-naturedly and kissed me back. "Okay, but do you mind if I still wear something, just in case?"

I shrugged. "Go for it."

He smiled shyly and reached over to grab a condom out of the nightstand drawer. I watched him sheath himself and unabashedly compared him to my former lover. He wasn't quite as thick as Paul had been in his most intimate area, or as dark but he was a bit longer and very well-rounded. All-in-all, it was a pretty impressive package.

Embry finished and threw the wrapper on the other side of the bed. I tore my gaze away from the show and began to snake my arms around Embry's neck. The look on his face startled me. He looked worried. He was trying to smile, but apprehension seemed to be radiating off of him in waves. He swallowed a nervous lump in his throat and leaned down to kiss me. If there was one thing Embry was good at, it was kissing, but he suddenly seemed very unsure of himself.

I reached up to brush his bangs out of his eyes. "Baby, are you okay?" Embry nodded and cupped one of my breasts. It seemed to fit perfectly in his large, warm hand and I could feel goosebumps forming on my skin, but I tried not to let that distract me. "We don't have to do this."

"Just tell me how I do, okay? No secrets." He parted my thighs with his knees and poised himself at my entrance.

I nodded, happy that he was cutting right to the chase. I'd had more than my fair share of foreplay over the past few months. "Okay," I agreed.

"Okay," he repeated, before slowly sliding himself inside of me. He drew in a sharp breath as he buried himself to the hilt. I squirmed at the sensation of being so filled by another man.

"Is this okay?" Embry asked, taking a moment to assess my reaction.

I nodded and my body seemed to sigh in relief as he started moving slowly back and forth.

Embry started breathing heavily after just a few minutes and as I took in the grip he had on the sheets and the way his thrusts were becoming desperately frantic, I knew he was about to come. I had barely begun to climb when he squeezed his eyes shut and I felt him shudder, release, and then go soft inside of me. He relaxed his body and panted beside my ear for a moment before pulling back and detaching himself from me.

When he pulled off the condom, I knew he was done. I tried not to let my disappointment show. That wouldn't even have counted as a quickie if it'd been me and Paul. I hated to bring Paul into this again, even in my thoughts, but hell....

Embry sighed and covered his face with his hands.

"Embry?"

He peeked at me through his fingers. "I'm sorry," he groaned.

Then it struck me.

"Embry, have you done this before... with anyone?"

He dropped one hand to his lap and ran the other through his thick, black hair. "I was sort of hoping you wouldn't notice," he said with a grimace.

I stifled a giggle. "Oh, Embry." I scooted closer to him and wrapped my arms around his body. "Is that why you kept pushing me away?"

"I wasn't pushing you away," he said defensively.

"Okay, well at least I know now that it isn't me. I was getting worried," I admitted.

Embry kissed the top of my head. "Of course it wasn't you." He sighed. "Sorry I sucked."

"It wasn't really that bad for a first time." I began running my fingers along the smooth skin of his biceps. "And you know, practice does make perfect...."

By the end of the night it was clear. Embry was a very fast learner.


	25. Chapter 25

**a/n--- Thanks to my reviewers from last chapter. Much appreciated. We're getting down to the last few chapters now and its getting to be a more intriguing story. Dont hate me for this chapter, it does serve a purpose I promise you. **

**I have a new fic called "Bastad Child and Lonely wolf" being co authored with LilJenrocks, its an Embry story and you guys should go check it out. With that said.... Thanks mediate89 for betaing and adding flair into this, and I'd like to shout out to Agh, cuz well.. shes cool Lol. Also, my friend is writing a pretty good Jared and Kim story called "Midnight Romeo" Go check it out as well.. her name is crazyapril and she rocks too **

Chapter 25

I snuggled into the warmth of something hard and unmoving. I opened my eyes up slowly and blinked a few times, realizing that the warmth beside me was Embry. I wiggled around in his embrace and kissed the tip of his nose. "Embry," I whispered.

Embry stirred slightly beside and yawned. "What's wrong, honey?" he asked softly. I felt his grip on me tighten.

"What are you doing here?" His eyes were bright and shining, even in the dim morning light. "I thought you said you wouldn't be back until you got off of work."

Embry rubbed my spine with one of his hands. "It started raining so I left patrol early. Its only eight o'clock in the morning, Sarah. I don't have to be to work until ten."

I nestled my head down on his arm, breathing in his scent. "Paul should be by soon with Bridget then." It was Monday which meant that Paul would drop Bridget off on his way to work. We'd quickly gotten everything into a schedule after we moved in.

Living with Embry was definitely different than anything else. We'd gotten over any awkwardness we'd had after a week or so. I'd calmed down a bit about leaving Bridget alone with him. Embry would watch Bridget here and there when my work schedule was off and he wasn't working. Embry worked with a contractor now and did some roofing and things like that, making a bit more money, but he also had to go further for the jobs sometimes. We were making it fine alone.

"Good. I hate being here alone with you," Embry joked, propping himself up on his elbow. "Don't you have to get ready for work?"

I shook my head and yawned. "Nope. I only work four days this week," I reminded him. "I wish I could work today though. I could use the money." I sighed. Money. I hated it when I only got four days a week in at the hospital. I felt guilty that Embry was contributing more to the bills than I was. It was great to have someone taking care of me and Bridget, but it still made me feel uncomfortable when I was broke and had to ask Embry for gas or diaper money.

Embry tugged the blankets back off of my body. "Paul's here. I heard him pull up."

I groaned, stretching in the bed before I slowly rolled onto the floor. "I didn't see your ears perk up," I teased, before grabbing my fuzzy robe and slipping it on over my shorts and tank top. Embry laughed.

I padded down the hallway to the small living room and opened the door just as Paul was about to knock. "Hey Princess," I greeted Bridget, holding my arms out for her. Paul's black eyes flashed to me. "She keeps asking me for 'Em-bee'," he complained. "I can't even take her for the weekend without her wanting Embry."

I shot Paul a look while kissing Bridget's cheeks. "She likes Embry. Don't be so irritable."

Paul followed me in, bringing the car seat and Bridget's over night bag. "Yeah, well I don't. Its not like she asks you for Rachel."

I doubted if Bridget ever would ask for Rachel. Bridget didn't seem to care for her dad's new fiancé anymore than I did. "Its different," I shot back. "Embry helps me take care of her, and he's the one paying for the house we live in." I sat Bridget down on the grund and pointed down the hall to the bedroom. "Embry's right down there, Princess." Bridget squealed and toddled off as fast as she could in that direction.

Paul huffed and sat the diaper bag on the floor. I rolled my eyes at his childish pout.

"Goodbye, Paul. Thanks for keeping Bridget."

Paul nodded and waved good-bye, walking back out of the house and shutting the door behind him. I walked off to mine and Embry's room where Bridget's shrieks of laughter were coming. Embry was tickling her tummy while she giggled and kicked her feet. He was enjoying himself just as much as she was.

The following Saturday Embry got called to help Sam with a job for the construction company he was working for. Embry didn't complain as he rolled out bed still sleepy from patrol the night before and got dressed. I went ahead and got up with him. Saturday was usually our lounge day, but if Embry was up and about I might as well be too.

"You going anywhere today?" Embry asked while he tied his boots.

I shrugged, watching him while I leaned against the counter. "I doubt it. Not unless its over to my Mom's house or something. I don't have any money to go anywhere else."

Embry didn't say anything as he stood up and came over to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I leaned into him, smiling when he nuzzled my neck with his face. "Here," he said tossing a few bills onto the counter. "I'll be back later. Just text me if you leave, okay?"

I nodded before turning and grabbing his face with my hands. "Thanks. I love you." I planted a soft kiss on his full lips and smiled.

"Love you too, honey." We pulled away and he slipped out of the back door, heading toward his blazer.

I picked up the money and counted it. Maybe I'd go somewhere now. Maybe I'd get Bridget up and go to Port Angeles or something. I slid the money into my purse, grateful yet again for Embry and the way he took care of us. He was more than I could have asked for.

Bridget was still sleeping, so I spent the rest of the morning straightening up the house. Cleaning wasn't a priority during the week when Embry and I both worked, so I usually spent part of the weekend getting everything back into shape. I was running the vacuum over the carpet when I heard a knock at the door. I pulled the cord and walked to the kitchen. I wasn't expecting to see Paul when I opened the door and focused on the figure in front of me.

"Oh. Hey," I greeted, pushing my bangs out of my eyes.

"Is Bridget here? he asked. His hair was dishevled and his skin was pale. I'd never seen him look so wrecked.

"She's asleep. Why?" I wondered, backing away cautiously.

"Well, I want to see her." Taking in my wary experession he added, "Please."

I bit my lip wondering if it was really such a good idea to allow Bridget around Paul while he was in such a state, but I didn't argue. I turned and walked down the hall to Bridget's room. I lifted the sleeping baby from her crib and held her over my shoulder, keeping her in her blanket. Paul could hold her while she slept.

Paul was sitting on the couch when I returned, leaning over with his head resting in his hands. He looked up as soon as I entered the room and held out his arms. I gave him the baby and sat down on the cushion beside him.

"Paul, what's wrong?" I asked softly as he kissed Bridget's forehead. Paul shut his eyes and inhaled Bri's clean baby scent. He swallowed loudly before answering.

"Rachel, she... she," he paused and took a shaky breath. I placed my hand on his knee and he continued. "She was pregnant." I gasped and he glanced at me. "Four and a half months. Eighteen weeks."

I was too shocked to speak. No one had ever told me that Paul was expecting a baby with Rachel. Four months. Why hadn't anyone told me? He must have seen the betrayal in my eyes because he looked away and said, "We were sort of keeping it quiet. She... Rachel wasn't too excited about it. Just got out of school and stuff, you know."

That was no excuse; he should have told me. But that wasn't the big issue right now.

"So..."

"So she had an abortion, Sarah," he spat.

I felt my jaw drop.

He sniffed and rolled his eyes. "Today. I came home... I didn't even know she was gonna do it. I mean, I knew she was unhappy about it all, but... "

"That's awful," I breathed.

He nodded and looked down at Bridget's peaceful expression. Bridget. I couldn't help but remember how he'd wanted me to have an abortion when I told him I was pregnant with Bridget. What was so different this time? It must have been the imprint. Either that or Bridget had softened him. Whatever the reason, Paul was very upset and I wanted to help him.

"I'm sorry." I rubbed my hand back and forth across his jeans. Paul sniffed again and reached into his back pocket, careful not to disturb the sleeping infant in his arms.

"I have pictures." He drew out a little leather wallet and flipped open the top. Inside I saw a small black and white sonogram photo. I could easily make out a head, legs and little feet. "That's him," Paul explained, nodding toward the picture. "I'm pretty sure it was a boy."

I smiled sadly. That part hadn't changed.

"Paul, why didn't you tell me?"

Paul opened his mouth but before he could answer Bridget started to stir. He quickly abandoned his wallet and turned his attention to the groggy baby. "Hey, Princess." Bridget smiled up at him and he repositioned her so that she was standing and they were face-to-face. He kissed her on the nose.

"Daa," Bridget greeted. She placed her chubby hand on his cheek, probably just as surprised to see him as I was.

"Yep, it's daddy." Paul kissed her again. "And daddy loves you."

It didn't take Bridget long to sense his melancholy mood and her face became solemn. She leaned down and settled her head gently against his chest in an act of comfort. She looked back up at Paul after a moment with curious eyes. She couldn't understand what was wrong, but it didn't matter to her what it was, she only wanted to make it better.

Paul smiled down at her and kissed the top of her head. "Thanks, Princess. That makes daddy feel loads better." Bridget returned her head to his chest and kept it there until her lids became heavy and she fell asleep.

"You can put her back in her crib now," Paul told me. "I just needed to hold her."

I nodded and took Bridget from him. After she was back in her bedroom, I sat back down beside Paul and drew my knees up under my chin.

"Thank you, by the way... for having her." I turned my head and looked at Paul. "I know I was a jerk when I found out you were pregnant. You didn't deserve any of that and I'm so sorry." He scooted closer to me. "It would have been so easy for you to..." he paused and I leaned against him. He draped an arm over my shoulder and continued, his voice a little stronger. "To end it like I wanted you to. But you were strong and I'm so grateful for that."

"It's okay Paul," I said softly.

We sat and talked for a little while and I let Paul have a good cry. I felt awful for him, being betrayed by the one person that was supposed to love him the most.

Paul eventually wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry you had to see me like this."

"I didn't mind. It's been awhile since we've talked," I reassured him. "I'm always so busy with Bridget I don't have time to have real conversations, and Embry's always so busy... I don't like to bother him."

Paul smirked a little bit. "Embry doesn't mind it, Sarah. I can see in his mind, you know. He actually thinks that he's hovering over you too much. I tried to tell him that you like the whole over-bearing, over-protective boyfriend thing."

I smacked his chest lightly with my hand. The impact my hand made with his solid muscles made me groan. Paul laughed and grabbed my hand to look at it. "Does it hurt?" he asked tilting it to the side to get a better look.

I knew I shouldn't feel the way I did right now with my hand in his. It was wrong. I had Embry and I loved him. Paul loved Rachel. Still though, our eyes met and we locked gazes. I swallowed hard. My stomach was doing somersaults as I stared into Paul's deep, black irisis. I used to do this every day. I use to touch this hand every day. And he used to look at me the same way he was now.

Paul leaned toward me, hesitating, and then came forward a bit more before he kissed me once softly on the lips. "I'll always love you, Sarah. Not even Rachel can change the way I care about you."

I knew he didn't mean it. I knew he was only saying that because he was upset, and I knew I shouldn't allow myself this moment of weakness, but another part of me knew that this would be my last chance to take advantage.

"How do you love me?" I whispered against his mouth.

Paul pressed his lips to mine again, harder this time and we kissed until we were breathless.

My stomach burned with guilt for betraying Embry, and it fluttered with anticipation at what I might share with Paul. He was kissing me more fiercly now, and his hands were moving up my sides. Embry moved to the back of my mind as I allowed myself to become a source of comfort for Paul.

I ran my fingers along the sharp, defined ridges under his soft cotton t-shirt. A low moan escaped my lips when Paul nipped at the sensitive skin beneath my ear. It wasn't long before we made it to the bedroom. I sat on my bed, the bed I shared with Embry, but before I could get too lost in my thoughts Paul was on top of me again, wearing only a pair of boxers.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" I breathed. Paul's only response was to lift my shirt over my head.

We didn't waste time any time in coming together. Each thrust brought back a memory of my time with Paul.

He didn't say anything; he just continued to rock his hips back and forth, making me arch with every movement. Sex with him was amazing. I dug my nails into his flesh, bending one leg. Neither of us stopped or muffled the groans and gasps that escaped our lips. Paul kissed my neck, speeding up. I was clutching at him, my eyes still shut.

"Open your eyes," he panted.

I opened them up, looking into his. This was so much different than the last time we'd had sex so long ago. This was more loving even though I knew it would never happen again. I had no idea how long we were enclosed in the room together before we both finally collapsed together. I was catching my breath while Paul stared at the ceiling.

"Sarah... I... I don't know if..." Paul started.

I was in my own state of shock. What in the hell had I just done? I'd just cheated on Embry with Paul. Embry. I wrapped the sheet around myself, feeling nauseous. "I don't know what to do," I whispered, a terrified emotion spreading through me.

Paul hugged me tightly. "Sarah, he'll know. I'm so sorry. I don't know... I don't know what the hell we were thinking."

I wanted to cry. Just like everything else in my life, I'd managed to fuck up the one good thing I had going for me. "Embry's going to leave me," I said shakily. "He'll leave me. Why did we do this? Paul, he cant leave me. I need him."

Paul stroked my hair. "Calm down. I don't think he'll leave you. I mean... Shit! I have to tell Rachel. I don't know what _I_ was thinking. I mean, don't think--"

"No, you don't understand! He's not my imprint. He doesn't have to be with me!" I shouted, grabbing my clothes and jerking them on.

He started putting his own on. "He loves you."

I was panicking. No, I was in hysterics. I needed Embry like I needed air. "That's not enough! You love me. He loves me. Neither of you will want me by the end of the night!"

Paul pulled me in to hug me again but I pushed him away. "Leave. Just leave. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to do. I cant lose him. I don't have anywhere to go. No one else is going to take care of me like he does!"

Paul sighed and backed out of the room slowly. "Sarah, if he tells you to leave, call me okay? Just call me. Or go to my mom's house and call me from there. Don't worry about having somewhere to go."

I knew he meant well. "I love him. I cant... I cant..." My emotions were taking over everything. "Go. I need to clean in here."

Paul left quietly. "Don't forget," he repeated before he slipped out of the house.

I stripped the sheets off of the bed along with the comforter and threw everything into the washer. I took a shower next, washing myself over and over. I knew deep down no matter what I did, Embry would know. He would know as soon as he walked through the door. My heart was already hurting from the idea of him leaving me. I hated myself for this. I hated myself for doing something to hurt one of the people I loved the most.

I started dinner next, trying to make everything seem as normal as possible. Bridget was in her highchair eating when I heard the blazer pull up outside. I felt my entire body tense when the front door open and I prepared myself.

Little did I know, nothing could prepare me for the heartbreak I would face for betraying Embry Call.


	26. Chapter 26

**thanks goes to mediate89 for betaing this, I'm so sorry its taken this long to update but we are both very busy right now so try and bear with us as we finish out these last few chapters. **

Chapter 26

I glanced up at Embry, watching as he frowned and sniffed a little.

"Hi. I made dinner," I told him motioning at the table.

Embry shook his head and looked at me closely. "So, um... What did you do today?" he asked carefully.

I tried not to tense. For all I knew, wolves could smell fear and right now I was terrified. "We just hung out here. Watched TV and stuff."

Bridget slammed her fists down on her highchair. "Mama!" she demanded I look at her.

I smiled down at Bridget and pushed her curls back. "I'm right here," I told her happy for the distraction.

Embry was still looking at me when I glanced back at him. "Anyone stop by?" he tried again.

I knew I was making it worse by avoiding it. I knew he could smell Paul had been inside the house. He was wanting me to come out tell him the truth. I couldn't do that.

"Umm. Paul came by. He was kind of having a rough day so we talked for a little bit," I said biting down on my lower lip. I got Bridget out of the highchair and put her on the floor. She toddled off toward the living room, mumbling baby talk to herself.

Embry crossed his arms over his chest, staring me down hard. "And?"

I felt my lip start to tremble and I knew I was only moments away from crying. I felt my cheeks start to burn. "And…." I stopped there. The tears were welling up in my eyes and were spilling over. I wiped at them frantically. "And…" I tried again but couldn't go any further.

"And what?" Embry snapped, a hint of anger coming out now that Bridget wasn't in the room anymore.

I took off walking down the hallway, looking in at Bridget in her room. She was sitting on the floor playing contentedly with her toys. There wasn't anything in there that could hurt her. I sat on the edge of our bed which probably wasn't the smartest idea. Embry came in after me, his jaw tightening. I grabbed a pillow and held it against me, clutching at it. "And what, Sarah?"

I squeezed the fabric harder until my fingernails started to hurt. "And we... I... I'm. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I burst out, apologizing without even saying exactly what I'd done.

"Say it!" Embry shouted, making me jump at the anger in his voice.

I let the tears pour down my cheeks. "I can't say it. I want to forget it ever happened. I don't want to think about it," I cried reaching for his hand.

Embry jerked his hand back from my touch. "Don't touch me. Don't touch me again. You can't even tell me what happened."

"Don't make me say it to you. I said I was sorry. Believe me. It just happened." I held the pillow over my face and cried into it.

Embry laughed harshly. "Fucking Paul doesn't just happen. Have you been wanting him this whole time you've been with me? All those times we had sex were you wanting it to be him?" He asked pacing back and forth.

I shook my head and looked up from my pillow. "No! Never! You know its not like that."

"No, I don't know that. I don't know anything right now. I never thought you'd cheat on me but you did. I guess I'll never be good enough for you. I never have been," Embry said looking straight into my eyes.

"No, that's not how it is," I pleaded with him. I felt like a hole was being punched through my chest. "I love you. I want you, not him."

Embry shook his head in disbelief. "If you loved me you wouldn't have done this to me. How could you?"

"I do love you!" I cried out, reaching for him again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry and I wish it never happened. Just don't leave me. Please don't leave me." I'd promised myself I wouldn't do this, but here I was, begging.

Embry went to the closet and grabbed a bag, shock rippled through my body. He was throwing me out. "Stop! Don't!" I begged. "Just let me explain!"

He ignored me and grabbed a few things from the dresser next, stuffing them into the bag. "I can't stand to look at you anymore. I'm so… ugh!!" He left the room.

I followed after him still crying and as made his way to Bridget's room. He leaned down and kissed her on the head before he walked out to the front door. "I gave you everything and this is what I get," was the last thing he said before he stepped out and slammed the door behind him.

I spent 5 days without hearing anything from Embry. Bridget kept me up and going though. I didn't see Paul either. I dropped Bridget off at my parents or his parents for the swaps. I didn't want to look at him or worse, talk to him. My mom kept asking me where Embry was but I couldn't tell her. I didn't want anyone to know what I'd done. I knew the pack probably knew every detail by now so I avoided all of them too. I couldn't even bring myself to call Emily anymore.

I had no idea what I was going to do. This was Embry's house, not mine. I didn't pay the bills. I couldn't make it here alone. I missed him more than I'd ever missed anything before in my life. I missed waking up next to him in our bed. I missed hearing the sound of his voice. I wanted Embry back.

I knew in a way though, that he would come back. All of his stuff was still here after all. I didn't know where he was staying unless he was with his mom which meant I was being called a tramp and a slut all over town. It was actually true this time though. I'd done something very slutty. I walked back down the hallway, crawled into bed and flipped the TV on. Bridget had finally fallen asleep after crying for Embry for a few hours. She didn't understand why he wasn't home.

Bridget was attached to Embry like she was to me and Paul, she saw him as a father figure and she wanted him with her. I laid my head down on the pillow and watched TV for a while, letting my thoughts run wild. I needed to talk to my mom about moving back home and I needed to talk to Paul about keeping Bridget more so I could work a second job. I felt my stomach churn at the mere thought of Paul. I didn't feel an inch of remorse for Rachel in this situation even though I probably should have. I didn't like Rachel and I never would. She was the person that had ruined all of this for me.

I dozed off after a while, sleeping soundly while the rain beat against the roof. This was what emptiness felt like, what it felt like to lose everything. There was no excuse for what I'd done and not a thing I could say would make it better. "Mama!" I heard Bridget cry out.

I groaned, not wanting to do anything but stay in bed and cry, mourn my Embry; Bridget had other ideas though. She wanted to start her day. "Mama! Up now!" I conceded defeat, nearly falling out of bed before walking to Bridget's room and picking her up. She smiled at me, but her eyes were sad. She was trying to make me feel better.

I needed something, something to get my mind off the fact that I was now most likely going to be raising my child alone. I fixed Bridget breakfast-- oatmeal with raisins and brown sugar. I didn't eat; I couldn't. It felt like my heart was permanently stuck in my throat. After I finished cleaning Bridget up and putting her down for her morning nap, I hopped in the shower. I couldn't get enough of the hot water, maybe it was because I felt so dirty, but it also felt very comforting.

Bridget was awake by the time I'd dressed and put my hair into a ponytail. She was talking to herself and turned to look at me as soon as I walked in. "Go?" she smiled. I had no idea what she meant, but I assumed she was tired of hanging around the house and, God, I could use Emily right now. I knew she was pissed at me, Sam was, everyone was. I was pissed at myself.

"You wanna go see Emily?" I asked her, running my hand over her hair.

"Em-ry!" Bridget pouted.

My tears sat on my bottom eyelid. "I'm sorry, baby. I can't…Embry had to…"

"Em-ry?" Bridget's stuck her bottom lip out as I picked her up. I had to get out of here, I couldn't stand it for one more minute. I walked her to the car and strapped her into the seat. I needed Emily, even if she didn't anything to do with me.

I knew I was taking a chance setting foot on the Uleys' yard, but Emily was a good person, a good friend and I hoped it would be enough for her to at least talk to me. I heard Emily humming to Adam through the open window as I knocked softly on the door.

"Bridget, sweetie, go find Adam. Mama needs to talk to Emily, okay?" I kissed her cheek but she didn't run off. Bridget stayed by my side, holding my hand.

"What are you doing here, Sarah?" Emily asked, trudging into the kitchen, as Bridget and I followed her.

"I can't stay in that house, I can't look at that bed, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I cant…"

"Maybe you should've thought about that before you let Paul…" Emily stopped herself and put her head in her hands. "Why would you do that?"

"He was crying, Emily, and he…Rachel…UGH! I don't know! I don't know why I did it! I'm sorry, okay?! It was the biggest mistake I've ever made, ever," I choked on my words and literally fell on the floor.

"Stop it," Emily glared at me. "I don't feel sorry for you, I'm sorry, I don't. You made this mistake, Sarah and you have deal with the consequences. I will tell you this, though, Paul's pretty miserable himself."

"Why? Did his precious Rachel yell at him? It's not my fault she broke his heart and killed his baby!" I screamed.

"Just shut up, and try to act like a grown up, please," Emily was emotionless. "Paul feels bad about all the shit he's done, and he hates seeing Embry so upset and he hates that he screwed things up between the two of you."

I scoffed. "He more than screwed things up. He cost me everything." I sobbed into my hands.

"In all fairness, sweetie, it's not all his fault. You could've said no," Emily's voice was cold, and while I wanted to yell at her and tell her to stop being a bitch, she had ever right to do what she was doing.

"I know, I know…I've told myself that about a billion times each day," I threw my hands up.

Emily was quiet for a minute and then tucked her hair behind her ear. "So are you going to fight for him? Try to get him back?"

I scoffed again. "I only want Embry, Em. I need him, he saved me and I love him. I literally ache without him. But I don't know what to do to make it better."

"Sitting here crying isn't gonna solve the problem," Emily said. "Take Bridget home, get a good's night sleep and wake up tomorrow ready to fix this problem."

I nodded to her, agreeing with every word she said. Bridget and I stayed for awhile longer before I took her home, the home riddled with the memories of my lost love.

Two days later, making it exactly 13 days without Embry, Paul showed up on the doorstep. He was looking down at the cement when I opened it up. "Go away." I snapped and started to push the door back shut.

Paul pushed it back, keeping it form shutting. "You can't avoid me forever Sarah."

"Oh yes I can." I retorted and shoved as hard as I could on the door. "I don't want to see you."

Paul pushed it harder, forcing it open enough to come inside. "Don't be like this."

"Like what? Angry? Bitter? Repulsed? Heart broken?" I shot at him, holding my ground so he couldn't come in any further.

Paul sighed and crossed his arms over his chest, giving me a look. "And you don't think I have feelings? I feel like everything is my fault. I tried to talk to Embry but he didn't want to hear it. Rachel's pissed, but not as pissed as Embry."

I rolled my eyes at him, wishing he would just leave already. "It is your fault. Now go."

"Fine. But only if you start communicating with me again." Paul bargained.

I waved him off. "Fine. Whatever. Just go. Bye."

He hesitated and then leaned in and hugged me. I pushed him away, my hands shoving on his chest. "Ughh.. don't touch me." I complained.

Paul laughed a little bit, waving as he left. I felt a bit better even though I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to actually give Paul credit for helping me heal. I piddled around the house, cleaning and packing a few of my things up. We couldn't stay here much longer. I couldn't afford to. I packed here and there through the evening, stopping to feed Bridget and take care of her when I needed to. She was still crying for Embry. I knew after this, I would never date again. It wasn't fair to get her so attached to someone like this and then take it away.

I put her in her crib, hoping she'd lull herself to sleep and padded back into my room, packing some of my clothes up. I leaned against the footboard, dozing off after a while when I stopped to rest. I was half asleep when I thought I heard something moving in the house. I opened my eyes up and pulled myself from the floor. I didn't even have anything to help protect us against a burglar. I peeked at from around the doorway, but it was dark. I saw the nightlight in Bridget's room turn on and felt my stomach flip flop.

I crept down the hallway to hear her squealing. "Em-ry" she was cooing I realized. I peered inside and there was Embry standing beside the crib, Bridget in his arms with her chubby arms clasped around him. "I missed you Bri bear." He whispered touching her curls.

Bridget laid her head down on his shoulder, spotting me. "Mama!" she said loudly.

Embry turned around, his eyes piercing me. He didn't speak to me, he just looked and kind of frowned before he turned back around, rubbing Bridget's back. He kissed the side of her face once more before he laid her in the crib. "I'll see you later precious." He whispered to her, tucking her in.

He walked past me, our shoulders brushing as he went into our room and turned the lights on. I was following after him like a lost puppy, hoping he'd say something. Anything really. "Embry?"

Embry opened up the closet door and grabbed a few pairs of jeans. "What?" he said tonelessly.

"I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm sorry. I've never been more regretful in my life than I am right now." I said softly, happy his back was to me.

Embry paused, not grabbing anymore clothing. "I'm sorry too." he finally said.

"I don't like this. I don't want you to hate me. It hurts to know you're mad at me. I miss you. I miss everything about you. I even miss your mother." I said tip toeing closer to him.

Embry turned around, his features had softened after my apology. "I.. Sarah. Why did you do it? Just tell me why."

I bit my lower lip, not looking at him anymore. "I think a part of me... missed Paul and wanted him to love me like that again, but I know now that its not the same thing I have with you. I don't want him. I want you." I felt tears start to sting my eyes and willed them not to spill over.

"I can't handle you cheating on me again. I can't. I gave you everything. I love you and you did this to me." Love. Not loved.

I dared to move closer to him, standing just inches away. I knew it was a risk, talking to a werewolf in this state, this close. "I won't cheat on you. I swear. Please take me back. Please be with me again. I love you." I whispered, looking up at him.

He sighed and then hesitantly wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. "Honey… I missed you. Everything's not okay… But we… I need you as much as you need me."

I hugged him as tightly as I possibly could, breathing in his scent. "I won't mess up. I won't. I love you. Don't leave me."

We stood there holding each other for the longest time until we had to pull away so I could go get Bridget. Then it was the three of us again.


	27. Chapter 27

**Hopefully there's still some of you that will remember this and be happy to see an ending, I tried to sum everything up as best as I could. My next story will take you more in depth, put me on alert to see when it posts if you haven't already. Thanks to LilJenrocks for listening to me plot and try to get back into the swing of things. **

Chapter 27 Past, Present, and Future

I never did cheat on Embry again. Ever. It wasn't an option to me. I knew I loved him like crazy, in a different way than I'd ever felt about Paul. Our love only strengthened over the years to come.

We married a year after living together, Quil having moved in with us for a short time until he learned to live on his own. It was a simple ceremony in my parents backyard, nothing too big or extravagant. Then a year exact after our wedding anniversary I found out we were expecting another baby. We had a girl named Hope and Embry loved her to pieces, she had his eyes and my personality.

Paul and Rachel never had any children of their own. Paul had only Bridget and that was fine with her, she was more than happy to spend all her time with her dad as I added to her family at my house. When Bridget was 9 little Gabriel Call was welcomed to our household, unexpected but welcomed none the less. After Gabe was born we decided we'd had enough children only to be surprised one last time years later with Carrie, our youngest and shockingly our only blonde child, looking like me instead of Embry.

Embry quit phasing at the age of 30. He didn't want me to grow old alone and he knew the sooner he stopped phasing the less chance he'd ever imprint. And he never did. We were starting to find that some wolves did and some didn't. But there was no way to tell who would and who wouldn't.

We hadn't added any new wolves to the pack of 13 since the battle of Renessmee for years. Then suddenly as the older ones stopped phasing, our children much to our horror started phasing. Jacob and his family stayed gone mostly but anytime they came to visit we all worried over who would be next. A whole new generation of wolf pack was formed, some old members were still around and even though there were still two packs separate from each other we all kept in touch. Especially Seth who had his own problems starting, but well, that's his story to tell you….

**a/n-I'm sorry that it took so long to give this story some closure but I do ask that you check out the next part called "Jailbait" about Seth and imprint. Its really my favorite fic next to my Embry fic Bastard child. It has a lot of the newer wolfpack including Sam and Emily's son, his friends, Bridget and even some of the Cullens. Bridget and Adam's story is in progress but is taking some time to work out. I wasn't happy with what I'd written so I'm starting from scratch with it. **

**I plan on posting Jailbait until its complete on , one chapter a week. Hopefully I won't take another long long break again. LilJenRocks is also in collaboration with the other two stories, and she is truly amazing in her writing. **

**If anyone has any good fic recommendations plz let me know ****J and reviews are always welcome. I only ask that you do not flame me or send me any flaming messages. Constructive criticism is always welcome of course but not in a rude manner. **

**And a last big thanks to Mediate89 for all of the hardwork she put in to my stories with me. She was an amazing beta and helped me come a long way from the mess that was Heartbreak which I am considering a rewrite completely of. Thanks all!**


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